


Songs of desperation, I played them for you

by fuckkforever



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Chasing visions, Death Eaters, Drama, Dreams, F/M, Falling In Love, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hope, Loss of Innocence, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Plans For The Future, Post-First War with Voldemort, Romance, Second War with Voldemort, Song: Sweet Disposition (The Temper Trap), Youth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 59
Words: 136,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckkforever/pseuds/fuckkforever
Summary: 1976The Wizarding World is at war; Lord Voldemort is getting stronger, and everyone has to pick a side.Madeline Green is the Marauders' best friend, and one of Hogwarts' most popular Gryffindors. When she befriends Severus Snape, her life changes. Sirius Black isn't too happy about that.This is a story about youth, about love, about friendship and about war.[It begins in the Marauders Era but goes on through the Second War with Voldemort]PINTEREST FOR THIS STORY (with main cast + aesthetic): https://www.pinterest.it/fuckkforever/ff-songs-of-desperation-i-played-them-for-you/
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 126
Kudos: 123





	1. The Library

The library was filled with people, but Madeline Green knew exactly where to look in order to find him.

She had been watching the boy for some time now, and she had decided that the time to confront him had come. So, she chose an afternoon in which the Marauders were all engaged in some other activity, and headed towards the first floor.

She looked extremely good that day; the truth was: she always looked good. She was beautiful. Every single male glance told her so. Even Professor Rathbone’s stare told her so.

  
She smiled inwardly, glad that her good looks could help her with her mission.

  
Everybody turned to look at the gorgeous Gryffindor girl when she entered the library and gave Madam Pince a sweet smile.

Then, she crossed the room and reached a deserted part of it, where only a scrawny boy was reading some potions book. His dark black hair hid his pale, long face. Madeline inspired deeply, and put on her most fascinating smile.

  
“Hey Snape”

  
The Slytherin looked at her, shocked, and then raised an eyebrow “Hey?” he said, tentatively.

Madeline sat in front of him, while smiling confidently.

“How are you?” she asked.

He seemed taken aback, for he stared at her for a long time before answering. “Fine… I guess. Why?”

She shrugged “I was only trying to make conversation.”

“Well, now that you have, tell me what you want” he told her, icily.

Madeline kind of enjoyed that reaction. Usually, boys used to treat her with extreme kindness, as if expecting to gain something in return. She didn’t mind his roughness, his... Sincerity..

Sne knitted her brows “How do you know I want something?”

Snape looked disgusted, then. “Well, let’s see. We’ve been in the same class for six years, yet you have never talked to me. Plus, you’re best friends with Potter and his lackeys. I’m not stupid, y’know.”

“I know” she said, smirking “And don’t act innocent. You’ve never talked to me either.”

He blushed at that, and pointed his Onyx eyes back to his book. “Well, why should I have?” he spat out, as if implying she wasn’t someone easy to talk to.

“Oh, you think I’m a bitch, don’t you?” she said, laughing.

She expected him to deny that, yet he stood there, and kept looking at his book, not replying.

“Hey!” she exclaimed then, “You don’t even know me! How can you think that?”

Snape shrugged, “You act just like your friends. You're arrogant. You think the whole world’s there for you.” He looked at her

“It’s not. I loathe Gryffindors. That’s it. It isn't difficult to understand why I've never spoken to the most popular one, is it?” he stated, with an air of superiority that she found somewhat intriguing.

“Wow… You certainly know how to wound someone, don’t you?” she said, then, “Look, Snape. I want something, that’s true. But I’ll give you something back. And you’ll enjoy this, hopefully.”

They stared at each other for some time, and eventually “So?” he asked, curiosity taking the better of him.

“I want you to be my boyfriend.”

“What?!” he asked aloud, shocked “What sort of prank is this?”

She rolled her eyes. “Come on, relax… You would only pretend to be my boyfriend, actually. The thing is: I want James and Sirius to suffer for what they did to me. And nothing would make them suffer as much as me dating you.”

Snape blushed at that.

“What did they do to you?”

“I can’t tell you”

“Then I won’t help you”

“Hey, Snape, look. You’ll take your revenge on them, too. You know how much they’ll hate the situation? You... With me!”

He seemed to think about that for a while. “You’re not my type.” he eventually muttered.

“Oh, really?” she said, raising an eyebrow. “So, you mean, it would be difficult for you to kiss me?”

He blushed pretty hard at her teasing.

“I know you still like Evans, everyone knows. Look, Lily's a good girl, but she’s not perfect... Plus, she dumped you, Snape. Get on with it.”

“Don’t you dare talk about her.” He growled.

“Alright, alright... You're hot-headed, I understand... Well, what about my proposal?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Good.”

She raised from her seat, while he continued looking at her. He had to admit to himself that the Gryffindor girl was indeed breath-taking. His Slytherin mates would die of jealousy if he dated her…

“Anyway, maybe I’m not your type, but I, on the other hand, have always loved challenges..." she suddenly said, “Who knows, maybe I’ll find out what's underneath that Slytherin tie!" She smirked, and walked out of the library, leaving the boy stunned, and full of thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! You're probably wondering what happened aaaand... Well, I basically deleted my original work. I had already completed 36 chapters.  
> It was an accident and I cried for fifteen minutes when I realised what I did. So, I'm going to repost all the chapters as soon as possible. I'm sorry this happened. Hope you'll still follow the story.  
> All my love. X


	2. Old Friends, New Friends

“Hey love, what have you been up to today?”, asked Sirius Black, while biting into a sausage.

Madeline shrugged, not looking at him. “Oh, you know, just hangin’ around the library, doing small talks.”

“With whom?” said James Potter, arching an eyebrow. “We were all busy with Quidditch and stuff.”

The blonde girl rolled her eyes at that. “Well, Prongs, you’re not my only friends in the Castle!” she stated, playing with the sweet potatoes in her plate. The boy ignored her and kept on eating. Madeline turned to Remus Lupin, then. “How are you, by the way?”

Moony gave her a gentle smile and shrugged. “Not that bad, yet. But the moon’s rising.” He sighed, and she caressed his arm to calm him. He looked very tense.

“Yeah, well...” she whispered, so that only he could hear her “You know, even if I’m mad at them” she pointed at Sirius and James “For hiding all the trasformation thing…”

“They were trying to protect you, Mads. I’m honestly glad they were mature enough not to push you into this. I’m already very afraid of hurting them. If you were there… I don’t know, I would be seriously tormented.”

She smiled sweetly at him. “Yes, but why did they have to lie to me?”

“Because you wouldn’t have stayed behind…”

“That’s true but…”

“Mads, I think they were afraid.”

She sighed. “Maybe... But listen, what I wanted to say is: I'm glad at least they are with you. I wish I could help you, too." he smiled, while she continued "I know you want me to forget about this thing but… It will take some time. They had never hidden anything from me. You know that.”

Sirius overheard her and stopped eating “Come on, love” he said, pouting. “You know we love and trust you”

“Do I? I don’t know if I’m so sure about that anymore.”

Prongs looked pained, “Mads, really, forgive us. We were wrong, but we were trying to protect you. We weren't even sure we would succeed in becoming... you know what" he lowered his tone of voice "We couldn't put you in that position.”

Peter Pettigrew only nodded, hiding behind a spoon full of soup.

Madeline shook her head. “Look, boys. I need time to think this through, it’s…”

She casually raised her eyes while talking, and that's when she noticed a pair of black orbs staring at her. Snape didn’t look so insecure anymore; he wasn’t a weak boy, she knew that. Actually, he looked quite sure of himself all the time. Madeline realized that she had only caught him off guard that same afternoon. Now, obviously, he had taken his decision.

She raised her eyebrows, as if posing a question.

He blushed, but only slighty, and it wouldn’t have been visible if he hadn't been so pale. He nodded briefly, then, and tore his gaze away when he realized she had understood.

“It’s… What?” asked Sirius, confused, unaware of that exchange.

She smirked, ignoring him. “Excuse me, I need to talk to someone.”

She raised from the Gryffindor table and headed towards the Slytherin’s. Her friends followed her movements with their eyes, surprised.

“What’s she doing?”, asked James.

“I have no idea” answered Remus.

Some of the other students were looking at her, admiring her confidence and beauty.

“That’s one of a kind...", someone whispered, “If only she wasn’t a Gryffindor...” She chose to ignore the comment, and continued moving towards the table.

Severus Snape didn’t look at her until she was seated right next to him, whispering in his ear. “So, it’s a deal then?”

He shivered at her closeness. A second later, he met her eye. “It is.” He stated, and she grinned.

“See you in the trophy room at midnight. We have to speak about some things.”

He nodded and she leaned in “Have a nice evening" she said, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Severus stood still, and then he watched her raising from her seat, and moving towards the exit.

* * *

“FOR MERLIN'S SAKE, WHAT WAS THAT?!”

James stormed into the Common Room, infuriated. Madeline was laying on the armchair next to the fireplace.

“Oh boys, sorry I didn’t wait for you.”

“OH NO, NO, NO. DON’T CHANGE SUBJECT.”

Sirius looked as angry as him, while Remus was only very shaken by what had happened and Peter seemed to not know what to do or say.

“WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH SNIVELLUS?!”

“Oh, Severus, you mean? Well, we’ve spent the afternoon together, doing potions’ homework, you know. He tutored me a bit. He’s really good, you know? I wanted to thank him.”

“TOGETHER? TUTORING? GOOD? THANK HIM?” shouted James. Then, she stood up, facing him with crossed arms.

“Prongs, can you please lower your tone? There’s nothing weird about that.”

Sirius opened his mouth, then closed it again.

“Okay, guys, let’s talk about this like adults.” Said Remus.

The Marauders didn't look convinced at all, but listened to him nonetheless.

They all sat around the fireplace.

“How can you do this, Mads? You know he’s our enemy” commented James, while pouting.

“The kid’s into the dark arts. Everybody knows he’ll soon become a Death Eater.” Said Sirius.

Madeline raised an eyebrow. “We’re sixteen, guys. It's a bit early to talk about things like that..." she muttered, though she wasn't entirely convinced about that herself. "You know, he’s actually a very clever boy. And… Yeah, I like him.”

“YOU WHAT?”

“James.” Said Remus with a low voice, calming his friend.

“This can’t be happening” said Sirius “Is this a prank or something?”

Madeline blushed and gasped “It's obviously no-"

James's hazel eyes widened, “WAIT, IT IS!” he exclaimed, looking cheerful. “I know when you’re lying, and you are!”

Madeline blushed harder. Nobody could make her blush. Nobody, except for Sirius Black and James Potter. “IT’S NOT.”

“It is” said Sirius, and he started laughing. “But how did you manage to convince him?”

“No way, Mads. You're really brave. To take a prank that far?! I wouldn't be able to do it!”, James was dying of laughter by that point.

“Well, you know what?” said Madeline, embarrassed “Yeah, I wanted to make you pay for what you hid from me… But now, mmmm, well maybe I should really date him.”

“WHAT?” the two boys said in unison.

“THAT GREASY GIT? Nah, Princess, not your type.”, commented Sirius.

“I bet I could fall for him.”

“I bet you’ll run away from him as soon as you get to know him.”

“I stand with Sirius” James said.

Remus raised an eyebrow, “What? You would bet on that? What if you lose and she falls for him?”

“Won’t happen” stated Sirius, and his jaw clenched.

Mads looked straight into his grey eyes. She had never realized her friends were that jealous of her.

She gave him her hand to shake.

“If I win, you’ll stop torturing him. Not that I really matter, but if I fall for him, I will.”

“If I win, you’ll never date anyone else till graduation.”

“What?! Why!?”

James and Remus looked equally as surprised as she at Sirius’s words.

“Take it or leave it, love.”

“Fine” she growled, and while they shook hands, she understood what she had actually done.


	3. Late-night Meeting

Severus Snape looked like a ghost in the dimly lit Trophy Room.

The tall, lean figure of the Slytherin boy fascinated Madeline. He wasn't exactly good looking, but he was mysterious, and dark, and cold, and that intrigued her very much. Snape looked like a guy who couldn't be touched; pale complexion, black hair, onyx eyes. No one was like him. Elegant in his way, threatening, sharp. Plus, Madeline thought, he had such a deep and velvety voice... Yes, that voice was definitely something.

Madeline knew that if she told Snape that the Marauders had found out about the prank, he would cancel their agreement. She couldn't let that happen. She wanted to know him. And that was the only way to do it.

He didn't see her as she approached him, so she was able to cover his eyes with her hands, get on her tiptoes and whisper into his ear "Have you been waiting for long?"

He stiffened and instantly turned, in order to face her "Some minutes, but I'm aware Gryffindors don't have a talent for punctuality."

She laughed, raising an eyebrow "Not the proper way to treat your girlfriend, is it?"

He knitted his brows "Drop the act, Green, no need to pretend when we're alone." He spat out, and crossed his arms.

"I'd prefer to stay in character" she said while he shook his head. Snape sighed "So, what did you want to tell me?"

They were whispering, close to each other, and when she realised that, she smiled.

"Tonight, at the feast. If we're to pretend we're together, you can't stiffen every time I touch you."

He clenched his jaw, looking elsewhere "I'm not exactly a fan of physical contact. And more so, not with strangers."

She raised an eyebrow "Very Slytherin of you." She said, and took a step in his direction. He flinched slightly but tried his best not to move.

"Listen, Snape, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but we have to get used to one another. So... I was thinking, we could meet once a day, after dinner, and spend like... An hour? Together."

"Every day?"

"Yeah."

He seemed to think about that for some time. Severus didn't want to lose so much time only for a stupid prank... But the Gryffindor girl was right, they had to be convincing.

"Where?" He eventually muttered.

She smirked "The Room of Requirement."

"The what?"

"You've never heard of it?" She asked, surprised.

"I've read of it, but I didn't think..."

"Yeah, it exists."

"Fascinating"

"Very much so. Meet me there every night at 10?"

Snape looked into her blue eyes and softly said "I guess."

Madeline opened her mouth in order to add something when a voice rang into the room "Who's there?"

"Filch" the kids whispered in unison.

Madeline took the boy's hand and pushed him into a dark part of the room, against the stone wall. She pressed against him and motioned him to shut up.

He immediately snapped his hand back from hers and sneered "You think he won't see us? So stupid of you."

She looked up at him "So what's your plan?"

He took his wand and pointed it towards them both. Madeline felt enveloped by his magic. His core was extremely powerful.

"What did you do?" She asked.

"A disillusionment charm. When he'll look at us, he'll see nothing but a wall."

"Wow" she whispered, charmed, while he raised an eyebrow "That's very difficult magic."

"Well, I'm not as daft as you and your friends like to think."

"I've never thought you daft, only... Obnoxious." She said, suppressing a laugh.

"I guess we're even with me thinking you're a bitch."

"I guess..."

They were suddenly aware of their close proximity and so they distanced themselves. Filch had already come and passed by without seeing them, so Snape broke the spell.

"See you tomorrow" she said then, smirking "I'll come and greet you at breakfast."

"Is it necessary?" He growled.

"We can't ignore each other in front of our friends."

He sighed and rolled his eyes before saying "Fine." With his firm tone.

She smiled and turned to walk away "Oh, and Snape?" She said.

"Green?"

"Try not to act so much as a prude: it totally shows you're a virgin." She teased, before winking at him and running away.

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath; that stupid girl had just humiliated him. Well, they were alone, so she was probably only teasing him, or trying to get a reaction in response.

She didn't know that Slytherins always had the upper hand in games, for they were extremely subtle. She would eventually learn. He would make sure of that.

  
The boy reopened his eyes, now calmer and more collected.

Then, a thought struck him.

That's what she wanted from him: she wanted him to play. He smirked to himself, and walked towards the dungeons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native speaker so feel free to correct me! Feedbacks are much appreciated. All the love x


	4. A Sunny Day in Scotland

"Morning Mads"

"Morning Alice", Madeline said to her roommate. "Morning Lily, Marlene" she added then, after seeing the other two Gryffindor girls.

They all chatted about their homework while getting ready for the day. It was a sunny Sunday, a rare sight in Scotland, especially because it was October. That put her into a good mood.

"See you at breakfast girls!" She said, and walked towards the Common Room.

Sirius and James were waiting for her, as always. It was a thing they had being doing since they were children, that of going to breakfast all together. Moony was used to wake up way sooner than that, and Wormtail way later, so they had never really taken part in the ritual.

"Good morning!" said the boys in unison, while standing up from the armchairs where they were laying.

"Morning guys"

Sirius put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek "This is going to be a good day. Have you seen that Sun? We should sunbathe our pretty faces by the Black Lake"

"Yeah, and make all the other students envious for our glorious looks" said Prongs, walking by her side.

Madeline couldn't help but laugh "You two are such idiots!"

"But we're your idiots, I guess?" Sirius said, with a questioning look.

"Always" she answered and they continued talking about the day ahead of them.

The first thing she noticed when she entered the Great Hall was that Snape wasn't at the Slytherin table, which was unusual. She pushed that thought away when the scent of eggs and bacon reached her nostrils.

Remus Lupin was waiting for them, sitting at the Gryffindor table with the Daily Prophet in his hands. He hadn't seen them, so Madeline hugged him from behind and planted a kiss on his cheek "Morning Moony" she cheered.

Remus exhaled briefly and smiled at her.

"Morning Mads" he greeted her, sliding left in order to make her sit by his side. Sirius and James sat in front of them, and instantly started filling their plates. Madeline drank some tea while Remus informed them on the most recent news about the Wizarding World. There was no denying they were living dark times; Lord Voldemort was gaining more power every day, and his Death Eaters were causing mayhem all over Britain.

"I guess purebloods should be safe" muttered Remus after some time. He looked particularly concerned because of his blood status.

Sirius chuckled "Blood traitors in particular. High five Prongsie! You too, Mads!" They all chuckled and Moony smiled too.

The Greens and the Potters were very much alike: open-minded, pureblood families that held no prejudice about other people's blood status. Sirius, on the other hand, came from a very dark and twisted family. They all knew his parents would probably side with Voldemort, if they hadn't already done that.

"Nothing to worry about, Moony" softly said Madeline "We're family, right? Never be afraid, we won't leave you."

"Yeah mate" said James with a confident tone, while Sirius gave him a solemn nod. "We're the Marauders, after all." he said.

Remus smiled shyly, thankful, and closed the newspaper. "Plans for today?" He asked.

Sirius's grey eyes shone, and he started telling him about all the things they could do.

* * *

They ended up sunbathing by the lake as they had originally planned. It was far too cold for swimsuits, so they just rolled up their shirts's sleeves. James and Sirius also unbottoned them, revealing their pale but lean chests, while Remus was far too self-aware of his own scars to do the same. Madeline took off her tights. All boys stared at her legs when she did so, and she chuckled at that.

They all laid on the grass near the lake. Other students had had their same idea and were enjoying their day not far away from them.

Mads put her head on Remus' lap. The boy himself was sitting with his back against a tree. James and Sirius were laying with their arms crossed behind their heads, their eyes closed.

"Where's Wormtail?" Suddenly asked Moony

"I have no idea..." answered Sirius "He's been acting weird lately... He's always doing his homeworks and practicing new spells."

James knitted his brows "Why would he do that!? We're always barely studying and getting good grades."

Madeline laughed at that.

"What?" asked Prongs, confused.

"Peter has never got good grades. Maybe he's tired of that."

"Yeah", said Remus "Maybe he wants to show you two idiots he can beat you!"

They all chuckled at that. Peter Pettigrew was a sweet guy, but Madeline knew him very little. He was far too shy for her liking.

"When are you going to ask Snivellus out?" Asked Sirius, disgust dripping from his words. He opened an eye and stared at Madeline, curiously.

Remus stiffened under her. "Do you really want to do that?"

"I never lose a bet, Moons", she simply replied.

"Yeah, but you not losing may mean you falling for Snape."

Sirius sat up, as if he hadn't thought about that.

"Well, I mean, when we said 'fall for him' I intended... Well... start to like him a bit... find him nice... not wanting to kiss-EW, I can't even think about that.".

They all laughed at the boy's rambling.

"Yeah I know what you meant, Pads", Madeline told the boy.

Remus knitted his brows for a moment before relaxing again, "Whatever..." he muttered.

After some time he started caressing her hair and Madeline was about to drift off when James said, "Evans looked really good today", with a dreamy air and his friends all burst down in laughter.

"Maybe I should ask her out, Prongsie?", asked Padfoot, smirking.

"Don't you dare, Sirius."

Remus giggled.

"Why don't you ask her out nicely for once?" He asked James "I know Lily. She doesn't like the fact that you're always looking like you're joking! If you actually made her understand you really like her..."

"Oh, come on Moons... The entire Hogwarts knows that!" Protested James.

"I agree, Minnie knows that, for example." commented Sirius.

"Stop calling Professor McGonagall like that", Remus reprimanded him. He was a Prefect, after all.

"Yeah, it's creepy, Pads. And, James... Lily doesn't believe you" Madeline said.

"Well, I certainly do" muttered Sirius "You talk about her ALL THE TIME"

They all chuckled before shutting up again.

They spent some hours like that, sunbathing and chatting. Madeline loved those kind of moments. They made her think she would one day look back with joy at her youth.

Around lunchtime they went back to their dormitories.

Madeline took a shower and put on a freshly clean uniform before meeting with the Marauders in the Great Hall. The moment she set foot in it, onyx eyes laid on her. She smiled at Severus Snape before joining her friends. He gave her a nod before gazing back at his lunch.

Alice and Lily greeted her the moment she sat in front of them, and they started asking questions about her day and her plans for the afternoon. They asked her to go to the Library with them, in order to write the Charms essay they were supposed to write for the following tuesday. Madeline was very good at Charms, so she easily agreed. She had actually missed spending some time with her female friends.

"Oh, and Mads", Alice suddenly said with a little smirk "I've heard that Rathbone has asked Slughorn about you!"

Madeline nearly choked on her pumpkin juice.

"He what?"

Madeline had noticed that the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher particularly liked her. And, to be honest, she quite liked him in return.

Alastair Rathbone was a man in his early thirties, tall and lean, with sharp green-grey eyes that did not smile when his mouth did. He was extremely good looking, and also incredibly charming.

Madeline had never been an easy girl to conquer, but even to her Rathbone was really something. And he knew how to speak with a single stare.

Sirius often made fun of her passion for the Defence Professor. "I'm a thousand times better, love" he had said once. He was indeed the most handsome boy in school. But he was also a boy. Rathbone had a mature charm that she found simply irresistible. Sirius had pouted when she had told him so.

Lily laughed, bringing Madeline back to reality. "He found out you're in the Slug Club, and he asked old Horace his opinion about you"

Alice and Lily both looked quite enthusiastic.

"How do you know that?", wondered Madeline.

Lily spoke again. "I went to Slughorn's office to ask him about a particular potion, and I overheard the conversation."

"What conversation?" Suddenly asked Sirius, looking at Lily. She sneered, while Alice smiled at him and said: "Apparently, Rathbone has asked Slughorn about Madeline."

"He what?!"

James started laughing while Madeline stared at Sirius and grinned. "Jealous, love?"

"He's a perv", stated Padfoot.

Alice shook her head, "No he's not... He's so charming, and kind, and elegant! And he's right there, looking amazing."

Six Gryffindor heads suddenly turned towards the man in question, who seemed unaware of their staring while he chatted with Professor McGonagall.

"A wolf in sheep's clothes. I know one when I see one."

"He's just like you then, Pads?" Asked James, and all of them laughed. "Hey Evans, you look amazing today, d'you want to go for a walk with me after lunch?", he added, then.

Lily blushed, and turned her emerald eyes to the turkey in her plate. "Piss off, Potter."

James pouted before shooking his head and changing subject. All the while, Sirius continued staring at Madeline with a pensive look.

* * *

At ten o'clock, Madeline arrived running in front of the Room of Requirement.

Snape was there, leaning against the wall, with his arms crossed and a bored face.

"Just in time"

"See? I did it for you" she smirked.

"So... how does it work?"

She closed her eyes and, moments later, it appeared. The Room was very similar to the Gryffindor Common Room, with armchairs, sofas, cushions and a huge fireplace. It was warm and simple, just as she liked.

"Impressive" he whispered.

She smiled.

"The room, not you."

She laughed and pushed him inside, following him. The door closed behind them. Madeline instantly claimed the armchair next to the fireplace while Snape slowly seated on the sofa in front of her. He looked tired.

"What have you done today?", she asked, looking at him.

He shrugged "Nothing"

"Oh, come on, love. You can do better than that. Be a nice boyfriend, won't you?"

He raised an eyebrow "Love?"

She chuckled "I can't call you Snape all the time. And plus, muggle rock stars always call their lovers 'love'"

He looked surprised "How do you know about muggle rock stars?"

"Oh well, Sirius and I are passionate about muggle culture. We spent most of last summer strolling around muggle London. Fascinating, really."

Snape snorted "If you say so."

"You're not into it, are you?"

"Not exactly..."

Madeline knitted her brows "Pureblood parents?"

Snape suddenly put on a very hard look. "None of your matter."

"Look, Severus, I'm not a purist. I don't give a shit about blood. My ex boyfriend, Devon McCartney, he was in Ravenclaw before graduating, was a muggle born."

Snape sighed "I believe you're not a purist. Still, none of your matter."

Madeline seemed to understand, then "Don't tell me you believe in that shit about blood!"

Snape turned his stare from her to the fire. What was he supposed to say? He was a Slytherin after all. "It's easy to say blood doesn't matter when your blood is pure..." He muttered.

Madeline suddenly stood up and went to seat by his side "Listen, Severus, we don't know each other very well, but one thing I know for certain. Deep down, you don't believe in blood purity. Lily is a muggle born, and still..."

"I already told you not to speak about her." He growled, refusing to look at the Gryffindor girl.

"Fine. But you understood my point."

Snape sighed. They stayed silent for some time before he spoke again. "My mother's a witch, my father's a muggle."

Madeline smiled "Thank you for telling me."

"You'd eventually find out."

"True" she admitted, knowing herself.

"What did you do today?" He asked then, looking at her.

So she told him about her morning with the Marauders and her afternoon with the girls in the Library. He listened without interrupting; Severus Snape looked like a great listener.

When she finished speaking, she yawned "Sorry, I'm quite tired."

"Maybe we should g..."

"No; it's a quarter to eleven. Don't want to waste any time"

He nodded then.

"What's your favorite subject?" She asked.

"Potions"

"Cool, mine's Charms"

"Mmm"

"Favorite color?"

He looked at her as if she was a dumb child.

"I bet it is black."

"Green" he said.

"Yes?"

He rolled his eyes "My favorite color. Green."

"Oooo, mine's red" she stated.

They stared at each other for some time. Severus couldn't help but think that she was breath-takingly beautiful. Her bright, blue eyes were really something.

She wore a playful grin when she noticed his eyes travelling across her face.

She raised her left hand and traced a line from his cheekbone to his jaw. He shivered at the contact, but didn't flinch.

"What are you looking for, Madeline Green?" He found himself asking.

She raised an eyebrow, questioningly.

"Do you have dreams about darkness taking you? Is this what you want from me? Coldness? Mystery?"

She dropped her hand. And then, before he could question her furthermore, she grinned.

"I want to break your heart of stone."

She said, and laughed, throwing her head back. She meant no harm, even if she really did want to shake him up a bit.

But Snape didn't look amused at all. He suddenly stood up.

"It's already broken" he slowly said, and, before she could add anything, he walked away.

Madeline sighed heavily at that, staring at the door closing behind him. She had fucked up their first meeting.

She abandoned the Room of Requirement with a head full of thoughts.

Was it Lily who had broken his heart? Probably. Everybody knew about their friendship and following break up. Everybody also knew Snape was in love with the girl.

And even after all those months, he still seemed to be.. In pain. Snape's heart was probably more than broken, it was completely shattered.

She entered the Common Room with a sense of despair, which was quickly pushed away when she saw Sirius sleeping on the sofa. She caressed his dark locks for a moment, but he almost immediately woke up.

"Hey love" he muttered "Everything's fine?"

"I think" she answered "Let's go to bed, Pads. Tomorrow's a monday."

He stood up and sighed, "I hate mondays."

Madeline laughed and said "We all do."

He was about to go into his dormitory when her voice stopped him "Sirius?"

He turned, sleepy and confused.

Sirius was everything to her. The only thought of losing him pained her deeply.

She thought of Severus Snape, the Slytherin kid who seemed to have no friend, the angry boy who her best mates hated with all their hearts. She thought of how hopeless he had been looking since he had lost Lily.

How could she had not seen his desperation?

Thinking about it, it was pretty clear how hard it must had been for him.

Madeline took some steps into Sirius' direction, and hugged him tightly, burying her face into his chest. He hugged her back with equal strength, and bent down to kiss her head, while his arms drew circles on her back in a slow, soothing way.

That hug felt like home for both of them.

They stood like that for a while, and shared no words, before wishing each other a good night, and going to sleep.


	5. Monday

Mondays were hell.

The Gryffindors had double Charms with the Hufflepuffs, Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws and three hours of Potions with the Slytherins, which was insane.

None of the sixth years Gryffindors talked during breakfast; they were all still missing their incredibly comfortable beds.

Madeline put her head on James' shoulder and closed her eyes.

The boy chuckled "You've never been a morning person" he stated, while cutting a sausage.

"Right" she muttered.

Remus and Sirius smirked at her, looking amused.

"I can't believe it's only october... Ugh, I want it to be Christmas already" protested Madeline and Sirius nodded slightly.

"I hope Evans will be mine before Christmas" said James loud enough for the red head to hear him.

"Yeah, well, everybody wants impossible things. . ." Lily stated.

"She's totally almost in love with me" whispered James to Madeline and she laughed. "Totally indeed" she joked.

Right then, Severus Snape entered the Great Hall with Mulciber and Avery.

Madeline hated the two of them; they were so hateful. So angry. So dull.

"What's the situation with Snivelly?" Asked James, noticing her staring.

"We've been talking, he's very reserved. But clever. You know, you really should stop taking on him. We're not children anymore."

Remus nodded at her words "I agree."

"No way" shouted Sirius.

"You see, Mads" said James "It's not Snivellus the problem... well, he is... but it's what he stands for that we're fighting. He's obsessed with the dark arts. It's not a good moment in our world. We need to choose a side." He continued, seriously. Then he seemed to lighten up "Plus, I could never forgive a guy who hurt my precious Lily so much!" He said.

Madeline sighed "I don't think Snape's evil. I think he's just... Lonely... misunderstood... Lost."

Sirius clenched his jaw "He attacks Prongs whenever possible, Mads! He's been throwing hexes at us since forever!"

"Well, you're not exactly innocent yourselves."

Remus chuckled "They'll never befriend Snape, Mads."

"I know." She muttered, pouting "But I will!"

"So you'll see just how twisted that bloody snake is" muttered Sirius. Madeline stole some bacon from his plate and bit into it.

Remus and James laughed out loud while Sirius pretended to be offended "How dare you!" He yelled.

They all chuckled.

* * *

Madeline slept through most of Charms. Remus, who sat next to her, was in charge of waking her if something happened. He was really the best.

After the two hours lesson she felt extremely energic. "Did I lose something good?"

"Hardly."

"What do you mean? Didn't you listen?"

"Well, I tried... But today's lesson was so boring..."

"What's happening to you, Moony?! You're the good student of the group!"

They both chuckled while the rest of the Marauders reached them.

"We came up with a wonderful prank!" Announced James and Sirius nodded.

"G-genial!" Underlined Peter.

They began telling Mads and Moony about it while they walked to the Transfiguration classroom.

McGonagall made a pretty interesting lesson and almost everyone listened to her. She was an amazing Professor; Madeline admired her immensely.

Then it was lunchtime and the Gryffindors went back to the Great Hall.

While they were entering it, Madeline caught, out of the corner of her eye, Severus Snape swiftly walking away, towards the dungeons. He hadn't seen her.

"Hey guys, see you later!" She said to her friends, and quickly followed the boy.

Before he could enter the Slytherin Common Room, she called out his name "Severus!"

He froze and turned to look at her, surprised.

"What are you doing here? It's lunchtime" he said, impatiently.

"I've seen you walking away, you looked nervous. Are you okay?"

He seemed to soften, then "More or less..." he looked around himself, avoiding her eyes "You shouldn't skip lunch, you have three hours of potions ahead of you."

She raised and eyebrow "Same for you. Aren't you hungry?"

He shrugged "I'm used to skip meals." He simply said, and Madeline couldn't help but realise how skinny he actually was "And I don't want to speak to my house mates. . . Lately, they've been quite interested in me. . . I'm not used to the attention, it annoys me."

She laughed, tooking a step closer to him "I became quite interested in you too."

He was taller than her, so he had to lower his head a bit to look into her sparkling blue eyes. "Yeah, but it's for a prank." He said.

Madeline blushed, "Actually. . . Look, Sev..."

"I don't like that nickname"

"And what should I call you?" She asked, crossing her arms.

He raised an eyebrow, studying her, "That's not my problem"

"Fine, you really are no fun. . ." She rolled her eyes "Anyway. I enjoy spending time with you, truly. I'm just here to tell you: if you want to talk with someone, count on me."

He was about to point out the obvious when she interrupted him "And I won't tell anything to my friends. You can trust me. You can give me Veritaserum if you want. . ." She said, chuckling, but he seemed interested in the proposal. They stood silent for a while, each one staring at the other as if trying to find out what was going on in their heads. Severus thought about using Legilimency, but refrained. She didn't deserve it, for now.

"Mmm. . . Thank you Green, I guess."

She smiled sweetly. "So... Lunch?"

"No, but you should go, we don't want you fainting during Potions, do we?"

She laughed, pleased by the fact that he was actually joking with her.

"Well, it could be a good excuse to quit the lesson."

"Slughorn don't need such excuses in order to let you go. He adores you." He muttered, with that low and velvety voice he didn't knew she liked.

"I know. . . And I'm not even that good at his subject. . . Contrary to you! You're the best of our year."

He blushed then, even if only slightly. "Potions is an art. It takes time, patience and passion, but eventually it gives more than it takes."

"You talk about it in a really fascinating way. . ." She admitted, when an idea struck her "Hey! You could help me with Potions! I really need someone to show me the nice aspect of it all." She looked at him but he didn't looked convinced "Oh come on, Severus! Shouldn't we act as a couple? That could be a way to spend more time together in front of other students"

"Are your friends believing we are a couple?" He asked

"Well, I told them we've been talking, but they don't seem concerned at all by that, because, you know, they never see us together. . ." She informed him "So?"

He thought about that. He honestly cared little about the prank, but he liked the idea of pissing off Potter, Black and the other dunderheads, even if only for a moment. Plus, after all, Madeline Green was turning out to be a decent enough person. Severus quite... Appreciated... Her company.

"Fine. . ." He said and she gave him a warm smile.

"Thank you so much!" She cheered, and pecked him on the cheek. He stiffened like he always did, but she ignored it.

She stared at him for a while before he eventually raised an eyebrow, sneered at her and said: "Go and have lunch, Green. I'll see you Tonight?"

He didn't think he would actually remind her of their meetings, but when he did she seemed to find new strength and energy.

"Sure you'll do. . ." She said, nodding, "Guess I should call you Professor Snape, then?" She continued, winking at him, and slowly walking away. She had a sway when she walked that got him staring at her figure until she disappeared.

Severus stood there, surprised, and quite ashamed of the fact that the teasings of the gorgeus Gryffindor girl did have a strong effect on him.

He sighed deeply, and entered the Slytherin Common Room with the intention of showering those thoughts away.


	6. Getting To Know You

Madeline looked at Snape during Potions. He did not notice. He was certainly very focused on his work; every now and then, he stopped and wrote something on his Potions’ book. His hair fell around his face when he bent over his cauldron to add an ingredient or to look at the liquid.

Madeline was lucky for having Lily, who was brilliant in the subject, as her work partner. Maybe the redhead was also the reason she had never cared much about it; Lily did not mind doing the entire job while she watched. And when Madeline had to work alone, she managed just fine.

The fact that Slughorn adored her, and her parents, both Ministry employees, surely helped her.

After some time, Lily noticed Madeline was acting strange, and when she followed her gaze, she gasped.

“Mads!” she exclaimed, and the blonde girl jumped in her seat.

“Lils?”

“Why are you staring at Snape?!”

Madeline shrugged “No reason…” she said, but when Lily shot her another questioning look, she sighed deeply. “We’ve been talking for some time now, and I can’t quite understand him… I mean, mmmm, I usually get people, you know? But… He’s a mystery.”

Lily raised an eyebrow “You know he was my best friend while growing up, don’t you?”

“Yeah”

“And you know what he said to me, right?”

“Yeah”

“Alright.” Lily sighed, while stirring the potion. “Listen, Mads, I’m not saying you should stop talking to him for what he did to me. I just want you to know this: I loved him like a brother, and yet, he hurt me.” She said, staring at the cauldron in front of her. It was evident it pained her to admit so; Madeline knew she had suffered so much from her break up with her best childhood friend. Lily was such a kind, delicate person; her heart was pure.

Madeline nodded “I’m sorry for how it ended between you two, Lils.” She said. The red head gave her a smile, before Madeline spoke again, hesitantly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure”

“I know the M word is disgusting, and only a fool would use it against a person he loves, but… Was it the only reason you stopped being his friend?”

Lily took a deep breath, and for some minutes Madeline thought she would not answer her question.

“At the time, I thought it was the only reason. But then… I remembered all the things he admitted he was doing. Practicing Dark Arts, meeting secretly with his fellow Slytherins, creating new spells, dark ones… Even if he had not called me… A mudblood…” she swallowed, slowly “…I think things between us would have eventually broken” she admitted. “It pains me to tell you so, because I truly cared for him… God, I still do. But Severus chose everything I stand against.” She said “And when he chose it, he knew he would lose me. He just didn’t know it would happen so soon. That’s why he’s still bitter about it. He’s a clever person. Every action has its consequence.”

Madeline nodded gravely “When I talk to him I… Like that, you know? But he’s so… Lost, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Lily agreed, looking straight at her with her big, green eyes “But we’re all sixteen. You’re not his mother. You can’t save him from himself, Mads. Only he can do that.”

The blonde girl stared at her “You’re right, Lils, as always. And so wise for your age.”

Lily laughed, “Thank you, you’re sweet.”

Madeline smiled “Just for your knowing, I’ve heard the same things you told me from the mouth of someone else recently.”

“And who might that be?”

“But James, of course.”

“No way!” Lily said, blushing. “I can’t become like Potter.”

“Maybe you’re not becoming like him. Maybe he’s becoming like you.”

“And why would he do that?”

Madeline raised her eyebrows “I think you know, Lils.” She said, and both girls laughed, while they continued to work.

* * *

After dinner, the Gryffindors sprawled across the Common Room, chatting about Quidditch and school. Also Lily and Alice had joined the Marauders and Madeline, and now they were all exchanging ideas and opinions.

James was behaving extremely well, in Mads’ opinion, and she could swear she had seen Lily stealing glances at the boy.

Suddenly Sirius turned to look at Madeline and said, “Hey love, it’s been a while since we’ve listened to some records. I’d like to listen to that Bowie kid one more time!”

Madeline smiled “That's true, Pads! We’ll do that… Mmm... On the weekend, okay? Lessons are sooo tiring”

They all agreed with her.

Remus, who was reading a book, occasionally filling in the conversation, looked at Madeline and pointed towards the clock hanging on the wall. She raised an eyebrow, quite not understanding what he meant, when she followed his gaze and saw that it was already 10 o’clock.

“Fuck” she whispered and instantly stood up. Thanks Merlin she had told Remus about her evening encounter with Snape.

“I just remembered I lent my Charms book to Laura Percival, you know, the Hufflepuff. I need to get that back! See you later guys!” she quickly said before anyone could question her weak excuse, and ran out of the Common Room.

It took her some minutes to arrive to the fifth floor and Snape, as she expected, was already there.

He sneered at her when he saw her approaching him with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry, I lost track of time.”

“I can see that” he replied, and followed her into the room.

They both took their usual seats and stared at one another. Madeline realized they did that a lot.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Mmm” he muttered. “Potions cheered me up.”

“I’ve looked at you during all three hours, you know?” she said, smirking at him.

Snape raised an eyebrow “Why did you?”

“I felt like it.” She answered. “You should tie your hair when you work, or the potions’ fumes will grease them.” She exclaimed, then.

He knitted his brows “I’ve never thought about that.”

“You’re welcome” she said.

Snape sighed.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“You know I don’t”

“How would I know? You’re so reserved.”

“I thought you were my girlfriend.” He pointed out.

“Yeah, but I was asking about an occasional snog or something… Making out in the broom closet or shagging in the Prefects' bathroom… Things like that.”

“I don’t do things like that.” He growled.

“Why so? You’re sixteen, enjoy life.”

“I’m not Black.”

“I know you’re not, but Sirius certainly looks happier.” She said.

Snape shrugged. “What about you?”

“Me?” she asked “Mmmmm… Well, since my ex-boyfriend graduated, I haven’t slept with anyone… About snogs, I’ve had some flirts, but no one was important enough.”

“Why?”

“Because they eventually bored me. The fact I have such charismatic friends is a burden, really.”

“So when will you get bored of me?”

“Oh baby, don’t be silly. You’re so charismatic yourself.”

She liked to tease him, but it was so difficult to get a reaction from him. Madeline wondered if he had ever flirted with anyone.

“Well then, since you’re apparently my girlfriend, maybe I should snog you” he said after some time, with his deep voice.

Something happened inside of Madeline and she blushed. Snape smirked, “You like playing with fire, don’t you?” he whispered, voice like silk.

They looked at each other for a long moment, before standing up and moving towards one another.


	7. Kiss Me Like You Wanna Be Loved

Snape was quite obviously challenging her, and Madeline was well aware of that.

There was something in his onyx eyes as he approached her that she couldn’t decipher, but she decided she like it. It was like a spark, like… Desire.

They stopped walking towards one another when they were practically touching. There was no more than an inch between them.

Madeline grinned, and said “I dare you to do what you’re thinking.”

Snape was looking at her with such force that she almost flinched.

And then he was on her, causing the girl to take a few steps back in order not to fall.  
His lips were harsh and demanding against her soft and full ones. He wasn’t experienced, that much was pretty clear, but there was passion in his kiss, and she decided he would become a great kisser.

Madeline entwined her hands behind his neck, pulling him to her. She made him fall on her armchair, and sat on his lap. Snape looked at her with trepidation but said nothing, and quickly welcomed her back in his arms.

She took control of the kiss, licking his bottom lip before taking it between his teeth. Snape moaned as his hands planted on her hips. Madeline smiled and brought her tongue forward so she could touch his.  
From the shiver that went through his body at the contact, the girl understood he had never done that.

She explored his mouth with her tongue, and he, if shy at the beginning, soon began to caress it with his own. Madeline’s hands went through Snape’s long, black hair as the kiss grew more heated. She had always wanted to touch them, and they were just as soft as she had imagined; he gave out a verse of approval and pleasure as she started caressing his scalp.

His hands too travelled through her body, gripping her butt in order to keep her steady on top of him. Snape ended up dominating the kiss and she let him. She parted her mouth more and he took that as an invitation to kiss her harder. Madeline smiled against his mouth. Snape smelled of herbs, parchment and cheap aftershave; it was a strong, masculine, but delicate perfume as a whole. It was complex, just like him. And Madeline got completely lost in it.

They parted moments later, both panting for air. Madeline had a knowing grin plastered on her face, while Snape looked completely dumbfounded.

“I can’t believe you really did that.”

“Me neither” he whispered, before his cold mask swapped back on his face. She was still on his lap, but none of the two guys seemed concerned by the fact.

Before he could say something, she approached him again, kissing his jaw multiple times in multiple different points, before starting to leave a tray of wet kisses on his neck too. Snape’s breath quickened as she started sucking on a particularly delicate point near his collarbone. His white, delicate skin didn’t take long to blacken and soon there was a hickey right where she had sucked.

“I left you a gift, so you’ll think about me when you’re all alone…” she whispered, mouth still close to his neck, and he shivered.

“That’s very Slytherin of you” he muttered, and his low, deep voice so near her ear gave her chills.

She pretended to be offended, bringing an hand to her heart and gasping “How can you say that?!” she cried, before starting to laugh. The side of his mouth twitched too.

“Are you going to sit on my lap for long?”

“Well, now, love, no boyfriend would say that to his girl. Are you in pain?”

He raised an eyebrow “Kiss me or leave me be. It’s nearly time we go to bed, don’t you think?”

“Oh, so I’m just a snog to you?” she wondered.

“You wanted to be.”

Now she was really offended, “Don’t you dare. I don’t go around snogging everyone.”

“But everyone wants to snog you.”

She smiled, “Yeah, and still they’ll never have me. But you just snogged me, Severus Snape. Didn’t it mean anything to you?”

He shrugged “It was nice.” He said.

 _It was fucking amazing,_ he was thinking.

She pouted, “Everybody tells me I’m a great kisser.”

“Well… I’m sure you are…”

He looked away.

“Love…” she exclaimed, and took his chin in her hand to force him to look at her “It’s ok if it was your first time. I don’t care. You’re very good at it.”

Snape searched for a lie in her eyes, but found none.

“What are we doing, Green? No one’s here to see us. This was not part of the prank.”

“Well, as I have already tried to tell you, I’m not interested in the prank so much anymore… I told you I enjoy your company.”

He snorted and sighed loudly before raising his voice. “But you _can’t_ enjoy my company..." he growled, annoyed. "You’re a beautiful and popular Gryffindor, Potter and Black are your best friends and you have a perfect Pureblood family! I am nothing but a poor, miserable Slytherin Half-blood” he hissed. There was true desperation and fear of not being understood, fear of being abandoned in his onyx eyes.

  
Madeline hadn’t expect that outburst. Snape was not the type to open himself up to people. Probably the intimacy between them had broken his defenses. He was just a boy, after all. A boy who had made some wrong choices. Sometimes she forgot that, for he already acted like a man with years of experience on his back.

She caressed his cheek, while he stared at her. He was probably already regretting exposing himself so much.

“You’ve never called me beautiful, you know?” she said, to ease the tension. “Severus, I am a very lucky girl. I was born in a family who loves me, and I have great friends. But I’m aware life’s more than that. The world outside of this school is slowly breaking apart. Life isn’t fair. It wasn’t to you…” she whispered “…And I wish I could change that, but I can’t. But please, let me be your friend. You can trust me. Let me try…” she continued. “I don’t care if you’re poor, or miserable, or a Slytherin… Even if this last thing annoys me a bit”, she joked, and he smirked.

Then she stood up, and gave him her hand to stand up too.

He did, and now he was taller than her once more. His black sweater was wrinkled and his hair were tousled.

“We can try to be… friends” he said, with immense effort. “But you do know why Lily’s broken up with me, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do. Your head’s full of dark shit”

Snape got very serious then.

“You won’t change that, Green. If Lily couldn’t, no one can.”

She looked up into his eyes. “Why do you think so?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“You loved her.”

He sighed, “I still do.”

“Were you thinking of her as you snogged me?”

“…Strangely, I was not. But Lily was never like you. You two are just too different.”

“Are you sure you still love her?”

His expression seemed to harden. “Of course I do.”

“It’s such a boyish thing to put so much affection in your first love.”

He snorted, “My _only_ love.”

“We’ll see that...”, she muttered, then.

He knitted his brows, “You want me to fall for you?”

“I don’t want you to do anything, Severus... Apart from quitting the dark arts.” She admitted, and sighed.

He raised an eyebrow, “That won’t happen.”

“Wasn’t losing Lily prove enough that these things are only making you lonelier, and more miserable?”

He said nothing.

“The Dark Arts are the only thing in which I excel." he confessed, "No one in Hogwarts is better than me in mastering them.”

She took a step back, then.

He took a step forward, “Don’t be frightened of me, I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“But you do want people to be frightened of you, don’t you?”

“Not all people... not those I like.”

“And nevertheless you frightened Lily.”

“ _Stop_ talking about her.”

“You brought her into this.”

“Enough” he growled “I think we should go to bed.”

“Listen…” she said, while he walked towards the door. He stopped, and turned to look at her. “I don’t want to argue all the time. I just want you to know that being your friend doesn’t mean agreeing with everything you do. I won’t become a fan of the Dark Arts just because you’re into them.”

“I’m not asking you to.” He muttered after some moments.

“Ok.” She said, and approached him slowly. “Can I have a goodnight kiss, at least?”

He looked at her, pondering her question, before raising his hand to cup her cheek. She could feel his breath on her mouth, while her blue eyes and Severus’ dark ones lost into each other.  
She was about to start the kiss herself, when he softly pressed his lips to hers. Madeline took advantage of the moment to caress his hair once more. When they stopped kissing, she didn’t let him go but hugged him, and his arms wrapped around her waist.

“Sweet dreams Severus”, she whispered into his ear, before letting him go.

He gave her a nod, and opened the door for her.

They both went back to their respective Common Rooms, each thinking of the other.


	8. Jealous Guy

"I think John Lennon is a wizard."

"No, he's definitely a muggle." Muttered Madeline.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, questioningly.

"This is beyond magic, Pads... This is a dream." She explained slowly.

"I agree... I guess?"

"Just listen."

They were enjoying a cloudy afternoon in The Marauders' dormitory, while the record player they had bought in Camden in July played " _Jealous Guy_ ".

James had Quidditch practice while Remus and Peter had gone to study in the library, so Sirius and she had decided to chill a bit before the following lesson.

"Hey Pads, have you been seeing someone lately? I'm not updated on your recent lovers", asked Madeline after some time.

The boy looked weirded out when she stared at him, waiting for an answer.

"It's clear you haven't been paying attention, Mads, I haven't been seeing anyone in... ages!" He said bitterly.

She knitted her brows, "Really? And why?"

He shrugged, "I guess I'm not into that anymore... I have no girls on my mind..."

"None?"

"Well..." he muttered, but soon changed subject "Why have you been so distracted lately?"

Madeline sighed, "It's Snape. He gives me a lot to think about."

Sirius snorted "Oh, does he? Snivellus' really that interesting?"

"He is, believe it or not. And stop calling him that!"

The boy looked crossed but added nothing. When the chorus of the song came along he just sang with Lennon, " _I'm just a jealous guy..._ "

Madeline smiled but pretended not to catch his implied apology and said nothing.

Sirius had always been jealous of her; James too, but never like Sirius. He had accepted Devon McCartney as her boyfriend only because the boy was older than them, and a proper gentleman, and also a very funny guy who let the Marauders get away with everything even if he was Head Boy.

The song came to an end and the next one started, so Madeline closed her eyes and cleared her mind, losing herself in the music.

* * *

They headed to the Defence classroom, while planning a visit to Camden Town for Christmas Time. Maybe they could convince Prongs, Moony and Wormtail to come along, and Madeline proposed to extend the invitation to Lily and Alice too.

The worries about the situation in their world were growing, and they all needed to feel young and hopeful and free while they still could do so.

Madeline presumed darker times were awaiting them; she didn't want to waste a day while they were still blessed with bright ones.

They reached the classroom pretty quickly. Lily and Alice greeted her with large smiles before whispering to her that Professor Rathbone looked extremely handsome that day.

Madeline sat next to Sirius and glanced at the teacher to judge for herself, and gave her girlfriends a nod and a smirk. Alastair Rathbone was wearing muggle clothes: a blue, three-piece suit; he had taken off his jacket and was now sitting at his desk with only the shirt, whose sleeves were rolled, and the waistcoat on.

"Mads?" Sirius asked, interrupting her staring

"What?"

"Could you be a little more subtle? You were eye-fucking Rathbone!"

"Well, I wouldn't mind doing the actual thing, you know..."

"What? He's soo old!"

"Shush, Sirius, he's no more than, what? 32?"

"He's still twice your age!"

"Hear who's talking! You strutted about hooking up with Rosmerta all summer!"

"True" he said with a childish grin on his face. "But she's not a Professor!"

"Well, Pad, if he asks me... I won't deny him anything!"

He shook his head and dropped the matter as Prongs and Moony walked into the classroom.

They seated in front of them but instantely turned to exchange some talks.

She was so concentrated on hearing their chatting about the next Full Moon that she didn't notice Severus Snape entering the room and taking a seat next to Avery.

He had seen her, as always, and had scrunched his nose at her company. None of the Marauders had paid him any attention so he had just settled down in his seat and taken his quill, ink and parchment out of his leather bag.

Madeline didn't notice his presence until Rathbone cleared his throat and began the lesson. That's when she let her eyes wander through the Slytherins and found him. He was elegantly seated, very differently from Sirius who was slouched on his chair.

"So, class" said Rathbone with his husky voice "Today we will learn how to cast a Patronus charm."

Madeline and Sirius exchanged an amused look. They had learned how do that in their fourth year, after the girl had bumped into the spell in an ancient book her father had gifted her.

Prongs and Moony exchanged the same look between one another.

Rathbone proceeded explaining what a Patronus was, that it would take the form of an animal and how to conjure it.

"Maybe today I will get back some of the points I've lost since the beginning of the year." Whispered Sirius.

"Impossible, but try to get as much as you can to piss off the Slytherins" replied Madeline and Sirius snickered.

"I thought you liked Slytherins"

She rolled her eyes "Not all Slytherins!"

He was about to reply when Rathbone urged them to get up and try to cast an " _Expecto Patronum_ ".

"Don't show off too much" she told Sirius.

"Same for you."

"Oh, baby, I won't. I want Rathbone to help me a bit..." she gave him a devilish smirk and walked up to James.

"I'll show Lily my wonderful stag" he told her with shiny eyes.

"That doesn't sound so good, Prongsie" she said, laughing.

Moony nodded "Yeah, I told him so."

All of the class was trying to conjure a Patronus, unsuccessfully. Madeline searched Severus with her eyes and she found him in a corner of the classroom, chatting with Mulciber and Avery and idly moving his wand. He looked like he wasn't even trying to do the task.

Madeline fought the urge to approach him. She didn't want to face his friends, so she eventually decided against it. They had time to talk in the evening.

She looked at the Marauders, who were all pretending to not know how to cast the charm. They acted extremely funny, and she knew Sirius would be the first one to get tired of that and conjure his silver dog.

Rathbone was leaning on his desk, looking at the students with sharp eyes. When he caught her staring at him, he gave her a polite smile that did not quite reach his eyes and stood up to walk towards her.

He stood by her side and crossed his arms, while their eyes locked. "Won't you even try, Madeline?" he said, with a smirk.

He wasn't used to call students by their given name, and the only thought made her excited.

"Excuse me, Sir, but I'm not sure I understood how to actually move my wand."

His grey-green eyes sparkled with amusement, as if he was aware of her lie and found her game entirely enticing.

"Here, let me guide you." He stepped behind her, and slipped his hand above her own, who was holding the wand.

Part of his body pressed against her back, and she inhaled his manly scent.

He guided her hand in a delicate twirl, while whispering in her ear, "And as you do it, you think about the happiest memory you've ever had."

"Any memory?"

"I'm sure you know the one."

Madeline nodded and they locked eyes once more. She had noticed other students spying on them, and was about to distance herself from the Professor, when a silver dog divided them and went running around the classroom.

"Perfect job, Mr. Black. 20 points to Gryffindor" stated Rathbone, slowly taking his eyes off Madeline and staring at Sirius, who was glaring at him.

Prongs had his brows knitted, while Moony looked bewildered.

Some seconds later, Rathbone went to inquire about the progress of other students and everyone went back to their task.

The Marauders approached her as her eyes followed the Professor around the room.

Rathbone pretended not to notice her but Madeline knew he was only doing that in order not to look too weird in front of other students. He was cunning, the flirtatious bastard.

"What was that?"

"I honestly don't know, Prongsie. But I know I want to do it again."

Sirius clenched his jaw "I can't believe you were eye-fucking each other!"

Moony laughed "Yeah I can't believe it either!" He said, with a much more different tone than Sirius'.

In that moment, Lily conjured her Patronus, and all of them fell silent. James' eyes shot open and even Madeline couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"Prongs, it's a... It's a..." stammered Wormtail.

"It's a doe, yes." Confirmed Remus.

Madeline looked at Sirius, and they both looked at James, who was looking at Lily with longing.

"A doe" he whispered "A stag's fiancée." He said, dreamily.

"Maybe, after all, you were really made for one another." Confessed Sirius, crossing his arms.

Madeline smiled, "Yeah Prongs, but don't do any stupid thi-"

" _Expecto Patronum_!" Roared James, and a beautiful silver stag emerged from his wand, jumping around and going to follow the delicious doe that Lily was admiring. The two patronuses seemed to like each other, and started running side by side.

Lily looked surprised at James. Green met hazel. And in that moment Madeline knew that they would eventually fall in love. Because a patronus was more than the personification of a spell. It was a reflection of one's soul. Madeline had been enchanted by the charm since she had first bumped into it.

By looking at her friends' faces, she understood they were having her exact same thoughts.

Not far away from them, Severus Snape looked with a vacant stare at the girl he had once loved, and felt nothing but anger.

He had almost let her go, but seeing her obvious connection with Potter had hurt him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and when he looked up again he met Madeline's sweet blue eyes.

He tore his gaze away from hers and walked off class as soon as Rathbone dismissed them.


	9. Happy Memories

When she reached the Room of Requirement, just in time, she didn't even greet him. No. Madeline went straight towards the boy and hugged him tightly. Her hands entwined behind his neck and her body pressed against his lean, strong one.

Severus stood still, shocked, for some seconds, before hugging her back.

"What's the matter?" He asked, in a low voice.

"Nothing, love. I just needed to feel you close."

Severus knew that she was just hiding the fact that she felt sorry for him, for what they had witnessed that same afternoon in Defence Against the Dark Arts. And he felt extremely thankful when she didn't say so out loud, but made up an excuse that wouldn't make him feel ashamed.

"Come on." He said, and nodded towards the entrance of the Room.

Madeline smiled at him and entered it, and Severus followed her.

He so much wanted to hate her because of her friendship with Potter and Black, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Madeline was so different from them… Merlin, she was so different from all the other Gryffindors he had known.

Severus knew, after all, that if she had to choose between him and them, she would choose them with no second thoughts. He did admire her for her loyalty.

The fact was… He couldn't push her away. He didn't want to. Because she was making him feel, for the first time in so long, less lonely.

He took his usual seat on the sofa but Madeline did not claim her armchair. Instead, she went to lay on the sofa with him, and put her head on his lap. She took his hands and brought them to her head. He did love her soft, blonde hair, so he lost no time hesitating, but started passing his long, bony fingers through them. He found out that the action calmed him immensely.

Madeline closed her eyes, and for a bit they just listened to the sound of the fire crackling in the fireplace.

"Can I ask you something?" she said, suddenly.

"Mmm" he muttered.

"Why didn't you even try to conjure a Patronus?"

So she had noticed. Severus sighed, thinking about what to tell her.

"The truth, love." She added.

The boy looked at her closed eyes. "Rathbone said that we had to think about our happiest memory. My happiest memories included Lily. But now, when I think of her, I feel nothing but bitterness. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to conjure a Patronus, because those memories are tainted now…"

Her eyes shot open. "But, what about your family? Don't you have happy memories with them?"

He snorted, and his fingers stopped threading through her hair. "I don't." he stated, and she knew he wouldn't tell her anything more just yet. She had to wait for such confessions.

"I think you have it in you to conjure a Patronus, Severus. You should believe more in yourself."

He shrugged, "Avery said that _we_ won't ever be able to practice such pure magic..." he said, before realising his mistake.

 _"We?_ As if you were the same ! And why would Avery say that?"

Severus was silent for a moment, thinking about how to reply.

"Because we practice dark magic, Madeline… Our hearts aren't pure."

She searched his onyx eyes, then, and stared into them for a long time. They were always so difficult to decipher, but she thought she saw a flash of pain in them.

"Don't compare yourself to Avery, or Mulciber, or any other asshole you share your time with. You're worth more than them. You're not evil, Severus." She said, rising to a sitting position.

"You know who I am, Madeline, what I do."

"Yes, you make silly decisions because you don't know any better. But you're not a bad person." She turned, and she put her legs on his lap and laid her head on his shoulder "I wouldn't have talked to you if I thought you were."

Severus Snape didn't know what to say, or do. He had never been complimented like that. Not even by Lily. Not even by his own mother..

"Thank you." He just muttered and she took his hand in hers, crossing their fingers together.

Severus thought he would feel uncomfortable with all that contact with a girl he was only starting to know, but that was not the case. He felt as if he had known her forever. Her contact seemed so natural, and real.

"Why didn't you conjure one? I know you were messing with Rathbone…" he said then.

"How did you know?"

"You're not stupid; plus, Black and Potter conjured their Patronuses almost immediately. You all practice far more magic than you let on… I've dueled with your friends before, as you know." He spat out.

She laughed. "Yeah, we all do know how to conjure a patronus." She admitted, "Do you want to see mine?"

He stared at her, and then nodded.

Madeline extended her hand towards him.

"What?" he asked.

"Your wand."

"What? Use yours!"

"I always leave it in my dormitory when I come here."

"What?!" Snape look completely taken aback. "Why would you?"

She raised an eyebrow "Because I trust you not to hurt me. Should I not?"

He raised almost immediately, "You're a stupid girl!" he roared, "You can't wander around the castle without your wand, it's too dangerous" he continued, red in the face "These are dark times, even for Purebloods."

"Don't act like you even care." She replied, crossing her arms "You're one of the dangers out there, aren't you?"

He was breathing heavily, not knowing what to do. "Please, swear to me you'll begin to carry your wand around all the time. Always, Green."

"Fine." She stood up, not liking his tall figure imposing on her, "Always" she muttered.

His shoulder relaxed and hesitantly, he gave her his wand.

"You really love your wand, don't you?" she joked to lighten the situation.

Snape shrugged, "It made me who I am."

"No, it didn't. The magic's in the wizard, not the wand."

"Still…" he muttered.

Madeline decided to drop the matter, and she focused on her happiest memory. She went back in time to the previous summer; it was the beginning of August, to be precise.

Sirius, James and Remus had visited her at Green Manor, and they had spent some beautiful days together.

That was the summer in which her parents had started spending little time at home; their work at the Ministry had already gotten tougher.

Her friends had really helped her fill their unexpected absence.

On one particular afternoon, Sirius had confessed to Madeline and Moony that he had run away from home, and had gone to live with the Potters.

They had always known that Sirius had a complicated relationship with his parents, but none of them had ever thought that the heir of House Black would ever abandon his obnoxious family.

Madeline had started crying when he had told them so. She had cried for poor Sirius: the handsome, funny, charming and loyal boy who she loved with all her heart.

"Don't cry, Mads" he had said with a soft tone of voice. "They've never been my family. You've been. You are my family, guys." He had declared to all of them, blushing with embarassment at his own sweet words. Even James' and Remus' eyes had been slightly glassy.

When he had hugged her, and James and Remus had joined in their group hug, she had known. She had known that home was not a place, but a feeling. And whenever she was with her friends, she felt at home. The sensation that had overcome her that day, being with her friends, when Sirius had told them that _they_ were his family, was one of pure happiness, and warm.

That would forever remain her happiest memory, probably.

A smile graced her features as a silver tiger emerged from the tip of Severus' wand and started running around the room. Snape stared wide-eyed at the animal.

"Beautiful…" he muttered, "And wild." He continued, moving his eyes from the Patronus to Madeline. And then, he stepped up to her and kissed her hard, and she let his wand drop to the ground. He pushed her to the sofa again and laid on top of her, balancing himself on his elbows.

Madeline groaned into the kiss she had not been expecting. She opened her mouth and Severus slipped his tongue in it, while his hands travelled across her body. As always, she went to massage his scalp. She really did love his hair. They snogged for a while; their kisses were passionate and rough. When she bit his lower lip, he grinned and went to suck on a delicate spot on her neck.

She rolled her eyes and sighed, "If you leave me a visible sign I'll kill your Slytherin ass."

"You don't seem to mind being with a Slytherin", he whispered against her neck, and pulled slightly back to look at her in the eyes. He looked disheveled, and not composed and cold as always. She grinned.

"You don't seem to mind being with a Gryffindor"

"Touché, Green." He said with a smirk matching her own, "I saw you flirting with Rathbone today." He said.

"Did you?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes…" he muttered, "You're such a tease." He said.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"What's your game with him?"

"With Rathbone?"

"Mm."

"None, but he seems quite interesting…"

"And he thinks the same of you", growled Severus.

Madeline smirked, "What? Are you jealous?" she laughed, "You sound like Sirius, y'know?"

Severus' face hardened and he detangled from her and stood up.

"It was a joke, love."

"I know, but I don't like you flirting with Rathbone and then snogging me."

"Excuse me? From what I remember, you started snogging me."

"Yeah, maybe it's my fault, but you asked me to trust you."

"I know, love. And I meant that." She sighed, "We're friends, aren't we? What's the matter with Rathbone? It's not like I'm sleeping with him or anything…"

"He just gives me bad vibes, alright? I don't trust that man. And surely not around you. You like danger way too much."

"You speak as if you know me."

"Don't I, Madeline? At least a bit." He said, bitterly.

She patted the sofa next to her, "Come on, grumpy. Enough with this fatherly speech."

He sat there, rolling his eyes.

"But thank you for your concern, that's really sexy" she whispered in his ear, and started leaving a trail of kisses on his jaw.

Severus turned his head and let their lips connect once again, and they spent the rest of their time together kissing, and talking no more.


	10. Regulus' Choice

"I've asked Evans out", said James the following morning, while they were all having breakfast.

"And she refused", stated Sirius.

"How do you know?!" spat out James, glaring at him.

Padfoot shrugged, "It's no secret Evans doesn't like you."

Peter nodded.

"Yeah, but have you seen our Patronuses?!" cried James, "They _totally_ adore each other!"

The other Gryffindors rolled their eyes.

"Okay, Prongs, now it's time for you to take a deep breath and come back to your senses", Sirius softly said, making them all laugh.

Madeline looked at her friend, "Yeah, Jamie, come on. A patronus won't change years of quarrels between the two of you." She said, drinking some pumpkin juice. "Plus, you've probably scared her with the stag. I tried to tell you not to conjure it…"

"But you just didn't listen" continued Remus for her.

"It was a cool moment, though." squeaked Peter.

"Yeah, Wormtail, it was, thank you my friend." James exclaimed. "Sometimes I wonder if you do realize how much I like Lily."

"We do" they all said in unison, and started to laugh. James looked amused too.

  
Madeline caught out of the corner of her eye a group of Slytherins entering the Hall. She recognized Regulus Black, the younger, sterner, apparently sadder version of Sirius. He was chatting with some seventh years; she recognized Nott and Crouch Jr. The girl noticed Padfoot had seen them too; he didn't appear happy about the company his brother was keeping.

"What do we have now?" asked Peter, suddenly.

"Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws." Stated Moony while idly biting into a piece of toast.

"Bloody hell…" muttered Sirius, "I hate the Ravenclaws."

"No, you hate the Slytherins", Madeline reminded him.

"Yeah, but today I hate the Ravens too. They're too prissy."

Moony gave him a weird look, "What happened that got you so gloomy all of a sudden?"

Sirius knitted his brows. "Nothing" he murmured in a way that suggested something had _indeed_ happened.

"Come on, Sirius Black, spit it out." Stated Madeline. They were used to Regulus' behaviour and poor choice in friends.

What could had shaken his older brother so much?

"Don't call me that" he said with a glimpse of annoyance in his grey eyes.

"It's your name, stupid."

"I don't want it. Call me Sirius, or Padfoot, or whatever you want. Never Black. I can accept it from anyone but my friends."

Prongs looked at her, then, with a concerned stare, and she immediately understood the situation. "Alright Pads, I see..." she commented, leaving the fork in her plate. "Oh! Silly me!" she exclaimed, "I forgot my books in the Common Room..." she added, sighing deeply, "Will you accompany me to get them?"

The boy looked at her, appearing surprised. "Me?"

"Yeah, you."

"Okay" he slowly said, throwing a look at Moony and Prongs, before standing up from his seat; then, he followed her out of the Great Hall.

Madeline turned slightly to the other Marauders, and shot them a stare which clearly said "I-got-this". They all nodded, feeling relieved. They knew there was only one person in the whole world who could help Sirius when he was _that_ angry, or sad, or depressed, and that was Madeline.

He would open up with her, only.

They understood something must had happened with his family. They had seen this situation a thousand times already, after all.

"I'm wondering when they'll realize they're soulmates too, just like Lily and I" whispered James to Remus.

Moony smirked, "I think Sirius has already realized that, Prongs."

"Really? He told you?" he looked offended by the prospect of Padfoot sharing his secrets with Remus and not with him.

"He hasn't told anyone… He's far too haughty to admit his feelings."

"Yeah, well, what about Mads?" James wondered aloud, "We haven't had a talk in a long time... Not since she made that bet with Sirius."

Moony raised an eyebrow, "Which is still standing, y'know? Madeline's meeting with Snape daily."

"Is she?!" asked Prongs, appearing shocked. "I thought she had abandoned that idea!"

"She looks at him all the time in class", exclaimed Wormtail.

Remus shot him a weirded out look, while James appeared to be bewildered.

"Do you think she fancies him?"

"I have no idea, Prongs." Remus answered. "But that's none of our business, is it?"

"The hell it isn't. She's our friend, Moony!"

Peter nodded fiercely in front of James's firm expression.

"She's a sixteen years old girl, James, not your child! Come on, grow up a bit, won't you?"

"Now you sound just like Evans, Moony."

"Well, you see? Maybe if you matured a bit she'd agree to date you.", said Remus.

But James wasn't listening anymore. "I'll talk to her…" he muttered, clearly talking about Madeline. "Snivellus won't get to her.", He decided, and then went back to eat his bacon with a pensive look on his handsome face.

Remus sighed but said nothing, while Peter looked at him, confused.

* * *

"You didn't really forget your books, did you?"

Madeline grinned, "You know me better than anyone."

Sirius gave her a tiny smile, "So do you."

"Come, love." She said softly and took his right hand in hers to bring him into an empty classroom. She closed the door behind them and crossed her arms. "What's the matter, Sirius?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, defensively.

"I saw how you looked at Regulus. You seemed hopeless, downhearted." She sighed, "You know you can tell me anything."

"Yeah, Mads, it's not that…" he muttered, sitting on the desk in front of the class. "It's just that… I know a thing... But it is _so_ bad... I don't want to say it out loud… Because then it will be real, y'know?"

Sirius Black was not an emotional boy; quite the contrary in fact. He had always tended to hide his feelings. Time had changed him a bit; to his friends, he couldn't lie. Not even if he wanted to. They were able to read him like his own mother had never learnt to. Madeline, in particular, understood him, deeply. He trusted her more than he trusted anyone else in his life. Even more than James.

And he trusted James _a lot._

When he had hidden from her his becoming an Animagus, he had done that only to protect her.

Madeline knew all about him. And he knew all about her, too.

She approached him, and went to stand right before him. She put her hands on his knees, and Sirius looked up to stare into her blue eyes. She read despair in his grey ones.

"What happened between you and Regulus?"

Sirius took a deep breath. It looked like the only thought of saying what he was about to confess hurt him badly. Madeline gave him an encouraging smile, which he did not return.

"Before I… Ran away from home... I didn't say goodbye." He said in a whisper, looking at her hands on his legs. "I just gathered my things and left, you know? I abandoned Grimmauld Place and every person who was there…" he looked regretful as he spoke. "My relationship with Reg has never been great… You know that… He tries so hard to please our parents; he's becoming dark, just like them… And I can't accept it, okay?" he shook his head, and paused for some moments before saying, "He once was my little brother, I really did love him… I still love him, fucking hell." His hands were trembling. Sirius was angry.

"He knows that, Pads" She said, with a small voice.

"No. No, he doesn't." he stated firmly, and sighed. "Our relationship has never been good, but I kept trying to protect him from my parents, from their beliefs… But Regulus just wouldn't listen. God, he's just a kid… And they're corrupting him to the bone."

Madeline shivered at his words, and Sirius' voice lowered.

"In those last days in Grimmauld Place, the days before my departure… We quarreled a lot. He had started speaking like my mother. Telling me I was a traitor, and that I would regret my choices…" a tear escaped Sirius' eye, and he looked ashamed for letting it fall, "Oh God, I look like an idiot, don't I?"

"You don't." she took his hands in hers. "I love you, Pads. You're my best friend. You don't have to hide from me."

He gave her a pained smile and squeezed her hands.

"Regulus is not an evil person. But he grew up in an evil family. I thought I could save him, just like I saved myself. It would be the two of us against them. I fucking needed an ally in that house." His voice trembled, "I needed a brother." He exhaled, "But then, I found it out…"

"You found out what?"

"That he's going to become a Death Eater."

Madeline's breath caught, and the fingers that were caressing Sirius' back of the hand stopped. The two of them stared at each other for a long time, before Madeline started crying too.

"Why are you weeping?" he asked.

"Because… He's just a boy… He's your brother… He can't."

Sirius smiled bitterly, "My exact thoughts…" he whispered. "I heard my parents talking about him taking the Mark. They were saying he would do it during the Christmas holidays… They were saying it was a fucking honour, you know?" he laughed madly, "What lovely parents!"

"Sirius…"

"Wait, the best is yet to come…" he choked on his words. "I went to confront him, to plan his escape or something. To plan _our_ escape. I wouldn't have left him alone!" he said, "I had no idea that… I had no idea that he knew about what he was about to do…" he shook his head. "I had no idea he _craved_ for it." He told her, "We fought. He told me I should take the mark too, that we are Blacks and Blacks serve the Dark Lord." He spat out Voldemort's name as if he was scum. And Madeline knew he really was.

"My little brother told me that he wants – no, that he _desires_ to become a bloody Death Eater!" he said, his eyes looking crazy, like she had never seen them before. "Something broke between us then… And I ran away. I understood that the only thing that was keeping me from leaving that house forever was Reg… But he's been annihilated, Mads. He's no more. My brother's dead." He said with a hard tone, "James' my brother. Remus and Pete are my brothers." He stated. "And now, whenever I look at him, I think it's my fault. I should have been there, before, when he was younger…"

"You couldn't have, Sirius, you were a child yourself."

"Yes, but…"

"No buts, love. You're one of the best person I know. It wasn't your fault… Merlin, Sirius. It wasn't at all…" she managed to say between sobs, "I thank God every day for having found you. You have such a gentle soul under that arrogant façade… Sirius, you couldn't have saved your brother…"

"You don't know how he looked at me, Madeline…" he whispered "The first time he saw me since I ran away… It was on the train… His eyes were full of betrayal, anger, sorrow… He looked like my brother, but he wasn't my brother. He just wasn't anymore…" he sighed, "And as Christmas approaches, I realise that I'm about to lose him forever. And I can't do anything about it."

Madeline had always wondered what had caused Sirius to leave his family forever, what had made him decide he could take no more. She had never asked him, because she knew that a time would come in which he would eventually tell her.

And now that that time had come, she felt just as miserable as him. She didn't know what to tell Sirius, how to reassure him. She wanted to tell him that everything was going to be ok. But she wasn't sure of it.

A war was coming, they all knew that. But Hogwarts had made them forget about how close it actually was. They were living in a dream, a dream from which they would have to wake up soon.

The fact that Regulus was to become a Death Eater shook her like she didn't want to admit.

It made her realise that their bright days were coming to an end, and that soon they would be asked to fight.

For the first time in a long time, she felt afraid.

Sirius must had felt her dejection, for his expression softened, and he took her in his arms. He held her like she was a child, like _she_ was the person whose brother was about to become a Death Eater.

And she held him with the same strength, and they both cried. Madeline gripped Sirius' sweater as if he would slip away from her any time.

"I'm so, so, so sorry, love" she whispered into his ear, "I promise you, you'll never be alone. You'll always have me, and James, Remus and Peter. We'll never leave you, Pads…" she murmured, "We love you so much it hurts…"

He smiled into her hair, as he inhaled the scent of spring flowers and honey she carried. The scent he knew so well.

"We'll fight them, we'll beat them…" she kept saying, "We'll win…"

Sirius wanted to believe her so much that he almost did.

But he knew how real life was. He knew what it felt like to be betrayed by someone you love, and trust.

"I hope so, Mads." He told her. "I really hope so."

And they stood there, holding each other, until the tears on their cheeks dried.

They arrived late to Transfiguration, and McGonagall assigned them both a detention that they accepted without hesitation.

All the students were staring at them with mischievous glints in their eyes, as if thinking that they were late because of a last-minute shag in a Broom closet or something like that.

Everybody had always thought Sirius and Madeline were secretly dating, after all.

The two kids paid them no attention, and went to sit in the corner of the classroom. James and Remus were giving them concerned stares, and Madeline briefly whispered to them that they would explain later.

Severus Snape was looking straight at her with a disappointed and jealous look on his pale face, but she decided not to meet his eyes. She didn't want to think about him. She didn't want to think about any Slytherin, because Slytherins were close to Death Eaters, and Death Eaters were close to Lord Voldemort.

She knew that it wasn't the case for all of them, but in that moment she just wished there were only three houses, and that the snakes would disappear forever. She took Sirius' hand in hers and entwined their fingers. He gave her a sad smile, and held her hand tighter.

Everybody noticed, but the two Gryffindors didn't care.

He needed to feel her close, and she needed the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm depressed over the kudos, comments and bookmarks I've lost. Rip. If you love me let me know. Bye. X


	11. So Speak To Me, Believe Me

"You really are annoying"

"Yeah, everybody tells me so…" whispered Madeline, as Alice giggled.

"Right, Mads, but we have to concentrate now, or we won't pass Flitwick's test."

"Sorry, Al. I just have a lot on my mind"

"Do you?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. "Like… A boy?"

"More than one…"

"What?!"

"Calm down, Alice. My best friends are boys, you know?"

"Ah, I understand."

"What about you? How are things with Frank?" she lowered her voice when Madame Pince shot her a deadly stare.

"Perfect as always. I think he may be the love of my life."

"That's so sweet, Al."

"Yeah…" the brunette whispered with a sweet tone.

"Listen, I don't want to distract you… I think I'll go lay down a bit before dinner…"

"Sure, Mads, no problem. See you later, then?"

"See you later, Al."

Madeline gathered her books and exited the library.

Some days had passed since Sirius' confession, but she just couldn't stop thinking about it. In a way, she felt that was making her grow up. It was making all of them grow up.

James and Remus had been as shocked as she when they had found out about Regulus, while Peter had been quite silent about the whole matter.

Anyway, things were changing fastly and they had to keep up with them.

She hadn't met with Snape since that day. He just hadn't showed up to their meetings anymore. Madeline wasn't surprised by that, even if it bothered her immensely. Anytime she tried to approach him, in order to explain the situation to him, he would just sneer and go into a different direction before she could reach him.

Madeline was sorry about that; she knew he was probably angry for having seen her appear with Sirius in class. Everybody in Hogwarts was talking about the two of them shagging in some broom closet before Transfiguration. She thought McGonagall had heard about that too, for she had started sending menacing looks to both Sirius and she.

Once, she would have been completely furious about that rumour. But now, she had greater things on her mind.

When she reached the Gryffindor Common Room, she found the Marauders chatting around the fireplace.

They all had a serious tone and spoke in low voices. Madeline knew why. There would be a full moon the following day.

"Hey Mads" they said in unison when they noticed her entering the room.

"Hey guys" she greeted back, "May I have the map today?"

"Why?" asked James, suspiciously. He had wanted to talk to her the previous day to ask her about Snape. Prongs had brutally told her that the Slytherin would end up making her suffer just like he had done with Lily.

Madeline had thanked him for his concern, and she had told him she could look after herself just fine.

She knew he was keeping her in check; James was like that.

"None of your business, Prongs." She crossed her arms, "So?"

"I'll retrieve it for you." Said Remus, giving her a tired smile. He already looked pretty weak.

Sirius was looking at her with a curious air, but said nothing. He too had been very thoughtful lately.

"Thank you Moony" she said with a smile when Remus came back from his dormitory and handed her the Marauder's map. "See you at dinner boys" she added, and walked out of the Common Room, not even waiting for their goodbyes.

She made sure nobody was watching her, and touched the bit of parchment with the tip of her wand while reciting, "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."

The map took life. How she loved that object. It was just… Magical.

She looked around the various rooms of Hogwarts drawn on the old piece of paper, searching for a particular person. Snape couldn't avoid her for life; he had to confront her. She had to explain.

She hoped he wouldn't be in the Slytherin Common Room, and luck was on her part, because he wasn't. She knew he wasn't in the library, for she had already been there. She scanned the map for some time before finally founding him.

He was alone, in the Dungeons, in what appeared to be an unused classroom. Madeline wasted no time and headed towards the darkest part of the Castle.

She hated being in the Dungeons; the air there was dreadfully humid, and there was so little light she could barely see the expressions on other people's faces.

Maybe that was the reason Snape liked them. They were the perfect place to hide from everyone.

She checked the map once more, and after some more wandering, she finally found herself in front of the right classroom.

"Mischief managed" she whispered and the Map went blank once again. She shrank it with a quick spell and put it into her bra; she was wearing a skirt, and she had to keep the map safe.

Madeline gathered all of her courage and patience and entered the room.

A strong smell of herbs stroke her nostrils, and when she closed the door behind herself she was enveloped in a cloud of white smoke.

She used her wand to extinguish it, and instantly her sight cleared, and she saw the distinctive figure of Severus Snape bent over a cauldron.

When he heard steps approaching, he sharply looked into her direction, and sneered.

"How did you find me?"

"I have my secrets, just like you have yours." She just replied, shrugging.

Snape stared at her for some time before speaking again. "What do you want?"

"I want you to listen to me."

"Why would I? So you can humiliate me more?"

"Sev-"

"Enough with you excuses, Green. People had just started talking about… Something… Happening between us, you know?" he said, adding something to his potion. "Your plan was actually taking form…"

"I didn't care about my plan anymore, it was stupid."

"Yes it was, but I helped you nonetheless. Merlin, how foolish of me." He snorted, "And then, just when everybody started thinking we were dating, what did you do? You showed up with Black, both of you looking like you shagged the hell out of each other."

"But we didn't!"

"I don't care" he stated, raising his voice. He was humiliated. "Now you know what everybody's telling?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I'm quoting: 'that slimy git really thought the Gryffindor Princess would date him? Sirius is fucking her under his nose'." He said, while his hands closed in fists. "I did want to believe you when you told me you actually wanted to get to know me. But I was a fool." He said, "Now go back to you friends and don't ever talk to me again."

Snape tore his gaze away from her with a disgusted air and concentrated back on his cauldron. Maybe he was used to Lily, the gentle, fragile girl, who would cry and run away from him when being hurt. But Madeline just wasn't like that.

Madeline thought for some minutes about what to tell him. She hadn't imagined he'd feel so… Betrayed.

She knew she had done nothing bad; she had just helped her best friend when he had most needed her. Why was it her fault everybody was talking shit about Snape? Teenagers were like that, after all.

"Severus, listen to me for once in your life." She stated, stepping closer to him.

He looked at her with his cold, onyx eyes and said nothing, but she knew he was furious.

"Sirius is my best friend. You won't change that." She told him, "You know why we showed up late to class, and both looking like a mess? Because he had just told me that his brother will become a fucking Death Eater." She said, and Severus couldn't help but gape slightly while acknowledging that piece of information. "He told me this little kid I've always seen hanging 'round Hogwarts, searching desperately for a place in this world, has decided to become a server of You-Know-Who. No, a server of Voldemort."

"Don't say his name."

"Make me", she dared, before taking a deep breath. "I fucking hate Voldemort, Severus. I fucking hate what he thinks and what he wants to do. He's a bloody devil. He's the worst… Thing… To ever walk this Earth. And Regulus will devote himself to him. And you know what I thought when Sirius told me so?" she asked.

He stared at her, but said nothing. He was waiting for her to continue. She had his attention.

She sighed, "I thought of you, of your desire to do the same. To become a fucking Death Eater." She spat out, "Don't even pretend it's not true." She told him when he raised an eyebrow. "I felt real desperation inside of me, because I don't know Regulus that much, but I know you… And you're amazing, Severus. You're clever, passionate, sarcastic. But I can't save you…" she said and stepped even closer, so much that he felt her hand brush his. "You won't let me, I know that." She sighed. "Maybe one day you'll realize that you're not doing the right thing, but I know that now I can't do anything, anything at all, to help you."

"I don't want you to help me."

"And this makes me feel miserable, Severus. Because I don't fucking care what anyone says. I care for you, you stupid fool." She almost shouted, "So much I couldn't bear to look at you in Transfiguration class."

"That's a well-made excuse, Green."

She stared into those infinite pools of black, and raised her chin.

"Read my mind."

"What?"

She raised an eyebrow, "I know you're a Legilimens. You practiced legilimency on me the first time I met you. Only then, I know." She said, "I felt your presence inside my mind. I let you in. My father thought me Occlumency, you know?"

He looked surprised by her affirmation, for he asked, "Did you read my mind?"

"I'm not a Legilimens. I can only practice Occlumency. My father thought it necessary to teach me that art."

"He's a wise man."

"He is." She said. "Read my mind, Severus. Go back to that morning, feel what I felt."

She didn't want to betray Sirius, but she knew Severus would never trust her if he didn't hear what she had heard. She trusted him not to use that memory against Sirius.

He seemed to think about that for some time, before nodding.

He took his wand from his back pocket, and looked into her bright, blue eyes.

"Legilimens!" he muttered with his deep, velvety voice, and she let him feel what she had felt when Sirius had told him about Regulus, she let him see their desperate hug as they both cried. She could feel Severus' feelings too. She felt jealousy when they relived the intimate hug that she had shared with Sirius.

And then he ended the contact, for he had understood.

They stared at each other for some time.

"Do you believe me?"

"…I guess."

She sighed, and smiled at him. "I'm so sorry for hurting you, Sev."

"Apology accepted."

She smiled wider.

"What?" he asked.

"You let me call you Sev."

He shrugged, "I didn't notice." He muttered. But he had indeed noticed.

"He fancies you, you know that?" He said.

She raised an eyebrow, "Who?"

"Are you kidding, right?"

"What?"

"Black. He fancies you. Madly. It's evident."

Madeline laughed, then. "No way! Sirius' my best friend."

"Yeah, and Lily was mine."

The strength of his affirmation struck her. She had never thought of Sirius in that way. She knew he was a handsome boy, but to her he was just… Padfoot.

"Do you really think so?"

"I don't think so, I know so." He said, annoyed. "Everybody knows. It's written on his face."

"I've never suspected it…"

"Are you that naïve?"

She shrugged, "Apparently."

"Would you date him?" Severus asked after some minutes.

Madeline looked at him, "I… don't know. Honestly."

"You're too much for him."

She smirked, "Is that a compliment?"

"I really think nothing of him."

"Oh, so I'm just… Slightly better than him?"

"Sort of" he said, and couldn't help but grin back.

"What are you doing here, all alone?" she asked him, then.

Severus looked back at the potion. "Brewing helps me forget. It calms me. Plus, no students would come here willingly, so I have few chances to meet anyone."

Madeline approached him, and went to stand right between the cauldron and him.

"Oh, so nobody will interrupt us if I do this…?" she whispered in a low tone, and kissed him. It was an offer of peace, and a way to definitely break the tension which had created between them.

She thought for a moment he wouldn't respond, because she felt nothing from his part, but then Severus' hands were on her hips, and he was bending his head to kiss her better.

She sucked on his lower lip and he moaned. She smiled at him and said, "I've missed you".

He kissed her again, and she opened her mouth so that he could slip his tongue in it. Snape lost no time in doing so. They snogged for some time before separating for some air.

"Madeline…" he whispered.

"Yeah?" she asked, caressing his scalp while leaving a trail of kisses on his neck.

"I can't say I won't do just like Regulus."

She stiffened at his confession, and looked into his eyes. He looked sad. "I know", she breathed, then, and sighed. "And I hate you for this… But I can't stay away from you. I don't know what you did to me… But I like you."

He closed his mouth, and his lips pressed tightly together. "I'll make you suffer."

"I know."

"But I don't want you to suffer."

She studied him for a second, her breath catching in her throat, "You can be so sweet when you want." She said, "It destabilizes me."

He blushed slightly at that, "I'm only being sincere."

She slowly nodded "Well... What do you suggest, then?"

"There are two options." He dryly said, as if he had already thought about that. "We can see each other for as long as we're schoolkids... Enjoy our time together... And then, you know, life will probably tear us apart."

"Or?"

"Or we can say goodbye, now. Forget about each other…"

She shook her head. "No. No, I don't think I can do that. I _don't_ want to forget…"

He gave her a timid smile. "I don't, either..." He admitted, and when she made to kiss him again, he hesitated.

She raised an eyebrow at that. "What?" She asked, questioningly.

Severus seemed amused, then, and his expression turned inquisitive. "Are you sure about your decision? Because if you are, then I..." He took a breath, "I don't want you seeing _anyone_ else."

"I'm not seeing anyone else!!", She retorted.

He rolled his eyes at that, "Well, I also don't want you to act like Black's girlfriend."

"I actually didn't know I acted like his girlfriend..." she complained, and almost pouted. "But I'll pay attention."

Snape looked satisfied. "Then… I-I think we can continue... to get to know each other."

She almost giggled. "Right."

"Oh, and also… You should stop messing with Rathbone."

Her eyes widened in amusement. "Come ooon, Sev… He's a Professor!"

He shook his head. "He's _a man_."

"Mmm, I'll keep that in mind" she whispered, before losing her patience and kissing him again.

Severus reciprocated immediately, and helped her sit on the table near the cauldron, before positioning himself between her legs to be closer to her.

He loved kissing her, feeling her hands roam over his body, or her fingers caressing his hair. He loved brushing her tongue with his, biting her full lips, feeling her hot breath on his mouth.

She interrupted the kiss and leaned her forehead against his.

"What are you brewing?" she asked.

"Draught of living death."

"Fuck, Sev! You were really angry!"

He smirked, "Yeah. It's one of my favourite potions, actually."

"It suits your figure. The dark, cold Professor Snape."

He couldn't help but feel a shiver of excitement run through his body as she called him that.

"I haven't given you a single lesson yet."

"But you will, won't you?"

"If you still want me to."

"Of course I do. Slughorn's on my back."

He laughed, even if briefly. "That man's on everyone's back."

"I suppose."

"Do you want to come to Hogsmeade with me?" He spat out then, as if struck by a sudden thought.

Madeline gave him a big smile, "Saturday afternoon?"

He nodded.

"I'd love to, babe."

He rolled his eyes at her pet name. "Okay." He said.

"Okay." She replied.

He gave her a peck on the lips, and smiled.


	12. Does He Take Care Of You? Or Could I Easily Fill His Shoes?

"So… Hogsmeade today?", cheerily asked Peter.

Madeline looked at him and said nothing, while laying on Remus' bed.

"Sure, I miss Rosmerta", answered Sirius with a grin plastered on his face.

"And I miss Butterbeers", said James, sitting on his bed and playing with a golden snitch.

Moony came back from the loo in that moment, and seated next to Madeline.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, absent-mindedly, while wearing his shoes.

"Hogsmeade" the other boys said in unison.

Madeline deeply sighed, then, and gathered all her courage; it was time for her to say it.

"Actually, guys, I'm not going with you... I have a date."

"What?" asked James, surprised, catching the snitch and staring at her, "With whom?"

Sirius had raised an eyebrow at her announcement, and was now looking at her with curiosity.

Madeline wondered if Snape was right about Padfoot's feelings towards her. She had never seen anything strange on his side. They had been friends for six years… And Sirius had always been a flirty boy… Merlin, he was so similar to her! How was she supposed to notice him acting strange? She couldn't just ask her best friend if he was romantically interested in her… That would had been embarrassing!

She gave them a little smile, "Ok, I'll tell you... But don't freak out..."

"It's Snape", muttered James.

"...and promise not to interfere with it!"

"Definitely Snape" agreed Sirius, with a disgusted face.

The girl giggled and turned to Remus, "It's Severus." She confirmed.

He nodded, his eyes widened, and he couldn't help but laugh.

"So… _Why_ exactly are you going out with him?" asked James.

She snickered, crossing her arms. "Well, Prongsie, when a girl and a boy like each other…"

"You like him?" questioned Sirius aloud, with a firm tone. "Like, actually _fancy_ him?"

She stared into his beautiful grey eyes and nodded. "I'm afraid so."

"So you've lost the bet." Said Peter, staring wide-eyed at his friend.

"That's not the only thing I've lost…" he muttered to himself, and stood up. "So, I guess that you two are together now?"

"No, we're not." Said Madeline, surprised at Sirius' contained reaction. She had expected him to freak out, or at least to yell at her. After all, Snape was his worst enemy. They had hated each other since they had first met, years prior, on the Hogwarts Express.

"We're just… Getting to know each other, I think", she declared.

"Merlin, Mads, I'm trying not to vomit…" James said with a pitched tone of voice. "Why Snivellus out of all people?" he asked.

"You wouldn't understand… And stop calling him that! I won the bet, so I deserve it!"

"Fine" he replied, "But only in front of you…"

"No, also towards him. You mustn't call him that foul name anymore."

James snorted, "I can't swear because I'm afraid I won't be able to contain myself."

"Care to try, at least, Prongs?"

"Sure… Just for you… But I don't approve of this! And I hope you'll dump him! And if he makes you suffer, no, when he makes you suffer, because he will do that…"

"James" she growled.

"…No, Mads, listen to me. I will protect you no matter what. Just tell Snape _I_ 'll be observing him."

Remus put a hand on her shoulder, giving her a reassuring smile. "And _I_ 'll be observing James."

"Thank you Moony"

"I-I'm with James!" said Peter, then, as if feeling forced to say something, "If Snape hurts you, I-I will beat him."

They laughed at little Pete's threat. Sirius didn't.

He was staring at her with a scowl on his handsome face. His grey eyes looked distant, vacant.

"Pads?" she said, looking up at him, "Tell me what you think."

"You know what I think, Madeline."

"Tell me you'll love me anyway."

His face softened at her words, and he gave her a gentle smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Of course I will. It's not like you're marrying him… Plus, I stand with James. If he hurts you, he pays."

She felt relieved, then. She couldn't risk to lose her best friends. They were everything to her.

"So, I guess I should go and prepare myself." She said, then, before standing up from Remus's bed. She gave Sirius one last, thankful smile, and then greeted them all goodbye, while leaving their dormitory.

When she was gone, the Marauders exchanged concerned looks.

James approached Sirius, and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, mate."

"For what?"

"Drop the act. We all know you like Mads. It's written all over your face."

Sirius looked up at his best friend, and raised an eyebrow. "Is it? Then, why can't she see that?"

"I think she doesn't want to, Pad." Said Remus. "Because she's afraid of ruining your friendship."

"So, she goes out with fucking _Snape_?" growled Sirius, now trembling with suppressed rage.

Pretending not to be angry had been so difficult for him; but he had managed to do that, because Madeline had been standing there, staring at him with her sweet, blue eyes.

He had done it for her.

It pained him immensely that she had looked so happy about the idea of going out with that… Slytherin scum.

"You know Mads, Pads." Said James, "She likes mysteries. And Snape's one."

Remus nodded, "Yeah... And we're just sixteen, Sirius. Crushes come and go."

Sirius seemed lost in thought, then. "So... you think it will soon end between them?"

"I don't know…", Moony replied. "But we can't exactly predict the future, can we?"

"I suppose we can't…" said Sirius.

Prongs sat next to him. "Listen Pads, Snape's about to become a Death Eater. You know that. If Regulus will do that, then why should he not? He's much more interested in the dark arts than your brother is."

"That's true…" the boy muttered, "Do you think we're doing the wrong thing? Letting him get that close to her, I mean…" he turned to James. "She's our Madeline, Prongs."

James looked at him for a long moment. They had always agreed on everything, and he was feeling as scared as Sirius at the prospect of Madeline developing feelings for Snape.

"I think you've done the most mature thing you could do." Intervened Remus, "You let her decide for herself. She knows you guys both love her. And now she knows you'll always be there for her, in spite of everything." He smiled. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks?" they said in unison, before Sirius spoke again. "Did she doubt it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly. "That we'd always be there for her, no matter what…?

"You know how she took all the Animagi's thing." Remus reminded him.

"Yeah, she was furious about that." Agreed James.

"True… But we're letting Snape stay with her, talk to her, touch her…" said Sirius with a painful look in his eyes.

"We can't force her into doing anything, Pads." Remus stated, giving him a gentle smile. "We'll soon be of age, after all… It's time that each one of us takes his own choices." He continued. "Dark times are awaiting us, never forget that..."

"What are you trying to say, Moony?" Prongs asked.

"That we have to trust each other. I trust Madeline when she tells me Snape's not that bad. I know she would never side with… Death Eaters. If she feels like meeting with that boy, let her. We have so little time left here, in Hogwarts… We should enjoy these days while we can."

"Wow Moony… When have you become this wise?" asked James, and Remus noticed Peter staring admiringly at him.

He blushed, "Fuck off, James."

They all giggled.

"Yeah but…" Sirius began saying, "Prongs, what would you say if Lily dated Snape? If she actually fancied him?"

James clenched his jaw, "I would hate that, I would continue to hate him… But what could I do? I'd just want her to be happy..."

Sirius said nothing, but Remus saw a million thoughts gravitating behind his eyes.

"So… How long have you been fancying dear Madeline?" asked James, then.

"Oh… Since last summer, I guess? When you went back to your parents, and Remus to his, and Madeline offered me to spend some time with her in Muggle London in her parents' flat..." he said, and smiled, as if reliving those moments, "Those were the best days of my life. I had never felt so free and loved before."

Remus and James exchanged a knowing smile.

"And now I've lost her to fucking Snape…" said Sirius, his face darkening.

"You haven't lost her, Pads." Stated James.

"Yeah, don't be so negative." Suggested Remus.

"Madeline will certainly get tired of him!" squeaked Peter. "Who would prefer him to you?"

Sirius stared at him, and nodded. He knew his friends were trying to cheer him up, but he couldn't help but think he had just lost the love of his life, without even fighting for it.

He shook that thought away when James proposed him to fly a bit before going to Hogsmeade.

He looked at his brother, and his warm, knowing smile, made him feel better.

As long as they had each other, Sirius thought, he would be just fine.


	13. Hogsmeade

Snape was leaning against a wall near to the entrance of the Castle; his arms were crossed, and he was dressed in some simple, yet elegant, black robes. He had been waiting for Madeline for some time now, but he didn't mind. She was always late… He had grown fond of that part of her.

When the girl finally reached him, she was glad to notice that he didn't look nervous at all.

That made her smile. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable when other people saw the two of them together.

Of course, his lack of nervousness had a reason: Severus' friends were all miles away from Hogwarts. They had all gone home to get prepared for the marking ceremony. It was definitive, by then: it would take place during the Christmas holidays.

But Madeline couldn't know that.

Snape had found out about that recently, too, when Avery had asked him to accompany him, and meet his family.

Even if tempted to accept his offer, Snape had declined his invitation, and he had told him that he had to serve detention with McGonagall.

The truth was: he didn't want to spend his afternoon in a dark, gloomy Manor, being judged by Purebloods who would probably tell him he wasn't good enough to serve the Dark Lord. He was aware that his fellow Slytherins thought very little of him; he would prove himself better than them all in front of the Dark Lord, one day. He held on to that.

Luckily, Avery, even if suspicious, hadn't investigated further on his made-up detention.

And now, looking at the Gryffindor girl standing before him, he felt glad he had stayed at Hogwarts.

"Hello love" she greeted him, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Some younger students who were passing by them gaped in surprise at that.

Snape addressed them a threatening stare and they immediately ran away, looking intimidated.

Madeline laughed, "No need to scare children, Professor Snape", she said, though she liked when he acted bossy; it sent a shiver of excitement through her spine.

"They're annoying", he replied, rolling his eyes, and taking in her appearance.

She was wearing muggle clothes: a short, dark-green dress, which marked her slender shape with a black belt around the waist. She wore light black tights that beautifully wrapped around her long legs. She had put on some light makeup, and the veil of lipstick on her full lips made him want to kiss her.

"Quit staring, love."

"You look gorgeous." He muttered.

"You're not that bad yourself", she said, smirking at him and taking his hand in hers. She then pulled him with her out of the Castle and towards Hogsmeade.

Her cloak billowed around her when the cold breeze brushed against her beautiful figure.

Snape thought, then, that she had never looked that beautiful.

He let her entwine their hands together. He was not used to that kind of contact, but he didn't mind it.

Madeline's warmth spread through him too.

He usually didn't like going to Hogsmeade; he only did that if he had to buy something. Sometimes he even ventured there to pick a book to read.

None of the things that appealed other students struck his curiosity, after all.

He had enjoyed going to The Hog's Head, once or twice; the bartender, Aberforth, was a curious man. He reminded him of someone, but he couldn't quite understand whom...

"So, what do you want to do?" asked Madeline, breaking his train of thoughts.

"Honestly? Just snog you." He said in a low, sincere voice.

The girl's head snapped at him; she had an amused look in her eyes.

"Merlin, what have I done to you!?", she asked, and he couldn't help but smirk back at her. "But seriously, what?"

"I told you, Green. Now, choose something to do and I'll do it."

"Fine", she said, shrugging, "I want to drink. Actually, I'd like to get drunk, but it's too early to do that…"

He raised an eyebrow, "Why would you like to get drunk?"

"Oh, I don't know. It just clears my mind. It scares away concerns and thoughts, you know. Have you ever tried that?"

"No."

"Well, sooner or later you will. And you'll understand." She said, "Don't judge me, I'm not a heavy drinker or something. It's only that sometimes my friends and I throw a little party and go down with Firewhiskey." She explained, giggling.

"I suppose it's always Black's idea." He growled.

"Almost always, I'm not an angel myself."

"I know that."

She winked at him, before halting in her steps, and turning to look at him.

He was taller than her, so he had to look down to actually stare into her blue eyes.

"What?" he questioned.

"I just wanted to do this." She said, and stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

He let his tongue caress her lips before entering her mouth. Madeline's fingers threaded through his hair. The kiss didn't last long, for she retreated (too soon for his liking) and grabbed his hand again, "Let's go to The Three Broomsticks!" she said, and led him to the pub.

Snape let her bring him to a quiet corner, one where they could talk without being easily seen. It was a strategic position if one wanted to be left alone; even if the place was full of people, the spot was hardly visible.

"I'm afraid my friends will come here." She explained.

"Why? Didn't you tell them you'd come with me?" he asked, a sneer of his face.

"I did tell them, silly. It's just that I don't want to see them glaring at you and you glaring at them." She said, "Stop being obnoxious."

He knitted his brows, "I'm always obnoxious."

"No, you're not. So drop the mask, okay? You're with me; you should trust me by now." She told him, and he just shrugged.

Madam Rosmerta was the owner and bartender of the place; Snape had seen her talking and laughing with both Potter and Black numerous times.

She spotted them after some minutes, and immediately reached them, before giving Madeline a malicious smile and taking their order.

"Ros likes gossiping" the girl told him after she had gone to retrieve their drinks. "Every time I bring a date here, she always observes us, and then, when the date steps away for a bit, she comes here and asks me everything about him."

Snape snorted. "She's annoyingly nosy, then."

"Yeah" Madeline agreed, and then smiled, "But I can't help loving her. She's such a kind person…" She said, fondly.

"Mmm" he muttered, while the woman in question brought them two butterbeers. "If you say so."

While they sipped on their drinks, Madeline started telling him about her plans for the immediate future. She told him that she would spend the Christmas holidays with her parents, and that she would then visit James and Sirius. They would also go all together to Muggle London.

"I would ask you to join us if I knew you'd accept." She said, then.

"Yeah, but fortunately you know me well enough not to invite me." He replied, drinking from his glass. "I don't care about coming, actually." He added, "I don't like Muggle places."

She pouted at him, then. "I love them. They're so fascinating."

He shrugged, "I've only seen desolate places."

"Maybe I should show you better ones."

He looked at her, then. "You could."

She smiled at him, and they looked at each other for some time. They did that quite a lot. The connection between them was evident.

He took another sip from his glass, and when he put it down, Madeline leaned into him, who was standing at her side, and kissed him.

He moaned into her mouth, surprised by the sudden action, and brought a hand to the back of her neck. His long, bony fingers massaged her scalp while she gripped his sweater. She loved his scent, so strong and at the same time so delicate.

She bit his lip and he reciprocated by planting a kiss on a particularly sensible spot on her neck. She let out a sigh and he smiled before kissing her again. He tasted like Butterbeer, and his lips were a bit cold. But she loved every single moment of their snogging session.

They eventually separated. Severus stared at her, a curious look on his pale face. He loved kissing her. Merlin, he was a boy. He woul kiss her all the time if he could. But she was supposed to be different. She had kissed lots of guys before him.

"Why do you keep doing that?

She raised an eyebrow, "Because you're so kissable."

Nobody had ever told him so, and he threw her an astonished look.

"What?" she said, "Do you want me to stop?"

He sighed, "No, I didn't mean that."

"Come on, Sev. Be more confident. You're desirable." She stated, and leaned to whisper in his ear, "I desire you. Have I made myself clear?" She said, and he shivered, and then he nodded and she pulled away from him. The girl sweetly smiled, then, like nothing had happened.

Such a tease she was.

They drank their Butterbeers in silence for some time.

Snape kept stealing glances at Madeline; he couldn't believe someone so beautiful would find him desirable. Merlin knew how much he desired her, too.

But then again… Severus knew he would never truly have her.

Because he was certainly mean, and cold, and too weak to deny her, to deny himself, the possibility of knowing each other, of spending the rest of their time in school together… But he was certainly not cruel.

He couldn't use her...

He knew that she secretly hoped he would change his mind and become a better person. And yet, he couldn't force himself to do that.

Every kiss she gave him made him feel guilty.

She had such a good heart. His, on the other hand, was totally ruined, shattered, rotten.

That simple thought made him sigh, and tear his gaze away from her.

Like every other thing he had loved and wanted in his life, even Madeline would be taken away from him, sooner or later. And it was his fault, only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like and comment if you like this so far!


	14. Nobody Said It Was Easy, oh, It's Such A Shame For Us To Part

Madeline kept meeting with Severus, and they talked and snogged and got to know each other better.

She found in him a great listener; he seemed to really care about what she had to say.

Severus, on the other hand, was afraid.

He had started thinking about her _all the time_ ; he had only really cared about one person in his life, and he had lost her.

He couldn’t forget how that had terribly hurt him.

He wanted to be cautious, and so he restrained his pulses. He would have kissed her all the time if he had been free from those thoughts.

Everything complicated as the weather became colder, and December approached.

Severus’ fellow Slytherins began pestering him about his intentions. Avery and Mulciber would take the mark during the Christmas holidays; the Dark Lord had ordered their parents to prepare them for the ceremony.

They told him all that, and they asked him to do the same; to finally swear to serve him _for life._

Severus knew that Regulus Black would be there too. Madeline had told him that some time before, after all. Not that it had been a surprise.

The thought warmed his heart.

If Regulus, who was younger and weaker than him, was brave enough to take it, then he was brave enough, too.

It was a childish thought, he knew that, but it helped him get through the days, nonetheless.

He knew what he wanted, and he would get it. He had been wanting to become a Death Eater for some time, by then... But to actually make it _official_ … Was another thing entirely.

He felt as if, by doing so, he would leave his innocence and youth behind him forever.

But then again, his willingness to completely embrace the darkness made him aware of the fact that he had already left those things behind…

It was only when he met with Madeline... That he felt... Unsure... About everything. She made him question his choices without even knowing it.

The look of pure joy on her face... Her tender lips that carried the taste of sweet things he never had… Those things made him feel terribly _jealous_.

Jealous, because he’d never been that young and hopeful.

She knew nothing about the real world, or so he thought, but she had everything that he had lost.

He began looking at her during all classes, then, trying to take in all her details. Trying to impress into his memory forever the image of the girl who had accepted him for who he was, and by doing so, that had made him actually want to change.

He wasn’t ready to confess her anything yet. After all, she knew he would do it. And she had decided to stay by his side, nonetheless… It was her choice, entirely.

And then again, if she changed idea, she would still have her friends. Yes, Severus was _grateful,_ though it cost him do admit so, that she had them, at least.

He wouldn’t blame her if she changed her mind and decided not to be friends with a Death Eater anymore.

He would be sorry to let Madeline go... but he couldn’t change who he was.

He had known her for too little to change his entire life because of her.

His path was decided already. He was a Slytherin. He was devoted to the dark.

December came, and when the snow started falling, he told Avery and Mulciber that he would do it.

His meetings with Madeline had decreased towards the end of the school term; the Professors had given them tons of homework, and also exams had stood in their way.

They had only managed to see each other when he had helped her with Potions. He was a strict teacher, but he had to admit that she was not a bad potioneer, but only a lazy one.

She had made him laugh with her funny expressions when he had suggested her not to follow the book’s instructions and take his advices.

“What are you, the Mozart of Potions?” she had asked.

He had arched an eyebrow at that, while smirking. “I’m just good at it.”

“No, Sev, you’re a genius!” she had exclaimed, and smiled at him.

Madeline remained the only sparkle of light in his obscuring world. The only person in his life who made him feel _alive_.

Then exams came, and they went.

On the evening of December 22th, Severus left the Slytherin Common Room.

The following day, all students would take the Hogwarts Express and go back home, to spend the Holidays with their families.

Madeline had asked him to spend some time together, in order to say goodbye before the departure.

He had accepted her proposal without thinking about it twice, and he was now waiting impatiently in front of the Room of Requirement.

When she arrived, he instinctively smiled. She was wearing a long, burgundy sweater, that served as a dress, and knee-high, black leather boots. Her long, blond hair fell gracefully on her shoulders.

Madeline was holding a bottle in a hand, and two glasses in the other. Her face was flushed, as if she had come running.

“Sorry, I wasn’t late for once, but I decided to stop by the kitchens. I have Firewhiskey.” She mischievously explained, and he rolled his eyes.

“Such a debauched girl you are.”

She approached him and he gave her a smirk.

“Come on babe, let’s have a proper alcoholic little party!” she exclaimed, and they entered the Room.

It was warm inside, and they sat on the wool carpet, between the sofa and the armchair, facing each other.

Severus had only tasted Firewhiskey once, in his fourth year, when an older Slytherin, the former Head Boy Lucius Malfoy, had asked him to have a drink together and talk a bit. He had not liked it, but he had pretended to appreciate it anyway, wanting to look cool in front of the notorious Pureblood.

Madeline opened the bottle and poured them both a decent dose of Firewhiskey.

She raised her glass and encouraged him to do the same.

“To us?” she proposed.

“To us” he agreed.

The girl in front of him immediately drank all the content of her glass in one sip. She then sighed.

“Dreadful…” she commented, and he looked at her with a questioning stare. “I hate the taste; it either goes down all in a gulp, or it doesn’t.” she stated, giving him a big smile.

“If you hate it, why did you pick it?”

“It’s the only alcohol in Hogwarts; it’s from Slughorn’s stocks. I told the House Elves he wanted me to retrieve it for him.”

“But what about when he finds out?”

“He’ll probably let it go. It’s Christmas, Sev! Everybody’s kinder!”

He raised an eyebrow, “If you say so…” he grumbled.

“Come on, enough talking. Drink it all!”

“Is it necessary?”

She pouted, “Would you deny your dear friend some fun?” she asked.

He looked into her blue eyes; they were mesmerising. He wished he could stare into them forever. He felt at peace when he did so. He didn’t feel the need to put on a mask, or to lie, when he did so.

He downed the entire glass, and the liquor burnt while falling down his throat. He moaned. “It’s good”, he said. He actually appreciated it; maybe time had changed his taste, as it had changed so many other things.

“I’m glad at least _you_ like it.” She said, and poured them both another glass of Firewhiskey.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Absolutely” she said, flashing him a teasing grin. “But you don’t have to shot this one. I’ll go easy on you, darling.”

“Are you daring me?”

“No, I’m actually serio…” he drowned the content of his glass before she could add anything.

“Sev!” she said, laughing, and raising her eyebrows, “I wasn’t joking! Two in a row? Wow!”

He felt his insides warm because of the alcohol, but he didn’t mind.

Madeline decided to take a large gulp to compensate his action, but didn’t finish her glass. Instead, she poured him some more liquor. It worked as felix felicis on him; he suddenly felt confident, and free, and not restrained at all.

They talked about their exams; they both thought they did good in all subjects. She thanked him for his help in Potions and he smiled. Madeline moved to seat next to him, and they both leaned their backs against the sofa, stretching their legs in front of them.

He crossed his legs and closed his eyes at some point, while Madeline, who had slightly turned her body towards him, her head posed on her arm, which laid on the sofa, told him about her Charms’ exam.

“Are you awake?” she whispered after some minutes.

“Yes, I’m only enjoying this moment.” He could feel her smiling.

She continued talking, and raised a hand to shift the hair from his face. Her voce was a pleasant sound.

“May I have another glass of Firewhiskey?” he asked then, opening his eyes.

She smiled, looking into his onyx orbs. They reflected the light of the fire, and they looked warmer than ever. “Are you sure?”

“Yes” he said, “I like its taste. And I’m thirsty.”

“Alright, big boy. But this is the last one…” she smirked at him, and poured a bit of liquor in his glass.

He took it and emptied it. Merlin, that drink was heavenly. It had cleared his head from any thought.

“Now I know what you meant when you said that getting drunk is a bliss.”

She laughed, “You’re not drunk, Sev. Just tipsy.” She smiled, “Slughorn’s Firewhiskey’s not the most powerful one. He’s not a drinker; he just enjoys fine things.”

“I like it anyway”

He turned his head too, and they found themselves staring at each other.

“I think I’ll miss you during these holidays” she said, then, and took his hand in hers.

He grinned, “I’ll probably miss you too.”

“Probably?”

“Yeah… Well… Definitely.”

She smiled. “You can write to me.” She said.

She looked so hopeful, and innocent. He knew she wasn’t, though.

“I don’t think I will, Madeline. My parents… They don’t appreciate who I am.”

He didn’t think he would actually say it, but he did.

“What?” she asked, shocked. “Why would you say so?”

He took a large breath, and let her hand go.

There was a long moment of silence before she spoke again, with the littlest voice. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t desire to. I want you to be comfortable. It’s our last evening together for some time…”

“No, it doesn’t matter. I want to tell you.”

“Really?”

“Yes” he sighed, “I trust you to keep it for yourself.”

“I will, Sev. I would never betray your trust.”

That pained him like he didn’t want to admit, but he just nodded.

“My father is a muggle. My mother is a witch. You know my book, the one you questioned me about… The Half-Blood Prince’s book.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I lied to you. It wasn’t a second hand book. I wrote all the notes. I am the Half-Blood Prince.”

She smiled, “I suspected that.”

He shot her a surprised look, “Did you?”

“Yes, but I didn’t want you to feel ashamed.”

He swallowed, then.

“Well… Thank you, I guess? Well, my mother’s surname’s Prince. And I’m a half blood.” He spat out.

“ _Severus_ …" she reprimanded him, "Don’t say it like it’s a bad thing.”

“But it is.”

“Only if you want it to be.” She stated.

He shook his head, “It doesn’t matter… Anyway, my father… He has never accepted magic. My mother’s been living like a ghost in her own house since the day she married him…” his hands trembled a bit, and he passed them through his hair, smoothing them back.

Madeline looked at the plays of light that the fire created on his pale face. They made him look younger.

“He never accepted me. When he found out I was a wizard… He went mad. My mother and I have suppressed our nature in front of him for all this time…”

“Merlin, Sev..." she whispered, "That's... horrible.”

“Yeah, it is.” He said, and clenched his jaw. “I once thought my mother and I had each other, at least. But as years go by, she becomes weaker. She doesn’t look at me anymore. She doesn’t ask me about school anymore. After third year, she even stopped writing to me... I think she’s about to die.” He sighed. “Once, they used to scream at each other all the time. Now she isn't even strong enough to do it…” he told her. She didn’t know what to say. She only felt extremely sad.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your pity, Madeline.”

“It’s not pity, Severus. It’s understanding. It’s caring. I’m here for you.”

He wasn’t looking at her, but she noticed his thankful nod nonetheless.

“But soon I’ll be of age.” He said, “And I’ll take my revenge. Once I can use magic, I will show him what he created…”

“No!” she exclaimed, suddenly. “Sev, how can you talk like this? That’s not who you are!”

“It is!” he almost shouted, turning towards her. “And you know it!”

“No!! No, I don't know _it_ , I know _you!_ And you're not like that!"

"You can't even imagine what he did to us!" He hissed, then, eyes widening and chest heaving.

He appeared totally furious and the look on his face made her want to cry.

"Stop" she breathed, then. "You’re... Scaring me", she said, looking into his mad eyes.

His stare softened a bit, then, but his facial traits maintained their stiffness.

She sighed. “Sev..." she pronounced, slowly, 'You’re _not_ evil. You’re _not_ aggressive… You’re _not_ a murderer!”

He exhaled, and his trembling hands closed in fists as he struggled to calm down. He failed. “That man has beaten me and my mother since the day I was born." He stated, "He’s never loved us... He _loathes_ us. He’d kill us if he could!”

She gasped, before finding her voice again. “Then... save her! Save yourself! Take her away from him, give her a new life!”

“I’ve tried, Madeline, but she won’t do it! She won’t! She’s already dead! I have no one!”

“You have me!”

“And I’ll lose you too!”

She held her breath, and looked at him. “Why would you say so?”

“Because I will do _it_ , whether you like it or not.”

“You will do _what_?”

“I’ll become a Death Eater” he said, “Just like Regulus Black.” He sighed. “And then I’ll kill my father.”

He expected her to scream at him, then, to hit him, and to run away.

Instead, she started crying. She put her face in her hands, and wept uncontrollably.

He stared at her, dumbfounded.

“Why are you crying?” he asked her.

She sobbed.

“Is it the alcohol?” he continued.

“It… is… _you_ ” she managed to say between sobs. “You're a stupid, _stupid_ boy.”

“I know.” He confessed. “But I can’t change that.”

She looked at him, while the tears kept rolling down her cheeks. “Please, don’t. Don’t kill him, Sev. I know you. You’re a good person with a bad character. Please.”

“I can’t swear on this, Madeline.”

“Please, Sev.”

“Drop it. I won’t.”

She observed him for some seconds before taking her glass of Firewhiskey and downing it.

Then she took the bottle, and drank some more.

“Stop it, Mads.”

“I want to get drunk. I want to forget.”

He took the bottle from her hands. “You knew who I am. Who I’d become.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it would hurt me that much.”

“Then you’re a stupid girl.”

“I am, Severus. And you know why? Because I know I should just leave you to your darkness, and run away. But I can’t help but think you’ll soon reason, and come back to the side of light.”

“You think I’m going to redeem myself?”

“At some point…”

He shook his head. “We shouldn’t talk about this anymore…" he only stated, then, looking uncomfortable, "As you said, it’s our last evening together for some time.”

She nodded, but he could see that she was still thinking about his too many confessions. She wasn’t at peace. Maybe if she hadn’t drunk that much, she would have slapped him and left him.

But she had. And he felt relieved by that.

The clock on the wall stroke midnight. The teenagers exchanged a look.

“This floor’s not comfortable at all” she muttered after some minutes.

“Let’s move away from it, then.” He said with his deep, velvety voice, and they both sat on the sofa.

“Fuck it. No need to act prude.” She blurted then, sounding annoyed by their sudden behaviour, and she pulled him to lay with her. Madeline rested her head on Severus' arm, and gripped his sweater with her fingers. They entangled their legs together, because there was little space for both of them. They stood there, face to face.

Onyx eyes into blues ones.

She put a kiss on his chin, and sighed, closing her eyes. “I wish we’d started seeing each other sooner.”

“No one could have changed me, Madeline.”

“That’s what you want to believe, Sev…”

He didn’t reply to that. Instead, he closed his eyes and took in her scent.

The girl smiled and left a trail of kisses on his jaw before putting her face in the crook of his neck.

They had never been that intimate. They had shared kisses, and caresses, but they had never laid together, embraced, like that.

Severus loved it. He loved that sensation.

“Will you be different when I’ll see you again?”

He knew what she was asking. He swallowed.

“Yes.” He confessed.

She sighed again. “Ok”

“Will you?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

“You’ll think a lot during these holidays.”

“Yes…”

“You’ll probably... Understand...things." he swallowed, "I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to… Stop seeing me.”

She looked into his eyes, but didn’t suppress his fears.

He knew that she, as well as he, could make no promises.

“Let’s just enjoy this moment while it lasts. Whatever happens tomorrow, we’ve had today.”

He looked at her longingly, then nodded. “We’ve had today.” He repeated, and put an arm around her to keep her closer to him.

As time passed, they both pretended to fall asleep. But they weren’t sleeping. The Firewhiskey’s effects had gone, and now they found themselves full of uncomfortable thoughts.

Severus reflected on what he had told her. He had definitely exposed himself. He had been so sincere, maybe too sincere. He blamed the alcohol. Truth be said, though, he felt relieved he had told her everything. Nobody knew about his family apart from Lily – and now Madeline.  
She knew what to expect of him. She knew what he would do. She knew about Tobias Snape.  
Severus had decided to kill him on the last day of summer, before returning to school.  
That day, his father had beaten his mother until she had started bleeding. And Severus had known what his path would be…

Next to him, Madeline reflected on what he had told her, too. She couldn’t deny that she was afraid. Was he really the monster he claimed to be? She knew he wasn’t. But could she forgive him if he actually took the Mark? If he killed his own father?  
She had always thought she could make him change… Maybe it had been foolish of her to believe she could make a difference. She had known him for only three months… And nonetheless, she felt already so attached to him. He probably didn’t feel the same. Why did he have to do it?  
He wasn’t forced to. And yet he would choose darkness.

Madeline had told him she would be there for him anyway. And while standing there, in his arms, hearing his heartbeat, she would say it again.

But would she be strong enough to actually do it?

Would she still like the boy if he carried the dark mark on his arm?

She didn’t think she would. And that pained her. She pushed those thoughts aside.

They hugged each other as if it was the last time, and eventually their breaths steadied.

Sleep claimed them for real, but, even while dreaming, they clung onto each other with a desperation they had never known before.


	15. Goodbye For Now

Madeline woke up. Her neck was hurting and she felt incredibly warm. She slowly opened her eyes and found herself staring at Severus.

He was asleep, and looked absolutely peaceful and innocent. Suddenly, memories of the confessions of the night before flooded in her mind. Madeline sighed deeply.

Tomorrow had come, after all.

She then realized he was still holding her in his arms; his grip wasn’t uncomfortable, but firm and loving, and it made her feel… Safe.

“If only you could see yourself with my eyes…” she whispered, and leaned onto him to give him a kiss on the neck.

The boy did not move, but kept sleeping like a baby. She had imagined him to be a light sleeper. She gave him some more pecks on the jaw, and one on the lips. He did not move.

She smiled, before casually looking at the clock above the fireplace and cursing.

“Fuckin’ hell, Sev, wake up!” she shouted, jumping to her feet.

The boy’s onyx eyes shot open with shock and she gave him an alarmed look.

“It’s 10.30” she said, “The train leaves in half an hour!”

He jumped to his feet too and they both ran out of the Room of Requirement without even greeting each other goodbye.

They had evidently missed breakfast, and they still had to change themselves and bring their trunks to the station.

Madeline found the Gryffindor Common Room to be completely empty. She took the fastest shower of her life; she just couldn’t carry around the smell of Firewhiskey. She changed into some comfortable clothes: black, bell-bottoms jeans and a black hoodie, which she had stolen from James, with the Gryffindor crest on it.

She let her blonde hair fall on her shoulders and she charmed the trunk to levitate behind her before hurriedly leaving her dormitory and running to the station.

No students were in the Castle anymore, and she felt panic building inside of her until she reached the train. She stored her trunk and jumped on board; no more than a minute later, the Express left the station.

She sighed with relief.

She felt sorry for not having said goodbye to Severus, but time had not been of their side. He would understand.

She started walking along the carriage until she reached the compartment she was looking for.

The Marauders were talking animatedly when she opened the door, and when they saw her, they all held their breaths. That lasted only a second, obviously.

“Mads!! Merlin’s pants!! I thought you were dead or something!” shouted James, jumping to his feet.

She raised an eyebrow at him, “And if I were, you’d just leave me?”

The boy stammered, “W-well… Of course not! Where were you?”

Four pairs of eyes settled on her. Sirius and James looked extremely curious, Remus was giving her a soft yet interested look, and Peter was just waiting for her to answer, his brows knitted.

She closed the door behind her and took her usual seat: near the window, next to Remus, in front of Sirius.

“Yesterday night I met with Snape in the Come and Go Room to wish him a Merry Christmas…”, Padfoot snorted at that. “We talked a lot, and lost track of time… Well, we sort of fell asleep, okay?” she said, crossing her arms and blushing slightly.

They all stared at her for some minutes, before making a disgusted sound.

“I don’t want to know anything else… Ew!” James shut his eyes, “Falling asleep next to Snape? It’s probably worse than snogging Slughorn! Imagine snogging Slughorn, Wormtail!”

The smaller boy shook his head, paling. “That sounds terrible, Prongs!”

“How could you come up with that as a comparison?” asked Moony, sounding bewildered and amused at the same time.

After some seconds of silence, also Sirius spoke up. “I wouldn’t know about Slughorn... But maybe Prongs has tried that…” he said, smirking, and making all of them laugh. James hit him in his kidneys, and Sirius laughed louder. “Snape, though! Can you imagine that, Prongs? You wake up with every best intention, and you see that dear Snivellus has left a stain of grease on your pillow!”

“I can’t _even_ think about it, Pads! It’s too much to handle!!” commented James, nodding fiercely.

Madeline looked at them disapprovingly as they all laughed again.

She shook her head but said nothing. She had actually expected them to yell at her... But it seemed that they had understood that what she did with Severus was none of their business.

Remus gently smiled at her, “I’ve missed you, Mads. Prongs has been talking about Lily since he's woken up!”

“Yeah, I can’t really stand him anymore” agreed Sirius, “Plus, we have to talk about Camden!”

Madeline cheered up at that, “You’re right!” she said, eyes shining with enthusiasm, as if she was still a kid. “I’m so excited to go! I’ve missed that place.”

“I’ve missed it too”, said Sirius, with a sweetness that normally didn’t belong to him.

James and Remus exchanged a knowing look, but Madeline didn’t notice.

“Did Alice and Lily agree to come?” asked James, then. “You’ve asked them, Mads, haven’t you?”

The girl suddenly looked at him, and blushed. “Ehmm….”

“Mads!!”

“I knew I had forgotten something!”

“No way!!” shouted James, pouting, “I can’t believe you did this to me!!”

“Come on, Prongsie, I’ll make it up for you. I’ll go and invite them now.” She said, rising to her feet.

He instantly smiled at her, “Alright, then!!” he exclaimed, “And don’t let them turn down your offer!”

She rolled her eyes and exited the compartment. James Potter was _such_ a child; the thought made her smile to herself.

The truth was that she loved him too much to deny him anything she could give him. He was really like a brother to her.

Sirius was just too… Sirius, for her, to consider him like a sibling. He was teasing, flirty… Sexy. She couldn’t see him as a brother. He was her best friend. Remus was her confidant. Peter… Well, she had not created a deep bond with the boy.

As she was walking through the carriage, looking for Alice and Lily, she suddenly spotted a familiar face.

She grinned, and suddenly opened the door to the compartment on her right.

Landon Avery, Alexander Mulciber, Demian Lakoff and Severus Snape all stared at her. They had been talking in low voices before her arrival, and Snape hadn’t seen her approaching their compartment.

Madeline hated his friends, but she wouldn't back off from doing something she wanted just because of them.

“Sorry for the interruption, boys… Sev, may I have a word?” she politely said.

She knew they disliked her for all the “blood traitor” shit they had in their minds. But she also knew that they respected her, for she was a Pureblood, nonetheless.

Severus turned slightly red in the face when she addressed him, but he stood up anyway and joined her in the corridor, closing the door right behind himself. He pulled his wand out of his pocket and muttered

“ _Muffliato_ ” towards his friends, without letting them see it.

She raised an eyebrow at him, questioningly.

“So they won’t hear us”, he explained.

She nodded, smirking at his cunningness.

“I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, Sev. I’m sorry we didn’t have time to say goodbye to each other this morning.”

He looked at her face with interest as she told him so. While he had deep, dark circles, she looked well rested, as if she had never been out of bed. The morning light reflected on her smooth skin, making her appear angelic.

“We shouldn't have fallen asleep there, it was… Foolish” he commented.

She laughed, “Yeah, well, we had a bit of Firewhiskey, didn’t we?”

“We did...” He said.

She raised a finger to caress his cheek, and to her surprise he didn’t flinch away. “Listen, I know you don’t want to talk about it but… If the situation at home gets too bad…” she whispered, handing him a tiny piece of paper, “This is my address. Don’t hesitate to come to me.”

He stared at it for some time, before finally taking it and putting it into his pocket.

“Thank you, Madeline.” He said, with the consciousness that he would never take on her invite. He would be marked in two days. She did not deserve to taint her childhood’s home with a Death Eater’s tears.

She smiled and pecked him on the cheek.

“See?”, she spoke into his ear, “I have no fear of being seen with you.” She pulled away, and winked at him.

Severus smirked, “Well, I’m a bit ashamed of being seen with you, on the other hand.”

She opened her mouth, shocked, “What?” she asked.

The side of his mouth turned up a bit, “That dreadful hoodie. I can’t look at it.”

He pointed at the Gryffindor crest on her chest, and understanding flashed in her eyes.

She shook her head, “Ha ha” she said. “Maybe I should steal some of your Slytherin ties.”

His eyes glimmered at the idea, “Maybe you should” he said.

The door behind him opened and Mulciber looked at them, “Have you finished? Snape, we’re waiting for you to resume our conversation.”

“Coming in a minute” replied Severus with his cold tone, and Mulciber went back inside his wagon.

The boy sighed as soon as his friend disappeared, and looked straight at her, “I’m sorry.”

She knew he was apologizing for far more than he was letting on.

“You don’t have to listen to him. We could find another wagon, stay together.”

He shook his head, and gave her an apologetic stare. “No, Madeline, we can’t…” he said. “But I appreciate what you did for me.”

“Did?”

He shrugged, “Forget it. Have a Merry Christmas” he said, caressing her hand with his own, “Babe” he added, mockingly, and gave her one last, significant, gaze, before going back to his friends.

Madeline moved on along the corridor, then, because she didn’t want to think about him anymore. It pained her to do so. That little chat had shook her a bit.

She felt… So many things for that boy. She cared for him. She was sorry for him. She felt sad for him. A tiny part of her was afraid of what he could do.

She shook those thoughts away as she eyed Lily Evans’ long, flaming red hair.

She entered the compartment she was sharing with Alice Liddell and Frank Longbottom, greeting all of them with a large smile. They smiled back at her and invited her to sit with them.

“Oh, no, thank you guys, but the others are waiting for me”, she explained, apologetically. “I’ve just come here to propose you something…”

“Oh! What is it?” asked Alice, looking excited.

Lily and Frank were listening too.

“Well, I’ve organized a little trip to Muggle London during the holidays. Sirius and I want to show the others some places.” She exclaimed, “You know, shops and streets, and gardens and so many other gorgeous spots… And I was wondering if you’d like to join us?” she asked. “The three of us” she said, looking at Alice and Lily “Have formed such a great study group! We should celebrate the end of terms in some way!” she stated.

Then, she looked at Frank, “And we’d be glad if you came, too.” She politely said, smiling. Frank was a friend of the Marauders, but Madeline knew him very little. He had talked to him a few times when he had come to greet Alice when they studied together in the library, but nothing more.

The couple exchanged a look, and then turned to her with happy faces. “We’re in!”

Lily looked far more pensive. Madeline stared at her. “Lils?”

The redhead looked at her, “Did Potter force you to do this?”

Madeline laughed, “You hurt me, Lils! I thought we were friends” she said, mocking insult.

Lily smirked, “We are, but…” she sighed, “I expect anything from that boy!”

Madeline nodded, “Yeah, and you’re wise in doing so. I can’t deny James would be very… Excited, if you’d agree to come…” Lily rolled her eyes, “…But we all would, Lils. You’re our friend. Pretty please? We’ll have a lot of fun!! I guarantee that to you!! Come oooooon!”

Lily gave her a tiny smile, and then nodded. “Fine, I’m in.”

Alice and Frank clapped their hands at her and the teenagers all laughed together.

Madeline felt happy. She loved her friends. She smiled at them and stood there a bit to chat; eventually, she promised she would owl and give them all the information about their trip as soon as possible. She then excused herself and walked back to the Marauder’s compartment.

“So?” asked James with a hopeful look on his handsome face, when she sat back in her place. “What did she say?”

Her friends were all looking at her with trepidation, expectation in their eyes.

Madeline smiled, “You owe me a lot of Butterbeers, Prongsie dear!”

The boys around her all started shouting and cheering as if Lily had actually agreed to marry him, and she joined in their laughs and celebrations. They were the only people in the whole world who made her feel completely young and invincible. They were her home.


	16. Christmas Day

She had missed her parents so much.

Rosalind and Jonathan Green were the best people she knew; joyous, kind, loving, hard working. The best parents she could ask for.

She was incredibly happy to be back at home. In those relaxing days, they told her about their work at the Ministry, but they always avoided talking about the war. Lord Voldemort never entered their conversations. Sometimes, Madeline felt the impulse to ask them about him, but she knew they wouldn’t actually tell her anything significant. They weren’t exactly Aurors, but still quite prestigious Ministry employees. Her parents came from high-ranking Pureblood families, but they had always modestly detached themselves from the war, never stating who's side they were taking.

But they didn’t believe in blood related matters, and that spoke volumes; her father’s best friend was Arcturus Weasley, after all, and Weasleys were known to be very open minded. Plus, when she had started getting interested in Muggle culture, her parents had wanted to know more about her discoveries; they admired Muggles, and respected all witches and wizards. Those were hard days, and to her parents, she was still a child. They wanted to protect her from the hatred and the darkness of those times.

She felt sorry for them, because she knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to fight. James, Remus, Sirius and Peter felt the same. Choices were to be made. If their parents wouldn’t expose themselves, she would. She’d soon be of age, after all.

Christmas day came. She had a big celebration with her parents, grandparents, uncles and cousins. She rarely saw the rest of her family, but when she did, she felt so fortunate and loved.

When the day came to an end, she went back to her room and decided to finally open her friends’ presents. She always did so. Opening them before going to bed was like a ritual of her own. She had many rituals, if she thought about it.

James had gotten her a pair of leather gloves with her initials sewn in golden characters on the back of the hand.

She smiled.

She was happy he had given her a gift designed specifically for her. The note attached to it recited, _“Happy Christmas Mads! I hope you’ll like the gloves. I’ve had them created for all of us Marauders + you, Gryffindor Princess. Only the best things for my best friends. I’m looking forward to our London trip! Love, Prongs.”_

Remus had sent her a chocolate bar and a Muggle book, “ _The Merchant of Venice_ ” by William Shakespeare.

Her eyes lighted up when she saw it.

She had told Remus she had read “Hamlet” by Shakespeare when she had found it on a street market in Portobello Road the Summer before. She smiled. Remus was a great listener. He had written a note on the first, blank page of the book. It said: “ _Hoping you’ll love this one as much as the other. Happy Christmas dear Madeline. All my love, Moony_.”

Peter had gotten her some sweets himself and a photograph he had taken of James, Sirius, Remus and her on a particular September afternoon.

They had decided to spend that day together, flying around the Quidditch Pitch. After an exhilarating afternoon, the astonishing sunset lights had led her to ask Peter to take a photograph; his mother had given him a brand new camera for his birthday. They had abandoned the brooms on the ground, and posed for it.

In the picture, they were all putting their arms around each other’s shoulders; from left to right, there were James, Sirius, Madeline and Remus. They were giving toothy smiles to the camera… And even if they looked sweaty, disheveled and tired… they seemed to be incredibly happy. They _were_ incredibly happy.

The wind moved their long hair, and every now and then the Sirius of the photograph turned his happy gaze towards his friends, as if to make sure they were still there. Wormtail had written something behind the photograph. _“Thought you’d like to have this. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve friends like you. Happy Christmas, Peter._ ”

The note made her knit her brows, but she knew the boy too little to draw conclusions, so she just let it go

Alice had sent her a Gryffindor hoodie; it was very similar to the one Madeline had stolen from James. The only difference was that Alice’s was burgundy. She had written a note, too. “ _Gryffindors forever! Happy Christmas Mads! Alice x_ ”

Lily had gotten her a vinyl. She was one of the few people Madeline could talk to about music. She was Muggle born, and therefore she knew the artists she liked pretty well. The vinyl was “ _Sticky Fingers_ ” by The Rolling Stones.

Madeline giggled when she saw it. It shocked her to think that sweet Lily had actually bought a vinyl with a cover like _that_. She shook her head and read her message: _“Happy Christmas Mads! Heard the song ‘Wild Horses’ on the radio and thought of you. Think you’ll like it, it’s in this album. See you soon, Lily”._

Madeline decided to listen to the song immediately. She put the record on her record player, and let the notes of “ _Wild Horses_ ” fill the room. The melody was solemn, and beautiful. She closed her eyes as she listened to it. Lily had thought well.

The last gift was from Sirius.

She opened his little envelop to find a beautiful, golden necklace; it was thin and delicate, and it shone brightly when hit by the light. There was a pendant: a small “M” intertwined with thin roses of gold. She absolutely loved it. She wore it immediately and smiled. Sirius had sent a letter too.

 _“Happy Christmas Mads! I can’t believe it’s almost 1977! Anyway, I hope you’ll like my little gift.”_ she rolled her eyes at “little”, knowing that the necklace had probably cost him some galleons. She sighed, amused, and kept reading: _“I’ve finally found a way to always be with you. Ha ha! I know you’re making an annoyed face, now... Oh! Come on! Don’t hurt this poor man…”_ she giggled when she found herself reading the note with Sirius' voice, _“The 'M' stands (of course!) for your absolutely beautiful name, Princess; but it’s also for us. The Marauders. We love you so and we’ll always stand by your side. Don’t ever doubt that. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. We share the heart, you and I. All my love, Padfoot.”_

She read the letter twice, and smiled sweetly at it. Sirius was never this open hearted. She knew he would just pretend nothing had happened once she’d see him again. But it was okay. It was true, after all. They did share the heart. They were so similar. Almost the same.

The thought made her grin. If she told Severus she was exactly like Sirius he would probably sneer at her with a disgusted look on his long, pale face.

 _Severus_.

She had wanted to send him a gift, but she hadn’t known his home address. Plus… Knowing about his situation at home, maybe she would have only worsened things for him.

She didn’t care he hadn’t sent her anything; she knew how he was. He was not the type to think about gifts, for sure…

Madeline wondered sadly if he had received any at all.

The song Lily had told her about, and that she had absolutely loved, came to an end.

With a head full of thoughts, she went to sleep, but sleep never came. That night something wouldn’t let her rest. She didn’t know what it was; she had spent a beautiful day with her family, and in two days she would go to the Potters to spend the rest of the holidays with her friends. They would also go the Muggle London together.

She had a bright future ahead her.

Then, why couldn’t she sleep that night? What was that sensation of… Loss, she was feeling?

Madeline stood up from her bed, and exited her bedroom. She could hear her parents’ soft breathes from across the hall. They were heavy sleepers. She went downstairs and opened the front door.

The Greens lived in a little village in the English countryside, near Cambridge. Their rich house stood in the middle of fields of the greenest green anyone could find. She breathed deeply into the chill air of the night. The stars were shining bright above her head.

She loved the night. It was dark, and mysterious, yet kind, gentle. It didn’t make anyone feel alone. It wrapped people into a warm embrace. The nights was made for secrets, lovers and regrets.

There was an half moon. It was probably a bit after Midnight. Christmas had gone; that thought made Madeline sigh deeply.

She stood there for some time, listening to the sound of the soft wind moving through the sparse grass. She was about to go back into her home, and try to sleep, when the sound of Apparition startled her.

She looked into the noise’s direction and there, with a grave face, not far away from her, stood Severus Snape.


	17. Tonight, I Think I Fucked It Royally

Severus had always loathed Christmas time. Not having loving parents and tons of gifts waiting for him at home was probably the reason behind that. Anyway, that year, he had felt excited at the prospect of holidays.

When he arrived home, after leaving Hogwarts, he was greeted with the usual coldness. His parents barely acknowledged his presence. Tobias only told her mother loudly enough for him to hear: “Our prodigal son is back!" with a sarcastic tone of voice.

Severus was used to that. As a kid, he had grown angry anytime his father had insulted him. Time had changed that; time had made anger his _prominent_ emotion. That house had sucked the life out of him.

He spent his little time in oppressive Spinner’s End preparing for what he was about to do, for what Lord Voldemort was about to give him.

On December 25th, he got up early, having slept very little, and got dressed in his usual black trousers and jumper. As he roamed through his trunk looking for his clothes, he glanced distractedly at his Slytherin ties, and briefly thought of Madeline Green. He took one tie in his hands, feeling the soft fabric under his fingers. Then, he put it away and shook his head slightly.

He didn’t have time to think about the Gryffindor girl.

He descended the stairs of his parents’ miserable house, and looked with disgust at Tobias Snape, who was sneezing on the armchair in front of the television. The man had drunk a lot the night before, and was now paying the toll for his actions.

Severus thought of how easy it would be to kill him then; a flick of his wand, and he’d be gone forever, without even the possibility of defending himself from his own son’s wrath.

“Severus…”, a weak voice called him from the kitchen. His mother, Eileen, was sitting at the wooden table, sipping on some tea.

She looked like a ghost. She was too thin, his skin pale and yellowish; her face, once severe, had lost all her expression.

Dark circles under dark eyes told him she still suffered from insomnia. She had blue bruises on her exposed neck and arms.

“Mother”, he said, nodding at her in acknowledgement.

“Come here”, she told him, and gestured to the chair next to her.

The boy knitted his brows, surprised at the fact that she was giving him any attention. She had been avoiding him for years…

He listened to her, and obeyed immediately. He didn’t expect his mother to take his hand into hers and to give him a gentle smile.

“Happy Christmas, Severus” she said, her voice rough and low.

“What’s the matter?” he replied, with diffidence.

Her eyes roamed his face, then, and her smile became somewhat disturbing.

“I know… I’ve been a terrible mother lately…” she whispered.

Severus snorted at that, and he could swear some sadness crossed her eyes, which were so similar to his own.

“I know… Severus, I know… Love blinds you, you know… You don’t see things…”

He tore his hand away from her grip at that. “What? Love? For whom?”

Eileen gaped at him, as if his words had offended her. “For your father, obviously.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “What are you saying?” he swallowed, and briefly closed his eyes only to open them again a moment later. “You love him?” he snarled.

“I do…”

He clenched his jaw, trying not to lose control. “How can you? He hates you, mother. He hates the both of us.”

“No… No he doesn’t, Severus… It’s only very hard for him to accept magic… If you could only be more…”

“Be more… what?” he laughed without joy, “Submissive?” he shook his head, “Should I let him take away from me the only thing I have that’s worth living for?” he spat out. “Magic is _everything_ to me!”

“It’s only an illusion, my son… But we’re not… You have us.”

“Do I?” he asked, sarcasm dripping from his words, “I have no one, mother.”

Her empty stare remained on him as he quickly stood up and took a step back.

“I’ve been a terrible mother, Severus… But you have done no better. You constantly make him angry… You strut in front of his face… You know he doesn’t like that.”

He knew it, then. She had reached her breaking point. She had completely lost her mind.

He sighed deeply, as desperation overtook him. “Love, you say…” he felt a shock of pain crossing his heart. Love had ruined his life. Her mother’s love for his father. His own love for Lily. “If this is love, then love is misery.” He stated.

“Severus…”

“Don’t say my name.” he growled at her, and she looked frightened for a moment. She looked at him as if she had never seen him before. “You love a monster who ruined your life. You love him more than your own son, mother.”

“You don’t understand…”

He gave out another laugh, yet he wasn’t amused in the slightest. “You better thank Merlin I’m not of age. Once I will be able to do magic outside of school…” he said, with a threatening tone.

His mother’s facial traits hardened at that, and she hissed at him. “Severus. I may choose not to use magic, but I still own a wand, and I will protect your father if you…”

“Protect him?!” he shouted, knowing that nothing could wake Tobias from his state of drunkenness. “Where were you when I needed to be protected?!”; nothing could hold him back then.

“You’re not a muggle… You don’t need protection… Magic’s evil… And it won’t hurt Tobias. I won’t allow it!”

“I AM YOUR _SON_!” he yelled at her. He didn’t even know he had it in himself to confront her. In his mind, his mother was a victim, just like himself. A poor woman too weak to save herself and her son.

Realizing that she was so insane that she still… _Loved_... That monster… after everything he had done… Brought tears to his eyes.

Tears that wouldn’t fall. He probably didn’t know how to cry anymore.

He took a deep breath and used Occlumency to shield his emotions.

That was the last proof he needed. He knew, then, that he had chosen the right path.

He left the kitchen without adding anything. He walked towards his bedroom, gathered his things into his trunk, and descended the stairs. He turned his head to look at his mother, who was still sitting at the kitchen table. She had not moved.

He hated her… and yet, he didn’t. He pitied her.

“Where are you going?” she asked with little voice, eyeing his trunk.

Severus held her gaze for some time.

His mother’s eyes would always haunt him. They were his own, after all. Eileen was a part of him. The weakest, most foolishp part of him.

He sighed.

“Goodbye mother” he only said, and he could feel her running after him and calling for his name.

“What are you doing, Severus? Where are you going?” she was saying. “Come back!”

He exited his parents’ house and took the portkey Mulciber had given him before the holidays in his hands.

She was still calling his name when he disappeared.

* * *

He reached Mulciber’s House with the conviction he’d eventually go back home. Just for him. Just for Tobias. He would never forget, nor forgive. He shook the thought away as his schoolmate opened the door and asked him about his trunk.

“I need a place to stay until the end of the holidays.” He told him.

Mulciber knitted his brows at that, not looking convinced.

“Well, my parents won’t like that. But after all… You’ll take the mark, so they’ll just accept it.” He shrugged and let him in. The House was cold, and elegant. Severus had never been into a Pureblood family’s Manor.

He knew Death Eaters held their meetings in their beautiful houses, so he tried not to look too impressed in front of Mulciber.

He’d have to get used to that.

“The ceremony will take place in Malfoy Manor. The Dark Lord loves that house.”

Severus nodded at the information. Information were everything.

“We need to be there at five o’clock, so I suggest you to clean yourself and get ready. I’ll have some House Elf bring you a nice suit. Merlin knows you need one. And you can keep it.” Mulciber said, eyeing him with distaste. “We’ll be in the presence of the Dark Lord himself. We need to be up to the situation.”

Severus’s onyx eyes widened a bit at that, but he said nothing, and nodded again.

“We’re all looking forward to the ceremony. It will be amazing”, explained Mulciber, leading him into one of the many guest rooms.

He didn’t appear scared, nor anxious, at all, and that calmed Snape.

“So… I’ll come by later. Everything's clear?” he asked.

“Yes. Thanks, Mulciber.”

“No worries, Snape. We serve the same Lord.” He grinned. “And now you owe me a favour.”

Severus didn’t like that in the slightest, but he just tightened his hold on his trunk and gave him a final nod.

“We do. I do.”

The boy gave him a contorted smile, and walked away.

* * *

He felt him before he saw him. His magical core was pulsating with energy. Severus had never seen the Dark Lord before, and the sight of him took his breath away.

There was little humanity in the pale face of the somber wizard. Lord Voldemort looked like a snake. His eyes were red and piercing; his voice, acute and wheezing. His dark robes billowed around his slender figure, making him look tall and imposing. His long, bony finger were holding his wand. He was terrifying. And he was powerful.

“My dear _friends…”_ he said, and let his eyes wander on each of his Death Eaters' faces. “Today, we welcome some young wizards between us.” He announced, and everybody cheered at that. “Some of them are your sons, some of them are ambitious young men… I assure you all” said the Dark Lord, looking towards the boys. “You've made the right choice.”

Severus had his head slightly bent, but he could feel Voldemort staring at him. Mulciber and Avery had told him he was very interested in his skills as a Potioneer and Legilimens. He had not been surprised at that. Of course, the Dark Lord would investigate on his soon-to-be disciples.

“No need to hesitate anymore…” he hissed. “ _Nagini_ ” he called in a strange language, which Severus assumed to be Parseltongue. An awfully big snake crawled towards its master.

The four boys in front of Lord Voldemort widened their eyes in fear.

“Does my faithful companion scare you, boys?” asked the Dark Lord with a mocking tone.

Some of the older Death Eaters giggled; a woman, in particular, with a high-pitched tone of voice, let out a crazy laugh.

“It won’t hurt you.” Assured Voldemort, amused by their reaction. “Unless I order her to do so.” He added, and laughed briefly.

Some chills shot up Severus’ spine.

“Of course this won’t be the case. After all, we’re here to celebrate.” Voldemort caressed Nagini’s head, before straightening up and moving towards the boys. “So, with whom should I begin?”

“My Lord,” a tall, good-looking man with long, black hair and piercing grey eyes took a step forward from the group of Death Eaters. He had a noble way of standing, and his clothes were rich and elegant. “If you chose my son as first to receive the mark, House Black would be immensely grateful and honoured.” He said, and then slightly bent his head in sign of respect.

Severus looked at Sirius Black’s father, and thought of how sometimes fathers and sons really had nothing to do with one another.

He also spotted Regulus Black in his peripheral; he was trembling slightly.

“Very well, Orion.” Said the Dark Lord then, looking straight at the young boy. “Your son shall be the first.”

Regulus went to stand right in front of him just as he, as well as the others, had been instructed to do.

Lord Voldemort smiled at him, but there was nothing warm or soothing in his gesture.

“Roll up your sleeve, boy.”

Regulus obeyed him, and offered him his left arm, where the skin was pale, frail and tender.

The Dark Lord pointed his wand at him. “Look me in the eye.”

The boy did so, even if it took him some courage.

Severus knew what Voldemort was about to do.

“ _Legilimens_ ”

The Dark Lord roamed into the boy’s mind for some time before breaking the connection.

“Good, very good…” he commented, then. “It's a pity that _fool_ of your brother didn’t listen to you. He'd make a brilliant Death Eater.”

Severus could see the anger flashing on Regulus’ face when Voldemort mentioned Sirius.

“He’s not my brother,” he spat out. “He’s nothing but a blood traitor, and he deserves to pay for his actions.”

His answer seemed to please Voldemort, for he rested the tip of his wand on Regulus’ arm, and whispered: _“Morsmordre”_

The boy squirmed with pain, but didn’t flinch. It lasted only for some minutes, but Severus could see blood dripping from Black’s arm. Where once there was pale, untouched skin, now stood, carved on Regulus’ flesh forever, the image of a big, black skull, with a snake crawling out of its mouth.

Severus couldn’t tear his eyes away from the Dark Mark.

His own arm started to tickle.

Mulciber and Avery were next. They submitted to the same treatment the Dark Lord had reserved to Black. All the while, their parents observed them with pride.

And then it was his turn.

“Come here", Voldemort ordered.

The boy obeyed, and swiftly moved to face him.

“Tell me your name.”

“Severus Snape, my Lord.”

He smiled cruelly. _“Snape?_ What’s your blood status?”

“Half-blood, my Lord.”

Voldemort raised a non-existent eyebrow. “Who was the magical parent?”

“My mother, my Lord. Eileen Prince.”

“Prince, you say? A very important family, that one.”

“Yes, my Lord.”

Voldemort nodded. “I’ve heard about your skills, young man. Impressive, really. Maybe Dumbledore’s doing good things in Hogwarts, after all.”

Severus knew this was a test. He shook his head at the Dark Lord’s words.

“Hardly, my Lord. Dumbledore is nothing but a fool. All I know, I know because of what the Dark Arts taught me.”

Lord Voldemort giggled, pleased at his answer. “Dumbledore’s indeed a fool. Well said, Snape.”

He raised his wand towards him, “Now, I know you’re a good Occlumens.”

“You flatter me, my Lord. I’m just decent. I aspire to reach your level, some day.”

Voldemort laughed “I don’t think that’s possible, boy. But ambition’s everything.” He said. Then, his face turned serious.

“Anyway..." he hissed, "However good you may be, remember that Death Eaters can’t hide _anything_ from me. Is that clear?”

“Yes, my Lord.” Severus replied. He knew, deep inside of him, that he was more than a good Occlumens. He was an excellent one; he had never confronted with the Dark Lord. But he had confronted with Dumbledore.

And Dumbledore hadn’t managed to break his protective shields.

Severus always shielded the things he didn’t want to expose. And he intended to do so with Lord Voldemort, too… He had to try, at least. He didn’t want him to know about his growing affection for a certain Gryffindor girl. He didn’t want to show him the beautiful Pureblood that constantly occupied his thoughts.

He glanced at Nagini, and then back at Voldemort.

“Very well… _Legilimens_ ”, he hissed, a second later.

The Dark Lord saw his miserable childhood, his father beating him, his mother closing in herself; he saw the years at school, Potter’s pranks, his relationship with Lily; he saw him reading about Legilimency, chatting with Mulciber and Avery about becoming Death Eaters.

But what he wanted to see most, to _feel_ most, was his desperation. He searched his lonely moments, looking for the times when he had been humiliated. Voldemort wanted to feel what he had felt; he wanted to see how far his commitment to his cause went. How far his _rage_ went.

Severus could show him exactly that, and so he did.

When the Dark Lord retreated from his mind, there was a satisfied smile plastered on his dreadful face.

“Excellent.” He said, “You have a promising future with us, boy.”

“Thank you, my Lord. I’m looking forward to serve you.” Severus replied with his low, smooth tone of voice, while rolling up his sleeve.

“Then you shall be my servant.” Voldemort stated, and rested the tip of his wand on Severus’ arm. _“Morsmordre”_

The pain was indescribable. He felt as if Voldemort was cutting his skin open using a hot iron. His arm burned to his veins.

Fresh blood started dripping from the image of the skull, and then the Dark Lord smiled.

Severus went back to stand with the other boys, waiting for Voldemort to end the ceremony.

“Now you are Death Eaters. Now you are mine.” He said, smiling. “Let’s cheer for our young boys, my old friends” he shouted to the crowd surrounding them. “They will help us, and together we will win this war.”

The adult wizards and witches started cheering at the Dark Lord’s words, but Severus didn’t move, nor he said a thing.

* * *

Mulciber and Snape didn’t exchange any word as they flooed back to the Pureblood’s Manor. A sense of loss, desperation and fear was gripping Severus’ heart.

He was happy, in a way. He finally felt like he belonged.

But he just couldn’t shake away the feeling of those cruel eyes on him… Of Voldemort's presence in his mind… Of the power of the energy which surrounded him.

He retreated to his room without even greeting Mulciber goodbye. He too seemed to be lost in thoughts. In a good way, though. He looked extremely proud.

Severus laid on his four poster bed, and started looking at the ceiling. He felt like his heart had started to rot.

Tears dwelled in his eyes, but again, they didn’t fall.

Some day they wouldn’t even create, he thought.

He glanced at his trunk, and stood up to open it. The first thing he saw was a Slytherin tie; it was laying next to the portkey Mulciber had given him.

Severus looked at the clock on the wall. It was a bit after Midnight.

An idea crossed his mind. He roamed into his trunk, looking for a particular piece of paper.

When he found it, he sighed.

He had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t have accepted her invitation. She didn’t deserve to bear with him and his miserable life. She was better than him.

He returned to the bed, but the desire of seeing Madeline’s face didn’t fade away. It became almost unbearable. He stood up again, and walked to the trunk.

He pocketed one of his Slytherin ties, charmed the portkey to bring him to the address written on the tiny piece of paper, and without thinking about it twice, he disappeared.

Seconds later, he was standing in a green field that faced a big, rich house.

He heard someone gasping, and raised his face to look into the beautiful eyes of Madeline Green.

He hadn’t expected her to be outside at that hour of the night, he just assumed he’d go there, stare at the house for some time, and then, cowardly, go back to Mulciber Manor.

But seeing her there, while she stood in front of him, made him feel glad he had decided to go to her. Madeline was wearing a silk pajama, and had her long hair worn down. A soft breeze was gently moving them in the chilly air

She looked like an angel.

Severus felt like crying again, but when Madeline moved to reach him and took him into her loving arms, he rested his face on her shoulder, and for the first time in so long, he actually let the tears fall from his eyes.


	18. All I Want Is The Taste That Your Lips Allow, Oh, Give Me Love

When she saw him standing there, sadness and insecurity storming in his onyx eyes, she knew what he needed. She approached the trembling boy and took him in her arms. Her hands entwined behind his neck, and Severus hid his face in her shoulder.

One hand began caressing his hair, while the other drew soothing circles on his back.

The boy started crying, and his arms encircled her little frame, holding her to him with a desperate grip. Severus told himself that if his own mother had hugged him like Madeline did, his life would have been different.

They stood like that for some time, and eventually the tears stopped from falling. Madeline suspected the boy was deeply ashamed for showing some weakness, and so she tried to act casual. A chilly air made the both of them shiver, and the girl took a step back from him to look at his face.

His long, black hair hid him from her view, as usual.

She took his hand in hers and led him towards the house.

“No… I can’t come in…” he protested, halting in his steps.

Madeline turned and glanced at him with a firm stare. “I’ll decide who can and cannot enter my house. Now, hush, and follow me.” She said, and he couldn’t help but smirk at her words.

He let her pull him into her home. The night was cold and he could barely feel his fingers.

Green Manor was big, and rich and elegant. Yet, it was nothing like the minimal, cold, aseptic house of the Mulcibers. It had nothing to do with Malfoy Manor, either.

Madeline’s parents’ house was warm, welcoming, full of antique furniture and Persian rugs, with large pictures of landscapes on soft-colored walls.

She led him on the stairs and towards her bedroom without showing him anything, but Severus had already seen enough.

Purebloods were surely not all the same.

Madeline locked the door behind them as she ushered him into her room. She cast a _“Muffliato”_ and grinned at his surprised face, “A very useful spell you invented.”

He shrugged, “I think so…” he said, and looked around himself; he stared at her large double bed, at the posters of muggle rockstars hanging on the walls, at the photographs of her and her friends looking at him from her desk, at her school books piled in a corner, near her trunk. And then he looked back at her, who was giving him a concerned look. “I’m sorry for showing up here in the middle of the night…”

“Nonsense, Sev. I told you to come here whenever you felt the need to do so…” she sighed, “What happened?”

So much happened, and yet the boy didn’t know if he had the courage to tell her. He didn’t want to see the look on her face when he’d told her what he had done.

Madeline took a step in his direction, “Is it… Your father?”

He shook her head, “I haven’t killed him. Not yet, anyway…”

“Don’t talk like that.” She snapped, and he raised an eyebrow at her. She had gone from concerned to annoyed in less than a second. The girl went to sit on her bed, and gestured for him to do the same.

Severus felt the tension between them going loose as he sat next to Madeline, and stared right into her blue eyes. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have disturbed you… So much happened today… And I just wanted to talk to… A friend, I guess?” he confessed.

She tenderly smiled at him. “I’m glad you came, Sev.” She said, and raised a hand to caress his cheek. “I’ve been thinking of you…”

“Really?” he asked, sounding rather pathetic.

Madeline smirked, “Of course.”

Severus broke their staring contest and looked down at his lap. “Madeline… What I did today… Well, it will change my future forever. It’s already changing it.”

“What have you done, Sev?”

He sighed deeply. “I… I joined him.”

Madeline paled considerably and her breath slowed down. Her hand trembled a bit as she retreated it from his face. Severus stood up from the bed and took a few steps towards the door. He knew he had to leave.

“Severus…” she said, and he stopped, and turned to look at her above his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Madeline… I’m sorry… I’ve been so selfish… I shouldn’t have come here…”

“Severus.” She repeated, more firmly.

He turned completely, and looked at the girl with a questioning stare.

She stood, and reached him, and hugged him tightly, encircling his neck with her arms. She rested her face in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply. Severus recovered moments later, shocked at her gesture, and hugged her back. He could feel her trembling slightly against him. He hated himself for that. Damn, she looked so... Afraid.

“Are you scared of me?”

“I’m scared of what you could do if you continue thinking nobody loves you.”

“Madeline… I was destined to be a Death Eater… This is my path…”

“You’re so convinced of this, it’s unnerving… Some day you’ll see how wrong you are, Sev… But for now… Hold me closer…”

He obeyed and they stood there, hugging each other, for some minutes. Severus relaxed, and all the emotions of the day before disappeared as he listened to Madeline’s gentle breathing.

“Have you… Have you been marked?” she whispered against his neck.

He nodded imperceptibly.

“Can I see it?” she asked after some time.

“What? Why?”

She shrugged, distancing herself from him. “I guess I’m just curious.”

“It’s… It’s not nice… Or anything…”

“Show me, Sev.”

He did so, and rolled his sleeve up, just as he had done in front of Lord Voldemort hours earlier.

She gasped when she eyed the Dark Mark, glowing against his pale skin. There was still some dry blood surrounding it.

She turned away from him as soon as she saw the whole of it. “Cover it. I can’t stand it.”

“I’m sorry…” he whispered, and put his shirt back in place.

She shook her head. “You know… I didn’t believe it until I saw it…” she said, her voice broken. Then she turned again, and walked up to him until she was barely touching him. “Why did you come here crying? Are you regretting what you did?”

He hesitated, looking into her blue eyes, and then stiffened.

“I don’t regret it.” He stated. “I’m just… Overwhelmed, I think.”

“Overwhelmed.” She repeated, as if not understanding.

“I ran from home this morning.”

She shot him a surprised look. “What did your father do?”

“It’s not his fault, this time… No, it’s my mother... She told me she still loves him. She told me I should suppress my magic to please… That monster…” he spat out, fixing his stare on the moon outside the window.

Her features seemed to soften at that. “And where are you staying?”

“Mulciber’s.”

“You should come here, instead.”

Severus’ head snapped in her direction. “What? Madeline… I-I can’t. You know who I am. What I am.”

“And staying with Mulciber will certainly not change things.”

“Me staying with you won’t change things, either. Madeline… I appreciate your friendship. I really do. But…”

“You have chosen your path, I know. Stop saying that. It’s bullshit.”

He sighed. “You’re a stubborn, Gryffindor girl.”

“And you’re a stupid, Slytherin boy.” She said, and she probably intended to sound amused, but Severus could hear all the sadness in her voice.

“Happy Christmas, Madeline.” He said after a bit, “I should have told you on time, but… Well… Better late than never?” he muttered, and took his Slytherin tie out of his pocket. “That’s for you… I know this isn’t a proper gift… But… Well, I thought…”

Madeline stopped his rambling by taking the tie in her hands and smiling at him. “Thank you, Sev. That’s sweet of you.”

He shrugged.

“I’m sorry I haven’t got you anything…” she said, blushing slightly.

“You’ve done enough for me, Madeline.” He stated.

"But I-"

“Don’t be silly.” He added, then, quite harshly.

“Don’t be sharp, love. Your Professor Snape is showing.”

He grinned at her. “Is it?” he asked, arching an eyebrow, and giving her a dark look.

She laughed, “It is, but it’s not bad… Actually, it’s kind of sexy.” She eyed his black suit with a pleased stare. “I’ve never seen you dressed elegantly. You really should wear this more often.”

It was his turn to blush, but instead of replying to what she had just said, he approached her and kissed her full on the mouth. Their tongues immediately started caressing each other, and Madeline moaned in his mouth as he pushed her on her bed. She let the Slytherin tie fall on the floor and put her hands in his hair to hold him closer against her. Severus’ hands started to roam under her silk shirt, and when his cold fingers entered in contact with her hot skin, she shivered. The boy moved his mouth to suck on his neck and Madeline smiled against his ear. “I’m glad you’ve missed me too.” She whispered, and some chills went up his spine while her hot breath grazed his skin.

“I don’t deserve you.” He whispered against the delicate skin of her neck.

Madeline whispered, and he looked her in the eyes. “I know that.” She said, “But I’m not giving up on you… yet.” She smirked at him, and Severus kissed her again, harder, and Madeline helped him take off his jacket.

The girl smiled when she looked at the shirt gently hugging his lean, slightly muscular body.

He arched an eyebrow as he caught her watching him.

“You’re really a tease.” He said, his deep voice full of amusement.

“You have no idea.” She replied, and pulled him back against her.

They kissed for some time, and eventually they adjusted to a hugging position. They had already slept together, but not in a proper bed. Not outside of school.

“It’s late, you should sleep.” He said, “And I should leave.”

“Stay.” She immediately exclaimed. “Please.” She added, strengthening her grip around his torso. “At least until I fall asleep.”

He smiled, and placed a kiss against her forehead. “Of course.”

“Good night, love.” She whispered, and relaxed against him.

“Good night, Mads.” He replied. He could not close his eyes. As Madeline rapidly drifted off, he kept holding her, inhaling her scent, grazing her hair with his fingers. He stood like that until dawn, and when the first rays of sun dimly illuminated the room, he decided it was time to go. He gently disentangled himself from her, but she noticed anyway. She opened one of her beautiful blue eyes, and stared at him. “Are you leaving?” she asked with a sleepy voice.

“Yes.” He said, putting on his jacket. “Thank you, Madeline.” He added, with a sincere and soft tone of voice. The girl stood on her elbow and gestured for him to step closer to her. He did so, and bent to let her give him a long goodbye kiss. One he’d never forget.

She smiled gently, and watched him as he straightened and walked to the door. “Severus?” her sweet voice called for him before he could exit the room.

The boy turned to look at her. She had sat up, and the golden sunlight was creating plays of light on her face. Madeline was looking at him with melancholic, loving eyes.

“Never lose your heart, Sev.” She said, “Don’t let them take it.”

He felt a lump forming in his throat at her words, but nodded anyway. She nodded in return. Promises were fragile things, Severus knew that. That’s why he didn’t like making them. But to Madeline, it only felt natural.  
Severus looked at the Gryffindor girl one last time, before opening the door, and walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit this is my favourite chapter so far. I was really inspired by the song 'Sweet Disposition' by the Temper Trap while writing it. A lyrics from this song also gives the title to the fanfiction!  
> If you're re-reading this, thank you for your patience. If you're reading this for the first time, please let me know if you're enjoying it!  
> All my love. X


	19. Potter Manor

It was early in the morning, and Sirius was lazily smoking a cigarette in front of Potter Manor.

The sky was blue and the air was cold. He smiled as he thought about Madeline’s imminent arrival.

She was just what he needed.

He had been living some difficult days. The warmth and affection of the Potters had not made him forget about Regulus. Sirius had spent all of Christmas Day thinking about his little brother.

Sadness, anger, melancholia, betrayal. So many feelings stormed inside of him.

He loathed his family, and yet… He had never wanted to lose Reg.

He shook his thoughts away as James opened the front door and walked to stand by his side.

“Morning smoke, Pads?”

“I needed to clear my mind.”

James nodded. He could understand him with little effort. He had been there for him on the 25th, when they knew Regulus would take the mark. Merlin, James had _always_ been there for him.

Sirius handed him the packet of Benson & Hedges but James shook his head, “Can’t. My teeth’s so white and shiny. Won’t ruin them.”

Sirius laughed aloud and Prongs joined him.

“Madeline’s arriving in a bit.”

“Floo powder?” asked Sirius.

“Yeah… Listen, Pads. I was thinking… Maybe you should try see someone? When we go back to school, I mean…”

“No one interests me…”

“…But Mads, I know.”

“You told me not to give up on her, Prongs.”

“And I’ll never tell you the contrary. But we are young, Pads. You shouldn’t be so obsessed with her.”

“You shouldn’t be so obsessed with Evans.”

Prongs smirked, “Touché. But with Evans’ different. She has noone else on her mind. And I feel like we belong.”

“We belong, too, Prongs. Madeline and I. Maybe we’ll never be a couple. But we have a bond…”

“I know you do. We all do know that. Just… Let it be. Don’t push things.”

Sirius knitted his brows. “So… Date someone else?” he said, taking one last drag from his cigarette. “I’ll think about that.”

“Thank you.” Replied James, and they both went back inside to have some breakfast.

* * *

As soon as Madeline arrived at Potter Manor, she went to greet Euphemia and Fleamont and she put her trunk into one of the many guest rooms.

Then, Sirius, James and her moved to Prongs’ bedroom and began chatting about the upcoming days. Madeline was sitting on James's bed, right under a big poster of the Gryffindor’s crest.

“So, Camden tomorrow with the others…” said Sirius “…And then we’ll have a few days to organize New Year’s”

“What did you have in mind?” questioned Madeline, arching an eyebrow.

The boy smiled mischievously, “The greatest party of all time.”

James smiled, “We’re gonna get absolutely shitfaced!”

Madeline couldn’t help but laugh in front of their childish excitement. “Now, that’s a plan I like” she said, nodding.

“For now, there will be us, Remus, Pete, cousin Andromeda…”

“No way!” said Madeline, excited “Meda’s coming?”

“Yeah” replied Sirius with a grin plastered on his face, “Of course she is.”

“Wicked” muttered the girl in response. She loved Andromeda Black.

“And maybe Alice, Frank and Lily.” Suggested James, “We could ask them tomorrow?”

“Sure, Prongsie” said Madeline “That’s a wonderful idea.”

“Who else?” asked Sirius.

Madeline seemed to think about it for a second. “Maybe… Marlene McKinnon? We’re all in friendly terms with her, maybe she’d like to come. If we invite Amelia, too, obviously.”

Marlene was a Gryffindor from their year, and she was a pretty, genuine girl with her head in the clouds. Her best friend was a Hufflepuff lass named Amelia Riley and that was why, even if all the sixth year Gryffindors were friends, she spent relatively little time with them.

“Good old Marlene, eh?” asked Sirius with a certain interest. “Yeah, why not? I shall write to her. The girl’s always liked me. And plus, if Amelia comes, Pete won’t complain about not having someone to meet.”

Madeline laughed lightly, “I forbid you to play with Marlene’s feelings, Pads. She’s so naïve.”

James shrugged, “Maybe she will see who she actually decided to fancy. Pads’ not exactly Prince Charming.”

The girl rolled her eyes. “Believe me, I know” she said, and Sirius feigned an offended look. “You wound me, my love!”

They all laughed when. It was a moment, because then, suddenly, Sirius’ face changed and James and Madeline exchanged a look.

“What are you thinking about, Pads?”

He sighed, “I’m sorry, really. Every now and then I think of Reg, and… I don’t know, I just get sad.”

Madeline paled at hearing Regulus’ name. Sirius’ little brother had also became a Death Eater on Christmas day. She thought of Severus, crying in her arms, telling her he had taken the mark, kissing her so gently she could hardly believe there was an ounce of evil in him…

“I think it will take you some time to... Come to terms with it" said James, “It’s not an easy thing to acknowledge.”

“Yeah, Pads” added Madeline, giving him a kind smile. “You don’t have to act tough in front of us. It’s okay to feel sad… I feel sad too, about this whole situation. About the war.”

“It’s getting closer…” muttered Sirius.

James nodded, and Madeline saw more than a kid in his hardened features. He looked like a man, in that moment.

“It is, Padfoot. And you know what? We will be ready to fight.”

“We will” stated Madeline.

Sirius looked between the two of them, and nodded in return. “We will.”

James smiled. “So, Camden tomorrow?”

His friend seemed to instantly cheer up, “Sure! I can’t wait! Camden’s magical, man. You’ll love it.”

“True” said Madeline, “But, Prongsie, promise me to behave. We all know you do stupid things when Lily’s around.”

“Me? Doing stupid things? Not in my nature”

Madeline and Sirius raised their eyebrows and exchanged a knowing look, before they started laughing aloud.

“You look like a fool whenever Evans’ close!” said Padfoot.

James pouted, “Mmm, well... I only want her to date me!”

“Yeah, but pranking her or yelling at her that you are _'too good to be true'_ are not good techniques to convince her to do that!” retorted Madeline, sounding bemused.

“And what should I do, dear Cupid?” Asked James, crossing his arms in an annoyed way.

“You should just act normal, Prongsie. You’re a handsome, charming, young man, funny and brave, clever and kind...”

“Oh, Mads, dear. I didn’t know you had a crush on me!”

In response, the girl took one of the pillows from his bed and threw it at him. “And stop acting like a child!!” she added, and the boys laughed.

“Mads’ right, mate” said Sirius, “You’re wonderful, brother. You stink a bit, that's sure…”

“ _You_ stink, dog!”

“Yeah yeah, the stag’s talking… Anyway, act disinterested. Lily Evans will be yours.”

James seemed to think about that. “I’ll try… But I can’t promise you anything! I just can't ignore Evans… She’s too beautiful... And her smile's enchanting... Her skin looks so delicate... Oh, and her hair! Fiery, just like her soul, of that I'm sure...” He said, with dreamy eyes and a vacant smile plastered on his lips.

Sirius and Madeline rolled their eyes and shook their heads at that.

“He’s a lost cause, Pads.” commented the girl.

“Wise words, Mads. Wise words.” agreed the boy, before taking another pillow in his hands, and throwing it in the direction of his best friend.


	20. A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

London was, as usual, an absolute dream.

The Gryffindors spent their day together strolling around the city, trying on funny Muggle clothes, taking pictures with Peter’s camera, eating junk food, smoking cigarettes, looking for vinyls and laughing like crazy.

Madeline also showed Remus some Muggle books; he was the only Marauder she could talk to about literature. The boy got interested in the novels he saw on Camden Market; he even bought a second-hand copy of “ _The Great Gatsby_ ” by Fitzgerald when Madeline told him it was one of her favorite books.

James suddenly became very interested in Muggle Culture when Lily started explaining him how particular things worked; Sirius and Madeline rolled their eyes at that. Before then, Prongs had always barely listened to them when they had talked about motorcycles, or rockstars, or other Muggle things.

James, contrary to what they all feared, acted absolutely charming; Lily never once reprimanded him for his behavior.

Of course, he sometimes made jokes, and gave sarcastic remarks, but Prongs was just like that.H He was a funny boy.

Lily and him chatted cordially for most time, even if, every now and then, the girl felt the need to distance herself from him and to exchange some words with Madeline, Remus or Alice.

Madeline thought that Lily seemed irritated by the realisation that she was actually _enjoying_ being with James.

Frank and Alice loved the trip, too, and also Remus and Peter understood why Sirius and Madeline were so fond of that place.

Being among Muggles made them feel free, young and invincible. It made them forget about Hogwarts, about the War, about their futures.

Alice, Frank and Lily accepted their proposal to spend New Year’s with the Marauders and Madeline, and Sirius even asked Alice to write to Marlene McKinnon to invite her and her Hufflepuff friend, Amelia Riley, over to the party.

Alice looked at him curiously at that, but she accepted with a smile.

Padfoot was very pleased by that.

Madeline knew what was going on into his perverted mind, and that made her take a sigh of relief; she hadn’t forgotten about what Snape had told her. In his opinion, Sirius fancied her.

But, while observing his best friend's excitement at the prospect of having Marlene at New Year’s, she decided that Severus must had been wrong.

On the 31st, all the boys and girls agreed to meet at Potter Manor. It was early in the morning, and James, Sirius and Madeline were waiting for their friends to arrive, lazily sitting on the couch in the living room and listening to some music.

Suddenly, Prongs stood up and started pacing around the room, looking nervous.

“What’s the matter?” asked Sirius, raising an eyebrow.

Madeline, too, started looking at James, with a confused look on her face.

“Lily’s coming to my house… She'll meet my _parents..._ This is a very important day for me!”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “She’s not coming as your fiancée, mate, chill.”

James stopped in his tracks and looked at his friend, “Well, I can promise you, Pads, next time she’ll come, she’ll come as my fiancée.”

“I certainly hope so, Prongsie, but won’t you sit down? You’re giving me a headache.” Muttered Madeline.

“Sorry Mads… I’m just nervous! And happy!” he stated, sitting next to her. “Nervappy!”

Sirius barked like a dog at his words, “You’re going crazy, Prongs dear!”

“Shut up” James said in return. He was about to add something when the fireplace lighted with green flames and, suddenly, Remus Lupin stepped into the living room.

He was wearing a big, toothy smile on his face, and his sweet eyes instantly made Madeline smile.

She stood up in order to hug him.

“I’m so glad you’re here! I can’t stand these two anymore.”, she confessed him, while he held her tightly.

Remus’s laugh reverberated through his chest. “Not hard to believe” he whispered into her ear and gave her a wink.

“ _Mooooony”_ , chanted Sirius, raising to his feet to greet his friend, “Look at you! You look amazing, Moony.” he commented, looking the boy up and down, before grinning.

Remus blushed; Sirius had always liked teasing him, for he was a quite shy, reserved, easily embarrassed boy.

“Shut up, Pads.” He said, and gave him a little menacing look that didn’t look convincing at all on his gentle face.

James laughed and gave a pat on the tall boy’s shoulder. “Welcome back Moony. My mother can’t wait to see you again. She constantly asks me about my “ _sweet, dear friend, the one with kind eyes_.” I think she has missed you”, he said, with a big smirk plastered on his face.

Remus couldn’t help but blush harder.

Madeline raised an eyebrow, “Well, your mother’s got good taste, Prongsie. Maybe Lily will think the same of Moony.” She stated.

Sirius started laughing, and added, “Oooooh, you should watch your back, James dear!”

Remus had laughed too at Madeline's joke, and he was now giving her a thankful look.

The girl crossed her arms as James stepped towards her, “Good point.” He eventually said, and his annoyed face turned into an amused smile. “But Moony knows Evans’ mine. Right, brother?”

Remus nodded, “Sure, Prongs. She’s all yours.”

In that moment, the fireplace lighted again with green flames, and Alice and Frank stepped out of it.

They all greeted each other and settled on the couches once again, changing the subject of their discussion; they started chatting about homework, Quidditch and their trip to London.

Lily arrived an hour later, and James’s hazel eyes shone with emotion as he watched her throwing curious glances at her surroundings.

“You ok, Evans?”

“Sure, Potter, just wanted to see where your head became so big”

Everybody laughed, but James pouted. “Right, back to normal, then…”

Their exchange was interrupted by the arrival of Marlene McKinnon and Amelia Riley, who shyly entered into the living room.

Sirius smirked widely at them and acted like a proper host; he started talking with the two girls and they almost immediately felt at ease. It passed some time before Andromeda Black arrived, too.

Madeline and the Marauders absolutely loved the woman. She was Sirius’s cousin, but the two of them acted like brother and sister.

Meda was older than them, probably around twenty-six years-old, and she was, just like Sirius, a peculiar Pureblood. She had been a Slytherin, like most of her family, but a special one; her parents had turned her away as she had started dating a Muggle Born, who she'd eventually married and had a little girl with. Nymphadora was probably three years old by then.

Sirius had been the one to tell them about her story. Meda rarely talked about her past, and even more rarely did she talk about her strict parents and difficult sisters, Narcissa and Bellatrix.

Andromeda stepped out of the fireplace, and everybody couldn't help but shut up, and stare at her gorgeous figure. She had long, brown hair, that fell into waves on her shoulders; her eyes were blue, but kind and warm. She gave them a large smile as she observed them all.

“Hello _children_!”, she exclaimed, and Madeline smiled at that.

Meda had always told them they were her little siblings.

“Meda!”, Sirius cried, instantly forgetting about the two girls by his side, and jumping up to hug his cousin. “I’ve missed you!”

“Missed you too, Siri, dear” she said, and then she turned to hug James, Remus and Madeline, too.

Only then did Madeline realise that Meda wasn’t alone.

Ted Tonks stood there, in his simple Muggle suit; his blonde hair were longer than the last time she had seen him, but his kind eyes were always the same. He shook hands with the boys before giving her a gentle smile. “Glad to see you again, Madeline.”

“Same for me, Ted. How’s life at St. Mungo’s?”

“Oh, same old.” he softly said, though she could read it in his pronounced, dark eye-bags that he hadn't been sleeping a lot, probably due to the amount of work Death Eaters provided him and his colleagues.

The two guests were then introduced to the Marauders’ friends and everybody started chatting again.

“Where’s Pete?” asked Remus, suddenly.

James shrugged, “No idea.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, “His mother has probably forced him to have lunch with her before coming here. The woman’s mad.”

“Pads.” Reprimanded him Madeline, with a firm tone, “She’s alone. Pete’s father’s dead. It’s only natural she wants to spend time with him.”

Sirius shut his mouth, then. It was difficult for him to understand what having a loving mother meant.

The thought saddened Madeline.

Peter arrived in the early afternoon, after that the boys and girls had all had lunch with the Potters.

Lily’s meeting with Fleamont and Euphemia had been hilarious. James had watched his parents shaking hands with the girl he loved with tears in his eyes. Euphemia had taken a sympathy in Lily, and Lily seemed to like the woman too. She was fierce, and loving.

Madeline adored James's mum, and admired her immensely. Euphemia was like a second mother to her.

Fleamont was just like James, childish and funny. He always greeted everyone with bright eyes and a large smile. And he was loyal, and trustworthy, and, just like his son, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He had always treated Madeline as the daughter he had never had, giving her tons of gifts and fatherly talks, tips and advices.

When Peter arrived, and everybody greeted him, Madeline noticed the boy seemed… Different, from the last time she had seen him, in Camden. He looked paler, and more tired, and there was conflict on his round face. The girl couldn’t quite understand why, but Peter was giving her incredibly bad vibes.

Apparently, she was the only one to notice that, so she just pretended nothing was wrong. They had a party to organise, after all. The New Year was about to come.

* * *

The Marauders set up a big gazebo in Potter Manor’s huge garden.

They cast a spell to keep it warm and they enchanted the ceiling to recreate that night’s sky.

Inside the gazebo, there was a long table on which the girls and boys would have a rich dinner, especially prepared for them by darling Larry, James’s House Elf.

Next to the table, elegantly prepared and decorated, they recreated a Muggle disco. There was a wonderful dancefloor with coloured lights; Sirius had set up a small bar with all types of alcoholics: Firewhiskey, Butterbeer, Bloody rum, Elven wine, and even some plain, Muggle Vodka.

The night promised to be unforgettable.

While the girls and she were preparing for the night, wearing long dresses and lots of make up, Madeline couldn’t help thinking how different everything would have been if Severus had been a friend of theirs.

She missed him, and she wanted to see him. But she knew she wouldn't enjoy himself there, with them.

He would probably celebrate the New Year in Mulciber’s gloomy house, surrounded by stupid Death Eaters who thought nothing of him.

The thought pained her.

How wonderful it would be if he was to be with her…

She shook her thoughts away as Marlene asked her to style her hair. She agreed to her request with a gentle smile.

Marlene was wearing a long, silver dress, which hugged her slender figure. Madeline styled her wavy hair into an high ponytail which characterized her sharp facial traits.

“Sirius won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you.” She told the girl.

Marlene seemed to light up at that, and smiled. “You think so?”

“I know so, Lene. You look amazing.”

“So do you, Mads. Really. I’ve never seen a girl so beautiful.”

Madeline shook her head, “No one’s better looking than another. We are all different. Everybody finds beauty in different things, and persons.” She said absent-mindedly, and her mind couldn’t help but travel back to Severus. He was so beautiful to her. And yet, he hated himself…

Madeline was brought back to reality by Lily, who had exited the bathroom wearing a long, dark-green dress, which showed the pale, delicate skin of her back.

“James will die” stated Madeline, and the redhead blushed.

“I don’t know how to take this comment... I should probably feel _relieved_.” Commented Lily.

Alice laughed. She was wearing a short, black dress, and black, combat boots. She looked great, too.

“Those boys are so lucky!” she said aloud, and all the girls laughed.

“Ok, girls, I’m going to get ready, too.” Announced Madeline, as Amelia exited the other bathroom.

The Hufflepuff girl had turned out to be really nice to talk to, and also really kind. Remus and she had chatted a lot during the whole afternoon, and Madeline thought that when he’d see her wearing her long, blue dress, he’d die, too.

Madeline was a simple girl, but she liked to impress. She was a teaser, after all.

She wore a long, burgundy, silk dress, who had an elegant neckline and showed some skin. She smiled at her reflection. She felt good, and confident. Her mother had gifted her the dress for Christmas. She really did know her daughter’s taste.

She wore little makeup, concentrating more on the eyes; she put on mascara and some lipstick.

When she exited the bathroom, the girls looked at her with wide eyes.

“Madeline, you are breath-taking…” said Alice.

“She’s an absolute dream, isn’t she?” stated Andromeda, who had just opened the door to the room, and was now staring at the blonde girl with a huge grin plastered on her face. The woman was wearing a white suit, made of a long jacket and some skinny pants. She looked fierce, and mature, and beautiful.

Madeline blushed, and smiled at them. “Enough with these compliments, girls! Let’s go make those boys drool!” she said, trying to take their attention away from her.

They all laughed and descended the stairs to meet with the boys.

They had all cleaned up really fine.

James was wearing a black, three-piece suit, with a red, Regimental tie; Sirius was wearing a two-piece suit, and part of his shirt was unbuttoned, reveling part of his chest, and some of his tattoos. Remus and Frank were wearing turtleneck jumpers and elegant pants, while Peter had opted for a simple white shirt and a black waistcoat. Ted Tonks was wearing clothes more similar to Wizard’s fashion; a long, green robe which reached his thighs, and some black pants.

The boys were staring wide eyed at the girls, while the girls were silently taking them in, too.

“This is going to be one hell of a night!” announced Sirius, suddenly. Madeline noticed his eyes were roaming all over her body, and she hoped Marlene wouldn’t notice that.

“Let’s start the party!” agreed James, and they all moved towards the gazebo.

The New Year was getting closer, and they wanted nothing more than to dance the old one away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to remind you I'm not an English native speaker, so feel free to correct me... It really helps me improve!  
> Anyway: I imagined Madeline's dress to look exactly like this: https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1TY1FoVuWBuNjSspnq6x1NVXaf/Vestidos-de-Graduacion-A-Line-Silk-Like-Satin-Burgundy-Prom-Dresses-Sexy-Back-Front-Split-Long.jpg_640x640.jpg


	21. New Year's Eve

Dinner was delicious; they ate many different foods: soup, roast beef with smashed potatoes, chicken pie, beef, mushrooms, cheese, and all types of dessert. Cakes, candies, sorbets, biscuits. Madeline was full and happy. They also drank a lot; Sirius kept filling all of their glasses while wearing a huge grin on his handsome face. Madeline was sitting next to Remus, in front of Sirius, with James on her other side. Lily had been forced to seat right in front of him, but she seemed to be enjoying the night nonetheless.

Elven wine and firewhiskey were coloring their cheeks red and brightening their smiles. Endless laughter resounded through the gazebo.

Madeline and Remus had fun watching Sirius flirting shamelessly with Marlene, who was sitting right next to the charming boy. She already looked totally in love with him, and ready for marriage. Padfoot had a funny way of seducing girls; he played with their hair, while giving them very intense looks. Girls always fell for his fascinating stare. Marlene was no exception. But to his friends, he just looked like a fool.

Some time, after one too many glasses of wine, Remus confessed Madeline that he found Amelia to be cute; yet, Peter had told him he wanted to hit on the girl, and so Remus had given up on her.

Madeline felt sorry about that, but she knew Moony wouldn’t change his mind. Since he had become a Marauder, he had sworn to always choose his friends over any girl. They had become animagi for him. Remus felt in debt.

Madeline had tried numerous times to tell him that his friends only wanted him to be happy. But Remus had been irremovable. “You know what they did for me, Mads; they’re my family. If I can help it, I will never hurt them”, he had told her once.

Madeline looked at Peter, then, and she noticed he was chatting with Amelia who, being a very polite and sweet girl, was paying him a generous amount of attention.

Peter wasn’t exactly ugly… He was a little boy, with messy, ash blond hair and a pointy nose. His eyes were little and pale blue.

His face was round, and boyish. He was a scrawny, tiny thing. Cute, to some. And yet, there was something sinister in his hinted smile…

Madeline turned to look at Remus, who was wearing a turtleneck jumper that highlighted his sharp cheekbones. He was sipping on some red wine while listening to what Sirius was telling. Suddenly, he felt Madeline’s gaze on him, turned to look at the girl, and blushed.

“Do I have something on my face?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

“No, not at all, Moony... I was just thinking you’re very handsome tonight.”

Remus blushed harder. “It’s such a huge compliment coming from you, y’know that?” he said, smiling tenderly and circling her shoulders with his arm. Madeline smiled back; tipsy Moony was touchy, and that made her laugh every time she witnessed that.

“Is it?”

“Yeah, look at you, you’re beautiful. I don’t find it hard to understand why he’s head over heels in love with you.”

Madeline’s brows knitted. “He? Who’s he?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” he laughed, appearing quite groggy, almost drunk. “That’s S-“

“Are you flirting with Mads, Moony dear?”, suddenly shouted James from her side, and then he started laughing. All eyes fixed on them.

Remus looked completely embarrassed, while Sirius stared at them with a curious expression on his face. He looked dumbfounded. It took some seconds for Madeline to answer; after all, they had all drunk a lot.

“Quite the contrary, Prongsie. I’m flirting with him. But I don’t thing I’m his type.”

“Well, wash your eyes, Rem, darling.” Said Meda with a serious tone, making all of them laugh aloud.

Remus laughed too. “No, I know she’s great… But she’s my sister.” He said, shrugging.

Madeline nodded solemnly, and circled Remus’ waist with her arm, putting her cheek against his shoulder. “And he’s my brother.”

Alice suddenly took Peter’s camera, who was leaning on the table, and snapped a picture of them. The polaroid took some minutes to come into life, and when Alice and Frank looked at it, they smiled.

“This is a great one,” said the boy.

Al nodded, “Yeah, I may have a future.” She stated, and handed the photo to Madeline.

The blonde girl couldn’t help but think they looked so drunk, and complicit, and happy in it. “I want you to have this”, she said to Remus after staring at it for a while. “Because I sometimes wonder if you know how much I love you. I know I’m not… Like them… To you...” she lowered her voice, gesturing towards Sirius and James and Peter. “But…”

Remus’s eyes widened. “Not like them? Mads, just because you didn’t become an Animagus, that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate and value what you do for me everyday. Madeline, you’re so important to me. Don’t you dare think otherwise! You’ve helped me a big deal. You were always my friend, no matter what. You understand my silences, you know what goes on in my head. You’re really my sister.”

Alcohol made Moony become touchy and deep and emotional.

Madeline smiled, “Alright, then…”

“And I love you too.”

She gave him a peck on the cheek and was about to reply that she loved him too, when they were interrupted by a sudden cheer; everybody was staring at Sirius, who was emptying a glass of firewhiskey.

“Come on, Pads, finish it already!”, James was encouraging him, clapping.

Remus and Madeline started laughing with the rest of them.

* * *

Then, they moved to the dancefloor. Everybody already had a partner for the slow dances, so Madeline ended up dancing with Remus for most of the time. She had a lot of fun. He was a bit clumsy and shy, but he knew how to move.

She also danced with the girls, with James, and even with Frank. Sirius had been snogging Marlene for a while by then, and she didn’t want to interrupt them just to ask the boy to have a dance with her.

Peter and Amelia were talking in low voices on one side of the dancefloor, while James had somehow convinced Lily to stick with him for the night. It was probably due to the alcohol in the redhead’s body.

Midnight rapidly approached. The thought of the year that was about to come made Madeline feel both happy and anxious.

Moony seemed to sense her thoughts, for he gave her a gentle smile, the one he always gave his friends when he wanted to reassure them; the one who made him look so much older and wiser.

“You know, Madeline… There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” He whispered to her.

“I hope you’re right, Remus.”

And then there was the countdown, and everybody started yelling, and Sirius and James took bottles of Champagne in their hands, and the young boys and girls all looked at each other… And then it was 1977.

There was clapping, cheering, shouting, singing, dancing, kissing, hugging. Andromeda and Ted conjured massive fireworks which recreated the writing “Happy New Year” in the night sky. Everybody was happy.

Padfoot walked to her and took her in his arms, and then whispered sweet words into her ear. “You’re so beautiful, Mads, and I love you so much.” And she replied, “I love you too.” And then, he smiled at her. Suddenly, James hugged her from behind and they all laughed, and soon she was in Andromeda’s arms. “You’re really blind, little one, but I love you anyway”. She didn’t really understand what they were all telling her, the alcohol and the excitement making her feel like she was high on some kind of illegal potion.

She had so much love in her life it was disorientating.

Some time later, when everyone was chatting, dancing to some ballad or snogging, she took advantage of a moment of peace to go and smoke a cigarette on her own. Madeline often felt the need to stop and think.

Above all, when she was drunk.

She entered into James’s house, and exited from the front door. She needed to put some distance between the others and herself. She lighted a cigarette when she reached the front porch of the Manor.

She cursed when the chilly air of the night made her shiver. She instantly regretted leaving the warmth of the gazebo.

She tried to distract herself by taking a long drag from the Marlboro. She closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply the scent of nicotine. It made her feel dizzy, and light-headed.

“Are you an angel?” a deep voice whispered, right into her ear. She smiled. He had frightened her, but she knew his velvet tone too well not to recognize it; plus, the whiskey had slowed her reaction.

“If I’m one, then you must be a devil...” She said, and his breath tickled her neck when he gave a low laugh. “…who came here to take me into darkness.” She continued.

His hands circled her hips and her back was suddenly pressed against Severus’ chest.

“Maybe I am.” He said, before leaving a gentle kiss of her jawline. Madeline shivered again, but not because of the cold. The boy’s warmth was already encircling her. She thought he had probably cast a charm to make her feel alright. She smiled.

“Merlin, you’re so beautiful.” He muttered.

“Are you drunk?”, Madeline asked, surprised by his confidence and boldness. Severus’ breath smelled of Firewhiskey.

“Just a bit more than I was in the Room of Requirement.”

“So the answer is yes.”

Madeline said, turning in his arms to look at him. He was wearing a new suit; black; two-piece; his shirt was unbuttoned and it showed his pale, bony chest. His inky hair were messy and fell around his face.

“You’re drunk too, though.” He stated.

Madeline grinned, “I am.” She said, and put the cigarette between her lips. Severus gazed at them, licking his own. “Living with Mulciber gives me access to portkeys… And, well... They say you spend the rest of the new year as you start it.” He explained, after a while.

Madeline raised an eyebrow. “Is this a declaration of some sort?”

Severus laughed slightly, “You’re a little tease even when you’re drunk.”

Madeline smiled and tossed the cigarette away. “Shut up, won’t you, Professor Snape?” she whispered before leaning into him, and he kissed her full on the mouth.

Drunk Severus was way touchier than Remus, Madeline thought when the boy let his hands move to her lower back. She bit his lip and smiled at his hungry expression before he claimed her mouth again. Their tongues danced together for some time.

Electricity was in the air.

“You’re too beautiful to stay around boys that aren’t me” he muttered against her neck. She raised her chin so that he could have better access to it.

“You’re sexy when you’re jealous,” she said with a grin on her face.

“Maybe I should... take you... away from here, then.” He stated, looking at her in the eyes. “We could... spend the night together.”

Madeline sweetly smiled at him, and raised a hand to caress his cheek. “I can’t just leave, babe.” She sighed, “They’re my best friends. They don’t deserve this.”

He tightened his grip on her waist and leaned his forehead against hers. “Alright.” He said, and his low, velvety voice resonated through his chest, making her smile again.

“Don’t be sad,” she muttered, moving his hair away from his pale face. “There will be other nights.”

He nodded slowly, before kissing her again, this time more gently. His hands went into her hair to slightly caress her scalp, and she put hers behind his neck to pull him closer.

Their kisses tasted of firewhiskey, cigarettes and fragile promises.

“MADS!!” Someone shouted, and they instantly separated. Hearing Sirius’ voice wasn’t something she was looking forward to.

Snape sighed, his facial features hardened with anger and his jaw clenched. He shot her an apologetic look when he heard footsteps coming closer.

“I need to go” he said.

Madeline looked at him with saddening eyes. Then, she nodded.

“Happy New Year, Severus.”

He gave her a little smile, and moved forward to kiss her one last time. “Happy New Year, Madeline.” He whispered. Then, he grabbed a lighter from his pocket, his portkey, probably, and disappeared.

Right then, the front door opened and Sirius stepped into the porch.

“Mads, I was looking for you! What are you doing here?” he asked, with a high-pitched voice, getting closer to her and encircling her shoulders with his arm.

“Oh, just smoking a cigarette away from the mess.” She simply answered, looking disinterested; she was already missing Severus’ kisses and whispers.

Sirius smiled, “Yeah, I understand.” He said. “Want to smoke another one?” he asked, sitting on the porch steps and putting a Benson and Hedges between his lips.

“Sure,” she murmured, and sat right next to him. Sirius lighted her Malboro, and they stood there watching the night sky in silence for some minutes. The stars shone so bright.

“So… Marlene?” she said, looking at him in her peripheral. “She’s nice, I like her.”

“Do you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “She’s… Fine, I think.”

Madeline laughed. “She really is, Pads.”

“Yeah…” he shrugged. He sounded kind of tired in Mads’ opinion. “You’re really breath-taking tonight.”

“You’re quite dashing too Mr. Padfoot.”

He grinned, and took a long drag from his cigarette. “James has tried to snog Evans, by the way. She slapped him and ran away. Alice went to talk to her and then James told her he was sorry, and knelt in front of her and begged for her forgiveness. Damn, he’s so drunk. Evans was so embarrassed she eventually accepted his apology and retired to bed with the other girls. Now, Prongs dear is having a long talk about women with Frank and Ted.”

“WHAT?” asked Madeline, her eyes wide opened. “I CAN’T BELIEVE I’VE MISSED ALL OF THIS.”

“Yeah, that’s why I came looking for you, the boy’s gone crazy and it was totally hilarious.” Sirius said, and started barking.

“Thanks Merlin James exists.” He added, “He’s always there to lighten up my mood.”

“Was your mood down? I thought you were enjoying yourself.”

Sirius smiled bitterly and shrugged. “You know I have ups and downs when I’m drunk.”

Madeline smiled, “Maybe it’s time for all of us to go to sleep.”

She raised to her feet and extended his hand for him to take.

Sirius looked up into her face, and there was some pain and uncertainty in his grey eyes. It seemed he was about to make one of the most important choices in his life. “I think I’ll stay here a little bit longer.” He whispered then, like it took him so much strength to say the words, and broke his stare. Madeline let her hand fall to her side. “Alright.” She said, “Goodnight Pads. And Happy New Year.”

“Goodnight.” He replied softly. He wasn’t looking at her.

Madeline walked to the door, and when she was about to enter, his voice stopped her again.

“Oh, and Madeline…” she turned to look at her best friend, and he had a sweet expression on his face, though it was mixed with bitterness and struggle. The boy exhaled. “Happy New Year.” He simply said.

Madeline smiled, and walked inside the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been re-reading Harry Potter lately and... Well, I can't deny I'm so in love with Sirius Black. x


	22. Death Eaters

Madeline was really looking forward to going back to Hogwarts that year. She had spent amazing holidays with her friends, and yet she missed seeing Severus every day.

When her mind travelled back to New Year’s Eve, she couldn’t help but smile. That night, he had wanted to take her away from the party, away with him…

She was distracted from her thoughts by Remus, who moved in his sleep. He had been very tired, the full Moon’s being close, and he had put his head on Madeline’s lap. Now, he was gently snoring, while the girl played with his longish, light-brown hair.

Sirius, James and Peter were sitting in front of them, while quietly whispering about Quidditch; Madeline stopped listening to them after some time, and she let her eyes roam outside the window. The Scottish countryside moved rapidly before her as the Hogwarts Express travelled towards the Castle. It was a cold, foggy day.

Suddenly, someone appeared in front of the door of the compartment, and gently knocked on it; it was Marlene McKinnon.

“Hello everyone” she sweetly said, before giving them all a gentle smile and blushing when her eyes met Sirius’. Then, she noticed Remus sleeping and lowered her tone of voice, “How’s the journey going?”

Padfoot shrugged, “Fine” he muttered. Madeline shot him a reproachful look, and then smiled at the girl. “Good, thank you Lene. What about yours?” she asked.

She would have proposed her to sit with them, if there had been enough place for her to do so.

“Oh, great, yeah, thank you Mads.” She said, not sounding convinced, “Well… See you at dinner, then” she quickly added, before closing the door of the compartment a little too harshly and storming away.

Moony woke up with a start when he heard the door closing, and he threw a confused look around himself. “What happened?” he asked, rising to a sitting position and rubbing his neck.

Madeline sighed, crossing her arms, “Sirius has just been a dick to Marlene.”

“What?”, the boy exclaimed, knitting his brows, “I haven’t said anything wrong!”

“You’ve barely said anything, Pads!”, she retorted.

“Yeah, mate” Prongs said, “I agree with Mads. You were a little cold.”

Peter only nodded, looking between them.

Sirius mirrored Madeline, who was in front of him, and crossed his arms, before letting himself fall back in his seat. “Well, I’ve only snogged her once or twice when we were both drunk...” he muttered, “It's not like I’m his boyfriend, or something...”

“Well, you should have thought about that sooner”, Madeline stated, gritting her teeth. “You knew she likes you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I knew, Mads." he muttered, appearing irritated, "Listen, I just didn’t feel like talking to her, okay? I’ll sit with her at dinner it that makes you happy.”

“You should sit with her at dinner if that makes _you_ happy, Pads, not me.” She explained, sternly, but when she saw him knitting his brows and almost _pouting_ at her, she shook her head. “Just… Don’t play with her feelings, okay?. She doesn’t deserve it.”

James nodded, backing her up. “Yeah, brother, the girl’s nice. She likes you. Don’t screw it.”

“Got it, guys." Sirius eventually said, "Now, can we talk about something else?”

Remus yawned. “Like what?”

“Like... Mmm... Ah! Our good old Pete and Amelia!” exclaimed Sirius. “I’ve seen the two of you talking all night at New Year’s…” he said, elbowing Wormtail.

“Oh, Merlin, that’s true!" cried James, "I’ve just remembered that!”, he continued, nodding and turning towards Pettigrew. “Did something happen between you two?”

Wormtail blushed a deep shade of red. He wasn’t used to that much attention and, certainly, not for things like relationships.

“W-we… We kissed once… She was a little shy… But she told me she enjoyed the night.”

Sirius and James started cheering. “You’re learning well, dear Wormy.”

“Yeah, we’re proud of you”, said Prongs, pretending to remove tears from his hazel eyes.

Remus and Madeline watched them, amused by their behaviour.

The girl couldn't help but realise that she greatly admired Moony for letting things go so easily. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to do the same. Not if she'd want something strongly, at least. Maybe Amelia was not worth fighting for, for Moony. Or maybe he had other priorities.

“Keep her close, Wormtail” said Sirius, knowingly. “The next step is to take her to bed.”

Madeline gaped at that, raising an eyebrow. "Excuse me?! She's a girl, not a piece of meat." she stated, before looking at Peter, "The next step is to ask her out."

Prongs nodded solemnly, “Mads' absolutely right. A date is what you two need. Listen, Wormy, don't hesitate to ask for my help if you need it.” He suggested, swelling his chest.

Peter blushed again, “T-thank you Prongs… But maybe Sirius… Or Madeline… can help me better…”

James raised an eyebrow at that, appearing confused. “And why would you want their help and not mine?”

Wormtail looked embarassed, then, and that’s when they all understood what he had meant. Padfoot started barking and pointed a finger towards James, “Well, mate, we can’t say you’re exactly _successful_ with girls, can we? Or should we ask Evans?”

All of them started laughing aloud, except for James Potter, who turned to look at Peter Pettigrew with an offended look on his handsome, young face, and crossed his arms.

* * *

When they reached the Great Hall, in the evening, they were starving.

Madeline crossed its massive doors at Remus’ side, and instantly shot a long stare towards the Slytherin table. It was some time before she met her favorite pair of onyx’s eyes. She smiled at Severus, and the side of his mouth twitched in an acknowledging smile of its own.

Sirius sat next to Marlene, and Madeline felt immensely relieved by that. The girl's expression seemed to lighten up when the boy started telling her about Quidditch, and other annoying stuff girls pretended to like in front of boys they fancied.

Alice and Lily hugged her when they spotted her behind the Marauders, and urged her to sit down next to them and Frank. Eventually, the sixth year Gryffindor girls and boys ended up being all together and sharing a cheerful meal.

They ate a lot, and reminisced the good moments they had spent together at Potter Manor.

It was all going well, when Madeline noticed Sirius’ eyes meeting Regulus’; the boys both froze. Marlene raised an eyebrow at that, questioningly. “Sirius? Are you okay?”, she asked, having ignored the exchange.

James instantly turned to look at Sirius when he heard those words. Madeline and hd followed Padfoot’s gaze to the Slytherin table, and then they both sighed.

Sirius whispered something to Marlene in a low voice; she just nodded and gave him a sweet smile. Then, he stood up, and walked away from the Great Hall.

“I guess this is the end of our dinner.” Stated James.

Madeline nodded. “I guess you’re right” she said, and swallowed one last sip of pumpkin juice. The other Gryffindors had stopped eating to look at them. Madeline smiled apologetically at them, “I’m... a little tired…” she explained, and yawned, “I think I’ll go to bed… See you in the Common Room, guys” she kindly told them, and stood up from her seat.

“Yeah, well, now that I think about it…” said James, following her, "I'm pretty tired myself!"

Remus, who had not seen what had happened between the Black brothers, called for them, “Prongs! Mads! Aren’t you even going to listen to Dumbledore’s speech?”, he questioned, knowing that the girl enjoyed hearing about Dumbledore’s views, advices and considerations.

She shrugged, before smiling sweetly at him, “You’ll tell me about it, Moons. I’m needed elsewhere” she commented, turning to look at Prongs.

Remus nodded, “Oh, I see...” He said. “Shall I…?”

“Oh, no, there’s no reason...” She quickly said, knowing that Sirius wouldn’t open up in front of too many people, but he'd just joke about the whole situation. “You should listen to the Headmaster’s speech, so you can tell me about it later.”

“Sure, I'll do that” Moony assured her, and gave her a smile matching her own.

Madeline nodded, before walking away from the Gryffindor table along with James.

“What should we do?” asked Prongs, sounding concerned, while they were on their way the Common Room. “I mean, he knew Reg would be a different person, didn’t he? Why's he reacting so badly?”

Madeline sighed, “Prongsie…. He’s his brother. He’ll never get used to the idea that he’s a…”, she held her breath before saying the word.

Funny, how words can be a burden.

James stopped in his tracks, and turned to look at her. There was something different in his eyes. He had turned serious all of a sudden, and it seemed to her that he was looking for something in her eyes. “Say it.”

“What?” she asked, surprised.

“Say what he is.”

Madeline crossed her arms, “Why?”

“Because I need you to understand it as well.”

The girl raised an eyebrow, “Understand what? You’re being ridiculous, James.”

“Maybe that’s true, Madeline, but do you mind answering me?” he asked, ever the stubborn boy.

“But you know what I meant” she argued.

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t be afraid to say the word, either.”

“I’m not afraid to say it.”

“Then do it. Say what Regulus has become.”

She sighed deeply, and it took her much strength and patience to find the courage to breathe the word that was giving her nightmares since Christmas. “A Death Eater.”

“Yeah, that’s what he is. No coming back from that.” He stated, and resumed his walking.

“James!” she called for him, and he turned to look at her.

“Yes?”

“I… don’t think… there’s no coming back.” She spat out, “We’ve met Regulus. He’s not the nicest boy on Earth… But he’s not evil.”

James’ eyes widened, “But he’s a servant of Voldemort, nonetheless!” he took a step in her direction. “Like your dear friend, if you ask me. I bet on my life he’s one too, by now.”

Madeline swallowed, and closed her eyes for an instant.

“Don’t talk about him.”

“Or what, Mads? You know as well as me he’s knee-deep into the Dark Arts!”

“Yeah, I know that, Prongs…”

“And what else do you know?”

Blue eyes met hazel ones. “What are you asking me?”

“Is he a Death Eater?” he sighed, “I’m sure that if he is, he’s told you.”

“Why are you so sure about that?”

“Because I’ve seen how you look at each other. And it makes me mad.”

Madeline shook his head, “James…”

“Tell me the truth, Madeline.”

“I… don’t know.”

He inhaled some air, slowly, and again so slowly he exhaled it.

“I believe you” he said, and Madeline felt like he had just betrayed him. She didn’t like the feeling. “But you not knowing doesn’t mean he isn’t one.” James added.

Before she could answer him, another voice interrupted them.

“Will you stop arguing?” They turned to look at Sirius, who had stepped out of the Common Room, probably after hearing their raised voices. “Everybody’s going to hear you.” He told them…. "Oh,” he sighed, then, “And don’t come up here if you’re going to treat me like a fucking child.” He spat out, and walked through the portrait of the Fat Lady.

Madeline rolled her eyes at that, and followed Sirius inside the empty Gryffindor Common Room. James did the same.

“Pads, can we talk? We know that seeing Regulus has put you down" she commented.

Sirius laid on the sofa in the middle of the room, and closed his eyes. “There’s nothing to say, Mads. You know how I feel. It will take time… but I will heal.”

James raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, mate, but you can’t storm out of a room anytime you see your brother.”

“Who says I can’t?”

Madeline sighed, “Pads… Come on… I know it’s not easy.”

“No, Mads, you don't know that... Your family’s made of good people.”

Madeline suddenly thought that she had heard similar words from another person, some time before. _Severus_.

“Yeah..." she breathed, "It's true. I’m lucky, I know that. But… This war…”, Merlin, she hated the war with all her heart. “..Is affecting us all.”

Prongs muttered his agreement and sat on the armchair next to the fireplace. “It is.” He murmured. “I’m so worried about Mum and Dad all the time… They risk their lives everyday… Being Aurors now is so terribly dangerous.”

Madeline shot him a look. “What? You’ve never mentioned it, Prongs. I thought they were safe.”

Sirius gave her a look. He probably did knew. The girl wasn’t surprised of that. Since he had ran away from home, the Potters had practically adopted him. They had always treated Sirius like a child of their own, and the bond had only become tighter with time.

“Well, they were… But now Voldemort is getting stronger, and they are needed on the battlefield…” he explained. He then shot her an apologetic look. “I should have told you… I just didn’t want to think bad things would happen.”

Madeline looked at him, and she noticed that some lines had formed on James’ forehead. He looked almost… Scared. “You’ve told me now” she calmed him, while smiling. “I’m sorry, Prongs… But, you know, your parents are way stronger than you think.”

Sirius gave a low laugh, then. “Yeah… They have to live with you, after all, don’t they?” he said, and Madeline loved him for breaking the tension, and for being like that. He was always able to lighten up the mood when things became heavy.

James laughed, too, and messed his air, like he always did. “Shut your mouth, dog.”

Madeline thought about telling them about Severus, then. She didn’t want to have any secret with her best friends… But then again, those were not her secrets to share. She wouldn’t betray his trust… It had taken too much time to make him understand he could confide in her.

Lying to James had been difficult… But necessary.

“I love you, guys.” She simply said, then, and there was a request of forgiveness in her soft words.

Sirius looked at her, “We’re all becoming emotional fools, aren't we? This war is making us _old_.”

James nodded, “It really is…” he agreed, before slowly moving towards her. Also Padfoot stood up, and they both reached her. They put his arms around her shoulders, and they laid their heads against her own. She smiled.

“We love you too”, said Sirius.

James kissed her forehead, then, before adding, "You know we do"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings. I know this chapter will probably bore you a bit, but I think it is important to stress the bond that ties the Marauders and Madeline together to understand what will eventually happen... I hope you'll appreciate these moments between the characters, because dark times are awaiting them.


	23. Lemon Cake

As usual, lessons became tougher after the end of the Christmas holidays.

The new semester brought the Professors to increase the amount of homework they gave to students.

The day after they had come back to the Castle, the sixth year Gryffindors were already full of assignments.

“Fuckin’ hell” muttered Sirius as they walked out of Transfiguration, “Minnie's gone crazy.”

Peter nodded, looking pretty tired himself, and even Remus didn't find the strength to reprimand Sirius for how he had called McGonagall.

Luckily for all of them, that was the last class of the day.

The girls and boys all went back to their Common Room, dropping their books and having quick showers before going to dinner. The day had really weighed down on them. In Potter Manor, they were used to oversleep, play Quidditch, smoke cigarettes and listen to music all day. Hogwarts life was so much different.

As they moved towards the Great Hall, Madeline spotted a group of Slytherins doing the same, not too far from them; she couldn’t believe her luck as she spotted Severus between them. He was walking slowly, with his hands in his pockets, barely listening to his mates and giving a nod of agreement every now and then as Mulciber and Avery discussed something.

“Mmm… See you later, guys, I need to have a word with someone.” Madeline whispered to the Marauders, and they all look displeased as she separated from them and walked towards the skinny boy.

When Severus noticed her, she smiled at him and stood in his way.

His friends turned around when they realized he wasn’t following them anymore. “What’s the matter, Snape?”

Madeline threw them an annoyed look. “You may go, _darlings,_ you’re not required here.” she just said, crossing her arms.

Avery raised an eyebrow at that, while his features hardened, “Don’t you dare use that presumptuous tone with me!”

“Presumptuous?”, Madeline laughed lightly. “Wow, your vocabulary is really widening. I’m proud of you.”

His face abruptly reddened, and the boy was about to give her a sour reply when Severus told him he’d reach them later, took her hand in his, and pulled her away from the entrance of the Great Hall.

They walked for a bit in silence, and ended up in the same old classroom in which he had tutored her in Potions.

“You shouldn’t speak to them like that.” He said, as he closed the door behind himself.

“Why? Because they’re Death Eaters?”

He sighed, “Yes. _Exactly_ because of that. They’re dangerous, and stupid… Which makes them even more dangerous.”

She shrugged, “I'm not afraid of them. I won’t be quiet.”

He couldn’t help but smile at her. “Of course you won’t…” he muttered, before looking directly into her blue eyes. “You wanted to speak to me?”

Madeline laughed, and approached him. She stopped when they chests were barely touching and Severus had to lower his gaze to properly look into her face.

“I wanted to be with you.” She whispered, and as he bent to kiss her, she took a step back.

Some amusement sparkled in his onyx eyes. “You want to play with me?”

“Well… I can’t deny I’ve missed doing so.”

Severus nodded, and went to sit on the desk in front of the class. “Two can play at this game.” He stated.

Madeline raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you want to make _me_ beg for a kiss instead?”, she playfully asked.

The Slytherin boy grinned. “That would be exciting, if I must be honest. Plus, you probably deserve it.” He said, crossing his arms.

Madeline, who had begun walking towards him, stopped in her tracks. “What? Why?”

Severus knitted his brows. “I’m tired of seeing you running behind Black anytime he’s in a tantrum.” He admitted sternly, like he had been holding back from saying so for too much time; his tone of voice had gone from amused to annoyed in less than a second.

Madeline sighed deeply. “Listen, we’ve already talked about this…”

“You promised you’d stop acting like his girlfriend.”

“I’m acting like his _friend,_ Severus.” She explained, icily. “If you hadn’t noticed, James came with me.”

“Oh, and you think that makes me feel better? I hate Potter!”

“Well, is there someone you don’t hate?” she asked, raising her voice.

He shot her a look. “Well, I don’t hate you.”

“How lucky I am…” she muttered, out of fatigue.

She didn’t really mean it to sound so… Mean.

Severus stiffened visibly, and he threw her a hurt look that only lasted a second. Then, the cold, expressionless mask he reserved to everyone else moved back in place. The boy stood up from the desk and started walking towards the door. “Fine” he muttered, “Go fuck yourself, then.”

“Severus…” she called for him.

He didn’t stop.

“Severus Snape, don’t run away from me! What are you, a coward?”

She saw his whole being freeze at that. She didn’t care. She wanted him to face her. She hated people who simply ran away from problems.

He slowly turned, and she couldn’t help but flinch when seeing the anger burning behind his eyes.

 _“Don’t_ – _call me_ – _a_ _coward.”_ He said out of gritted teeth.

She took a step back. “Then don’t be one. Stay. Talk to me.”

“I think you’ve said enough.”

“I haven’t.” she stated, and inspired deeply. “Severus, why won’t you trust me? I’ve already betrayed James’ trust for you. Don’t push me away.”

He arched an eyebrow at that. “What? How did you betray his trust?”

“It doesn’t matter now…” she breathed out, shaking the thought away. “The fact is… I did it to protect you. Because you’re my friend.” She approached him slowly. “And you should stop close in on yourself whenever we argue.”

He looked at her keenly, studying her expression for some seconds. Then, as swiftly as it had come back in place, the mask of coldness slipped away from his face.

Madeline sadly thought that, one day, the boy in front of her wouldn’t be able to take it off anymore. That mask would take over him; it would break him.

Because it's _impossible_ to pretend not to feel anything for most of the time.

Sooner or later, when you deny your feelings, you end up forgetting about having them, _at all._

The weight on Severus’ heart, the one who forced him to appear unbreakable in front of everyone... It would probably kill him some day.

Her heart skipped a beat when those thoughts registered in her head.

A whole minute passed while they stared at each other through the silent room.

He was the first one to take a step in her direction. “I thought you liked me being jealous…” he said with a soft tone of voice.

He looked at the floor, as if he was ashamed of the words that had barely left his mouth. Madeline understood it was a request of forgiveness.

She rolled her eyes. Boys were such weird creatures.

“I'm sorry... For calling you a coward.” She admitted.

“I’m sorry for mistrusting you. It’s just… So difficult, for me.”

“I know.” She said, and took a step in his direction.

He looked up at her, then. “But I won’t always agree with what you think, or do. And this doesn’t make me any less than a friend. You can’t expect me to be a pet to control as you like, Severus.”

He snorted. “I certainly know that. Plus, it’d be impossible to control you. You’re way too hot-headed for that…” he walked towards her. “Such a Gryffindor you are, Madeline Green.”

She smiled sweetly, because she knew he couldn’t resist her charm for too long.

Severus loved that look on her face. The little tease knew how to soften him.

“Can we stop playing for a bit?” he asked.

She shrugged, “Yeah, playing has led us to no good.” Madeline said, and she was about to laugh, when Severus’ lips claimed hers.

It was nothing like the hot, breathless, full of desire kisses they had exchanged on New Year’s Eve.

These were their “ _I’ve missed you so much and I’m so sorry for always complicating things_ ” kind of kisses. She let her hands roam through his hair as always, and he bent to suck on his neck as always, and then he pushed her against a wall and she moaned.

“I’m just so jealous all the time…”, he whispered against her ear. “I think he acts all desperate just to see you running behind him…”

Madeline laughed, “Sirius’ not like that…” she muttered, but he silenced her by kissing her again.

“Don’t say his name while we do this…” he said in a harsh tone, just before his tongue slipped back into her mouth. She bit his lower lip after a minute or so, as she always did to break their kisses. “For your information, Siri-“ he threw her a look, as he left a trail of wet kisses and bites on her neck. “Fine” she muttered, “My best friend... is seeing someone else.”

Severus stopped to look into her eyes, “Who’s the girl?”

“Marlene McKinnon.”

He snorted, “She’s always fancied him. Everybody knows that. Black’s just using her for entertainment because he can’t have you…” he said, and gave her no chance to reply and deny everything, like he knew she would do. He encircled her waist with his hands and pushed her against him to kiss her again full on the mouth, until they were left breathless and panting.

“Easy, love…” she whispered, laughing, “I don’t want someone to find us shagging in a classroom.”

She had only meant that as a joke, but Severus’ eyes lighted up when she said the word _“shagging”._

“Yeah, right…” he agreed, then, coming back to his senses. “Maybe we should go back to dinner.”

Madeline sighed, “Oh, they’re probably serving dessert by now. We could go to the kitchens...”

He raised an eyebrow at that, looking surprised. “The kitchens? You know where they are?”

She rolled her eyes. “Severus… I know you hate them, but the Marauders really are bright people.”

He made a disgusted face. “How do they know the Castle so well?”

She laughed, “Do you really expect me to tell you their secrets only because we've just snogged?”

He pouted, “No… But I wanted to give it a try…”

She took his hand in hers and led him away from that dark classroom. “Let’s go. I’m starving! Just don’t tell anyone where they are… The elves are delicate creatures, one must know how to deal with them.”

“Elves? Delicate creatures? Not Mulciber’s…”

She turned to give him a strange look. “Fucking purists… They’re really the worst.” She commented. “My elves are like part of the family… They’re amazing creatures.”

Severus let himself be pulled by her. “You’re really a weird Pureblood, Green.”

She threw him a sad look. “No, I’m not. There are so many like me. You were just so unlucky you met the worst of us.”

Severus decided it was time to change subject. This was dangerous field. As he thought about what to say next, they reached a painting depicting a fruit basket. Madeline left his hand and grinned at him. “I’m not crazy…” she warned him, and started tickling the image of a pear.

Severus was about to comment otherwise, when a handle appeared in the middle of the painting, and Madeline opened a secret door.

He had never been to the kitchens… Merlin, nobody he knew had ever been to the kitchens.

They were big, and warm. There were four huge, widen tables that resembled the ones in the Great Hall. Hundreds of house elves were moving around, working, probably already preparing the food for breakfast. When they spotted Madeline, all of them cheered and greeted her with joy.

One of them approached her, and Madeline shook his… or her?... hand. The elf looked quite old, but he had an elegant air to himself...W Whichwas quite strange for an elf. His eyes were big, and blue, and his clothes were of Gryffindor colours, and strangely refined.

“So glad to see you, Miss Madeline.” said the elf with a loud, hoarse voice, sounding excited.

“So glad to see you too, Maximilian.” the girl said, with a huge smile of her face. “You’re wearing our Christmas gift! You look lovely! I told Sirius and James you’d like them!”

The elf’s eyes glimmered with pride at Madeline’s compliment.

“The young Miss and Masters have been so kind to Maximilian. Maximilian loves Gryffindor colours!”

Madeline smiled, “They’re the best indeed. You have a good taste, Max.” she grinned. Severus snorted, and she gave him a playful nudge.

“Me and my friend have skipped dinner… We were wondering if we could still eat something? If it isn’t too much trouble.” She explained, then.

Severus shot her a surprised look. That wasn’t the way Pureblood wizards usually addressed to House elves. For what he knew, they were nothing but servants. Wizards gave them orders; they didn't make _requests._

“It isn’t too much trouble for Maximilian, it isn’t at all!” squeaked the elf, “Maximilian is honoured to serve such a kind girl! Maximilian is so glad to have such a kind friend! Maximilian has missed Miss Madeline and Masters Sirius and James!”

The girl’s eyes softened, “Oh, Max, we were so busy with homework, that’s why we haven’t paid you visit lately… But we’ve missed you too! I’ll tell Sirius and James to come by and say hello, ok?”

“Please, Miss Madeline, that would be wonderful, thank you Miss, Maximilian is so grateful…” he rapidly said, and she smiled again, before turning to look at the boy. “What would you like to eat?” she asked.

He shrugged, “You choose. Anything’s okay for me.”

“Mmm, okay… What about desserts? I could dine with cake.”

Severus laughed, “Dine with cake? I’ve never done that. Alright for me.”

Maximilian nodded after their exchange, and walked away, probably to get their food.

Madeline led Severus to a part of the kitchens where there was a smaller wooden table, so that they could put some distance between the elves and themselves.

After no more than a minute, Maximilian brought them a tray full of all types of cakes: carrot cake, chocolate cake, fruit cake, lemon cake and so on. He had also brought them two jugs full of pumpkin juice and cold milk.

Severus didn’t particularly love sweets, but when he saw Madeline’s eyes sparkle with happiness, he couldn’t help but smile too.

“Please, you have to try this” she said, after biting into a piece of lemon cake. “This is my all time favourite.” She commented, and raised her fork to feed him a piece, too.

He blushed slightly, because he wasn’t used to that kind of intimacy, but he opened his mouth nonetheless. The cake melted on his tongue, and he chewed on it a bit before swallowing it.

“So?” asked Madeline, souding curious.

“That’s good.”

She smiled, “It’s the best.” She said, and bit into another piece. She closed her eyes as she did so, and let out a soft moan.

“Merlin, I love this…”

He laughed briefly and started eating something too. He preferred chocolate cake, to be honest, but he didn’t tell her. They ate cake and drank juice until their stomachs were full.

Madeline suddenly looked at him and smiled sweetly.

“What?” he asked. She moved towards him and, when he thought she’d kiss him, she licked his lips, slowly. “You taste like chocolate” she said, and then gave him a peck on the mouth. “Sweet.”

He shook his head, looking incredulous. “I’ll never stop telling you how much of a tease you are.”

“And I’ll never stop telling you I know that” she said, and rolled her eyes.

They spent some more time there, joking and laughing and talking about school, and then they realized it was late, and that they had to go back to their Common Rooms and get some sleep, because they had classes in the morning and they weren’t easy ones.

They greeted Maximilian goodbye, and walked out of the kitchens.

Severus insisted on accompanying her back to the portrait of the Fat Lady, even if the Slytherin Common Room was way closer than the Gryffindor one. Madeline took his hand, and they walked like that, quickly and quietly. They were so lost in their thoughts, with their fingers entwined and each thinking of the other, that they had forgotten to cast a Disillusionment Charm, or to use secret passages.

They thought about that only when it was too late, and Filch pointed a wizened, accusing finger towards them. “Students out of bed.” He stated, appearing satisfied with himself.

Everybody knew about his sadistic enjoyment when he got to punish students. He was about to continue with his accusations, when someone stepped by his side.

“Mister Filch, let me take care of this.”

Alastair Rathbone showed himself to them in all his charm. Madeline couldn’t help but let her eyes roam on his lean, handsome figure. He must had noticed it, because he smirked slightly while looking at the girl.

Severus left her hand, crossed his arms, and moved in front of her when he noticed the exchange. “Professor” he said, and Rathbone’s green-grey eyes landed on him for the first time that evening. “I’m sorry we’re out of our Common Rooms... We were together and we just lost track of time...” He stated, stressing his voice on _“together”._

Rathbone gave out a low laugh, one devoid of any feeling. “I see.” He simply said. “Well, I’m sorry too, but you’ve gained yourselves a detention.”

Filch smiled at that, and petted Mrs. Norris, who was laying gently in his arms and staring at them with her cruel, red eyes.

“Now, we _can’t_ have you spend your detentions together, can we?” asked Rathbone with an obvious tone. “We’ve seen that your vicinity is... Counterproductive.” He added, as a matter-of-fact. “Mr. Snape, you’ll discuss about your detention with Professor Slughorn, as he’s your Head of House.”

The boy nodded sharply, looking pretty annoyed by that.

“Miss Green… Since I wouldn’t want to give another thought to Professor McGonagall, you’ll spend your detention with me.”

Madeline nodded, almost relieved by the fact that she wouldn't have to face McGonagall’s wrath.

“Oh, and of course… Twenty points will be taken from both of your houses.”

Mister Filch’s smile widened, and Madeline was sure she heard him singing under his breath as he walked away, searching for other students to punish.

“Mr. Snape, you can go back to your Common Room, now. I’ll make sure Miss Green gets to Gryffindor tower safely.”

Severus stiffened then, and threw him a hateful look. He knew he couldn’t do anything, so he just sighed and turned to look at Madeline. He gave her a nod, but in his eyes she saw all the displeasure and nervousness he was feeling.

She smiled at him and whispered a “Good night”, before following Rathbone towards her own Common Room.

The Professor was silent for a while.

“It’s not like you to be out of your dormitory after curfew, Miss Green.” He commented.

Madeline looked at him, who was walking by her side. He had a straight, pointed nose, high cheekbones and a light layer of mustache and goatee. His greying hair had lengthened slightly during the holidays, and now fell elegantly around his face.

Merlin, he was really attractive. And yet, there was something mysterious about him…

“I’m sorry Professor. I promise you that it won’t happen again.”

He smiled slightly, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s so easy to make promises when you’re young.” He said, but it was so fast and delicate she almost thought she had imagined it.

When they reached the entrance of the Gryffindor Common Room, she smiled at him. Rathbone just watched her, and took a step in her direction. Then, he bent slightly towards her, as if to look at her better in the dark. She inspired and expired, not knowing what to do, and eventually ended up saying “Thank you for accompanying me, Professor.” In a hurried tone.

Rathbone straightened then, appearing satisfied. He wore a knowing smirk on his charming face.

“My pleasure, Miss Green.” He replied, letting his green-grey eyes study her face for a moment too long. “Sweet dreams…” he added, then, and grinned slightly. “I guess I should try lemon cake some time…” he commented as he moved away from her.

She stood there, looking at his broad back, while feeling astonished and intrigued, until he disappeared from her view.


	24. Oh, And She Said, "It's Your Birthday, Are You Feeling Alright?"

“Baby, will you stop reading for a minute?” Madeline complained, pouting and leaning her head against Severus’ shoulder.

He grinned, but kept his eyes on his Potions’ book. “I can’t... You know I want to become a Potions Master.”

The girl moaned, bored. “You already know more about the subject than Slughorn does…” she said, rolling her eyes. The Slytherin shot her an amused look. “Do you really believe so?”

“Sev.” She sighed, “I know so. You’ve taught me more than he ever did.”

“That’s because I know how to deal with you.”

Madeline smirked, and planted a kiss on his cheek, “That’s true.” She said.

The two young students were spending their Sunday morning in the Castle's library. They were sure they wouldn’t find anyone there; kids usually overslept on Sundays. That was the reason they had taken advantage of the situation.

Madeline kept studying Severus’ features as the boy continued reading about some weird, exotic Potion. He was changing, she noticed. He was, in a way, becoming manlier. His jaw was getting sharper, his cheekbones higher. His body was turning from skinny to lean. She raised a hand to brush his hair.

“Stop staring.” He whispered.

She laughed lightly. “Why? I don’t know what to do!”. He shook his head, and sighed. Madeline admired his ability to remain concentrated on something, even when he had distractions. She was the distraction, in that particular moment. But she didn’t mind his ignoring her. She knew he was very keen on his studies.

“You're a _tease._ ” He muttered after some time.

“Am I?” she smiled.

“D’you want to go to breakfast?” he asked then.

“Don’t you have to finish reading that?” she inquired.

He threw her an incredulous look. “Yeah, but I can’t go on when you stare at me like that.”

“Like what?”

The side of his mouth twitched, and there was amusement in his onyx eyes. “So Slytherin of you.” He muttered.

She pretended to be offended, “How dare you!?” she exclaimed. “Take it back!”

Severus laughed imperceptibly, “Never.” And leaned in to kiss her on the jaw.

She turned and let their lips connect. It was a brief contact, and Severus pouted when she interrupted it.

“I know why you’re doing this… And you’re only validating the cause… Snake.” He whispered against her ear, and she shivered.

She smiled, then. She liked when he teased her just like she did with him.

“Let’s go to breakfast, babe.” She said, suddenly. She was rather hungry, in all honesty.

“Alright”, he agreed, stood up, picked up his book and followed her out of the deserted library.

As they were walking towards the Great Hall they spotted some sleepy kids doing the same. Madeline greeted Amos Diggory a good morning when he saw the older boy going back to Hufflepuff Common Room.

Severus told her about what he had read, and even asked her to brew something together the following weekend. She agreed with a smile on her face.

“You know, earlier I was thinking you should cut your hair a bit.” She said, “Maybe I could help you with that…” she suggested, looking at him with wishful eyes.

He knitted his brows, “Why would I cut them? Boys wear it like this these days.”

“Oh come on, Sev! Like you care about trends!” she said, and he couldn’t deny that. “Plus, they almost reach your shoulders! I would only cut them a bit… Shorten them to the chin, more or less.”

He shrugged, “Fine… I don’t care, do what you want.”

She cheered then, “Thank you, love.”

He shot her an amused look, and when they entered the Great Hall, they wished each other a good day, and moved towards their respective House tables.

The Marauders weren’t there. They probably were still sleeping, considered that they had spent Saturday night playing wizard poker and drinking Rum.

Alice, Frank, Marlene and Lily, on the other hand, were chatting animatedly over their porridges at the Gryffindor table.

“Good morning, Mads!” they all exclaimed, as she sat down next to them.

“Morning, darlings.” She replied with a smile on her face. Alice and Frank resumed talking to Marlene about Quidditch. She was in the Gryffindor team with Frank, and Al was a big fan of the game.

Lily didn’t care much about it, like Madeline, so she turned to speak with the girl.

“So… You and Snape?” asked Lily, raising an eyebrow.

Madeline almost chocked on her pumpkin’ juice. “Me and Snape… What?”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Come on, Mads! You know what I’m asking! Are you two dating?”

The blonde girl looked at her curiously. “Not really… We’re friends, I guess. Why?”

Lily shrugged, “You know why. We’ve already talked about that. I’m only afraid he will hurt your feelings.”

The expression in Madeline’s eyes softened at that. “Well, thank you Lils. You’re a good friend…” she murmured. “Even if, to be honest, I’ve always thought heartbreaks are inevitable in life…”

She raised her eyes to look at Severus, and was surprised when she caught him staring back at Lily and her.

His onyx eyes continued shifting from hers to Lily’s face. Madeline couldn’t help but feel annoyed by that fact. Severus and she had not talked about the redhead Gryffindor for some time…

Madeline vividly remembered he had once told her Lily would be his “Only love” forever. Lots of things had happened since then, though. In that moment, she knew she had to ask Severus about what he felt for Lily Evans. She momentarily thought it was a shame she didn’t know Legilimency. Occlumency was certainly useful to her… But being a Legilimens, like Severus, would have made her life… Easier?

Madeline shook those thoughts away as she came to the conclusion that she wasn’t just the type to toy with people like that.

Severus moved his eyes back to his breakfast, but Madeline didn’t stop staring at him. That’s why she was able to catch the confusion and surprise in his expression when a big, black owl dropped a letter in front of him.

It was indeed a weird thing. From what she knew, Severus never received any mail.

She looked at him as he opened the letter. She saw a little object falling out of it, but the boy was quick in taking it and putting it into his pocket; then, he started reading. His eyes couldn’t hide his sadness. Or maybe she knew him so well she was the only one who could see that.

Severus’ jaw clenched, and a minute later the letter was set on fire, turning into ashes in no more than five seconds.

“What do you think, Mads?”

Frank’s voice brought her back to reality. “Oh, I’m sorry, what?”

Alice smirked, “What do you think about this year’s Quidditch tournament? Do we have a chance? The Ravenclaws are going strong.”

Madeline shrugged, “James and Sirius are pretty sure we could win anyway. I don’t really know, guys.”

Frank laughed, “James… Such an incurable optimist.”

“Yeah… Isn’t he?” Madeline agreed.

The conversation with her friends went on ‘till the end of breakfast, but Madeline’s mind continued travelling back to the letter Severus had received.

* * *

She intercepted him as he was walking back to Slytherin Common Room.

She took his arm and smiled at him. "Hey, love, d'you want to take a walk by the Lake?"

He raised his eyebrows at that. "I thought you had to do your homework"

"That's true, but I know something has shaken you." She admitted, "And I want to be with you."

Severus sighed, "You don't have to, Madeline..."

She laughed then. "You sound so formal when you say my name, Professor Snape" she joked.

He shrugged, and smirked. "Calling you Mads makes me think of Black and Potter." He said.

"Well, call me what you want... Even if I would prefer love, baby, darling or sweetheart."

Severus took a step in her direction and was about to whisper something in her ear when some Ravenclaw kids walked by them, staring. The boy took a step back. Madeline knew she was quite reserved.

"Black Lake then? Alright for me... It's not like I can deny you anything..."

She grinned, then. "See you at the Castle entrance. I'm going to grab my cloak. It's cold outside."

He nodded and observed her as she walked rapidly towards Gryffindor Tower. He went to his dormitory to grab his cloak too, and minutes later they met again and exited the Castle together.

Madeline looked radiant as the sun reflected on her blonde hair and fair skin. They started walking along the side of the Lake.

It was a nice winter day.

"What did you tell your friends this time?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes, "That I was coming out to breathe some fresh air. They had just woken up…” she said, laughing. “Anyway, they're not really that obsessed with me, you know..."

He snorted, "Yeah, sure."

Madeline shot him an annoyed look, but he knew she was just pretending.

"Will you tell me about the letter?" She asked after some time, crossing her arms.

He hesitated. "It's... Nothing, really."

"Seeeev..." she chanted, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't want to ruin this day." He muttered.

"You can't keep hurtful things inside of you and pretend they don't exist. This thing you do... It will kill you." She said, pointing her blue eyes towards the cloudless sky.

He seemed to think about that for a bit, but he eventually answered. "My mother wrote to me... She said she was worried about me..." he laughed an empty laugh, "Guilt's eating her up... But she's lost to me, now."

Madeline stayed silent for a bit. "You should forgive her, Severus." She stated, throwing side glances at him.

He halted in his steps. "How can you say that?" He asked, his tone of voice turning colder.

She turned to look at him. "She hurt you, I know. But you cling to the bad things in your life far too much... Try to see the good around you." She explained.

"The good?" He repeated, dumbfounded. "Madeline, you're the only good thing that's happened to me in years… Years, do you understand?"

She saw some desperation in his onyx eyes. "You had Lily, before."

Severus shook his head. "I used to think so too. But we grew apart as we grew old... I only now realize that Hogwarts... The same place we used to dream about together, as children... It has changed us...." he stared at some birds, which were flying near them. "I'll always be fond of her. She's the first friend I've ever had..."

The words stuck in his throat.

"You once told me she would be your only love, forever..."

He laughed. "You remember that?" Then, a sparkle of understanding and amusement shone in his eyes. "Wait, are you... Jealous?"

Madeline grinned. "What is that thing on your face, Severus Snape?" She said, approaching him slowly. "You're not satisfied, are you?"

"Of course I am. It's funny to see you like this."

She smiled, "Idiot." She stated, "Do you still love her, or not?" She asked then. She just had to know.

"Yeah, yeah I do. I’ll always be in debt with her, and she’ll always stay in my heart... But… I love her in a different way, now..."

"I understand what you mean. It's what I feel for my friends."

Severus coughed, probably not liking the comparison. "I guess..." he commented.

They resumed walking, then. He kept his eyes on his feet, and continued thinking about Madeline's jealousy towards Lily.

"She sent you something... Your mother... What was it?" The Gryffindor girl suddenly said, breaking his train of thoughts.

Severus knitted his brows. "How do you...?" he shook his head, then. He knew Madeline noticed everything. "It's a ring. It belonged to her father. My mother comes from a noble Pureblood family. She’s a Prince.” He said, and the girl immediately recognized the name, and nodded. “It's a precious heirloom... And she wanted me to have it."

Madeline hummed in understanding. "But why did she send it to you today of all days?" she asked, confused.

Severus blushed a bit. She knew then that he was hiding something from her.

"Oh... Well..."

Madeline raised an eyebrow. "Why, Sev?"

Severus inhaled deeply. "Because today's my birthday." He muttered.

Madeline shot him a surprised look; her bright, blue eyes opened wide and her mouth did the same.

Severus swallowed, "I'm seventeen, today."

"You're of age." She replied.

"Yeah, yeah that's true, I'm of age..."

Madeline said nothing and Severus took a step in her direction. "I'm sorry for not telling you but... I didn't know how, and I didn't think it was important, and I didn't want you to buy me a gift, and..."

The girl interrupted his rambling by running in his arms and hugging him tightly. Her hands entwined behind his neck, forcing him to bend a little.

Severus hugged her back, and put his face in the crook of her neck. His safe place.

"Happy birthday, love." She whispered against his ear, and then started leaving wet kisses against his soft skin.

He moaned lightly. "I definitely am happy I've told you now..." he whispered.

She laughed, "You're a stupid boy. Not telling me about your birthday! That's ridiculous."

"Yeah, I guess so..."

"You're of age, Sev! We should get drunk!"

He smiled, "I'm happy like this, but thank you."

He kissed her again, and let his tongue trail her lips slowly before entering her mouth.

She separated from him some minutes after. "I really mean it, you know... You should forgive your mother. It will make you live better, love. There's no sense in dwell on hatred... Some day you'll regret it..."

"You say so very often... In your opinion, some day, I'll regret a lot of things..."

"I only want to help you seeing things differently..." she caressed his hair, and pecked his cheek. "And I want you to stop tormenting yourself... Because, for now, that has only led you to bad things."

"Madeline... there’s no changing what I am."

"You're a fool, Severus, that’s what you are." She said, and gently pushed him away to resume her walking. "Let's not discuss about this anymore... I love this place..." she whispered, looking around herself. "Let's enjoy this beautiful day, okay?"

He nodded, and reached the girl to take her hand in his. "Okay, love" he softly said, and Madeline stared at him longingly, before giving him a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings!  
> I must admit I don't particularly like this chapter... Sometimes I think my Severus is reaaaally out of character and I hate that! But then again, he's only a kid at this stage of the story... So maybe it is understandable... ?  
> When we're young things are so different, right?  
> Anyway, I want to thank you if you're reading this now. You're really important to me. I hope I won't let you down.  
> All my love as always. X


	25. Curiosity Killed The Cat

Sirius eagerly bit into another sausage, chewing on it with satisfaction; Madeline raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?”

“You certainly seem very hungry.”

The boy shrugged, “I overeat before every full Moon.” he simply said.

James took on a knowing tone, “It’s very important to do so. It takes a lot of energy to play around with a Werewolf.” He whispered.

Peter hummed his agreement while drinking some pumpkin juice.

Remus had already gone to the Shrieking Shack; the ritual was always the same: the rest of the Marauders would get there after dinner, and sneak back into their dormitories at dawn, when the wolf would disappear and their friend would come back.

“You have yet to tell me, Mads, how did you get detention with Rathbone?” asked James.

Alice, who was sitting not far from them, overheard his question, and instantly turned towards the blonde girl. “What? A detention? With Rathbone? That’s amazing!”, she exclaimed.

Sirius knitted his brows at that, “How can a detention be considered amazing?” he wondered, perplexed.

Alice laughed, “Well, detentions aren’t amazing. At least, not all of them…” she explained, “But I wouldn’t mind staying alone with charming Alastair for an evening.”

Madeline smirked, “Yeah, nice point, Al.”

Sirius shook his head disapprovingly, “You girls are wicked creatures.”

Alice stuck her tongue out at him, and the boy giggled lightly. “And you’re the most wicked of them all, Liddell. Frank!” he called, “Control your girl” he said, amusedly.

The boy laughed, “I can’t, lad, she’s a force of nature.” He said, proudly.

Alice looked at him with a smile on her face, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“So, what’s the story behind your detention, Mads?”, James asked again, before filling his mouth with roasted potatoes.

Alice turned her head to Madeline too, interested.

“Well…” she started explaining. She just couldn’t expose what had happened that night...

Alice gave her a malicious gaze, “Were you meeting with a boy?”

Mads blushed a bit.

“Oh my god! It’s Robert Eastwood, isn’t it? I heard he wanted to ask you out! Come on, Mads, tell us about it! You’re always so secretive about your lovers!”

Half of the Gryffindor sixth year guys turned towards her. Sirius kept his head down, and continued eating.

Madeline slightly turned her head towards the seventh year Gryffindor boy Alice had referred to. Robert Eastwood was a good-looking boy, with piercing green eyes and curly, brown hair.

As she observed him, the boy lifted his gaze and their eyes locked. He smiled at her with flashing white teeth.

“So… It is him!” exclaimed Alice, cheerful, noticing the exchange.

James raised an eyebrow at his friend, questioningly. He knew that wasn’t the truth.

Madeline laughed, “No, Al, it isn’t. I was out after curfew because I spent too much time in the library. Filch found me walking back to the Common Room and handed me to Rathbone…”

The girl looked disappointed then, and muttered a low, “Oh… Okay” before turning back to her dinner.

Sirius raised his head when Marlene approached him and exchanged some quick talks before sitting down next to Alice herself.

James was looking at Madeline, curious, “I can only imagine what the real story behind your detention is…”

“Shut up, Prongs.”

He shrugged, and ate some more steak.

Dinner always passed quickly for Madeline on full Moon’s nights. She was scared for her friends. All of them.

They had begun wandering through the Forbidden Forest, and she didn’t like that. Yet, again, they were the Marauders.

Nobody could told them what to do. They just wouldn’t listen.

When the time came, they greeted her goodbye. Sirius also stopped by Marlene to wish her a good night, and the girl shot him an ecstatic gaze.

Madeline smiled at that exchange. Sirius was really trying to get to know the girl.

Half of the female students in Hogwarts were heartbroken because of that.

She was so lost in her thoughts, thinking about them, and wondering what Rathbone would make her do in detention, that she didn't notice someone's gaze on her. It was only when she casually looked at the Slytherin table that she saw Severus observing her. He pointed towards the Great Hall’s door, as to ask her a silent question.

She nodded, greeted Alice, Frank and Marlene goodbye, and exited the room.

Severus reached her soon afterwards.

“Hello, love” she said, and they started walking side by side. They headed together towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

He knew she had to prepare for her detention with Rathbone.

They talked about that day’s classes, and as she was about to comment Flitwick's new moustache, Severus looked at her subtly and suddenly said “I noticed Lupin wasn’t at dinner, tonight.”

Madeline stiffened imperceptibly, and nodded, “Yeah, well, he’s sick.”

Severus raised an eyebrow at her answer, “He’s sick quite frequently.”

“That’s probably due to his weak constitution…” she commented, and shot him a nonchalant look.

“Mmm…” he hummed, but didn’t seem convinced by her answer. “And where did your other friends” he spat out the word, as usual, “Go? They left dinner pretty early…”

Madeline sighed, “Hey, what’s this? An interrogation? Why do you care about what my friends do?” she exclaimed, stopping in her tracks to face him.

The boy seemed taken aback by her reaction. She knew then she had made a mistake. She wasn’t used to get mad because of his many questions. Severus was a curious boy by nature, and she was aware of the fact.

He narrowed his gaze, “Well, it’s not like them to leave you all alone. Not that I mind them giving you space to breath... But I noticed that every now and then, they just go away, and you greet them goodbye like… Like it’s normal.”

Madeline decided it was time to laugh and pretend like nothing had happened.

“Hey, Sev, are you getting tired of me? Thinking about silly things like that, when you could think about me instead…” she teased, “I don’t know if I like that.”

The shift in his expression was quite amusing. In response to her comment, Severus took her hand in his and pulled her into an empty classroom.

Madeline giggled at that. It seemed old, unused classes were their favorite refuges.

He was on her in less than a second. She could tell he was growing impatient to take a further step in their relationship, because every time he kissed her, now, he appeared hungrier. She liked that.

She responded to his kisses eagerly, and ended up sitting on a desk, with her legs tied around Severus’ waist, and her hands in his hair.

They separated some minutes later, panting, and he started sucking on his neck. “A gift for Rathbone.”

“You’re crazy” she whispered, laughing. “He’s our professor.”

“The man likes you.” He murmured against her soft skin.

She shook her head in denial, and when he raised his head to give her a peck on the lips, she smiled.

Some seconds passed before he spoke again. “You’re hiding something from me.” he stated.

Madeline had never felt happier in her life to know Occlumency. She immediately shielded her mind to her best possibilities.

“I’m not.” She answered, then.

“Yes, you are.” He spoke again. “And it’s a big thing… That’s obvious.”

She knitted his brows. “Severus, stop this nonsense.”

“I’ve always thought there was something strange about those boys…” he commented, as if thinking aloud.

“They’re my friends, Sev.”

His onyx eyes met her blue ones. “But they’re not mine, Madeline.”

She gently pushed him away, placing both of her hands on his chest. “You’re acting like a total dick.” She said.

“If you just tell me the truth...”

“What? You will keep the secret?” she asked, sarcastically. “Don’t treat me like a fool, Severus.”

“Alright, listen, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

She sighed deeply, “Listen, drop this, ok? Forget any stupid idea you have.”

Severus took a step in her direction. “Madeline. They have treated me like I’m nothing for all of these years. Don’t blame me for not loving them.”

“I’m not asking you to love them. I’m asking you to let them be. Don’t insist on this thing.” she firmly said, and hopped to her feet.

“But you just confirmed…”

Madeline shot him an annoyed look. “Severus, promise me you won’t investigate further on this.”

He observed her for a long time. She looked so worried. Almost… Afraid.

Severus felt conflicted then. “I can’t make that promise.”

“You have to.” She stated.

“Or what?”

She crossed her arms. “I’m not playing a game, Severus. This is important. Let it go.”

Madeline felt so tired, then. He always found something to quarrel about. She only wanted to spend time with him, talk about nice things, kiss him... But Severus' torment and paranoia was always there.

She thought about Remus, then. She had to protect him. The boy was already so fragile... If someone found out about his true nature, he'd be devastated.

James, Sirius and Peter, on the other hand, were unregistered animagi. That wasn't something Dumbledore would accept.

She couldn't allow someone to reveal her friends' secrets.

“Madeline, why can’t you ever take my side? Are they always going to be your first choice?” the Slytherin boy said then, raising his voice and sounding pained.

“Stop acting like a fucking child, Severus! You’re seventeen! Stop complaining about your life, stop comparing yourself to other people. I’ve already done everything to make you trust me… Merlin, I lied to them! For you!” she almost shouted, “I never, and I mean never, hide anything from them. But I did that for you…” she started whispering, and he could see some tears forming in her eyes. He hated himself for that.

“They are my family!”, Madeline added. “And I’ll always protect them.”

Severus took a step back. “I can’t promise you anything, I’m sorry…”

She knitted her brows at that. “Well, maybe then I’ve made a wrong choice trusting you.”

His expression hardened when he heard those words. “Why? Because I know they’re doing something bad, and I want to find out what that is?”

Madeline almost laughed in disbelief at that. “Oh, yeah, they’re such evil boys, aren’t they? Spare me this, Severus, you’re ridiculous.” She looked furious, now. “You only want to find a reason to expel them. And this is so… Childish.” She inspired deeply, and closed her eyes.

He knew she was trying to calm herself.

When she opened her eyes again, he saw some frustration in them.

“Please,” she said, and approached him slowly. She knew her proximity softened him. “Please, swear to me you’ll let this go…”

Severus didn’t understand why it was so important to Madeline that he wouldn’t investigate on whatever illicit activities the Marauders were up to. That’s why he lied to her so easily. He blamed that on the fact he was a Slytherin, and a Death Eater. It was in his nature.

“I swear.”

She hugged him then, seeming exhausted by their discussion, and wrapped her arms around his torso tightly. He reciprocated her hug.

“Thank you, love.” She whispered against his jumper.

The boy didn’t speak, and only hid his face in her hair, getting lost in her familiar perfume.

* * *

Madeline knocked on the door of Rathbone's classroom, still shaken from what had happened with Severus.

"Come in", a husky voice softly said from the inside.

Madeline entered the room, and smiled at the man who was standing next to his desk with a book in his hands. "Good evening Professor."

He gave her his usual signature smirk, and observed her face with curiosity. If he had understood that she wasn't in her best mood, he didn't show it.

"Good evening Miss Green. Please, take a seat next to my desk. We're correcting first and second years' tests tonight."

Madeline was genuinely surprised by that. Detentions usually consisted in writing lines, or cleaning things, or helping Filch with something.

She didn't mind correcting tests with Rathbone.

She obeyed, and moments later he also took his seat. He handed her a pile of tests, and took another one for himself.

"No need to mark them. Only sign the mistakes." He instructed her. "If you need anything," he added, then, moving his green-grey eyes from the parchments to her face "Don't hesitate to ask."

"Sure, thank you, Professor."

He nodded at her.

Madeline started reading the essay of a Ravenclaw boy called Robbie Jenkins. He had written very well, but he had omitted some very important things about dragons.

Some time passed and she didn't even care. She was kind of enjoying that detention. It was... Relaxing in a way.

She secretly spied Rathbone every now and then.

His face was unreadable. He was so focused on his job that he didn't seem to notice her staring. Madeline couldn't help but think that his hair fell sexily around his face when he bent his head towards a piece of parchment.

"Were you always a Professor?" She suddenly asked.

Rathbone raised his eyes to glance at her, and some amusement shone in them. "No, actually. Never in fact. This is my first time teaching..." he answered. "Is that so obvious?"

"No, no, it isn't. I was just... Wondering what you used to do before."

Rathbone laughed lightly. "After I graduated Hogwarts, I wanted to spend some time travelling. And I did so. I learnt about the world... And especially about how to live in it."

She raised an eyebrow at that, confused.

"You see, Madeline," he let his tongue linger on her name for more time than what was necessary, "This school teaches you magic. But there's so much more out there."

"Do you mean the Muggle world?"

"That, also. But not only. Are you familiar with it?" He asked, surprised.

"I'm very interested in Muggle culture. Music, in particular."

Rathbone observed her with curiosity. "I see. I would show you my record collection, but it is in my private rooms."

Madeline blushed at that. "Maybe some day..." she muttered, and only too late she realised what she had said.

Rathbone laughed, then. He seemed pleased by her reaction.

"What's your favourite band?"

"Oh... Probably the Doors, sir."

Rathbone smiled genuinely, "Good choice."

He bent his head to his pile of tests, again, as if putting an end to the conversation. But Madeline didn't allow that.

"What's yours?"

He looked at her, "The Beatles, probably."

"I love them... But you didn't tell me what you did, as a job."

"Oh, I was a journalist. I documented wars, in particular..." his expression darkened, then.

"Wars?" She repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Muggle ones... I always kept aside, photographed them."

"So you've seen... Death, and horror..."

Rathbone's green-grey eyes, always so difficult to decipher, and amused, and, in Madeline's opinion, detached from his own true feelings, appeared threatening, then.

"I did, Miss Green" he only muttered.

"What do you think about the war that's about to come?"

Rathbone sighed, and stood up from his seat.

"I'm sorry, sir, that was inappropriate." Madeline said, as the man started pacing around the desk.

"No need to worry, Miss Green. I understand your concern" he stated, and halted in his steps to properly look at her. He was acting formal once again. "These are dark times. Evil witches and wizards are trying to impose their ideology on our world... That's scary, I know."

Madeline nodded, "It's just that... I feel... Useless."

Rathbone's espression softened, if only slightly. Madeline moved hey eyes from his face to his burgundy waistcoat. It was hard to maintain his intense stare. "You're just a student, Miss Green"

"Yeah, for now, but in a year and a half, I'll be out of here... And then... I'll fight in this war... And I want to know the truth about it... Find some guidance..."

The Professor seemed surprised by her admission. He took a step in her direction, and used one of his long fingers to lift her chin, so that she would look at him. "Think about that, darling. Wars are no easy thing to deal with. Be careful what you wish for."

"I... I'm not a coward, sir. I'm sure about this. And I'm not the only one of my generation who wants to fight."

Rathbone knitted his brows. Then, he shook his head. "I admire you, Madeline. And your friends, also. Gryffindors to the core, right?" He said, turning from her. "But you should focus on your present, for now. Enjoy these years while you still can."

Madeline stood up too, and circled the man to face him. "Professor, don't do that to me... Adults treat young people like they know nothing... But we're part of this."

Rathbone studied her with sharp eyes. Then, he smiled at her, though it didn't reach his impenetrable green-grey eyes.

"Let me tell you something about this war, then, Miss Green. You're with _him_ ," he said, and she knew who he was referring to, "Or you're with us."

"Us?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rathbone gave her a genuine smile, "One day, you'll have your answers. For now, just remember this: there is no middle ground." He stated, and went back to sit at his desk. "We should finish correcting these, so we can both go to bed. Alright, Miss Green?"

Madeline nodded and took her seat next to him like nothing had happened. Yet, her mind continued travelling back to what the Professor had said.

He had seen her with Severus, but... Had he suspected the boy was a Death Eater? Was that the reason he had told her to choose a side? Had Rathbone said so out of genuine... Concern? Kindness? Did he want her to open her eyes? Did he knew something that she didn't know?

She decided to concentrate on her task. An hour later, they both had finished their work, and Rathbone dismissed her. Before she could greet him goodbye, though, she decided to take another risk.

"Professor, would you mind if I came here sometimes? I really feel the need to talk about... All of this. The war. Voldemort. School."

Rathbone stared at her for a long time. She thought he seemed pleased by her request of spending more time together, but on the other hand she knew he was probably thinking it could be perceived as inappropriate by other people.

Eventually, he smirked. "I usually stay in my office until late on tuesdays and thursdays." He said. "Maybe you could help me correct some more tests."

She smiled. "Thank you, Professor." She said, and ran away from his class before he could change his mind.


	26. Saint Valentine's

As days went by, Madeline and Severus slowly started growing apart.

The girl just couldn’t shake away the feeling that he was about to let her down; she knew he was obsessed with Remus. He definitely wanted to find out where he went once a month. She could read it in his eyes that he was extremely curious about his _situation,_ even if he didn't know anything about it.

Severus, on the other hand, couldn’t accept the fact that she would defend her friends so strenuously. Madeline had been acting detached since their last quarrel. And he knew that if their differences continued weighing down on them like that, they would eventually fall apart.

He was also aware that it was entirely his fault.

They kept spending time together, laughing, kissing and chatting, like nothing had happened.

But Severus noticed that Madeline wasn’t so spontaneous, genuine, and instinctive, anymore.

She now appeared more controlled; she looked like she was afraid she could reveal something she didn’t want him to know. She looked like she couldn’t be herself with him again.

The situation got on his nerves terribly.

So much, that he started seeing her less and less. The idea of reading on Madeline’s face how much she mistrusted him hurt him badly.

He began making up excuses not to spend too much time with her.

He spent most of his time with Mulciber and Avery.

Even if they were now official Death Eaters, the Dark Lord wouldn’t let them get involved in his affairs until they finished school. Severus was actually relieved by the fact; he didn’t think he could have handled homework, Madeline and Lord Voldemort, all at the same time.

As February gradually approached, some things changed among the sixth-year students.

Sirius and Marlene became an item, for instance.

The Marauders and Madeline felt so happy about that; Lene was the first girl in a while who really captured Sirius’ attention.

Poor James, on the other hand, continued asking Lily out. He was always unsuccessful.

Madeline knew that Lily was very convinced that the boy was still a hot-headed, immature Gryffindor who had nothing better to do than to annoy her.

He had been that, once, for sure. But now, James was… Growing up. He wasn’t so childish anymore. He wasn’t so self-absorbed anymore.

Sooner or later, Lily would see that too. And she would fall for James. Of that, Madeline was sure.

The Gryffindor girl continued seeing Professor Rathbone, at least once a week.

He turned out to be an extremely kind man; he began telling her about his past as a war journalist. He had so many fascinating stories to tell…

Nobody knew about their meetings; Madeline didn’t want to betray the man’s trust. After all, he was risking so much just by accepting to spend that much time with a student.

“You know, Madeline, you can call me Alastair when we’re alone.” He said, one day, and she smiled at him.

“Thank you, Professor” she replied, before correcting herself. “I mean, _Alastair.”_

His green-grey eyes lighted up when she pronounced his name.

Rathbone was indeed a mysterious man, but Madeline thought she had quite understood him.

Sometimes, she also felt like he was trying to prepare her for what was about to come.

He told her about the difficulty, injustice and desperation of war.

He also told her that _everybody_ had to choose a side; no one could remain impartial. That struck her.

Madeline always found herself thinking deeply about the things he told her.

He knew that she wanted to fight.

And she knew that, even if he couldn’t admit it, he was quite proud of her decisiveness.

Rathbone himself looked like a man who wouldn’t run away from a battle.

One evening, when she entered his classroom, the familiar scent of lemon cake struck her nostrils.

The Professor was waiting for her, sitting at his desk, as always, and a plate filled with her favorite dessert was placed right next to him.

Overall, she felt like they had become friends.

He wasn’t much older than she was; he had admitted having turned 30 years old the previous November.

He had grown on her, in a way. He was a very sophisticated man, who liked to provoke her and to fill her mind with questions she couldn’t find the answers to. She understood that he did that so that she would go back to him, and ask for them.

With time, she realised that she couldn’t quite shake away the feeling of Rathbone’s eyes on her…

They were difficult to read, but Madeline knew that he was fascinated by her. And she was equally fascinated by him.

St. Valentine’s day came.

Madeline hadn’t seen Severus in a while, and she didn’t expect him to do anything for her.

That’s why she was so surprised when the Marauders and she walked out of Charms and found him there, in the cold corridor, waiting for her.

“Hello, Madeline” he said, with that deep, velvety voice of his, the one she liked so much.

He was leaning against the wall in front of the classroom, with his arms crossed, and he was staring directly at her.

Sirius, who was standing not far from him, with his arm around Marlene’s shoulders, shot him a disgusted look.

“Oh, look! _Snivellus_ is gracing us with his presence!” he mocked him, arching an eyebrow and observing the Slytherin boy.

Madeline sighed, before elbowing her friend. “Piss off, Pads" she hissed at him.

Marlene gave her an apologetic look.

James was some standing some steps ahead of them with Remus and Peter; he silently studied the situation, before suddenly saying: “Come on, Padfoot, let’s go to the Quidditch Pitch. We shouldn’t waste our free time with Snape.”

Sirius slowly moved his grey eyes from Madeline to James. He looked at his expression for some seconds, before relaxing. “Yes, _none_ of us should…” he stated firmly. "The git's not worth it", he added, and gave Snape one last, hateful look, before storming off in James’ direction. Marlene struggled to keep up with him.

Severus, who had been looking at Sirius with an annoyed expression, observed the Marauders walking away, appearing surprised. “What was _that?”_

“What do you mean?”

“Why did Potter stop him?”

Madeline rolled her eyes, “Don’t get me started, love. What’s up?”

He turned to look at her, then. “Mmm?”

“Why were you waiting for me?”

Severus took a step in her direction, and raised an eyebrow. “Because it’s Saint Valentine’s day.”

“You mean you actually _care_ about this dreadful festivity?”

Severus laughed lightly at that. “I don’t. But I thought you did...”

“Oh, and why? Because I’m a girl?”

“Well…”

Madeline laughed in front of his embarrassed expression, and shook her head. “I forgive you for thinking that."

“Thank you, love” he replied, mocking her use of pet names and wrapping his arms around her waist. She put hers on his chest.

“Do you think I’ll let you be this sweet and caring with me after all these weeks you've spent avoiding me?”

“I wasn’t avoiding you.”

She knitted her brows. “Don’t lie to me…” She pushed him away. “I can’t… Not think about that, Sev. I mean… I would love to pretend nothing’s happening, but…”

“I know we’ve been having problems… But I just want this day to be nice.”

“One day won’t change things…”

“That’s true, Madeline, but… Things are changing nonetheless. We can enjoy this day… Or we can let it go. Your choice.”

“You know what I want.”

Severus smirked at her. “Thank you” he whispered, and hugged her again. She hugged him back, then. He was holding her like his whole life depended on it. She drew circles on his back, soothingly. “Sometimes I forget how much of a child you are.” She muttered against his ear.

He giggled. “I’m not a child.”

“Sure you’re not…” she ironically said, and he did nothing but held her tighter.

“I’m sorry.” He stated, after a while. She knew he was referring to the whole situation that had created between them. She knew he felt guilty. And he actually was.

“Don’t say it… It’s like saying _“I love you”_. It doesn’t feel right if you don’t mean it…”, she stated.

Severus separated from her at that. He was about to reply, but she put a finger on his lips. “I decided to trust you, Severus. Time will prove if I did the right thing. Now, stop saying you’re sorry and start showing it. What are we doing today?”

He sighed deeply, and took her hand in his before answering. “Pretty much all Slytherins will be on a date somewhere tonight…”

“What? All of them?”

“I said pretty much…” he replied, “At least, all the students from the sixth year up. Pureblood families combine marriages. So, most Slytherins have a date since they’re fifteen…”

“I come from a Pureblood family, Sev. Combined marriage? That's an _ancient_ tradition…”

He raised an eyebrow. “You know the kind of Pureblood families I’m referring to. They live for ancient traditions.”

Madeline laughed, but the thought of her parents choosing a husband for her gave her the creeps. “I guess you have a point… so?”

“So, I could convince the younger Slytherins to leave us the Common Room.” He explained. “They wouldn’t deny me that...” and Madeline knew the reason why they wouldn’t deny him anything. He was one of _them,_ now. Plus, Severus could be quite scary when he wanted to. “It’s quite magical at night.” He added, observing her thoughtful expression.

Madeline smiled, “I’ve never seen it, but Sirius and James told me it’s awful.”

“What?” Severus questioned, surprised. “They’ve been in our Common Room?”

“Yeah, for that prank in third year, when they put Zonko’s potion-proof stinging powder in your beds!”

Severus’ eyes widened at that. “How did they-?”

She shook her head, “Not telling.”

“Of course…” he sighed. “Well, they were lying.”

Madeline nodded, “Yeah, probably. They hate all things related to you snakes...” she said, and giggled. “I would like to see your Common Room, though.”

The side of the boy’s mouth twitched with pleasure. “Well… See you tonight, then? We can dine there.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

The boy stepped closer to her to give her a peck on the lips. “I can’t wait for tonight to come…”

Madeline laughed. “I’m afraid you’ll have to be patient… See you tonight, Sev.” She said with a smirk on her gorgeous face, and walked away, leaving him standing there, in the middle of the empty corridor, watching the girl he liked disappear from his view.


	27. Gryffindors and Slytherins

Madeline spent the rest of her day doing homework in the library with Lily and Remus, and chatting with the boy about “ _The Great Gatsby_ ”. He had loved the book, and in particular the character of Jay Gatsby.

“ _So we beat on, boats against the current, brought back ceaselessly into the past._ ” He recited to her, suddenly. “That ending really stuck with me; it’s so beautiful…”

“It is, Moony. I’m glad you liked the book. Maybe we should drop by London and pick up another Muggle novel. I think their literature is far better and richer than ours…”

He nodded happily at that. “Yeah, me too. I haven’t read as much as you, but… Yeah, I really liked Fitzgerald…”

Lily, who had previously kept her eyes fixed on her Transfiguration essay, looked at her friends, and told them she had some books she could lend them if they wanted. They both welcomed her proposal with pleased expressions, and Lily smiled at them before concentrating back on her assignment. Another discussion started after a while between Remus and Madeline about Muggle British Poets.

Night-time came pretty early.

Madeline was in quite a good mood. It had been a nice day… Except for dinner. Dinner had been annoying, to say the least. Madeline realized it was probably because of Sirius, who had snogged Marlene for most of the time. Madeline was really glad they were so much into each other, but seeing their tongues entwining while she chatted with Moony hadn't really been a great sight. Prongs had been far too lost in his thoughts to say something about that, while Remus and Peter had pretended not to notice anything.

Madeline had just gone to dinner to spend some time with her friends. She would dine with Severus, later, after all.

But upon seeing Sirius and Marlene's little show, she had excused herself and she had quickly raised from the Gryffindor table. Everybody had looked at her as she had swiftly walked away.

She had ran towards her dormitory to get ready for her evening with Severus. And now there she was, in front of her truck full of fancy dresses.

She knew the Slytherin boy didn’t care much about clothes; he wasn’t superficial at all. But Madeline loved to dress up. A sticker on the top of her truck read: _I dress to kill, but tastefully_.

She had found it inside a Muggle magazine; a glam rock star named Freddie Mercury had said that. Since then, the girl had lived up to that unique motto.

She put on a short, tight, black dress, which highlighted her lean form and hugged her breasts and lower back. She knew she looked good. The truth was: she really wanted to impress Severus. She untied her braid and let her long, wavy, blonde hair fall on her shoulders.

A girl has many weapons.

Lily Evans and Mary McDonald were playing wizard chess, sitting on Mary’s bed, when she finally wore her shoes. She had thought about wearing heels, but ended up opting for a comfortable pair of black Converse All Star.

The two Gryffindor girls barely raised their heads to greet her goodbye as she silently left the dormitory. They asked no questions about her destination. She appreciated that. Lily had probably understood whom she would meet with. Mary, on the other hand, had never really bonded with Madeline, and so she probably didn’t care enough to ask her anything.

She covered herself with her cloak, in order not to catch any unrequited attention, and silently walked out the Gryffindor Common Room, who was occupied by some third years.

Alice had already left to spend the night with Frank. Marlene and Sirius had been together since the afternoon, and they were by then probably shagging in the boy's room.

As she walked towards the Slytherin Common Room, Madeline crossed path with many different couples; they were all enjoying that night’s extended curfew.

Dumbledore, as he had said in his speech during dinner, thought that the young boys and girls needed love, more than anything else, in those times of fear and danger. That’s why he had decided to move bed time from the usual hour to midnight. For Saint Valentine’s only, of course.

The students knew that all teachers would patrol the halls and corridors, searching for rule breakers and occasional pranksters. They didn’t care. They really needed love; those times were extremely dark. The First Wizarding War was casting gloomy shadows over everyone’s life, after all.

Amos Diggory, who was walking hand in hand with Portia Dexter, gave her a gentle smile when he spotted her descending the stairs.

James, Remus and Peter had decided to sneak out of Hogwarts.

They planned on going to the Three Broomsticks and enjoying a tipsy evening with Rosmerta and her interesting clients.

Remus had been reluctant to do so, but Peter had begged him to accompany them. He had told Remus he owed them, because they were both heart-broken.

James, because of Lily’s refusal to spend the night with him. Peter, because Amelia Riley, the Hufflepuff girl who he had kissed on New Year’s Eve, when they had both been drunk and overexcited, had been avoiding him since the day they had gone back at Hogwarts.

Remus had eventually given up trying to decline their proposal, and had followed them out of the school.

Madeline was so lost in her thoughts, thinking about poor Moony (who was probably _babysitting_ Prongs and Wormtail on that cold, winter night) that she didn’t notice Professor Rathbone approaching her.

“Good evening, Miss Green.”

She raised her blue eyes to meet his green-grey ones. She smiled. “Good evening, Professor.”

Rathbone studied her face for some seconds. He always did that, as if trying to understand what was going on in her head. The man was wearing, as always, suit pants, a shirt and a petticoat; Madeline thought that the outfit really suited his lean, yet muscular and mainly body. He interrupted her staring by gently saying, “Do you mind if I walk with you for a bit?”

She shook her head at that, even if surprised by his request. “Not at all.”

He grinned at her, and, as usual, his eyes remained impassive and detached.

The tall, fascinating man started pacing by her side, towards the Dungeons.

“Going on a date, I presume?” he asked after some minutes, his husky voice low in tone.

Madeline smirked. “Kind of.”

He raised his eyebrow and looked at her in his peripheral, before laughing lightly. “Strange answer.”

She shrugged. “I guess. But my relationships have never been normal.”

Rathbone nodded, then. “I think I understand what you mean… But strange lovers are the best ones. You never get tired of them.” He said, and Madeline wondered if… “What about you, sir? No lover?” she found herself asking, before realising she had really overstepped boundaries that time.

But Rathbone didn’t seem to mind, and his grin only grew bigger. He had wolfish traits, she thought. “Oh, no, I’ve been alone for quite some time now…”

Madeline couldn’t help but think Rathbone could be a one-night-stand kind of guy. True, he was very elegant… And sweet, when he wanted.

And yet... he was also mysterious. She realised then that she knew him very little.

“I’m sorry about that.” She replied, not really knowing what to say.

“You don’t have to be, darling.” He said, and laughed again, even if that sounded pretty forced. “By looking at where you’ve led me, I guess I might know who your lover is.”

Madeline looked around herself, suddenly being aware they had entered the Dungeons. The dimly lit halls created a play of shadows on Rathbone’s sharp, elegant features. His longish dark, greying hair, fell around his face, and his green-grey eyes shone with amusement as she realised where they were.

Madeline cleared her throat. “Yeah, well… Yeah?” she muttered, and her eyes widened almost immediately.

She wasn’t used to be left speechless, to not-know what to say. She was always quick in replying. No one could ever make her stutter.

That fact enormously annoyed her.

Rathbone seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. “Slytherins are clever types.” He said, then, as if wanting to snap her out of her embarrassed.

Madeline nodded, _“Very_ clever. That’s why, I think, Gryffindors usually loathe them so much.”

Rathbone raised an eyebrow, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“You see, we, the Gryffindors, I mean, are all about the heart. We’re not rational people. We only trust our instinct, our emotions. That’s often misleading, but we don’t care. Slytherins are the total opposite. Controlled, logical, practical. We can’t stand that.”

Rathbone grinned, “I see.” He said, sounding amused, “That’s a quite precise analysis, in my opinion.”

“Yeah, I’ve probably just found the reason behind years and years of hatred.”

“On that, I think you’re wrong…” he added, then, and sent her a dark look which made her shiver slightly. “I don’t think it’s _hatred,_ of all things, what goes on between lions and snakes. It is just… _Passion,_ in its various forms.” he murmured.

When some torches caught her attention, Madeline moved her eyes from his face to point them towards the entrance of the Slytherin Common Room.

There stood Severus, lazily leaning against the threshold, while patiently waiting for her. He was nicely dressed. He wore a turtleneck, black sweater and some suit black pants. She liked that look on him.

The boy moved his calculating, onyx eyes between the two figures approaching him.

Madeline could see his jaw clenching when he looked at Rathbone’s grinning face.

“Thank you for accompanying me, Professor.”, the girl said, while smiling at the man, when they both reached Severus.

Rathbone slightly bowed his head at her, “Thank you for the nice chat, Miss Green." He commented, "Mister Snape." He then greeted the boy. "I wish you both a fine evening.” He stated; the sweetness that had surfaced when he had been alone with Madeline had completely left his face.

"Thank you, _Professor”,_ spat out Severus through gritted teeth, and took the girl’s hand to pull her into the Common Room with him.

Madeline watched Rathbone turning his back on them and swiftly beginning to walk away.

“Wait a minute, Sev. I need to know something.” She muttered to the boy, and freed her hand from his grasp. Severus shot her a confused look, but she just left him there, waiting, and she ran after the man.

“Professor!”

Rathbone, who was only a few meters away from them, turned to face the girl, who reached him almost immediately.

“Miss Green?”

She looked into his eyes, “What house were you in, sir, when you were in Hogwarts?”

Some amusement lighted up Rathbone’s face, then, and she almost immediately understood what his answer would be. “But _Slytherin,_ of course” he whispered, and his husky voice resembled a hiss.

Madeline stared at his handsome face for some minutes. Rathbone eventually realised the girl wouldn’t say anything else. “Enjoy your night, Madeline”; he added then. And in a second, he was gone from her sight.

The Gryffindor girl slowly turned around to walk back to the boy, who was keeping the Common room's door open.

“What was that about?” he asked, with inquisitive eyes.

“Nothing important. We were just having a discussion about Houses.”

Severus hummed at that, and gave a nod towards the Common Room, gesturing for her to enter.

She knew he didn’t like seeing her with Rathbone. He had told her so, once. But Severus also knew he could trust her; she had never given him a reason not to. Plus, the boy didn’t want to ruin the mood on St. Valentine’s Day, and that was why he dropped the argument and focused on the beautiful girl by his side.

When Madeline finally fixed her eyes on the room she had walked into, her eyes widened. “This is _so_ beautiful”, she muttered.

There were rough stone walls and ceiling, from which round, greenish lamps were hanging on chains. A fire was crackling underneath an elaborately carved mantelpiece. The architecture was definitely gothic.

From the many windows, Madeline could see the Black Lake, which gave to the light in the room a green tinge. The common room had lots of low-backed black and dark-green button-tufted, leather sofas; there were also dark, wooden cupboards.

The room had quite a grand atmosphere, but it was also a cold one.

The boy had spread candles all around it. He had also led a blanket in front of the fireplace, and had put some food and drinks there.

It was so magical. It was… So Slytherin. And she liked it.

The sound of swishing water reached Madeline’s ears as she took some steps into the room.

Severus approached her from behind, and wrapped his hands around her waist. Her back was suddenly pressed against his chest. He leaned his chin on her shoulder, and looked at her. “Do you like it?”

She smiled, “I love it, Sev.”

He gave her a kiss on the jaw. He looked genuinely happy about her reaction. “Let’s make the most of it while we can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this story, it really means much to me. I hope you're all fine.  
> What Hogwarts house do you belong to?  
> I've always wanted to be a Gryffindor but anytime I take a sorting test I end up in Slytherin. It's not bad, though.  
> All my love. X


	28. Strawberries And Cigarettes Always Taste Like You

When he let her go, and Madeline took off her cloak to throw it over one of the sofas, Severus gaped at her. His onyx eyes travelled across her lean figure, and she couldn’t help but blush. Severus had a unique way of looking at her.

“Quit staring, love.” She said then, feeling slightly embarrassed by his silence.

He shook his head, and slowly closed his mouth. “Merlin, Madeline…” he only whispered, before stepping closer to her. “You look ravishing.”

She smiled at him, and when he took her in his arms to kiss her, she ran her fingers through his straight, black hair. His kiss was hot, and wet, and hard. He had become a great kisser in those few months. But then again, Severus was a quick learner.

She bit his bottom lip after a while, only because she purely enjoyed looking at the amused expression on his face when she did so.

He leaned his forehead against hers, and smiled. They hadn’t shared a genuine moment like that in some time.

“Let’s sit down before I lose control”, he murmured, and kissed the tip of her nose.

She knitted her brows at that and looked up at him, “I’ve never known such a well-behaved, controlled young man, Professor Snape”, she mocked him.

He grinned at her and let out a short breath, appearing bemused. “Yeah, well, maybe I’m only a fool, Miss Green, but I’d postpone such activities to after dinner. If that’s okay for you.”

She only nodded, then. Severus was a control maniac, after all. She had learned not to contradict him in foolish things like that.

He'd make a really threatening and strict Professor, in her opinion.

They sat down on the soft blanket he had settled in front of the fireplace. The crackling fire illuminated and warmed the room.

Severus told her he had gathered the food and drinks from the kitchen, and that the House Elves had only allowed him to do so because he was her friend.

“Yeah, well, once you've gained their trust, they'll do anything for you, you know…” she said, and smiled.

“They like you.” He confirmed, taking a sandwich between his hands and lazily biting into it.

Madeline shrugged, “I’ve known them since I was… What, thirteen? It was the beginning of the third year when Sirius and James found the kitchens.”

Severus nodded, and, surprisingly, he said nothing bad about her friends. That immensely relieved her.

Maybe the Slytherin boy, just like her, only wanted to enjoy that night. Without dramas, or fights, or sarcastic remarks.

They quickly finished eating their sandwiches while chatting about Maximilian, the other elves and all the numerous hidden places in Hogwarts.

Madeline couldn't help but stare outside of the windows every now and then. The greenish light of the Black Lake made her feel at peace; and it was so fascinating to stare at it. It enchanted her.

Severus was extremely satisfied that she liked being there. He had always loved the Slytherin Common Room. It was the first place he had ever considered as his home. It was part of who he was.

As dessert, Severus had picked up chocolate-covered strawberries.

“I'm sorry, but they didn’t have lemon cake...” he said, with a displeased tone.

“I don’t care about food, Sev.” She replied, and he seemed to relax at that.

Madeline took a strawberry between her fingers, and brought it to the boy’s lips. He stared at her for some seconds before biting into it and, after doing so, he gently brushed Madeline’s fingers with his mouth for a light peck.

She smiled at him, and slowly opened her own mouth, inviting him to do the same. Severus looked slightly shy, then, but took another strawberry and brought it to her lips. Madeline stared into his eyes and bit into it, and then she hummed to herself when the sweet flavor of chocolate filled her mouth. “This is _sooo_ good.” She said.

“I’m glad” he commented, with a smug smile plastered on his face, and was about to retreat his hand, to remove with a napkin some chocolate remnants from his fingers, when Madeline caught his wrist, and raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

“Just… cleaning myself?” he said, with an obvious tone.

“What? This chocolate’s too good. We _can’t_ waste it.” She stated, with a mischievous glint in her apparently innocent blue eyes.

Severus couldn’t understand what she meant, and when her lips sealed around his fingers to lick away the chocolate from them, his eyes widened in surprise. When she let his hand go, he exhaled loudly and she giggled.

“You can’t do _that_ to me” he murmured, still shocked.

Truth was, he already missed the feeling of Madeline’s warm mouth around his fingers.

“Do what, love?” she asked, pretending not to know what he meant, and then she shrugged, before drinking more of the red wine in her glass.

They had already drunk half of the bottle. He took his glass too, and emptied it. He definitely needed it.

Meanwhile, Madeline crawled closer to him, and leaned her head against his chest, hugging his torso and crossing his legs with her own.

Severus put an arm around her shoulders and pecked her head tenderly.

She could hear his heart beating under his clothes, and listening to that sound relaxed her incredibly.

She smiled and raised her head to kiss his jaw. "Thank you for tonight, Sev."

"Don't thank me." He murmured, with that deep, velvety voice she absolutely loved. "All I've done since I met you was selfish... I did what I did because it made _me_ feel good. Not because of you. And lately I've been realising that I've been a dick and that I actually care about whether you're feeling good or-"

"Enough, love. I appreciate that, but... Save this for another time, alright? Not tonight. Tonight, I only want you to relax, and to laugh with me, and..." she smirked, and moved her mouth closer to his ear. "...And to kiss me, wherever you want." She sensually whispered, and he turned his head to lock eyes with the girl. There was a challenge in her eyes, just like the first time they had kissed. Each of them was waiting for the other to take the first step.

 _"Tease"_ he only stated, when he couldn't bear the tension anymore, and bent his head to leave a trail of wet kisses against the skin of her neck, which instantly covered with goosebumps.

He kissed his way to her collarbone, and started sucking there with the intention of leaving an hickey. Madeline caressed his hair as he did that, massaging his scalp.

Severus' tongue and teeth felt divinely against her skin. His hot breath tickled her, and she moaned as he moved back to her jugular and licked and sucked on her neck too.

She impatiently pulled his hair so that he would raise his head and kiss her full on the mouth. He smiled against her lips, and his hand shifted through her blonde locks to pull her closer. His long, bony fingers were cold as they descended along her back.

Severus helped her climb on him; when she straddled him and they locked eyes, something clicked inside both of them.

Madeline could feel his arousal. They had never went that far, before. He had never had such an hungry look in his onyx eyes.

It both scared and excited her. The intensity of his staring took her breath away.

Severus was the first one to break that anxious silence, one full of expectations.

"I want you" he only said, and the harsh, brutally honest words coming out from his mouth made her burn on the inside. She bit his lip jokingly until his impatience took over him and he started to snog her again, but this time, she helped him remove his sweater.

He was wearing a white shirt underneath, and it was obviously small for him because it wrapped around his arm muscles a little too tightly. She started unbuttoning it as he licked her earlobe and grabbed her lower back.

 _"Fuck,"_ he growled. "I've just realized I actually _hate_ this dress... _How_ can I take it off?" He murmured hastily in her ear, and in response she just giggled.

Madeline put her hands on his chest and pushed the boy down until he was laying with his back on the blanket.

She looked at his pale, skinny chest, then, and leaned her hand on his heart, before tracing with a finger his milky skin, until she reached his navel. The simple gesture brought shivers to his body.

His hands planted on her hips as she removed some hair from his eyes.

Severus was looking up at her like he was in some kind of trance. Madeline looked beautiful on top of him, with her long, blonde locks falling wildly around her gorgeous, smirking face, and her full lips red and swollen, and her neck full of hickeys and bites he had provoked.

Madeline was about to bend down and kiss him again, when the familiar sound of a door opening caught her attention, and as she turned her head towards the entrance of the Room, she spotted a petrified Slytherin boy staring at them. He looked extremely uneasy and embarrassed, and he obviously didn't know where to set his little eyes.

The girl climbed off Severus, who rised to a sitting position and stared, annoyed, at his House mate. She could tell he was fuming.

"Nott, I thought you were out on a date." He said out of gritted teeth. If looks could kill...

The younger Slytherin nodded, visibly worried by the older boy's reaction. "I-I was, but Helena was tired and I didn't know what to do and Filch was around and I wanted to sneak back without interrupting but the door's heavy and it's almost Midnight and..."

Madeline sweetly smiled at him, and the boy shut his mouth as his eyes widened in surprised. She knew he was an obnoxious snake, with a head full of prejudice and hatred, but in that moment she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Severus' wrath wasn't something easy to handle.

"It's not a problem at all, darling. Our date was almost over, anyway. Don't worry... We're ok, right, Sev?" She commented, interrupting his rambling.

Severus confusedly glanced at her, before the detached and indifferent mask he usually wore went back into place. "Yes... We're ok, Nott." He admitted, though it did sound very forced.

"Thanks, sorry, I have to go" The kid exclaimed, and then he sighed, relieved, before running up to his dormitory without even greeting them goodbye. Madeline stared silently at the point where the boy had disappeared, and then stood up. Severus did the same a second later, and soon he started buttoning his shirt.

"Was it really almost over?" He whispered after some seconds. "I didn't realize that..."

Madeline picked his sweater up from the floor and handed it to him. "Yeah... We're not shagging on your Common Room's floor, right?" She said, and smirked.

The boy quickly wore the sweater, then shrugged. "Yeah, no... Not romantic at all." He replied, but hearing Madeline talking about them shagging made his blood boil. He really did want her. Desire was eating him up.

She nodded, unaware of his thoughts. "You should thank Nott, then, as soon as you can" she suggested, and a playful smile graced her lips.

Severus shook his head and slowly approached her, "I'm definitely not doing that." He said.

Madeline entwined her arms around his neck to pull him down for yet another kiss.

"You taste like strawberries" she whispered against his mouth.

Severus raised an eyebrow, "And you taste like me, Madeline... We taste the same." The hint of a smile appeared on his face as he said that.

"Of course we do." She simply commented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you'll like this and, if so, leave a comment :)  
> All my love. X


	29. The Three Broomsticks

Saint Valentine's Day broke some of the tension that had created between Madeline and Severus. It seemed like they had both forgotten what had made them fight.

Days passed fastly, then.

All the sixth year students were already studying hard for their final exams when March came.

Madeline spent most of her time in the library with Lily and Remus, and at night-time the Marauders and she would chat until late in the empty Gryffindor Common Room.

She stayed with Severus on the weekends, and she visited Professor Rathbone every thursday.

Severus never brought up with her what had almost happened between them in the Slytherin Common Room. Madeline wanted him to talk about it, but the boy was too shy to do so, and she eventually forgot about it.

Spring arrived sooner than they all expected. The snow melted, the flowers bloomed and Hogwarts looked more radiant and beautiful than ever.

Meanwhile, in the _real_ world, the war was getting tougher. James was informed by his parents that they had increased their partecipation in the fight. As first class Aurors, it was their job not to step back in times of trouble.

The news shocked him and Sirius like they didn't want to admit. Even if they were proud of Fleamont and Euphemia, it was their parents who were risking their lives.

Things were getting awfully real for them.

"Hey Mads" James started saying, one day, at lunch, "We haven't been spending some quality time together in a while", he exclaimed, while pointing his fork at her.

Sirius overheard them, and turned away from Marlene to look at the girl. "Yeahh, I've been thinking the same lately" he commented, winking at Prongs, "The three most attractive and funny people in Hogwarts not hanging together anymore... We should _absolutely_ fix that."

Madeline smiled at them, and crossed her arms. It was clear that the two of them had agreed on cornering her. After all, it was true. They weren't sticking together as much as they had used to.

She too had missed their time together.

"What do you propose?" She asked.

James shrugged, feigning ignorance. "I _wouldn't_ know..." He said and when she was about to reply, he quickly added, "We could spend Saturday together, I think, Quidditch in the morning, Hogsmeade in the afternoon" He casually said, while raising an eyebrow, as if he had just come up with those ideas.

Sirius nodded, stifling some laughter. "What a _wonderful_ plan, Prongs! We're lucky you've come up with it _so_ quickly"

Remus raised his gaze from " _The Catcher in the Rye_ " and looked at her in his peripheral, "Yeah, it just struck him, you know? He gave it _no_ thought _at all,_ of course." He mocked James.

Madeline giggled lightly and nodded at Moony before looking back at Padfoot and Prongs. "Sure, babies, we can do that."

Sirius and James gave her their best smiles and went back to their roast beefs, appearing satisfied that their plan had worked.

On Saturday morning, playing Quidditch with the boys made her feel like a simple kid again.

Thoughts dissolved from her mind as she raced high over the ground, through the chilly air.

The sky was of an idyllic shade of blue, and the sun shone brightly over the Scottish Castle.

They flew until they were too tired to continue, and then they showered themselves and went to the kitchens to eat something and have a chat with Maximilian and the other elves.

It was four in the afternoon when they wore their cloaks and walked to Hogsmeade.

The day had been perfect since then; they had talked and laughed, and Sirius and Madeline had mocked James as usual.

Maximilian had loved seeing them, and he had given them a freshly baked chocolate cake that they had devoured.

Prongs had spent most of his time talking about Lily Evans, as usual. The red-headed girl was really a part of him, by then. Being desperately in love with someone who didn't reciprocate his feelings was really eating him up inside.

"I can't understand her... Any other girl would die to go out on a date with me!"

Madeline had rolled her eyes at that. "So, maybe you should stop rejecting them all... Maybe Lily would be jealous, then."

James' hazel eyes had sparkled at that. "You think so? Lily would be jealous of _me?"_ He asked, appearing surprised. "I'm not sure..."

Madeline had shrugged. "Well, you won't know unless you try!"

Sirius had voiced his agreement on the tactic she had proposed and James had agreed to think about it.

When they arrived to Hogsmeade, they instinctively directed towards the Three Broomsticks. It was their favourite pub in town, after all.

When Rosmerta brought them butterbeers, and James and Sirius made the woman laugh with their silly jokes, Madeline realised how much she had actually missed days like that.

"So... Where's Marlene today?" Asked James, nonchalantly, while taking a gulp from his butterbeer.

Sirius shrugged, "Don't know... With Amelia, probably? They're always together."

Madeline giggled, "That's what best friends do, Pads."

Sirius and James exchanged a look. "Do they?" Asked the latter, "Because we've noticed you've been distant since New Year's Eve..." he casually said.

Madeline knew he was struggling not to mention Snape. He knew that it would annoy her if he did so.

She nodded. "I know that and... I'm really sorry, boys. Lots of things have happened and... Look, I've missed you both so much, really."

"I hope so" said Sirius, and grinned. He passed an hand through his dark locks and straightened up, in order to appear more charming as he did so. It was a little trick he used with girls.

Madeline rolled her eyes. "Yeah babe I missed you two... Especially Prongsie."

James winked at her while Sirius shot her an annoyed look at that.

Madeline giggled before adding, in a low tone of voice. "Well... We could organise a little party tomorrow night in the Gryffindor Common Room? Like in the good old days? With booze and stuff."

Sirius was about to voice his excitement when he seemed to remember something. "That'd be great but... Full Moon's tomorrow."

James nodded, saddened. "Yeah, sorry Mads"

She shook her head, then. "It's okay, boys, I had completely forgotten..." she murmured, and her mind couldn't help but travel back to Severus.

She wondered if he still thought about her friends' activities... James and Sirius seemed to notice something was off with the girl, then, and exchanged a questioning look before looking back at her.

"Hey, it's not a big deal, we can do that next saturday!" Exclaimed Sirius, as if to cheer her up.

"Yeah, yeah" she replied hastily, and gave a nervous laugh. "Sure, babes."

But James was looking at her intently, and some seconds passed before he asked her. "What's the matter, Mads? What are you thinking about? Why did the mention of the full moon get you so thoughtful?"

There was confusion in his knitted brows.

She faked a smile and drank some of her butterbeer. She really didn't want to have that conversation.

"It's nothing, James..."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You only call him James when something's up."

The other boy nodded, and his hazel eyes showed some impatience. "Yeah, that's true." He stated. "Mads, come on, just tell us what's on your mind."

Madeline took a deep breath.

"Promise me you won't get mad." She blurted out, then. She couldn't have more secrets than she already had with them.

Sirius and James exchanged a knowing look. "What did _he_ do?" Questioned Sirius, crossing his arms.

Madeline sighed. "He did nothing, Pads..." she said. She didn't even realise he hadn't given _'he'_ a name, but they both knew who he was referring to. "It's just that... He's very curious, and lately he's asked me where you go once a month... you know, when you leave dinner early... And Remus being 'sick' once every thirty days only fuels his suspicions!"

Sirius' knuckles turned white as he strengthened his grip around his glass. He looked furious.

"Well, tell your _boyfriend_ to keep his abnormally large nose out of our affairs", stated James. He too appeared pretty upset.

"He's not my boyfriend, James..."

"Isn't he?" Asked Sirius, out of gritted teeth. He didn't wait for her answer, though; it seemed like she wouldn't be able to give him the one he wanted. "What did you tell him, when he asked you that?"

Challenge shone in Sirius' grey eyes as Madeline's blue ones settled on them.

"That he had to drop it... Because otherwise he would lose me... And that I wouldn't forgive him if he tried to find out about what you and Moony do..."

Her answer seemed to please and interest him immensely. Especially the ' _lose me_ ' part, or so it seemed, but Madeline thought then that she had only imagined that.

James' eyes, on the other hand, simply widened. "Really?"

Madeline tore her eyes away from Sirius to look at him, looking surprised, and a little hurt. "Well, yeah, _really,_ James! You're my best friends! I would do anything to protect you!" She exclaimed. "What did you think? That I would betray you? That I would expose Remus? I would never, in a million years, do that." She almost shouted, and they both looked ashamed for their behaviour.

"No... I didn't think that... Sorry, Mads." Prongs said, and she knew he was sincere, and that he felt guilty about doubting her. "I just... I don't know... I'm afraid of him changing you."

Madeline gave him a sweet smile. "Prongsie... He could never do that. Not for bad, at least. I wouldn't let him..."

Sirius' jaw clenched as it always did when Severus was mentioned. Madeline thought that he looked less handsome when he was angry. It didn't suit him, at all... And that said a lot about who Sirius really was.

Prongs took her hand in his and gently squeezed it. "I trust you" he said.

Madeline turned towards Sirius. "I need you to trust me too."

He snorted. "I trust you, love, it's _him_ that I don't trust." He simply stated, and evaded her stare. He was about to add something when he caught a movement in his peripheral. "Talk of the devil..." he whispered. James and Madeline turned their eyes and spotted Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy entering the local.

She looked, appearing confused, at the two men, both dressed in black. Lucius Malfoy was some years older than them; he had graduated from Hogwarts when they all were attending their Fourth year.

Even if Severus had mentioned him from time to time as a friend of his, Madeline didn't know they _actually_ saw each other. She certainly didn't know they would meet that precise afternoon.

Severus' onyx eyes roamed around the room, and spotted her; the Slytherin boy raised an eyebrow when he noticed her hand, which still held James's.

Sirius' face filled with disgust at seeing Snape. Snape's face acted like a mirror, then.

Lucius ignored that whole exchange, and, after sharing some pleasantries with Rosmerta, he gestured for Severus to follow him upstairs. Only private meetings were held there, because, after all, only the rich could afford that.

The Gryffindor boys and girl immediately understood what that was about. Even if James and Sirius didn't have the certainty that Severus was a Death Eater, Madeline knew that they felt that.

Plus, everybody knew where the Malfoys' loyalties lied.

Severus tore his gaze away from hers to follow Malfoy upstairs; they were probably going to discuss something Voldemort-related. That filled her eyes with tears.

She was quick in hiding that. But Sirius had seen it. Rage was burning inside of him fiercely by then.

"The snake has to learn to mind his own business." He stated. "He can't stroll around, thinking he can do whatever he wants."

Madeline sighed. "He promised me he'd let it go."

"And you believed him?"

" _Padfoot_ " interrupted him James, "Enough." He firmly said.

Sirius looked at him, and seemed to struggle against himself not to add anything. "Right... Sorry Mads." He murmured.

"Don't provoke him on this, Pads. Please." Madeline whispered, and extended her hand for him to take. Sirius looked at it. He appeared torn.

"Mads... Sniv-" she shot him a look before he could call him that. "Alright, _Snape..._ He needs to learn a lesson."

"Sirius, please. He promised me."

Sirius sighed deeply, and took her hand in his. He massaged her palm with his thumb for some seconds, while thousands of thoughts crossed his mind. Then she looked up at her. He couldn't keep himself from saying, "Also Remus' sake is debated here... I trust you, Madeline... I already told you that. But I don't trust... his promises." He explained.

Madeline looked at James, then. "What do you think?"

James shrugged. "I don't know anymore... I certainly do not put much hope in Snape... But I guess we'll have to trust his promises for now, won't we? What else can we do? Reveal everything to him? Tell him that Moony's a sweet wolf? Hope he's so afraid of him he shits his pants and drop the matter?" He ironically asked, and the girl couldn't help but giggle alongside him. James Potter always knew how to make her feel better.

What they didn't notice, as they laughed, was that Sirius' grey eyes had remained fixed on James. What his best friend had said had stuck with him.

Sirius knew what he had to do, then. He had to protect his family. Severus Snape was a threat. He would stop him.

"That could work." He muttered, but none of his friends took him seriously.

Madeline shook her head and smiled at him, looking bemused. "Now shut up and go get us another round of Butterbeers, love. If we can't get drunk tomorrow night, at least let's get blissfully tipsy now!"

James cheered at that, and Sirius smiled too. When he stood up to go to the bar rail, his heart was both heavy and light. Maybe he could finally show Madeline who Snivellus really was.

He decided to shake away those thoughts for the moment, and grinned at Rosmerta's gorgeous face when she walked to him to get his order.

The Three Broomsticks wasn't a place for angry, sad or thoughtful people.


	30. What Became Of The Likely Lads?

Madeline woke up on Monday morning with a bad feeling. She didn't know why. She just felt something was wrong.

She showered, she wore her uniform, she chatted for some time with Alice and Lily, and then they all walked out of their dormitory to go to breakfast.

She expected to see James and Sirius, waiting for her as usual in the Common Room, with tired smiles on their handsome faces. The previous night had been a Full Moon one, after all. But they weren't there.

She thought they had probably overslept, and so she shook away her surprise and followed the other girls out of the Gryffindor Tower and towards the Great Hall.

The Marauders weren't at breakfast, as she had presumed. Moony was probably still in the Hospital Wing, recovering from the transformation.

As she lazily looked at the Slytherin table, hoping to see Severus’ calm, onyx eyes, she noticed he wasn't there, too. Mulciber and Avery were sitting at their usual places, eating some breakfast, and talking in low voices. But there was no trace of Snape.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Marlene, who sat in front of her and pouted. She looked like she had just cried, for she had swollen, red eyes. "Have you seen Sirius?" She asked, slightly annoyed. "Yesterday he told me he'd meet me before the beginning of lessons, but I can't find him anywhere!" She complained.

Madeline shrugged. "I haven't seen him, or James, or Peter, for the matter... They all probably overslept." She casually said, and Lene was about to nod when Frank Longbottom knitted his brows, and simply said. "They weren't in our Dormitory when I woke up."

As soon as Frank's words registered into her mind, the Gryffindor girl knew something terrible had happened.

Marlene instantly looked at him, and then she turned to Madeline, surprised.

"Why did you lie?"

"What?" Madeline asked, with a high-pitched tone of voice. "I haven't! I don't know where they are!"

Marlene sighed, "Stop pretending, Mads! Everybody knows Sirius and James tell you everything!"

"What? No, I'd tell you If I..."

"Why do you want to keep him to yourself?" Almost shouted Marlene, making a lot of heads turn towards them.

Alice put a gentle hand on Madeline's shoulder when she noticed that the girl was speechless. "Enough, Lene" she said, "You can't freak out to her just because you have problems with Sirius". The little girl explained.

Marlene shut her mouth, then, and her cheeks reddened visibly. She stood there ashamed and fixed her gaze on her empty plate. Madeline understood she had to get away from there.

"See you later, guys" she said, and she practically ran out of the Great Hall. She tried to think about where her friends could be.

The worst-case scenario was that something had happened in the forest the previous night, and that they were still there, possibly hurt and in need of help. She instantly became very anxious and tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She had always thought that they were careless in going into the Forbidden Forest, even if they were in animal form. They had always assured her they’d be cautious… Fuck, why had she dropped the matter so easily? A million different tragic thoughts crossed her minds as she walked rapidly down the corridors of the Castle.

At the same time, she couldn't push away the feeling that Severus had something to do with their absence... But then again, no, she was probably just having a sort of anxiety attack, and her worst fears were coming back to the surface. It was surely a coincidence… Surely.

She suddenly realised that, if Remus was in the Hospital Wing, also her friends would be in the Castle. They were the ones who usually brought him there, after all. She had to check. She ran towards the stairs and directed to the Hospital Tower. Her heart was beating so fast she thought she might be sick.

Lots of students turned to look at her as she rallied up the stairs, looking concerned and frightened. She was about to turn a corner and enter the corridor who brought to the Hospital Wing when she suddenly bumped into someone.

Strong arms wrapped around her hips before she could fall, and she found herself trapped against a solid chest.

She recognized his perfume before she even saw his face. Mint; ink; expensive aftershave.

Professor Rathbone's green-grey eyes sparkled with amusement when they locked with her blue ones. Madeline instantly reddened. She could feel the tension in his arm muscles through the fabric of his dark grey robes.

 _It's a good feeling_ , she thought.

"Miss Green" he hissed, with his husky voice.

She regained her equilibrium and straightened up. The man gently let her go but did not step backwards. He had a smug grin on his handsome, unreadable face. "Professor Rathbone... Good morning."

"Good morning to you, too.” He replied. Then, when he took a better look at her ragged breath and messy hair, he knitted his brows. “You’re going to check on your friends, aren’t you?" He simply said, nodding towards the closed door of the Hospital Wing.

"What? Why should I? Are they there? What happened? Are they hurt?" She started asking, and her eyes filled with tears once again. She panicked and her heart started beating so fast she swayed on her feet.

That's when Rathbone got pretty concerned and laid a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "Madeline…” he whispered, and knelt lightly to make eye-contact with the girl. “Breathe." He whispered, slowly. His tone was so reassuring that she easily obeyed him. The situation was so embarrassing, yet she couldn't help but be shaken and frightened for what may had happened to the Marauders.

She inhaled and exhaled softly as Professor Rathbone continued to stare at her.

“Are you calmer, now?” he asked after some time.

She managed to nod, and she gave him a pained smile, one that resembled his, for it didn’t reach her eyes.

Rathbone cleared his throat. "Look, I didn’t mean to worry you… Your friends are fine.” He stated. “There was an incident last night, but no one was hurt. They had to go to the Headmaster's office, to tell him what had happened... They were afraid, I presume" he genuinely said, "Which was wise for such young people" he added, before shaking his head and rapidly saying. "Then, Dumbledore asked me to bring them here to explain the situation to Mister Lupin too. The Headmaster was afraid there could be a fight if no one supervised the boys"

That’s when Madeline thought something was definitely wrong. “A fight? Why would they fight? They’re best friends!”

The Professor sighed, then. “Miss Green, a good friend doesn’t always support and praise you. He also tells you when you’re wrong. He gets mad at you. Let’s just say… Mister Potter is pretty mad at Mister Black at the moment. Mister Lupin, too, but he’s in no condition to do anything about it now, is he?”.

Of course, Rathbone knew about Moony's condition. Sometimes, Madeline forgot that the school staff was aware of his nature.

Truth be told, the Marauders and she were the ones who weren't actually supposed to know about it. But Madeline could read it in her Professor's eyes that he knew she knew too.

She shook away that thought, and confusedly asked: “James and Sirius? That… Can’t be possible. They’re brothers.”

“Yeah… I’ve seen that all year.” He murmured, “That’s why they were just about to throw hands, I think.”

Madeline got more and more curious at that. “But-“

“Believe me, Madeline, you’ll probably get mad too.” Rathbone warned her, and a smirked grace his lips as if the thought of seeing her mad amused him. Then, his voice turn more solemn as he said: “Just remember this: we do stupid things when we’re young. That’s what being young is for.”

She could only nod distractedly at that. "What happened, Professor?" She asked.

Rathbone sighed, "I think you should hear it from them." He simply said.

Madeline nodded and lost no time, then. "Thank you, Sir... For calming me, and everything… I really appreciate your help.”

“It's my duty, and my pleasure, dear.”

Madeline blushed a bit more, then, and whispered an embarrassed “Goodbye Professor."

"Goodbye, Miss Green. I hope to see you later in class." he whispered back.

She gave him a little smile and started walking towards the Hospital Wing, determined to finally find the truth about what had happened the previous night. If it had made Sirius and James quarrel, and if Remus was so mad too… Then, something awful had probably taken place. She had to know.


	31. I'm Falling Again, I'm Falling Again, I'm Fallin'

“Get out of here, you fucking idiot!”, shouted Remus Lupin, breathing heavily. He looked completely wild, with his disheveled, light-brown hair and his - usually kind - amber eyes filled with rage.

Moony's tone of voice surprised Madeline who, in that same moment, had entered the Hospital Wing. He wasn't used to talk so loudly, nor to use profanities. Moreover, Remus _never_ got angry.

Sirius was standing not far from him, and his grey eyes were opened wide, proving that he too didn't know how to handle the situation in which he found himself. James, who was looking at the floor, was sitting on the bed next to Remus. Peter was sleeping lightly in one of the free beds, some feet away from them.

“Come on Moony, nothing happened!”, stated Sirius, then, breaking the silence.

Remus' furious expression turned into one of disbelief when he heard those words. “ _Nothing_ happened? Are you out of your mind?", he coldly said, before giving an empty laugh. "You’re so selfish it makes me _sick..._ If it hadn’t been for James… I would have killed Snape! Killed him, you _get it_?!” he shouted, then, on the edge of tears, “Imagine that! Imagine how I would have felt if I’d actually done that!”

Sirius took some steps back. Madeline was too shocked to say anything. The Marauders had never had a fight like that. The words they were saying didn’t even register in her mind. Their voices were so full of hatred and pain she could barely understand the meaning of their sentences. The boys hadn’t seen her, yet.

“It’s just Snape, mate… I wanted to give him a lesson…”

“Get out of here” said James, then, with a cold tone of voice that made her shiver. “Piss off already.”

Sirius looked incredulous. “You can’t be serious, Prongs. You hate him just as much as I do.”

James raised his head, and Madeline gasped. He had never looked at Sirius in that way. He looked… Disgusted. She had never seen him so disappointed. There was no trace of gentleness in his hazel eyes.

“We’re not children anymore, Sirius. Grow up. That wasn’t a joke… That was attempted murder, for Merlin's sake.”

Sirius paled considerably at his friend's accuse. “ _What?!_ I only told Snape how to get through the Whomping Willow! I didn’t push him there or something!” he explained. “Look, he was so curious to understand where we go once a month... I only suggested him how to find it out! I didn’t force him to anything!”

“You knew he would go there!” Prongs said, “Don’t pretend you didn’t. I know you too well! Or, at least, I thought I knew you! Do you realise what you’ve done, Sirius? Look at Moony! He’s devastated!”

Remus didn’t appear to be listening anymore. Madeline had never seen him look so terrified.

“All of this… Because you wanted to take a revenge on Snape!!”

“Yes because he’s fucking _obsessed_ with us!” replied Padfoot.

“He could have died, Sirius!” shouted James. “That’s not what we are! We don’t kill people! And you’re not better than your family if you think that’s the right way of doing things.”

“How dare you compare _me_ to _my family_?”, Sirius asked then, through gritted teeth. James's words had hurt him like he would have never admitted.

A thick veil of coldness permeated the room, then.

“Take your own responsibilities and get out of here. I can’t stand looking at you anymore.” Slowly said Remus.

Sirius looked both angry and broken. It was clear he hadn’t expected that reaction from his best friends.

“What the hell happened last night?” asked Madeline, then, exhausted. Her voice rang through the room. It was only early morning, but she felt so tired already.

Three pairs of eyes turned to look at her and for the first time that morning, Sirius appeared guilty.

“M-Mads…” whispered Remus. He looked terrible, if she had to be honest.

“Rathbone told me you all went to see Dumbledore last night. What happened?” she asked again, crossing her arms and waiting for an explanation.

James stood up, then, and shot Padfoot a strange look. The boy was looking at his feet. Madeline raised an eyebrow.

Sirius looking ashamed? That was something new.

 _He must have done something terrible._ The thought made her stomach twist in fear.

“Sirius told Snape that if he wanted to know what we do on Full Moon’s nights he had to get to the Shrieking Shack… He told him how to get there…”

The girl’s jaw dropped. “He did _what?!_ ” she exclaimed, and her mouth went dry. Sirius didn’t move. Peter woke up, startled by her scream, but when he saw her there, he seemed to understand and laid down again. He looked so tired, too.

James sighed. “Snape went there…”

Madeline’s eyes filled with tears. Sure Snape had done that… Fear, anger, betrayal. She was feeling so much things at the same time. It was overwhelming.

“Is he okay?” she only managed to whisper.

“Yeah, yeah… He’s okay… When Sirius told me what he had done I ran there… I got Snape out before Rem could get to him…”

Remus looked down, then, appearing ashamed and trembling slightly.

James continued talking, “Snape started saying he would tell Moony’s secret to everyone and that he would get us all expelled, so I… knocked him out.”

“What?!” exclaimed Madeline.

“Yeah well he was obviously having a panic attack or something!”

Madeline sighed deeply. “And then?”

“Then I forced Sirius to come to Dumbledore with me. We brought Snape there and we explained everything to the Headmaster… The old man forced Snape to keep his mouth shut, you know, because it wasn’t Moony’s fault...”

“It wasn’t.” stated Madeline, and Remus gave her a tiny, weak smile.

“And Snape was furious about that. He wanted us all to be expelled. We got away with several detentions... We'll pass our evening with McGonagall until the end of the year…" he bitterly said. "And Snape hates me even more now.”

Madeline sighed deeply. She felt like crying, but she couldn’t break down just then. She turned to Sirius.

“Why did you do that?” she asked, trying to maintain her calm.

“You told us he was sticking his nose in our affairs! I wanted to end this stupid thing once and for all!”

“By letting Moony kill him? Have you gone completely insane, Sirius _Black_?” she said, and took some angry steps in his direction.

“He could have stayed in his bed and forget about what I had told him!!”

“Stop saying that! You _knew_ he wouldn’t do that…”

“Well, he had made you a promise!” he said with a bitter voice. She closed her eyes, to keep herself from punching him. “What? That doesn’t matter?!”, Sirius went on saying. “Why don’t you go shouting at him that he should have fucking trusted you?!”

Madeline’s breath caught. “Don’t think I’m not mad at him, Sirius.” She slowly said. “But you… You’ve done something terrible. And not to Snape only… But to us all.”

“But, Mads, don’t you understand?! He was so eager to put us all into trouble that he didn’t care about you and the promise he had made! He didn’t give a fuck about _losing you_!”

“Yeah, I can see that, Sirius. And you know what else I see? That you didn’t care about losing me, either. You and Snape are just the same.”

“What?!” Sirius opened his eyes wide, looking incredulous. “We’re not the same! We’ll never be!”

“You’re the only ones in this story that chose not to trust me… You’re the only ones that are now alone.” She whispered, and turned to walk away. She couldn’t stand looking at him anymore. Tears started falling from her eyes. She hated herself for crying for him.

She had almost reached the door when Sirius’s hand grabbed her wrist and made her turn around. “Don’t leave me alone, Mads, please”, He said, and his eyes were full of pain.

“Look at what you did to Moony, Sirius. You broke him.” She only said.

They both looked at poor Remus, shivering in his bed, with James whispering gentle words to him. He looked so weird in the role of comforter that, if the situation hadn't been that tragic, Madeline would have laughed.

They all knew Remus hated what he was… He thought of himself as a monster, as a killer. Sirius had almost made him become one.

“Mads… Please, understand my reasons... I didn’t want to hurt any of you… Fuck … I just... I couldn’t stand Snape anymore!”

“I don’t care about your reasons.” She tried to shake away his hand but he didn’t let her go.

“Tell me I’m not like my family.” He stated, then. “James told me I’m like them… Tell me I’m not… Tell me those were angry words…”

She was in pain too. He was her best friend. She loved him so much. And yet… She didn’t know if she could forgive him for what he had done.

“I wish I could, Sirius… But I’m not so sure about that anymore.”

Madeline thought she could see his heart breaking, then. Sirius had never looked so desperate.

“Mads… Love, please…”

“Don’t call me that.”

Sirius let her go. “Don’t give up on me, Mads… I need you… Please…”

“I have to go.” She only replied.

Sirius looked at her until she couldn’t hold his stare anymore.

Madeline left him standing there, and walked away. If she had looked back at him, she would have seen the tears that had started falling from his eyes. But she didn’t.


	32. I Think I Lost My Way A Bit

Madeline couldn’t think straight. Her whole world had just fallen into pieces. And she could do nothing to change it. Fuck Sirius. Fuck Severus.

She ran to her Dormitory to pick up the pack of cigarettes she kept for emergencies. Then, she exited the Castle. Fuck the lessons, too. She had to be alone, to think, to cry.

She walked in the direction of Hagrid’s hut. The cold, vernal air made her shiver. The bleached sun shone timidly behind some grey clouds. She lighted up the Marlboro with a quick Incendio spell and inhaled the smoke deeply. The nicotine almost immediately relaxed her.

She didn’t know what to do. Should she face Severus? She really wanted to see him… Both to verify he was okay, and to insult him. Fuck. He had made a promise…

Fuck promises. Such fragile things should not exist.

Madeline almost didn’t realise she had started crying again. She hadn’t even washed away the previous, by now dried, tears.

She probably looked like shit with her puffy, red eyes and trembling fingers that brought the fag to her lips. Fuck that.

“G’mornin’… Ye should be in class, shouldn’t ye?”

She turned to face the big gamekeeper, who was staring at her with a concerned stare. Hagrid was a gentle soul; the Marauders and she knew him very little, but they were used to send him a gift every Christmas.

She didn’t even try to hide the cigarette, because she knew he had already seen it.

“Yeah… I know I am not supposed to be here, but… Please, don’t force me to go back. Please.”

Hagrid looked at her sad face, and then sighed deeply. “Mmm ’kay, just fer this once, though.”

“Thank you, Hagrid,” she managed to say, and gave him a tiny smile. Hagrid had a soft spot for broken things. He nodded to her and walked away, in the direction of the Forest.

She took another drag of smoke. Maybe she should let Severus go to her.

Maybe he would avoid her… He always ran away from problems.

But… Would he do that to her? Madeline almost laughed an empty laugh. Of course, he would. He had demonstrated he really didn’t care about hurting her.

She hated herself because she knew that she wanted him to hug her. To kiss her. To sleep by her side. Fuck, she had never realised how much she cared about the Slytherin boy.

“You’ll never fumigate the demons, no matter how much you smoke”.

She turned to face James, who wrapped his cloak around her shoulders. The trembling stopped partially, then.

“Thank you” she said. “How did you find me?”

“The map, of course.”

“How’s Remus?”

James sighed. “Pomfrey gave him a Sleeping Draught. He was so tired and angry.”

“I see…”

“Sirius disappeared after you left.”

“I don’t want to talk about him.” She muttered and threw the cigarette away before making it disappear with a quick spell.

James followed her gesture with his hazel eyes, and then spoke again. “Do you want to talk about Snape, instead?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, Prongsie. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want. I just know that I feel… Lost.”

James nodded. “I know… I can see it… Come here, Mads.”

She wasted no time and found some refuge in his open arms. James held her tightly. She cried even harder, then. Would it be that way, from then on? James, Remus, and her against the rest of the world? No more Sirius? The idea made her sick.

She knew Peter wouldn’t turn away from him. Sirius was like a hero to the little guy. Madeline didn’t care much about that. At least… Sirius wouldn’t be completely alone.

And what about Severus? Would he be a full time Death Eater? Would he deny his feelings? She knew she could not forgive him.

But would he even try to mend things? Or would he choose the hate for her friends over the love for her?

Fuck crying. She hated crying. She was wetting James’ shirt. He did not seem to matter.

“McGonagall will be so mad at us for skipping lessons.” Said Prongs to lighten up the mood.

Madeline chuckled, “Yeah, she’s going to give us so many detentions…”

“At least you’re lucky, she always assigns you to Rathbone, and the man so clearly adores you.”

“We’ve been meeting weekly, you know.”

“WHAT?” James asked, shocked. “You… What?”

“Chill, Prongsie” Madeline said, and laughed, taking a step back from him. “Nothing happened. I just asked him to tell me about this war… Plus, he’s travelled a lot, so he saw a lot of things… I enjoy talking to him, that’s all.”

James raised an eyebrow. “And why didn’t you tell us, then?”

“I wanted to protect him, you know, from looking like a paedophile or something…”

“Yeah, well, I trust you Mads, but this is weird…”

“He’s a good man, James. He’s never been unprofessional. I consider him a friend, almost.”

“Whatever…” commented the boy, clearly uncomfortable with that topic. “Want to go flying? It always clears my mind.”

“Sure, Prongsie.”

“Come on, then. Let’s go get our broomsticks.”

The two of them walked back to the Castle side by side, in silence. Madeline could see that James was deep in thoughts, too.

Sirius was his brother, after all.

They spent the rest of the day flying. It almost made them forget about what had happened. It was a nice day, that one.

Madeline almost believed nothing had really change.

But the truth was… Everything had changed.

With her head up in the air Madeline decided she would confront Severus. She couldn’t wait for him to do that. She had an impulsive character, sometimes. But she needed that. To see what he really thought about that whole situation.

Would he look guilty? Angry? Tired? Scared? All of them?

Madeline had to find out.

“It’s getting late, Mads… D’you want to go and see if Remus is feeling better?”

Madeline nodded to James, “Let’s grab something from the kitchen. We can dine with him in the Hospital Wing.”

“Yeah, why not?”

They both went back on the ground, and Madeline took his hands in hers. James smiled at her, and squeezed it.

“Thank you for always being here.” She muttered.

James pulled her at his side to put his arm around her shoulders. “Don’t even say that. You’re my sister.”

“Until death do us apart?” said Madeline, giggling.

James laughed too, “A bit dramatic, isn’t it? But yeah, until death do us apart. This sounds like something I can definitely promise to you.”

Madeline smiled then. If only she had known her time left with James was so little… Maybe she would have held him stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you James Potter. X


	33. Everybody's Talking, But What's Anybody Saying?

As if things weren’t going bad enough, something else happened. The whole school had found out that the Marauders hadn’t spent the night in their beds, and everybody was wondering why.

Where had they gone?

Frank pressed Peter to tell him the reason, and the little boy made up a story that soon spread all over Hogwarts. He told his housemate that, the previous night, they had been going to the kitchens when they had seen Snape walking out of the Castle.

James had decided to follow him, and he had managed to save the boy from a beast that had come out of the Forbidden Forest.

It was a stupid lie, but everybody believed it.

After all, James was the handsome Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, and he was a Pureblood, and a Marauder. Snape, on the other hand, was a greasy, half-blood Slytherin who had no friends and who everybody despised. James, although unwillingly, became the hero of the situation. Snape, the ungrateful victim.

Students began complimenting the Gryffindor boy, and telling the Slytherin that he had been so lucky that James had been there to save him.

Madeline could only imagine how furious Snape would be about that.

Two days had passed since the event happened, and Madeline knew she had to talk to him. She wanted to talk to him. The previous day, she hadn’t seen him, for she had skipped lessons with James. That had cost them a fortnight of detentions with Professor McGonagall.

Remus had been dismissed from the Hospital Wing, and now looked better. But she knew he was deeply hurt. He loved Sirius, just like she did. But they couldn’t forgive him. Not this time.

Madeline could see that James already missed his brother. Yet, he was acting detached towards him. Only Peter didn’t seem strong enough to be mad at Sirius. The two of them spent all of their time together.

Sirius, because he desperately needed a friend. Peter, because for once he could be Sirius’s favourite person, the one he would refer to, the one he would tell his secrets to.

Madeline didn’t mind Wormtail staying with him. Prongs and Moony did mind, on the other hand, but said nothing.

They didn’t actually want Padfoot to be completely alone. He had broken up with Marlene, they had been told. The news had shocked them. Why would Sirius leave his girl when he most needed her?

Apparently, Sirius had told Marlene he needed some time for himself because too much was going on in his life and he couldn’t take care of her. At least, that was what Alice told Madeline.

Spring had certainly brought some changes in their lives.

The morning after the incident, at breakfast, Madeline was chatting with Remus; her right arm was entwined with his left one. James was sitting across from them, and he was reading The Daily Prophet. Sirius and Peter were sitting far from them.

Everybody at Hogwarts knew that something bad had happened between the Marauders; it was very rare to see them standing apart.

Everybody wanted to know what was going on. Yet, that, nobody would ever find out.

Alice and Lily had asked her several times why they were acting that way. But she couldn’t tell them. She hated that. If only Lily had been James’ girlfriend… But she wasn’t.

“What are you thinking about?” asked Remus, pinching her.

She smiled, “Nothing, love.” She replied. “I just don’t want to go to lesson.”

James raised his hazel eyes from the magazine. “Yeah, me neither. Yesterday’s been amazing.”

They guys in front of him shot him a shocked look.

James corrected himself, “Yeah I mean for the fact we didn’t go to lesson! Everything else was just awful.”

“It was” they agreed.

Remus sighed deeply. Madeline thought he looked extremely depressed. He had had some bad moments since she had met him. That wasn’t good at all. The fact was: Moony tended to harm himself when he was depressed.

James and she were trying to keep him in check.

The girl raised a hand to move some hair away from his eyes. “Hey Moons, I was thinking we could ask Lily to lend us some more Muggle books. I miss reading one!”

He seemed to lighten up at that, “Yeah, why not? I think I may need something to distract myself.”

“It’s settled then” she said, and smiled. She was about to go on and say something about Jack Kerouac when Severus Snape entered the Great Hall. She hadn’t seen him in days. The last time had been at the Three Broomsticks, when he had entered the pub with Lucius Malfoy.

He looked terrible. He was sickly pale, with dark circles under his onyx eyes, and he looked… Empty. He moved like he was one of the ghosts, like he wanted to be invisible. He didn’t even raise his head. He directed towards the Slytherin table, and sat next to Mulciber.

Remus stiffened by her side. Madeline gave him a soft look. “I know” she whispered, “But he’s alright. Okay? You did nothing bad.”

“Mads, I-”

“Shut up, Remus. Don’t make me start.”

He nodded, then, and gave her a tiny smile. “I’m sorry.”

James giggled after seeing the exchange. Then, he looked at Madeline. “Have you talked to him?”

She shook her head, “I haven’t had the time. I’ll do that, though. After breakfast.”

“Right” he said, “Listen, about that gossip…”

“Not your fault, Prongsie.”

James nodded, “Yeah. I want you to know that.”

“I know that.”

“Okay, then.”

Remus sighed, “What are you going to tell him, Mads?”

“To whom?”

He gave her a knowing smile, and murmured, “Come on, you know.”

The girl sighed. “I am so angry with him that I don’t know. But he betrayed me.”

Remus was surprised by her reaction. “You know Sirius provoked him.”

“Yeah, but I asked him not to try and find out about your secret. And what did he do? The exact opposite. I can’t trust a boy who puts hatred in front of any other feeling. It just doesn’t feel good to me.”

Remus nodded, “I understand, Mads, but… Don’t do it because you think I expect you to do it.”

Madeline smiled at him. “I don’t think that, Moons. But thank you anyway.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and raised from her seat. “See you later, boys?” she said, then, looking between James and Remus. They both nodded, and she walked right up to the Slytherin table. The snakes looked at her, but she didn’t care. Mulciber was about to say something, but she spoke first.

“I don’t care about you, so save your breath. Severus, I need to talk to you.”

The Pureblood shot her an angry look. “Another filthy Gryffindor’s going to save you, Snape?”

Severus stiffened at that, and shot him a threatening look. Madeline was about to reply to Mulciber’s words, but Severus stood up and started walking out of the Great Hall. She sighed deeply and followed him.

“Where are you going?” she asked him when she noticed he wouldn’t stop.

He shrugged, “I know you want to end it. Let’s do it where it all began.”

Madeline knitted his brows, and halted in her steps. “Severus, I’m not in the mood of playing games.”

He turned to look at her, and there was rage in his eyes. “Ah, so you want to dump me in a shabby corridor? Like I mean nothing? Can’t we at least talk where nobody will hear us, or is it too hard for you?”

Madeline crossed her arms. “What the fuck’s going on with you? You fucked up everything, and now you’re mad at me?!”

Severus walked up to her, and she took a step backwards. “Follow me.” He said. “I don’t want the others to hear us.” He continued, lowering his voice. “Please” he added, though he sounded forced.

Madeline looked into his onyx eyes. They were really impossible to read.

She nodded. “Alright.”

He said nothing, and started walking towards the stairs. She followed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this let me know!! All my love. X


	34. We're Just Two Ghosts Standing In The Place Of You And Me

It was difficult to keep up with him. He was walking so fast that Madeline thought he would disappear from her view any minute.

She didn’t even understand where he was leading her, because her eyes were glued to his tense shoulders and silky, black hair.

When he suddenly stopped, she understood. And her eyes filled with tears.

“Not here” she whispered.

He raised an eyebrow, appearing confused. “Why?”

“There are... Too many good memories… We _can’t_ taint them.”

Severus’s expression darkened, then, and he looked as if she had just confirmed all his suspicions.

“I need you to do it here, Madeline.” He only said, and walked inside the Room of Requirement.

She took a deep breath and followed him.

It had taken the resemblance of a dark, empty classroom; she didn’t like the place. The boy, on the other hand, looked completely comfortable in that scenario.

It was clear to her, then, that Severus was probably feeling dreadful, miserable.

A tear escaped from her eye, and he noticed it immediately. For a moment, he looked concerned. “Why are you crying?”

She raised her hand to remove the tear. “You know why…”

He took some steps in her direction. It was as if some hope had emerged from the depths of his heart. “Madeline… I know what you want to do, I can read it in your face. But… You’re not forced to do it. Not if that makes you suffer...”

She smiled painfully and shook her head. “Of course it makes me suffer, Severus.” She hissed back and he halted in his tracks. “But that doesn’t mean it isn’t right.”

He snorted. _“Right,_ you say? A funny word to use.” He sarcastically commented.

The girl looked up to meet his eye. He always became defensive when he felt attacked.

“There’s nothing funny about all of this”, Madeline spat out and moved towards the boy “You just _had_ to do that, didn’t you?”

“What?” Severus knitted his brows, and properly looked at her. He appeared perplexed, “Your friends almost killed me, have you forgotten that?”

The Gryffindor girl sighed deeply before speaking again. “Sirius acted like a total dick… That’s true, and I hate him for that… Merlin knows if I’ll ever forgive him…”

Severus’s onyx eyes lighted up at that.

“What he did to Remus… I can’t accept that. He betrayed him.” She said, “And I don’t like people who hurt my friends.”

“W-what? You’re mad at Black… For what he did to _Lupin_?” He asked, his deep voice filled with disbelief. Then, he snorted. “What a nice lover I have.” He sarcastically said.

Madeline froze at that. “Don’t… call me that. And don’t you _fucking_ dare use that tone with me.”

Severus took some steps in her direction. “Don’t call you that? Fuck, Madeline, I was kissing you on my Common Room's floor not too many nights ago!”

“I wish I could go back to that day and warn myself not to trust you!” she spat back in return. “I knew something was wrong, you had stepped away from me! And then… Then you did that thing for Saint Valentine’s and I thought everything would be alright! I was so wrong!” she rambled out, and started crying again. She hated him for having let her down.

He knew he had done something so very wrong, then, because he had never seen her as sad and tired as that. He understood that she had been restraining herself since that moment. “Listen…”

“You promised me, Sev.”

“Madeline, I…”

“You told me you wouldn’t try to find out about Remus’s secret.”

He stopped at that. “I did.”

“I was protecting you all the time, stupid boy. What did you think? Did you believe I was keeping my friends’ secrets just for the hell of it?”

Severus shrugged. He knew he had to be honest. She deserved the truth. “You Gryffindors are immature and childish. Yeah… I thought that.”

She laughed an empty laugh. “And so, you decided you wouldn’t care. I’m glad to know.”

He rolled his eyes and reached for her, but she took a step back. He sighed. “Of course I cared, Madeline. I didn’t want to let you down! But… your friends… Merlin, I _hate_ them. They’re ruining us.”

“ _They_ are ruining _us_?” Madeline’s eyes widened. “Yes, Sirius provoked you, but _you_ decided to go there, _you_ entered the Shrieking Shack, _you_ were so curious about Remus’ secret that _you_ betrayed ME!”

Severus couldn’t keep his calm anymore. Not when the best thing that had ever happened to him was about to be taken away from him. And all because of the Marauders.

“I WAS ABOUT TO GET _KILLED,_ MADELINE. KILLED, UNDERSTAND? AND YOU COME HEAR AND YOU SHOUT AT ME ABOUT STUPID PROMISES?! YOU KNOW YOUR FRIENDS! I DIDN'T DO _THIS_ TO US, THEY DID!” Severus shouted, and his voice was so loud she held her breath.

It lasted a second.

“FUCKING HELL, SEVERUS… I KNOW!!” she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “I KNOW ABOUT WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED! …AND I WAS SO FUCKING _WORRIED_ WHEN I FOUND OUT! I HATE YOU FOR THIS. _YOU_ DID THIS TO US. NOT THEM. BLAME YOURSELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. YOU CAN’T RUN AWAY FROM THIS, TOO.”

They stared at each other for a long time. Their breaths were ragged and their cheeks red.

He wanted to kiss her so much. Maybe she would leave him do that.

Both were so angry. Both so sorry.

It passed some time before they calmed themselves, and found the strength to speak again.

“So, this is it?” he asked, then, not quite believing what he was saying.

“I wish you told Sirius to piss off, that night. But you didn’t. You ruined us.”

He laughed an empty laugh, and turned away from her. “Sure, Madeline, repeat that to yourself…” he said. “Repeat to yourself that Potter saved me, too.”

She sighed. “Leave James out of this. It wasn’t his fault.”

“How can you say that?!” he exclaimed, angrily.

She shook her head. “You knew what we promised each other. We knew war would tear us apart. And what did you decide? That you couldn’t wait for war to do that. You did it yourself. What do you want me to say now? That I love you?”

He didn’t reply to that, so she stepped up to stand right in front of him. Only some inches separated them. He could feel her hot breath on his chin, because she was looking up to properly stare at him. He only wanted to cry and to hug her, to put his face in the crook of her neck and breath her scent.

He wanted to feel at home again.

“Yes.” He said.

“Why don’t you say it first, then?”

Severus studied her blue eyes. He had really fucked up everything. “Madeline…”

“See? _You can't._ And you know what? As time went by, I started thinking war wouldn’t tear us apart. Because we have something strong…” she said, and he briefly nodded, “…And I really believed nothing would break it.”

Severus raised a hand to grab her arm and keep her in place. “I was marked, and you stayed by my side… Merlin, Madeline, why can’t you forgive this?”

“Why won’t you say you’re sorry?” she replied.

He shook his head. “I can’t say that, because I’d be lying to you.”

“I know that.” She muttered. “Just like I knew, when you became a Death Eater, that you _felt_ it had been a mistake.”

“I didn’t.” he firmly stated, though his tone wasn’t as convinced as the one he had used previously.

Madeline almost laughed at his expression. “We know the truth… Anyway, this time… You are absolutely convinced you’ve done the right thing. Even if I had asked you not to do it.” She explained. “I can’t forget that you preferred to harm my friends rather than to trust me.”

“Madeline… I trust you. And I didn’t harm your friends… They harmed me. And then they humiliated me in front of Dumbledore, and the whole school.”

“Dumbledore only protected Remus. He deserved that, it isn’t his fault if-“

“He’s a fucking _werewolf_ , Madeline.” He growled.

“And so what? I’ve known him since we were children. He’s like a brother to me. His nature won’t change that.”

“He almost killed me.”

Madeline sighed. She was so tired. “Severus… You know he can’t control himself. That’s why Dumbledore didn’t expel Sirius and James. Because they’re essential. They protect Remus; he _needs_ them. They’re the only ones who can make him feel like a man.”

“But he’s not a man.”

“Stop talking about him, or I’ll walk away.” She icily said, then.

He looked at her, and she almost thought he would lean in and kiss her, that he would try to wash away all the pain they were both feeling. She really loved his onyx eyes, and his hair, and his velvety voice, and his bony hands. She loved his cleverness and his darkness.

So, her heart broke when she said, “I’m sorry, Severus… But I think we should stop seeing each other... This thing we have, it doesn't work anymore.”

All his emotions emerged on his face: anger, sadness, regret, fear, surprise, concern. Madeline could read them all in his eyes. But it lasted just an instant, and then they all disappeared.

He had locked his heart to her, too, now.

“I see.” He said, with a cold tone of voice.

“Don’t do that to yourself.” She whispered, not being able to control herself.

“Do what?”

“Don’t let them take your heart. You promised me this too, once. Please, don’t break this promise, at least.” She whispered, and her mind travelled back to the night he had gone to her, after having been marked.

“Why would you care?” he asked, and stepped away from her.

“I’ll always care, Severus.” She only said, and directed towards the exit of the Room.

“Madeline…” the voice that pronounced her name wasn’t cold anymore, but shaken, and trembling, and full of desperation.

She turned to look at the boy, and she recognized her Severus. The one who had held her and whispered sweet things in her ear. The one she loved.

She waited for him to add something, but he talked no more. Blue eyes stared into onyx ones for a long time.

Then, she turned around, and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where my fanfiction changes a bit. The sixth year in Hogwarts is about to end and, yeah, war's getting closer.  
> I really care about this story even if I sometimes lack inspiration to write. I've NEVER written a fanfiction that was this long... 34 chapters? I can't believe I did this!  
> I'm really curious about your opinion on what happened in these last few chapters. Do you think Madeline was too harsh with Sirius? And with Severus? What do you think will happen now?


	35. Life Feels Like A Lie, I Need Something To Be True

Life changed so suddenly that Madeline could only hope summer would come soon.

She loved Hogwarts but, since the incident, it had started resembling a prison. She felt trapped inside the Castle.

Sirius and Severus were everywhere now that she didn’t want to see them. It was so difficult to ignore them when she constantly bumped into them walking around the halls, with their serious faces and cold stares.

She already missed them so much.

Fortunately, exams were getting closer, and so she focused her energy in studying.

Remus, Lily and she began spending more and more time together in the library, doing essays and practising spells. Moony relaxed himself with time and went back to normal, but Madeline could read it in his dark circles that he still had nightmares about what may had happened.

Sometimes, James joined them in their study sessions.

It was in one of those afternoons that Madeline actually saw how much he had changed.

The Gryffindor boy had started becoming more responsible since the beginning of the year, but now he acted like a completely different person. Little James had definitely grown up. She knew Lily saw it, too. She had caught her looking at the boy when she thought no one would notice. Madeline had smiled at that.

Maybe something good could born from all that misery.

Since Sirius had broken up with Marlene, the girl had started spending all her time with Amelia, her Hufflepuff best friend.

Madeline suspected that Marlene thought _she_ was the reason behind Sirius’ decision.

Alice told her to forget about that, and that Lene would eventually make up her mind and see the reality of things. Madeline tried to follow her advice; after all, she didn’t have time to worry about that, too.

Madeline’s visits to Professor Rathbone grew over time. She needed someone she could talk to; plus, Rathbone knew about Remus’s true nature. She could tell him what she couldn’t tell to Alice or Lily, and he understood her.

Also, he wasn’t a Marauder.

So, she could tell him about Snape, too, even if she revealed very little about the two of them to her Professor.

“This is a part of youth, you know.” He had told her, one evening. “There are times for fun, love, hope and dreams. And there are times for sadness, anger, grief. It will pass, Miss Green.”

“You really think so?” she had asked him. She felt safe showing her insecurities in front of him. She trusted him, though she didn’t entirely comprehend him.

“I do. _All_ things must pass." he had stated, smiling, "Once, the Headmaster told me something…” he had added, “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times… If one only remembers to turn on the light.”

She had tried to live up to those words since then.

One day, when she was walking to Hagrid’s Hut with James to smoke a fag – a habit she had taken after what had happened - Robert Eastwood, the Gryffindor seventh-year boy Alice had told her about, asked her out on a date. James laughed when he saw Madeline’s shocked expression.

She hadn’t thought about boys since she had broken up with Severus. It had been a month, by then.

Robert made a comment about how beautiful she looked that day, but she could only look into his green eyes and think that she preferred onyx ones.

It was still too early. The scars too recent.

“Robert… I’m flattered, really. But… I’m not interested into seeing anyone right now…”

He nodded at that. “I thought so, somehow…” he commented, blushing slightly. “So, it’s just that the time’s wrong? You’re not too polite to say you don’t like me, are you?”

She smiled. “The time’s wrong. Nothing to do with you. Really.”

She thought he had a charming smile, and that he seemed to be a really nice boy. “I can accept that. See you around, Madeline Green.” He said, and walked away from her.

James lighted up her fag and shrugged. “I don’t think he’ll give up on you. If he's as brave in love as he's brave in playing Quidditch, then you haven’t seen the last of Eastwood.”

Madeline exhaled the smoke, and smirked. “Well, he’s not bad at all.”

“I thought you were drooling after Rathbone... Not managed to get into his bed, yet?” Commented James, giggling.

“Whaaat? Prongsie, you dirty slut!”

“Me? I’ve been in love with one girl for ages! A waste, I know. A beauty such as myself… And not a single soul who can enjoy it.” He said, and shrugged.

Madeline laughed. “One day Lily will see the real you, and she’ll fall in love. I know that.”

“I hope so.”

“You know, I admire you for being so focused on her. It’s so sweet, really.”

James nodded distractedly before speaking again. “Well, she’s the one for me… The least I can do is to wait for her to realise that I’m the one for her, too.”

And so the days went by, but things stayed quite the same. On Full Moon’s nights, now, there were only Peter and James with Remus. They all knew Sirius wanted to help them, but Moony wouldn’t let him.

April came and sunny days brought some hope into Madeline’s life. Summer was close.

April also brought to all Hogwarts students Apparition and Disapparition classes.

James was _so_ excited to learn the art that his enthusiasm eventually affected her. She wasn’t seventeen yet, her birthday being in July, but she could take part in the lessons anyway.

Most of the sixth year students attended the lessons in the Great Hall.

Snape was one of the first students to successfully Disapparate.

 _Brilliant as always_ , Madeline thought.

Some student splinched, and it wasn’t a nice view at all, even if James found it somehow funny. Remus was very cautious about the whole thing, but he was the first one of them to manage the art. James came second, and Madeline last.

“Good job, Miss Green”, Professor Rathbone told her, when she apparated next to where he was standing.

“Thank you, Professor, but it’s only a half victory for now… I won’t be able to do this outside school until July.”

Rathbone laughed. “Three months from now, darling. You’ve waited all your life. They will fall by before you can even complain about it too much.” He said, and winked at her.

Madeline smiled. “I hope you’re right.”

McGonagall approached her just then to congratulate her and give five points to Gryffindor House. Madeline thanked her before walking back to her friends.

Alice gave her a subtle smile. “I saw Rathbone winking at you… Merlin, Mads, he’s sooo sexy!” she whispered, with a twinkle in her eyes.

Madeline laughed at that. “Isn’t he?” she said.

After that, also April passed by pretty quickly.

In May, Robert Eastwood asked her out again. On a Thursday, during breakfast, he stood up from his seat and walked to her.

His friends began cheering for him, probably to give him courage. Madeline was biting into a piece of bacon when he approached her. “Mads… Leave that thing and look at the boy!”, Alice hissed, and prodded her.

The girl obeyed, and when she turned to look at Robert, he was holding a bouquet of roses in his hands. The Gryffindor students were all looking at them, and even some people from the other Houses had gone quiet to stare at the scene displaying in the middle of the Great Hall.

“Hey” the boy said.

“Hey” she replied.

Robert sighed deeply before speaking. “I know you once told me you couldn’t go out with me. So, I waited…” he said. “But now I can’t do that anymore. Madeline Green, please, date me.” He gave her a sweet smile, and handed her the flowers.

The Gryffindor girl stood still for a moment. She didn’t know what to do. In her heart, she knew it was still too early to go out with someone else. But her mind told her Robert was a handsome, sweet, unproblematic boy. A boy who had waited for her, just like James was waiting for Lily. Maybe, if she accepted his proposal… Maybe he’d turn out to be the love of her life.

She hoped so when “Okay”, she answered, and welcomed the flowers in her hands. Her friends started clapping and cheering and she blushed a bit, while Robert’s smile grew bigger. When he greeted her goodbye and went back to his seat, and she returned to her bacon, she could feel two pairs of eyes on her. Yet, she didn’t look at Sirius, nor at Severus.

“Merlin, Mads, you really attract all the hot guys!” whispered Alice, and laughed when Frank gently hit her on the arm. Remus shook his head and said something funny about girls. Only James seemed to notice that she wasn’t eating anymore, and that she had already started questioning what she had just done.

He caressed her hand with his, and smiled at her. “Hey, calm down, okay? It’s just a date.”

She looked at him and smiled. “I fear my heart’s not ready for another love, Prongsie.” She whispered to him.

He appeared concerned, then. “Never fear that, Mads. We’re still so young… It’s just a feeling. It will pass.” He said, and he did it in such a determined tone that she decided to believe him.

Madeline nodded, “You’re probably right” she muttered.

She looked up towards the Professors’ table and searched for Rathbone. He was there, and he too was looking at her. He grinned, and she smiled. She knew he understood that something was tormenting her, because some seconds later he stood up from his seat, and moved towards the exit of the Hall. Madeline waited a whole minute before excusing herself from her friends and following him outside.

Rathbone was walking towards his classroom when she reached him, and started walking by his side.

“What’s the matter, Miss Green?” he asked, and his green-grey eyes betrayed some curiosity.

“It’s nothing important, sir… I just… Feel so anxious all the time, you know? Like I have a weight on my heart.”

Rathbone nodded. “And that got worse when Mister Eastwood asked you out?”

“You saw that?”

The Professor laughed. “Darling, I think the whole school saw that.”

Madeline sighed. “Right… Well, yes. Robert’s an amazing guy, I guess. But I’m not sure I’m ready to know him.”

Rathbone stayed silent for some minutes, while she patiently studied his elegant profile.

“I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I guess you’re just growing up and realizing life’s way more complicated than you thought…”

Madeline nodded, and breathed deeply. “Maybe that’s it, sir. Maybe summer will heal things.”

They arrived at his classroom’s door, and he opened it for her to enter.

“I think it will.” He stated while she crossed the threshold.

Rathbone moved towards his desk, and that’s when the girl noticed most of his things were no longer in the room. Her time with him was running out.

Madeline sighed deeply. “Thank you Professor. And sorry for everything… I know I’ve been... Well... Such a _pain_ in the arse these last few months… But I’m really grateful for what you’ve done for me.”

Alastair Rathbone smiled, looking amused, and this time it reached his green-grey eyes.

When she had first met him, Madeline had thought him to be a cold man.

Now that she knew him, she understood that he was just protecting himself.

He knew that it was not convenient for him to care for someone in times of war and struggle. And it certainly was not convenient to care for a student, when he was a Professor.

He had a good heart, and Madeline thought that they were so alike. He wasn’t as detached as Severus. He was just… Mature. He knew what he had to do. But he also knew what he wanted.

Madeline knew that there was... A connection... Between them. Rathbone had teased her several times, and sometimes the girl had thought something would happen… She knew he secretly wanted to touch her; and she wanted to touch him, too.

But nothing had ever happened.

Rathbone had told her about war, about loss, about fight. He had told her that there was no running away from it all.

She suspected he knew that because he was an active participant in the war they were living. The Professor had always told her that he wouldn’t reveal her anything until she'd finish school. She had to wait.

They had spent so many evenings talking, drinking tea and correcting essays, that Madeline had started seeing him as a friend.

A mature, sexy, authoritative and quite teasing friend. But a friend, nonetheless.

Madeline knew he’d go away soon. No Defence Professor lasted more than a year. That broke her heart, really.

“No need to thank me, darling, I enjoyed spending time with you too. But now… Focus on your exams. Then, we’ll properly bid each other goodbye. Alright?” he proposed, and raised an eyebrow.

“Alright, Professor.” She confirmed.

“You’ll never call me Alastair, no matter how many times I ask you, right?” he commented, grinning.

Madeline laughed. “I’d do that if _me_ calling _you_ Professor didn’t annoy you _this_ much.” She sassily said.

Rathbone put his hands in his trousers’ pockets, and laughed too. “Ever the tease, Miss Green. Now go to lesson, or Professor Flitwick will give you a detention" he stated.

“You should ask my Head of House to let me spend my detentions with you!” she suggested, then, while walking away.

Rathbone used his wand to levitate some books to his desk. “Professor McGonagall’s far brighter than you think, Miss Green” he said with an amused voice, and when the realisation of what the witch may thought about their relationship hit Madeline, she fell about.

The Professor gave her one last charming smile before she closed the door of his classroom behind herself.


	36. And By Leaving, We Don't Stop Living

Madeline knew that James missed Sirius like crazy; she missed him too, so much. But she couldn’t forgive him. James had already done that, but for him it was different: Sirius and James were one. So, she wasn’t surprised when they started talking again.

Remus also decided to accept Sirius’s apologies. He was the most mature one of the group, so that too didn’t surprise her.

Plus, she knew Remus felt in debt with Sirius, because he had been his friend since the beginning, and he was the one who had proposed the others to become Animagi. And Remus had also an enormous heart. She envied him, for Madeline wanted to do the same. Truly. But she couldn’t. If she thought about Sirius, also Severus popped up in her mind. And they both caused her pain. She didn’t need that, right then. She needed peace. She needed to find herself. Every time she looked at the necklace Sirius had given her on Christmas, she felt like crying.

Meanwhile, the war was getting tougher. Terrible news came from James’s parents about the situation in the real world.

Voldemort was recruiting more and more Death Eaters, and a lot of wizards and witches were fleeing from the country, looking for some peace. He-who-must-not-be-named was gaining exceptional power, and the Aurors were in deep trouble.

Madeline prayed every night that nothing would happen to Euphemia and Fleamont.

Her parents, on the other hand, began writing to her that they were thinking about doing something about the whole situation, too. They were relevant Ministry employees, after all; she knew that they often received offers to move to English Embassies all over the world.

Madeline already suspected what they wanted to do, but she tried not to think about it… She started having nightmares about losing everything she had built during all her life, then.

Robert Eastwood helped her with that.

Madeline was so grateful for having met him. He understood that she was not ready to begin an actual relationship with him.

He never tried to kiss her, or anything, and she felt relieved by that. They became friends, even if she knew he liked her in a different way.

Madeline told him things he could no longer say to James, because now James spent most of his time with Sirius, like in the old times. Robert was sensible, and funny, and kind. An amazing boy. If only she hadn’t thought about Severus all the time…

He had only one vice, and it changed her life completely. Robert periodically did drugs.

He confessed her that one night, in the empty Gryffindor Common Room.

He told her that there was a seventh year Ravenclaw boy who stole from Slughorn’s storeroom.

The old man never suspected anything because he was too lazy to check his ingredients regularly. They were light things, a mixture of Asphodel and Aconite with a drop of Relaxing Potion, the equivalent of Marijuana for muggles. Robert had told her so distractedly, while remembering a particularly wild night with his mates, but it had stricken Madeline.

She had never done drugs, but the idea of trying something that could help her with her sadness and anxiety appealed to her.

And so, Robert got her some, and she liked it. It calmed her, and it made her think less and less about the sense of void she felt. Not that she became a drug, or something. But she used some, from time to time. Of course, none of her friends knew.

As exams approached, the stress on students' shoulders increased, and she started spending most of her time studying in the Library or by the Lake. Remus, Lily, Alice, and Frank were always with her. James joined them, sometimes, too.

Then, exams came, and they went, and just like that they all finished their sixth year in Hogwarts.

It was the last day at school, and Madeline decided that she wanted to spend some time with Professor Rathbone before he'd definitely leave.

She knew she’d miss him a lot.

She was walking back to the Castle after having smoked a simple cigarette with James, when she saw him.

He was standing under a tree, with his back against it, while reading a book. James looked at her and noticed her sad expression.

“I’ll see you later, Mads” he said, and she nodded.

She had recognized that tree, because it was under it that the Marauders had humiliated Severus, on the day he had lost Lily. He hadn’t seen her, because his long hair, the one she had wanted to cut before they had broken up, acted as curtains around his face. But she stared at him for too long for him not to notice. Eventually, he raised his onyx eyes, and they found her blues ones.

Madeline didn’t know what to do, nor what to say. She only knew that she wouldn’t see him for three months, and that a lot of things could happen in such a long time; even more, because he was now a Death Eater.

Severus didn’t know what to do, nor what to say, either. He missed her like he didn’t want to admit. He had passed some terrible times since he’d lost her. But Madeline didn’t look at him like Lily did. Lily now looked at him with disgust. Madeline didn’t. She looked at him with regret, and pain.

Severus knew, deep in his heart, that it was maybe better that way. He was a Death Eater, after all. Madeline and he were destined to separate, sooner or later. And yet, it hurt him so much. He wanted to have her back. The fact that he still thought there was a chance for them to do so kept him awake at night.

In that moment, he thought about using Legilimency on Madeline, to understand what she actually felt for him. She was a fine Occlumens, but he was a great Legilimens. But he didn’t do it. She deserved better.

They stared at each other for some time, and neither of them moved. She wanted to hug him, and to wish him a happy summer. But she knew it would only make her want more. She couldn’t do that. Even if she wanted him, it was wrong. So, she broke the eye-contact, and walked away.

Severus watched her until she disappeared inside the Castle, and then released the breath he had been holding since he’d first seen her.

* * *

Rathbone was closing his last suitcase when she entered his office. He raised his green-grey eyes to look at her, and he smiled.

“It's nice to see you, Madeline.”

She smiled, too, then, and couldn’t help but run into his arms. It was a surprise for him, because they had never touched like that. The Professor stiffened for a second, before welcoming her against his chest and hugging her back. She felt safe with him. Damn, he had become so important…

“I’ll miss you” she whispered against his waistcoat.

Rathbone giggled, and separated from her. He was wearing a smug smirk, which made her blush a little. “I won’t die, darling. You can write to me, you know? Whenever you want.”

Madeline’s eyes widened, “Can I? Really? That’d be amazing!”

The man nodded, “Of course you can… I think I’ll travel a bit this summer, so my letters may arrive late… But I’ll always answer, I promise.”

Madeline snorted, and the Professor raised an eyebrow, questioningly.

“Excuse me, sir. I just have a bad experience with promises.”

His eyes twinkled with amusement, but he didn’t look surprised. “Believe me when I say I will write to you. And don’t become a cynical woman, that’s not who you are.”

Madeline looked at him for some seconds. He appeared to be so sincere.

“Okay” she said.

It was unreal how much he had taught her in a few months. Rathbone was not only a great Professor, but also a kind-hearted man, even if he didn’t show that to everyone.

“What about the war, Alastair?” she asked, then. She seldomly called him by his name; but, after all, he wasn’t her Professor anymore. They were just friends, now. Or, at least, she wanted him to consider her his friend, and not just a silly girl with a head full of thoughts.

Rathbone seemed surprised, then, and yet pleased, but the question itself made him knit his brows.

“Listen, Madeline…” he said, levitating his trunks towards the door. “I can’t tell you much as long as you’re a student…”

“But… You’re not working here anymore! _Please,_ ” she insisted, “I _need_ to know. I need to hang on to something…” she whispered.

He seemed to think about that. She knew he had understood something was wrong with her. She had such dark eye circles all the time, now, and she didn’t laugh as much as before. He nodded gravely, and sat on his desk, crossing his arms. “There is… An organization… Of people who want to fight and defeat Voldemort… It’s only been created a few years ago, so we’re not as many as you’d think.”

“How many?”

He sighed, “About twenty.”

Madeline gasped. “So little?”

“I’m afraid so… Voldemort is far more dangerous than what the Daily Prophet lets on… It’s no easy battle.”

“Are James’s parents part of the organization?”

Alastair looked at her, “They’re not… It’s quite illegal, you know. We don’t play fair. We play to win. This is a war, and the Ministry must realize that. Some Aurors are on our side, but not all of them… Not those with families.”

“I see” Madeline said, and clenched her jaw. “Can I join you?”

Rathbone’s concerned stare turned into a sweet one; he almost seemed touched. “You can’t, you’re not even of age. Plus, Madeline, please… Enjoy your youth while you can. I already told you so. Then, if you’ll still want to fight when you’ll graduate…”

“I will” she asserted.

“…Yeah, I know. But let time clear your mind. I know this isn’t a good moment for you, but it will pass. And if you’ll still want to fight then, I swear that I’ll support you. You’ll be one of us.”

“Do you really mean it?”

He extended his hand for her to take, and when she did so, he gently pulled her to him and kissed the back of her hand. “Of course I do.” He whispered against her skin.

She smiled. “Thank you.”

He let her go and she followed him towards the exit of his classroom. “Don’t mention it, the organization I told you about... It’s a secret, but I trust you with that… After all, your Occlumency is pretty good.” He said with a smirk.

Madeline’s mouth shot open. “What? Did you try to read my mind?!” she asked, shocked.

His low laugh made her blush. “That night when I caught you and Mr. Snape out in the corridors. You know, Professors know more about their students than you think. I’m a Slytherin myself, so I know I can’t trust Slytherins. I tried to enter both of your minds, but I couldn’t do that without you noticing. It surprised me. On the other hand, I suspected the boy would be hiding something, but that’s another story...” He commented, and Madeline knew he wouldn’t tell her more. “With you, it’s different… I just feel you’re trustworthy. Don't let me down.”

“I won't." she instantly asserted, before crossing her arms. "You know... You shouldn’t enter other people’s mind without their consent.”

He nodded, amused, “I know that, darling. But in times of war everything’s fair. I already told you: there is no middle ground.”

She nodded, then. “You’re right.” She muttered, before realising that their time together had definitely come to an end. “ So… this is it? When will I see you again?”

Rathbone wore his jacket, and slightly bent his head. “I honestly don’t know. I have some things to do for… You know.”

“Yeah, I know” she repeated, “But… what’s its name?”

“What name?”

“The name of the organization”

Rathbone smiled. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to obliviate you.”

“Alright… Still too early, I’ll wait.”

“Good girl” he said with his husky voice, and she slightly blushed. “I was almost forgetting… My record collection, I can’t bring it with me while I’m… Travelling. I would like you to have it.”

Madeline’s blues eyes shone with joy. “That’d be great, I mean, I’d take care of it!”

Rathbone smiled, “I imagined so. I’ve already materialized it into your room.” He said with a giggle.

Madeline crossed her arms. “Such a show-off you are, Professor Rathbone.”

He held her stare for some seconds, appearing amused and a bit melancholic, before saying, “I’ll miss you too, Miss Green.”

Madeline didn’t know why, but his words moved her like she didn’t want to admit. Losing both Severus and Sirius had really been extremely difficult. She didn’t want to lose Rathbone, too.

She hugged him again, then, and held tightly on his fine suit jacket.

He drew soothing circles on her back, probably a bit thrown off by her behaviour.

“I’m sorry” she said seconds later, when she let him go.

Rathbone shook his head. “Don’t worry, darling.” He softly said, wiping away a tear from her cheek. “Feelings remind us that we’re alive.” He said, and winked at her.

Moments later they said their last goodbyes, and when he walked away from her, she sat on the floor, with her back against the door of his classroom.

Alastair soon disappeared from her view.

She couldn’t breath for some seconds; her chest raised and fell all too quickly. Anxiety was really being a bitch to her. But Madeline knew she was a bigger bitch herself.

She took a vial out of her pocket, and swallowed the mix of asphodel, aconite and relaxing potion in it. It made her feel immediately better. She stood up after a while, and went into the direction Rathbone had taken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So!! This was the last chapter I had written (and published) before accidentally deleting the story!! Wow!! From now on, all you'll read will be brand new. Sorry again for keeping you waiting ...  
> Anyway, do you feel like this is too much? Because I honestly have nothing planned for this fanfiction, I'm just going with the flow ! Aaaaand... Idk, what do you think?  
> Please, if you're reading and enjoying this, leave a comment.  
> All my love to you. X


	37. London

When her parents suggested her to spend her summer in London, scrolling around the city and inviting her friends over, Madeline knew things would never be the same again.

Rosalind and Jonathan had always loved summertime, for they could stay with their only child and visit new places around the world.

Now, the idea of vacation didn’t even cross their minds. On the other hand, they looked terribly concerned and scared. They were always at work; the Ministry of Magic was in crisis.

Madeline accepted that and left Green Manor. She didn’t know what to do in such a large house, all alone, and she didn’t want to invite her friends over, because Sirius lived with James. She loved the London apartment her parents had bought, so she didn’t mind being there. Maybe some time alone could help her figure out what to do with her life.

June passed quickly. Her routine consisted of waking up late in the morning, walking around Hyde Park, drinking lots of teas, going around vinyl and book stores, sunbathing, attending gigs; she even made some Muggle friends in Camden, Brando and Harry. They were Art students, and they tried to gain some money performing in the streets when they were free from their lessons. Madeline thought Muggles had far more interesting lives than Wizards and Witches; and they also weren’t in the middle of a war. She envied Brando and Harry, for they were so carefree and happy. Like she had been not too many months earlier.

Moony and Prongs wrote to her very frequently, but she always replied with very short notes. She didn’t even know why, but she needed some time away from the Marauders.

Madeline hosted Lily and Alice on the last week of June; they spent some fun time together, visiting museums, going to clubs, talking about school and boys and enjoying the freedom London gave them. But even they left, eventually.

Robert wrote to her, at least once a week. He told her about his vacations; he had been to Spain, and now he was heading to Morocco. He also asked her to join him and his family on that trip. Madeline smiled at the letter when she read so. Robert was such a sweet boy. He had graduated from Hogwarts with very high grades, and he would surely become a Mediwizard, just like he wanted. She answered to him, inventing stories about vacations she wasn’t having. She knew she could trust him, but she didn’t want him to worry about her.

She missed the drugs, a bit. But she didn’t take any when in London, or at least, none apart from some joint shared with Brando.

When July came, Madeline felt that her feelings were slowly consuming her. She started spending more and more time in her apartment, watching quiz shows and barely eating; that’s when she wrote the first letter to Rathbone.

_Dear Alastair,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. Where are you now? I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages… That’s so strange._

_I’m spending my summer in London; my parents are so worried about this whole situation. I think they’ll soon ask me to leave the country. This is something I fear, but should it happen, I will have to let them down. You know what I want._

_I’m sorry for already disturbing you with my paranoia but… I don’t know, I feel empty, I guess?_

_Sending you all my love._

_Madeline G. X_

Brando and Harry got her out of the house, eventually. They came knocking on her door on a Friday evening when she was chain-smoking while listening to a Queen record.

“Come on, Blondie!” shouted Brando, knocking at her door. He was a good-looking boy, tall, with sharp features and pale blue eyes, a scar on his cheek and some messy, platinum blond dyed hair. He was a painter, but he also knew a lot about the history of art. Harry was a more normal looking boy, of medium height, with shaven dark hair and a nice smile, some freckles and a pair of piercing almond eyes. He dreamed of being a professional actor.

She opened her door and sighed. “Hey, boys.” She muttered.

Harry laughed at her annoyed face. “Told ya the girl’s not in the mood to go out, mate.”

Brando shrugged, “Bullshit! C’mon, Blondie! It’s a Friday… The city’s never been so alive” he said with his strong, cockney accent.

Madeline couldn’t help but smile. “What are you plans, Brando?”

He grinned back, and Harry seemed please by her question.

“There’s a party in Soho, fellow Art students… What do you think?”

Madeline seemed to think about it. “Promise me you won’t take me home until I’m drunk”

The boys exchanged a bemused look.

Brando winked at her. “You can count on me, Blondie.”

When Brando and Harry accompanied her home it was early morning. They had fulfilled their promise, for she was totally shitfaced. They helped her open her door, and Brando took her shoes off and put her in her bed. He was a nice guy.

“Good night, Blondie.” He whispered before walking away and closing the door of her apartment behind himself. She was about to drift off when an annoying sound caught her attention.

Roger, her personal Eurasian eagle-owl, was tapping his beak on the window glass. He had a piece of parchment tied to his paw.

Madeline stood up from her bed with some difficulty, and opened the window for the bird. “Good morning buddy” she muttered to him, her voice hoarse. A bad headache made her moan with annoyance.

She recognized Rathbone’s handwriting before she read the paper. It hadn’t been a fortnight since she had sent him her letter.

_Dear Madeline,_

_You could never disturb me._

_I can’t tell you where I am, but know that I am fine. Someday, I will tell you everything. But for now… Please, don’t be sad. You’re young. You’re beautiful. So many people love you._

_I know you don’t believe in promises, so I won’t make you any; but let me tell you a thing I’m sure of: you’re not alone. I know you’re proud, and I know you’ve been hurt. But you can fix that hole in your heart if you want to. Don’t waste these sunny days, because when the rain will come, you’ll regret it._

_Think about this. Please. You’ll help me feel better, too._

_All my love to you._

_A.R. X_

Madeline smiled at his sweet words. _You’re young_ , he had written. _You’re beautiful._

He had also told her to forgive. To forget. To carry on.

Madeline sighed. It was easier said than done. The alcohol was still clouding her mind, so she decided to go to bed.

The thought of Alastair Rathbone’s green-grey eyes made her sleep well. It was the first time she had no nightmares in weeks.


	38. I'm Only Seventeen, I Don't Know Anything, But I Know I Miss You

July was proceeding slowly, but life in London eventually settled and the decision of not wasting summer days made Madeline appreciate her new friends even more.

Brando and Harry spent most of their time with her; they reminded her of James and Sirius, in a way, mostly because they were thick as thieves. The only difference was that they were older than her, and they knew things she had always ignored.

They spent whole nights talking about their lives, and even if Madeline couldn’t tell them about magic, she didn’t feel like she was hiding anything from them.

She told the boys about her friends, about their quarrels, and even about Severus.

Harry, on the other hand, told her about his difficult relationship with Leah, his ex-girlfriend, while Brando tried to lift her mood by telling her “ _that dude’s a dickhead, Blondie!_ ”.

Since they were art students, they knew a lot of things she had never studied, and so they took her to museums, exhibitions, theatres, cinemas and concerts. She got even more interested in Muggle culture, then. They also enjoyed roaming through libraries and losing time in music stores, just like she did. Madeline had never read as much before as she was reading that summer.

Her parents paid her visit at least once every two weeks. She missed her mother and father dearly, but she couldn’t stand seeing their tired and concerned faces every time they knocked at her door. The war was consuming them, too.

They admitted to her that the Ministry had serious problems dealing with what was happening. They even said something about going abroad for some time.

Madeline knew that it was only a matter of time before they would ask her to leave England. It was in the air, and she was trying to understand how to explain them that she wanted to fight.

The only thought of running away from her friends, from her country, from her life… It made her anxious, and angry.

One day James sent her a letter, which said that she was invited to spend the last two weeks of holidays at Potter Manor.

That had been a tradition since their fourth year.

Madeline sighed deeply when she read it but couldn't bring herself to refuse his invitation. She missed her friends immensely, and the fact that it would be their last summer as students, as _teenagers,_ deeply affected her. They were about to begin their last year at Hogwarts; she didn’t want to face the ending of a great part of her life alone.

She continued writing letters to Rathbone, and the man always replied to her, even if with days of delay.

They were innocent letters, but she started looking forward to seeing Roger coming back with a piece of parchment linked to his paw. Rathbone was very mysterious about his travels and actions but filled his messages with kind words and gentle advices.

On the 28th of July, Madeline woke up and sighed deeply. The following day would be her birthday. She had tried not to think about that sooner, for she hated getting old. But the thing that most concerned her was the idea of being alone.

At least, when she’d turn seventeen, she’d be of age, and she’d be able to apparate and disapparate whenever she wanted.

Sirius and she had always talked about Brighton being their first destination together, because they both loved the ocean. It wasn’t a very famous, nor idyllic place, but it was the one they had first thought about.

“So, you can apparate everywhere in the world, and you choose… Brighton?!” James had told them, looking incredulous. “Are you two insane?”

Sirius and Madeline had shrugged at that. Eventually the boy had said, “Yeah, Prongs, not too far from home, close to the ocean... That's perfect”. And she had nodded, and had given him a high five, while Prongs had shaken his head and Moony had laughed loudly.

She didn't tell Brando and Harry about her birthday.

On the other hand, she told them that she would take the weekend for herself, to keep up with her Summer homework. They knew that she attended a pretty strict, private school.

She raised from her bed, wore some shorts and a Stones t-shirt, and descended the stairs to make herself a cup of tea. She felt incredibly tired for no reason. She lighted up a cigarette and took a long drag. The nicotine rush made her feel dizzy, but she didn’t mind that. It had grown on her, in a way.

She was about to drink her steaming hot tea when someone knocked on her door.

She raised an eyebrow, confused.

Who could it be?

Certainly not Brando, nor Harry.

Her parents? No, it wasn’t an option: they always came on Sundays.

She wasn’t expecting anyone, and that concerned her. She took her wand, which she had hidden in one of the kitchen drawers.

The idea that from the following day she’d be able to practice magic whenever she wanted made her smile, but her joy was soon wiped away by another knock.

She went to the door, and took a deep breath before opening it.

She saw the bouquet of flowers in his hands before she could properly look at his face.

He held it up in front of him, as if to hide himself, but she recognized him anyway. His long, messy, dark hair were the only visible part of his body, the one that betrayed his identity.

When Sirius handed her the sunflowers, and took a deep breath, Madeline almost broke down in tears. She hadn’t realised how much she had missed him since that moment. They hadn’t talked in _months_. Once, it would had been impossible for her to believe something like that could happen to them.

“Hey, Mads” he began saying, with a concerned voice, “I know you’re probably thinking about closing the door in my face and going back inside and forget about me… _Again”_ he hastily said, “But please, know that I miss you so much, and that I can’t do this anymore, and know that I had planned on showing up at your door with flowers every morning since _that thing_ happened but I wanted to give you space and then when James and Remus forgave me they told me I should wait for you to elaborate things and that I shouldn’t press you and so I listened to them because I’m always too impulsive…”

“You are,” she said, interrupting his rambling.

Sirius looked up at her for the first time since he had started talking, and she read hope in his bright, grey eyes.

“Yeah…” he whispered, “I am. And I know you know that. I know because we share the heart, and you’re my best friend, and I’ve thought about you every single day in the last few months, and I couldn’t believe I had screwed up everything with you because you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I’m an arrogant son of a bitch who doesn’t know when to say he’s sorry, but now I want to say it.” He was talking so fast that he was almost breathless. “I’m sorry for hurting you, and I miss you, and tomorrow’s your birthday and the others are organizing a huge surprise party, and I knew you’d probably want to know that because you _hate_ surprises as much as I do, and I know that because…” he took a deep breath. “Because we spent the last six years and a half together, and I can’t spend another day without you. I probably should have followed Moony’s advice and waited for you to say something, but I can’t, Mads, I can’t wait anymore, I can’t spend another day knowing that you hate me.”

Madeline looked at the boy she loved with all her heart.

Sirius seemed so hopeful, and sad, and heartbroken. And she felt the same.

She let her blue eyes roam on his face for some minutes, taking in all the details she hadn’t forgotten about him. Sirius was handsome, sure, but there was so much more to him. He was good, kind, honest and loyal. He was her best friend.

The fact that she didn’t immediately reply probably concerned him, for he started talking again, a little more anxiously.

“What I did was stupid and immature and out of sheer jealousy because I was dying on the inside seeing you with… Well, I don’t want to talk about _him,_ but know that if you forgive me I won’t ever let you down and if I’ll let you down I’ll drop dead because now we’re going to make an Unbreakable Vow and I’m going to swear on my life that I’ll _never_ break you trust again, I’d rather die than do th-” but he didn’t get to finish his sentence, because Madeline threw herself in his arms, and the Sunflowers fell to the stone floor outside her apartment.

Sirius held her tightly against his chest, and buried his face into her blonde hair. He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent deeply.

Madeline lost herself in his hug too, and gripped Sirius’ shirt as if he was about to slip away from her. She knew she’d never forget what he had done, but she couldn’t not forgive him. She couldn’t live without him. Sirius had always been there for her. He was an enormous part of her life.

“You don’t have to make an Unbreakable Vow, love.” She murmured against his chest.

He laughed with his bark-like laugh, and it resonated through his chest. “But that was a very powerful statement, wasn’t it?” he said, appearing very much confident and comfortable, though Madeline could feel he was still a little uncertain about her reaction.

She separated from him to pick up the flowers from the ground. “Come inside” she told him, and when he did so, she closed the door behind them.

She took a jug, filled it with water and put the Sunflowers in it. They were one of her favourite flowers, along with Dandelions and Roses.

“Are they really organizing a surprise party?” she asked, as Sirius stared at her.

He looked like he was seeing her for the first time in his life; he followed her every movement with hungry eyes. She would have blushed if she hadn’t known him so well.

He nodded and giggled. “Yes, Prongs is very much into it. He thinks I’m picking up your gift, now, but I’ve actually already bought it…” he commented.

She raised an eyebrow, then shook her head and giggled. “Thank you for telling me. You’re right… I hate surprises.” She said, and took the cigarette she had left aside before opening the door.

She offered her packet to Sirius, who took a fag and lighted it, too.

“Couldn’t let you go through it unknowingly, love.” He said and took a deep drag which seemed to relax him, for his shoulders became less tense.

“My hero” she joked, and Sirius grinned.

“Always” he confirmed.

They smoked in silence for some time, just looking at each other. She knew she had lost some weight, and had deep dark circles, but Sirius wouldn’t say anything for the moment, she could feel that. He too seemed to be skinnier, but he was pretty muscular, so it wasn’t so visible on his body.

“I missed you, too, Padfoot” she said after some moment, searching his grey eyes with her blue ones.

He smiled, then. “Thank you for saying it… I needed to hear it.”

He raised from the chair he had sat in and extended his hand for her to take. When she took it, he pulled her against him to hug her again.

They had been away for too long.

When they separated, he pointed at her neck. “You haven’t stop wearing it.” He said, sounding surprised.

Madeline looked down at the necklace he had given her for Christmas. “I couldn’t… We share the heart, for better or for worse, don’t we?”

He seemed moved by her words, for his eyes sparkled, and he gave her a genuine smile. “We do” he affirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... I missed writing about Sirius. Now he's back.  
> Thoughts? x


	39. Let Us Die Young Or Let Us Live Forever

Forgiving Sirius made her forget about her other problems, too. The day after he had gone to her house, the Marauders, Lily, Alice and Frank showed up at her door with tons of bottles of wine, a huge cake and too many pizzas while yelling “ _Surprise_!”.

James winked at her before hugging her and whispering into her ear: “It's been too long! I couldn’t wait to see you!”.

She got emotional then, but Alice’s excitement soon enthused her.

Prongs, too, was so excited about the party that he almost never acted stupid in front of Lily during the celebration. It was _really_ something.

Even if nobody of the Marauders talked to her about Sirius, she knew that they were glad everything had gone back to normal. And she was happy. She spent an amazing 17th birthday. The presents, too, were very thoughtful.

Lily, Alice, Frank, Peter, James and Remus got her a turntable system with the most beautiful speakers on the market. Her eyes went wide when she saw it.

“I’ve chosen it!” said Prongs, proudly, and Lily crossed her arms. “Actually… I’ve chosen it, you just said to the shop assistant that we were buying it.”

The boy shrugged, “Whatever, Evans! It’s only because you know these muggle things and I don’t…” he commented, and everybody laughed.

Later, Sirius asked her to talk privately for a minute, and when they went to the kitchen to grab some more glasses, he told her what he had gotten her.

“It’s… A night.”

“A night?” she asked, sounding dumbfounded.

“Yeah… Now you’re seventeen.” He said, “We should go to Brighton, don’t you think?”

Madeline smiled; the fact that he remembered about Brighton made her feel glad he was back in her life. “Yeah, that’d be the right thing to do.”

Sirius grinned. “I thought the same… So, I booked a suite in the best hotel in town. I’ve heard you can see the stars so brightly in August... You know, shining above the ocean.”

The girl didn’t know what to say. It was a very unique, sweet gift. But she wondered if Sirius thought that something would happen between them in Brighton. Eventually, she decided not to care.

Sirius was her best friend. And he appeared so hopeful, in her kitchen, while waiting for her to say something.

“It will be amazing, Pads.”

He smiled widely, showing her his teeth, and his whole face lighted up, making him look so much younger. She hadn’t seen that smile in such a long time that it warmed her heart.

That day, her friends and she ate, drank, danced, sang, and never thought for a minute about school, or about the war.

It would forever remain in her heart as one of the best days of her life.

“Let’s take a Polaroid!” shouted Alice when they started serving the cake. “Pete, you have your camera with you?”

Wormtail nodded “Yeah, yeah!”

He put the camera on the bookcase, and then went to stand by their side. When they were all smiling and hugging each other, he moved his wand to make the camera work. The Polaroid remained blank for some minutes, and then they appeared on its lucid surface.

“Who’s keeping it?” asked Wormtail.

Remus answered, “Mads, of course. It’s her birthday, after all.”

She was so glad about that. The picture contained all of them. All her best friends. Her family.

After her birthday, she spent the last weeks in London so much happier than she had spent the first month and a half of summer there. The Marauders kept visiting her, and she introduced them to Brando and Harry. They spent some wild nights in the City all together, going to clubs and getting into trouble. It was good feeling young again.

James got along particularly well with Harry. Once, at 4 in the morning, when they were physically supporting each other not to fall (because they were too drunk), Harry told James a joke that made him laugh so much that an old woman shouted at him from a window to lower his voice.

“Merlin, Harry, you’are amazing, mate… I’m naming my son after you!” he mumbled.

Harry laughed at that. “I count on it, buddy!”

Sirius gave her an amused look and Brando started laughing as a mad man, too.

She stopped smoking joints when the Marauders came back in her life, and she stopped hoping to get something like the mixed drugs Robert had given her, also.

Rathbone kept sending her letters, and her replies showed her newfound peace. And he felt that. One day, when August had just begun, he wrote her something that really stuck with her.

_My dear,_

_I’m sorry for writing back this late. It really wasn’t up to me._

_In the last letter you seemed happy, Madeline, and that really pleased me. The thought of you being alone, hurt, melancholic and hopeless used to really sadden me._

_I hope you still think of me, from time to time, even if now your days are less lonely. The nights, here, are hard, but whenever I see dear, old Roger flying to me, carrying your sweet words on parchment, my heart warms up._

_Summer’s almost over; soon, you’ll go back to Hogwarts. I don’t know when I’ll be able to write to you again, so I just want to tell you something... Enjoy this last year. Learn as much as you can. Listen to your Professors, especially the ones who don’t act as if the war doesn’t concern you. Stay with your friends. Go the Three Broomsticks, drink Butterbeer (Firewhiskey would be my choice, but that’s way too strong for students!), dance, never stop being the proud Gryffindor you are._

_When I’ll see you again, you’ll have graduated. And I’ll be different, too._

_Just… Be ready, Madeline. What’s out there is very scary._

_If you really want to fight, then enjoy what you have now. Because sometimes, the only thing you can cling to is a memory._

_All my love to you as always._

_AR x_

She kept the letter under her pillow, and read it almost every night before going to sleep. Alastair’s words both pleased and scared her.

She often wondered where he could be. She had understood, by now, that he was on some kind of mission for the Organization that fought Voldemort. He hadn’t said it clearly, but she could see from his letters that he wasn’t on a simple vacation.

She hoped he wasn’t in danger and that, if he was, he’d be strong enough to survive.

She wanted to see him so much. She wanted to hear his husky voice while he told her to think about him sometimes.

She started thinking less and less about Severus, then. Not because she had forgiven him. Certainly not because she wasn't feeling anything for him anymore. No. She couldn’t hide her feelings for him.

But being in London, seeing other people, staying with her friends, exchanging letters with Rathbone… It kept her occupied. And she spent some beautiful, carefree days.

Her trip to Brighton with Sirius was set for the 15th of August. They would Apparate to Brighton, spend a day and a night there, and the following morning they would Disapparate from the city and go to Potter Manor, to spend the rest of Summer with James, his parents, Remus and Peter.

On the 14th of August, she said goodbye to her London friends, Brando and Harry.

She felt so sorry about leaving them. She didn’t know when she’d be able to see them again. Brando hugged her, and whispered into her ear that the following Summer would be even better.

Harry hugged her, too, but said nothing. It was as if he had understood that she was way stranger than they imagined, that she was hiding something from them.

“Thank you for keeping up with me, boys… I had some bad days this Summer, and you were there. I didn’t think I could meet people like you here, some true friends... But I was wrong.” She genuinely confessed to them.

They both gave her tender smiles.

“Not a problem, Blondie” said Brando with his cockney accent, passing a hand through his messy, bleached hair and winking at her. “You’re not that bad yourself.”

Harry giggled at that and nodded. “Yeah, Mads, you're cool, you know, maybe a little too posh…”

She faked indignation, and they all laughed again. Then they stared at each other for some seconds, before saying goodbye for one last time.

Brando had made a few steps down the sidewalk, when he turned. “Hey, Blondie… Will we see you again?”

Madeline’s eyes went wide, and he saw that, because he nodded in understanding. She recovered quickly, and shrugged. “I hope so, Brando.”

He smiled, “I hope so too.”

When they walked away from her apartment with their worn leather jackets and flared trousers, which they had taken in Camden a few days earlier, when she had acted as their personal stylist, she sighed deeply. And then, she smiled too.


	40. Brighton

On the 15th of August, Sirius picked her up from her London apartment. It was early in the morning and the air was chill, even though it was full Summer. Nonetheless, the sun shone high in the sky.

Madeline smiled when she saw the boy standing there, on the sidewalk, wearing a pair of dark sunglasses that hid his grey eyes. Sirius had put on a blue shirt and some black jeans that made him look even more handsome than usual, and she thought that he would have been a wonderful model if he had wanted that.

“Morning, Mads” he greeted her with an excited tone of voice.

“Morning, Pads”, she greeted him back, and threw her backpack over her shoulder.

She had sent her other suitcases to Potter Manor, where Remus, Peter and James were waiting for them to spend the last two weeks of holiday together. Sirius and she would go there the day after their trip to Brighton.

Madeline took some steps in her friend’s direction and Sirius let his eyes roam over her body.

She had worn a light, white dress that marked her waist and reached her mid-thighs. Its three-quarter sleeves were embroidered with gold flowers, and the neckline of the dress showed the necklace Sirius had given her on Christmas.

“Wow, you clean up well, love, don’t you?” commented Padfoot, grinning.

She couldn’t help but think about all the times Snape had told her that Sirius liked her; she didn't know what to believe.

The boy had _always_ complimented her, but she had never perceived his words as malicious. Maybe she had been too naïve to see the reality of things.

Though, after having spent several months without him, Madeline had to be honest; she _could_ see some peculiar fondness in his eyes anytime he looked at her.

Was it _love?_

She didn’t know for sure. But the fact was… In that moment, she didn’t care.

She had missed her best friend so much, and for so long; being without him had made her feel terrible. And she didn’t want to lose him ever again.

She laughed at his words, and replied, “You too, Pads, you too.”

He grinned at her, and offered his arm to take, while putting on a solemn look that showed his noble origins. “So, Madeline Green, are you ready for you first apparition as a grown-up witch who can use her magic whenever she likes?” he asked in a cheeky way that made her smile widen.

Madeline took his arm. “I am indeed very ready, dear Sirius Black” she stated, even though she had not apparated since April, when Hogwarts had offered students Apparition and Disapparition classes. The thought made her a little sick, but she didn’t show it.

Sirius took a deep breath then, and recited with joy: “Well, come on then, to the best place in England, the pearl of East Sussex, the one and only… Brighton!”

The girl was about to judge his pomposity when Sirius looked her in the eye, uncertainly, and she understood that he wanted to check if she was ready to apparate. She blushed at his thoughtfulness, and nodded slightly at him.

“Let’s go” she confirmed, and a moment later she closed her eyes and pictured the seaside town in her mind.

She was suddenly torn away from the solid ground of the city, and the only real thing she could feel was Sirius’s hand in her own. The apparition was fast and a bit disorientating, making her feel like she was fluctuating in space, but when she reopened her eyes, she saw the ocean.

It was beautiful, and large, and infinite; she could not see its ending, and the scent of salt and water made her feel dizzy.

Sirius didn’t speak, looking at the horizon too, and without telling a word he took a cigarette out of his pocket and put it between his lips, before offering one to her.

She accepted it and he lighted it up for her. That moment needed no comment.

They had planned that trip for such a long time that just being there, in Brighton, with Sirius, after having dreamt about it for years, made her tear up.

 _“Don’t_ cry or _I’ll_ cry” commented the boy, then.

She smiled, “You won’t, but I’m glad you’re a bit moved by this too.”

Sirius took her hand in his, then, “Of course I’m moved, Mads. I’ve lost you once, and now that I know what it means, I don’t want to lose you ever again.”

She squeezed his hand in return, and he understood that she had deeply appreciated his words.

“How sweet” she joked to break the tension between them. He laughed, before letting her hand go, and took a drag from his cigarette.

“James affected me, I’m afraid… He keeps telling me about Evans’s _delicacy_ and _youthfulness_ and _purity…_ Ew, the boy’s totally in love.”

Madeline laughed at that, and blew some smoke out of her mouth. “He is… But I think that even Lily’s not that annoyed by him anymore. Have you seen her at my party? She couldn’t stop glancing at him!”

Sirius threw her a shocked look, “Evans? Glancing at James? More than once? And without disgust in her eyes?”

“I swear” the girl confirmed.

He shook his head, and covered his eyes with his hand. “Oh Merlin… Please Madeline, don’t _EVER_ say that to James! The boy will completely lose it… I can’t even imagine how much he would praise her if he actually thought she was interested in him too!”

Madeline giggled and nodded. “You’re right. But someday, he’ll notice that. And there will be no stopping him.”

“Well… Let’s enjoy these blissful days while we can, then”, Sirius joked.

She knew that he deep down hoped Lily would feel the same as James, someday. 

Madeline threw away the cigarette, and made it disappear with a flick of her wand; Sirius clapped his hands enthusiastically at that. “Oooh, look at her! Her first charm as a grown up! They grow up so fast…” he commented, and she slapped his arm.

“Come on, Padfoot, let’s go get our chamber. I want to wear my bikini and come swimming!”

Sirius’s eyes widened at that. “Well, if you put it that way, who am I to deny such a beautiful lady to undress?”

“Idiot” she muttered, before the two of them went walking towards the city in search of their hotel.

They settled in their chamber pretty quickly; the suite was amazing, and even if they had to sleep together, it wouldn’t be the first time they did it.

Well, they had never slept together _completely_ alone before that, but Madeline knew she could trust Sirius.

They spent their day by the ocean, sunbathing and swimming, eating fish and chips and drinking beer.

Madeline loved the feeling of the salt on her skin, and the way Sirius’ hair moved in the wind.

Brighton gifted them with an amazing time.

It was dark before they could understand that both the morning and the afternoon were over, and they went back to their hotel talking about the beauty of that day’s sunset.

They showered and changed into some charming clothes that made them look like movie stars.

An old man at the hotel’s reception asked Sirius if they were newly-weds, and he grinned at that and told him that they had indeed just married. Madeline laughed then, and pulled him away from there before he could start narrating to the man their fake love story.

They ate pizzas and drank red wine until they were drunk enough to start singing, while walking along the seafront of the city, and they danced like fools under the streetlights until it was late.

The stars above then shone as brightly as Sirius had promised her in her London apartment some time before.

“Look at this sky, Madeline!” the boy shouted, approaching her. It was about three in the morning, and they were standing on a pier, with the half-moon’s light reflecting on the ocean. The water was calm and the sound of the waves deeply relaxed her.

She let him take her in his arms, then, and held her tight.

“Merlin…” he whispered in her ear “I will never forget this day, nor this night-sky”

She held him all the same, smiling against his shoulder. “Neither will I” she replied.

Sirius separated from her, then, and gave her a longing, sad smile.

It was as if he wanted to add something, or to do more, or to confess a secret he couldn’t hold back anymore. But in the end, he said nothing.

Madeline didn’t understand if he was afraid or something, or if she had just imagined everything, given their drunken state.

Perhaps, if they hadn't been apart from each other for all those months, Sirius would have done what he wanted, he would have been more confident, he would have held her tighter.

But the past cannot be changed.

They sat on the edge of the pier and smoked their last cigarettes. They stayed like that for some time, observing the place around them.

“It was the best gift you could ever give me, Pads”, suddenly said Madeline, and he raised his grey eyes to properly look at her.

“Was it?”

“Yeah… you have given me a memory that I’ll forever keep in my heart. I’ll never forget this place. How it made me feel.”

Sirius smiled, and it was a genuine one, a rare one. “Thank you, love.”

Madeline shook her head and extended her hand towards him.

He raised an eyebrow, surprised, asking her a silent question.

“Let’s make a deal.” She only said.

He looked at her palm, with a curious stare. “This sounds both intriguing and incredibly twisted…” he muttered, “…I’m in!” he exclaimed, and took her hand in his. “So, what’s this about?”

She laughed. “Well, this is something serious, for once, so take that grin off your face.”

He obeyed her then, and she knew she had his attention.

“Promise me that, in the darkest moments of our lives, and I hope there won’t be any, we’ll always think of this day, and we’ll find refuge in the memory of the sound of Brighton’s sea, and in that of the taste of the wonderful pizzas that we ate…”

“And in this moment, in your eyes.” Sirius interrupted her by saying this.

She looked at him thoroughly, and noticed that his stare was glassy and melancholic.

Madeline smiled tenderly. “And in this moment, in your eyes.” She confirmed.

They shook hands.

“I promise, Mads” he said, “But don’t ever tell James about this, or he’ll get extremely jealous that we have excluded him.”

The girl nodded, appearing amused. “You’re right... but Prongsie knows that he can cling to our memories together when he’s feeling down.” She pointed out. “It’s _you_ who need a reminder, because you tend to see only the darkness when it envelopes you” she sincerely said, “Never forget the light in you, Pads.”

Sirius swallowed. “I’ll try not to…” he whispered, and his voice was so low she barely heard him. “Let’s go to sleep?” he asked, then. “James expects us tomorrow, well, _today,_ if we want to be precise… We need to rest.”

“We do”, she said, and stood up.

Sirius mirrored her, and circled her shoulders with his arm, while she put hers around his waist.

They walked like that towards their hotel, talking about everything that came to their minds, and wondering about what would happen during the last year of school. They hoped it would bring them good things only.

Summer was about to end. And everything in their lives, even if they didn’t know it yet, was about to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been four months, but I'm back.  
> I'm sorry for the delay but lots of things have happened this summer (and autumn) and... Well, here I am, at last, with chapter 40. FORTY. Omg. I'm honestly impressed with myself. Even if it took some time, I've come this far. Wow.  
> Hope you'll like this chapter. Sirius Black is such a great character and I love writing about him  
> Do you miss Severus? Because I do. I haven't written about him in some time but yeah - he will be back.
> 
> I hope you're all safe and happy. This situation is very difficult for everyone but I believe we can win this war together.  
> All my love to you as always. X


	41. Your Lion's Heart Will Protect You Under Stormy Skies

In the afternoon, they left Brighton and apparated into Potter Manor.

They had recovered from their hangover with a Pepper-Up potion that Madeline had brought with her just in case something like that happened. In the end, she was glad she had chosen to do so. Both Sirius and she were so tired they could have slept all day.

When the appeared in the living room of James’s house, Moony, who was sitting on the couch while reading “On the road” by Jack Kerouac, got scared and almost fell on the ground.

Sirius burst out laughing at that while Remus didn’t appear amused at all. Madeline thought he looked cute with his shaken expression, and jumped right into his arms. “Mooooooons, I’ve missed you so much” she exclaimed while doing so, and her friend stopped pouting to smile at her and held her in a bear hug.

“Missed you too, Mads.” He managed to say, before giving Sirius a nod. “What about the trip?” he asked, sending a hopeful glance towards him, a glance that Madeline didn’t notice.

Padfoot shook his head behind the girl’s back and Remus immediately understood and turned his eyes back to her.

“It was great!” she answered, having ignored that little exchange. “Brighton was amazing and we spent all day by the ocean… and then, we got blissfully drunk!”

Sirius nodded, “We did.” He confirmed.

Madeline was about to start telling him about the beauty of the sunset they had admired from Brighton Beach, when she noticed a fresh, red scar running across Remus’s left eyebrow. “Rem…” she whispered, touching his delicate skin with her index. He retreated instinctively, without even meaning to do so. When he understood what she was doing, he relaxed visibly. “Oh, that… You know, last week, during the Full Moon… I bumped into another werewolf” he simply said, “He was a bit aggressive, but I managed to run away”.

Padfoot’s eyes widened at that, and he took some steps in the boy’s direction to look at the scar too. He knitted his brows at the view. Madeline knew he felt a deep sense of protection towards Remus, and it had only grown bigger after what had happened the previous Spring.

“A werewolf? Near your house?” he asked, suspiciously. “That had never happened” he said.

“Yeah, but these are dark times…” muttered Remus, and sighed. “I’ve heard my father talking to my mother… They thought I wasn’t listening… He said that the Ministry has found out You-Know-Who-“

“Say his name”, complained Sirius.

Remus looked at him. “Fine… Voldemort… is seeking the consent of werewolves…” he quickly said, as if it pained him to do so. “They are moving across the country.” He explained, and his face darkened. “They’re killing people all over England…”.

It was abundantly clear that Remus was both ashamed and scared of what he was saying. Madeline hated that. She hated the fact that he thought he was a monster just because of his curse. She cupped his cheek, then, and forced him to look her in the eyes.

“Whatever happens, we are with you, Rem. Always. We are family, and we will protect you.”

The boy smiled, and his amber eyes warmed at her words. “I know” he whispered.

Sirius nodded gravely, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, Moons… You’re nothing like them… I mean, you all have furry little problems” he said, to lighten up his mood, and he succeeded because Remus slightly smiled at that. “But you’re a good man.” He added, sincerely, then. “Mads’s right, we will protect you... But you should have told us about it as soon as it happened”

“Told us about what, now?”, asked James Potter while walking into the room, a golden snitch between his fingers. He was wearing his Quidditch uniform’s shirt and a pair of black jeans. Madeline noticed he hadn’t been shaving, because a light beard had grown on his face.

“Jaaamieee”, Madeline stood up from the couch to run into James’s arms.

The boy welcomed her against his chest. “Glad you two are back alive, I was so concerned about leaving you alone!” he said with a smirk on his face.

Padfoot grinned at his words, and took a step back from Remus. “We’re Marauders, Prongs, never underestimate us” he proudly said and his friend nodded, before letting Madeline go.

“But then again, told us what?” he asked inquisitively, looking at Lupin.

Remus shrugged, “You know, Prongs. The scar, the werewolf.”

James understood, then, for he assumed a grave expression, too. “Oh, yeah, Rem told me about that yesterday, when he got here.” He said.

“And?” Sirius asked.

Madeline had never understood precisely why, but James was undoubtedly the leader of the Marauders. It was not as if he had imposed that on the others. It had been something that had simply happened. Everybody went to him when there was something grave to discuss. He knew what to say to them, what to do, he was the right person to cheer someone up. And James had _always_ been there for them.

He smiled. “And… I told Moony that he will never spend another Full Moon without us. His parents can’t protect him like we do. He’s alone when he’s out there… But from now on, the Marauders will constantly be with him. In the Forbidden Forest, near his house, or elsewhere in the world.”

Moony blushed at his words and shook his head, embarrassed. “James! I’ve already talked to you about this… There’s no need to…”

Madeline threw him a menacing look, at which he halted in his words. “Shut up, Remus Lupin, and accept the fact we will never leave you, alright?”

Everybody laughed at that, and Moony could do nothing but give up and nod. “Alright” he agreed sheepishly.

Sirius smirked, “I agree with Prongs. And Pete will agree with us, too… By the way, where’s Pete?” he asked, looking around the room.

James seemed to remember something, then. “Oh! I’ve just received an owl from him. He says his mum wants him to spend these last Summer weeks with her, given the fact that her grandmother is sick.”

Remus raised his head to look curiously at him, “Really? Last time I heard from Worms, he sounded so excited about coming here.”

“Yeah and her grandmother’s been sick for ages!”, Sirius complained.

Madeline shrugged, “Maybe her condition aggravated… I don’t know, it seems a sudden thing. We should go and visit him, you think?”

Moony shook his head, “It’s better if we don’t… Peter doesn’t like having us in his home. He’s ashamed of his mother’s behaviour…”

Everybody knew Wormtail didn’t have a perfect family, and that he preferred to keep all things related to her mother private; he had lost his father when he was a child, and he had never quite recovered from that. They had never forced him in telling them anything. Each one of them had issues and they all respected each other’s choices.

“Are your parents at home?” asked Madeline, suddenly, to break the tension that had created.

James shook his head, and his smile faltered a bit. “They aren’t. Aurors have got no free time right now.”

They all understood what he meant. _The war is here._

Madeline knew it was getting tougher out there. Rathbone’s letters had been getting shorter, and he wrote to her rarely now that he knew she was alright. She had read between his words that he was not having the best of times. She only hoped he would be fine.

Her parents, too, had started visiting her less and less. Madeline felt like they were trying to have as little contact as possible with her. She knew they were protecting her, because she was their only child, and they were eminent figures in the Ministry. But their behaviour still hurt her

Even if the Marauders pretended not to see it, _it_ was disclosing in front of them: the destruction, the death, the hopelessness of those days.

Sirius _hated_ the deafening silence that created then, and so he decided he’d be the one to break it. He had never thought too much about the future. It was the present he was interested in. Madeline had always envied his way of thinking.

“What about a Quidditch match? Two against two? Me and Moony versus Mads and Prongs?” he asked aloud “I need to distract myself and let off some steam…”

Everybody nodded at that. Madeline loved playing with her friends in James’s large courtyard. They had been doing that for years.

“What do the winners get?” asked Prongs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

Madeline smiled at the way his untidy, dark hair fell over his hazel eyes.

“The winners… Mmm… Will do no homework for the first week of school. The losers will do them in their place!” said Moony.

Sirius crossed his arms, “Moons… What’s the exciting part about that?”

The boy shrugged, “Well, it’s not that bad of a prize.”

Madeline rolled her eyes at Padfoot, “Moony’s right. I’m dying to see you doing my Transfiguration homework, Sirius Black!”

Padfoot threw her a defiant smile. “I’d do that for free just because Minnie’s the best Professor in the whole world” he said, before adding, “And you only think you’ll win because Prongs is playing with you!”

“Well, he’s the Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, after all” she simply said, with an obvious tone.

James smiled proudly at that, “I am indeed, darling. Come on, Pads. Stop complaining and get on your broom. We’re playing.” He said with a charming smirk, and the four Gryffindors walked out of the house with the clear intention of flying all their worries away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a review and let me know what you think about this. :)


	42. Lily's Letter

They spent their days listening to music, playing Quidditch, having little alcoholic parties and watching too many Muggle movies. James was very excited at the prospect of beginning his last school year, while Madeline, Remus and Sirius didn’t feel the same way.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to leave Hogwarts”, admitted Moony, on a particularly warm afternoon, when they were sunbathing in James’s courtyard.

Madeline threw him a comprehensive look. “You’re not the only one, Moons” she replied, and sighed. “Hogwarts is home… Particularly now, that my parents are so distant from me.” She thought aloud.

Moony’s amber eyes, which were slightly covered by his light-brown hair, softened visibly when she told him so.

She suddenly thought that Remus had really grown in those last few months. The tall, lanky kid she had known had changed into a slim seventeen-year-old boy with broad, slender shoulders. Remus had put on a few pounds, which made him look more manly but equally thin, and his soft, dishevelled hair were longer than they had ever been. The sweet features of his face had become sharper, and his jaw more pronounced.

“Yeah, plus, it gives us the opportunity to see each other every day… This will change after graduation” he commented, “You’re right, Mads… Hogwarts is home.” he gravely said.

Sirius took off his sunglasses to glare at them, “Well, I don’t even have to specify that it’s the same for me, do I? I don’t even have a family…” he commented. “Prongs is only excited because he’s got his back covered.”

James threw him an annoyed look, then. “Shut your mouth, Sirius, you know you’re my brother, don’t make me repeat that every single time.” He said, before looking between Madeline and Remus. “And you two, you should just stop complaining! You said that Hogwarts is your home but what you _actually_ mean, and I’m explaining this to you because I seem to be the only reasonable one here-“

Remus and Madeline exchanged an amused look at that.

“-Is that _we_ , the Marauders, are your home. Imagine staying at Hogwarts _alone_ … That would be dreadful, wouldn’t it? Remember this, my friends: as long as we’re together, we’ll be fine.” He said, matter-of-factly.

Remus gave a weak smile at that. “That was quite poetic”, he commented.

Madeline nodded, “I agree with Moony. Don’t tell me you’ve been reading, Prongsie?”

James blushed slightly, “Well… Remus has brought so many books with him… I may have flipped through some lad’s pages.”

“Which lad?” asked Moony, amused.

James knitted his brows, appearing lost in thought. “Yeah, what’s his name? Shakespeare, maybe? He’s a good one.”

Remus and Madeline couldn’t help but laugh at that, while Sirius just shook his head, putting his black sunglasses back on, and laying back in his chair.

The sun was shining so brightly that the boys and girl almost didn’t notice two owls flying in their direction, carrying several letters. The grey owl was one of Hogwarts’s, which always carried the lists of materials and books needed for the year to come, as well as other messages.

The brown one, they didn’t recognize, but he flew towards James, and let a letter fall on his lap.

The boy’s hazel eyes widened when he took it in his hands. “For Merlin’s pants!” He exclaimed, “Evans wrote to me!”

Remus, Madeline and Sirius simultaneously turned their heads towards him. “What?!”

James nodded, befuddled. “Yeah, this is her handwriting, of that I’m sure” he muttered, before knitting his brows. “Do you think this is a trap, or something?”

Sirius snorted at him, “A trap, Prongs? In the form of a letter? Sent by Evans?”

James shrugged, “Well, I don’t hear from her very often…” he said.

Madeline giggled, “Come on, Prongsie, open it!”

The boy nodded and did as he was told.

“Read aloud” suggested Remus, seeing that James’s eyes were already scanning Lily’s words.

Prongs looked at them, “Oh, yeah, sure. So:

_Dear Potter,_

_I apologize for bothering you, but I needed to speak to Madeline, and I knew she would come to you before returning to Hogwarts._

_Please, be kind and deliver this message to her. I trust you not to read it… Anyway, I inform you that I’ve enchanted it so that only she can do that.”_

James stopped reading with eyes full of pride. “That’s the girl I love” he muttered, before he resumed his reading:

_“I hope you are having a good summer. Say hello to Remus, Sirius and Peter._

_This may seem absurd, but I hope to see you all again soon. Yes, you too, Potter._

_With love,_

_Lily”_

Madeline felt sorry for James. She knew he had hoped that Lily had written to him directly.

She was about to comfort the boy when she noticed his dazed – no, dreamy stare.

"Guys", he whispered, "She wrote ‘ _dear_ Potter’, you understand what that means, don’t you? Oh, and also ‘I hope _you_ 're having a _good_ summer’, and, ‘Hope to see _you_ again _soon_ ’”, He exclaimed, excited. “And the most important thing: ‘with _love_ ’! Guys! _She_ sent _me_ her love! Did you hear that? Because I certainly did! Oh, Merlin,” he added, and sighed. “This the best letter I've _ever_ received.” He continued, happily.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at that, "James... Evans greeted _me_ too...” he said, as if it was something absurd, “Maybe you mistook her quite annoying good manners for interest."

Remus nodded, chuckling at Padfoot’s words. "Yes, and I fear that I’ll have to correct you, Prongs. She wrote ‘Hope to see you _all_ again soon’; he meant all of us, mate."

Madeline didn’t add anything, fearing that James may start complaining about their remarks, but it was as if he wasn't listening to them at all; even the slightest sparkle of hope Lily gave him made him feel alive.

After a few seconds, he seemed to recover, and chuckled, "Oh well, it doesn't matter, Lily sent me her love and that's enough for me...", he said cheerfully, before handing the letter to Madeline, "I guess this is for you, then."

Madeline took it uncertainly. She hadn't seen Lily since her birthday, in July, and, although they had periodically exchanged letters, the fact that she was writing to her with such urgence was strange. Even more, if she considered that school was about to begin. They would have seen each other just ten days later...

She sighed, and began to read carefully:

_"Dear Mads,_

_I hope that you’re doing okay, and that the trip to Brighton went as well as you had imagined. I can’t wait to hear all the details from you._

_What I’m about to tell you has been on my mind for quite some time now; I intended to tell you about it earlier, when I came to visit you in London in June, but I knew you had several things going on, and I didn't want to put any extra weight on your shoulders._

_Anyway, now, I really need to talk to you._

_I know we often drift apart, but I trust you terribly, and I know that I can tell you everything._

_In your last letter, you told me about your parents' behaviour, about how it hurt you; you told me about Rathbone’s letters, and about how war scares you._

_I want to tell you that I feel the same, Mads._

_Mine, is a Muggle family; they can't understand what's going on in our world, and that scares me even more. They’re totally helpless, and they don't understand that after my graduation everything will change. I tried to explain it to them, but they just won’t listen…_

_The truth is: I want to fight, too, Mads, just like you do. But I can’t tell them that._

_I was born in a Muggle family, but I’m a witch. And now I see what I have to do. I think I’ve finally chosen my path._

_That's not all._

_Do you remember Petunia? I already told you about her… She is my older sister, she is twenty-two years old now. You know how disgusted she feels towards me and how much she hates me for being a witch. Well, she just got engaged to an older boy, a hateful one named Vernon. He’s always here, in my home, watching me with distaste and making jokes about my nature._

_My home has become inhospitable. To admit this brings tears to my eyes, because I once loved my home._

_But my father has been sick for years, now, and he can barely recognize us. Mom tries to do her best, but she too has resigned to the fact that Petunia doesn't want anything to do with me. Plus, since I’m away for most part of the year, she has become distant, too._

_Nobody understands me, and now that I'm here, waiting to go back to school... I feel terribly lonely, Mads._

_I know you're with James, and I know you and the Marauders have been apart for a long time, but I was wondering if you'd like to come and visit me._

_Cokeworth doesn't offer much, but you would make me really happy._

_With love,_

_Lily."_

Madeline held her breath until she finished reading. That letter brought tears to her eyes, too.

She had seen Lily in London, twice, and they had exchanged several thoughts over paper. How had she not seen the sadness in her eyes, and letters?

Madeline thought that maybe she had been too lost in herself, and in her problems, to see that the people around her were suffering, too.

She had always been a friend of Lily’s, but only in their sixth year the two of them had grown really fond of each other, they had started confiding.

But that was the first time Madeline felt real urgency in the redhead's words.

She didn’t think twice about what to do.

“Boys, I’m going to Lily’s.” she only announced.

James’s eyes immediately darkened with concern, “What? Why? What did she tell you? What happened?”

Sirius looked curious too, “Evans’s not feeling alright?”

“Is she hurt?” added James.

Sirius glared at him, “Shut up and let her talk, Prongs.”

Madeline shook her head, “I can’t tell you much, but she’s not hurt… Not physically, at least. She just needs some friends… Anyway, I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll come with you” stated James.

Madeline raised an eyebrow, “I… Don’t know if that’s a good idea, Prongsie.”

James shrugged, “I don’t care, I will go with you, no matter what. Evans will have to kick me out of her house.”

Remus nodded, with a gentle smile plastered on his face. “And I’m coming, too. If Lily needs a friend, I’ll be there for her.”

Sirius sighed deeply, “Well, y’all don’t leave me much of a choice, do you? So… Where does Evans live, exactly?”

“Manchester” said both James and Madeline.

Sirius grinned, “Right… I’ve never been there. Sounds like a good trip to take before Hogwarts.”

Madeline smiled at them, before a thought suddenly struck her. “By the way - have you opened the other letters?”

The three boys shook their heads, while Sirius commented: “Well, we receive them every year, it’s not like they contain exciting news…”

“WHAT!?” exclaimed James, who had started unwrapping his letter while Padfoot talked.

Three pairs of eyes landed on him. He was holding something in his hand, but nobody could spot what it was.

“What’s the matter, Prongs?” asked Remus.

His hazel eyes appeared bewildered, and when James showed them what he was holding, they all gasped.

“No way!” exclaimed Madeline.

“Oh Merlin, has McGonagall gone mad?” whispered Moony.

“This can’t be happening” affirmed Sirius, looking unamused.

James shook his head, “Am I dreaming or something?” he asked, “Or… Is this a prank?”

His three friends shook their heads.

“But… Moony, you were the Prefect!” exclaimed James, pointing a finger towards Remus, who just shrugged, appearing bemused.

“Well… I guess congratulations are in order, Prongs”, commented Madeline, smirking.

“Yeah, congratulations, Mister Head Boy” said Moony.

James swallowed, “Oh… Thank you, I suppose?”

His tone of voice betrayed so much uncertainty and disbelief that neither of them could hold back anymore, and they all burst down in laughter, Sirius too, while James, red in the face, stared at them, at a loss for words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what Cokeworth involves, don't you?  
> If you want Madeline and Severus to make out in next chapter (lol), kudos and (most importantly!!) comment !  
> All my love. X


	43. She's Electric

They disapparated from Potter Manor on Friday morning, the day after they had received Lily’s letter.

Madeline was still not sure about whether the girl would appreciate James and Sirius’s presence or not. After all, she had never really bonded with the two boys. On the other hand, Remus would have surely brought her some comfort. He was indeed a friend for Lily.

None of them had ever been to Cokeworth; so, when they appeared in the industrial town, they looked around themselves, curiously taking in their surroundings.

The English street they were on was certainly old, yet quaint. The red-brick terraced houses alternated with small, coloured ones, which windowsills were adorned with flowers and British flags. The sidewalks were clean, save for a few cigarette butts, and some Muggles citizens strolled quietly, taking their little dogs for a walk.

The sound of a river reached them; they walked a bit, and they saw it flowing between overgrown, strewn banks. They also noticed the top of a disused mill, with a tall chimney, standing out over the town.

The sky was blue over Cokeworth on that particular Summer day.

James threw a look around, and turned his nose up, “I don’t like this place” he just said, and shrugged, “If my plan of marrying Lily ever succeeds, I’m _definitely_ taking her away from here.”

Sirius nodded, “Yeah, Prongs, I stand with you. This place gives me the chills.”

“This is just a normal, working-class town, lads” commented Remus, raising an eyebrow. “You’re just too privileged to see that”, he added, giggling.

Madeline smiled at her friends’ expressions of disapproval, before turning serious again. “Doesn’t matter now, boys…” she exclaimed, “Let’s go to Lily’s.”

The Marauders nodded, before following her down the road.

* * *

Lily's house, in Willows Street no. 7, was a nice, brick building overlooking a small garden. The facade was not worn like that of the surrounding houses, and that seemed to warm James's heart.

Some French doors, half-covered by long curtains, gave a glimpse of a small sitting room to the left of the front door; on its right, the same French doors seemed to lead to a cream-coloured kitchen.

"So, this is where Lily grew up," James commented.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Nooo, really? I never would have bet!" He joked, as Remus shook his head in amusement.

Madeline ignored them and took a few steps towards the door. Then, she knocked.

A few minutes passed before someone opened it in front of their eyes. Then, the four Gryffindors came face to face with a girl who must had been a few years older than them.

 _Petunia_ , Madeline realised almost immediately.

She was thin, and bony, lacking her sister's curves; her blonde-hair reached her shoulders, and she had a surprisingly long neck. Her long face presented a lantern jaw and some large teeth, that she so obviously tried to hide by keeping her lips closed tight.

Madeline wouldn’t have called Petunia ugly. No. She was definitely one of a kind. Particular, even. Yet, she certainly did not possess Lily's unique beauty, and she obviously did not shine like her sister. Lily had a unique light, after all, a light that came from within her.

Petunia’s large, pale blue eyes wandered over their faces; her stare lingered on Sirius’s handsome face, and when he grinned at her, she instantly looked away, and blushed. The girl seemed embarrassed by their scrutiny.

"Can I help you?", she asked in a shrill voice.

Madeline gave her a tiny, forced smile, despite knowing that Petunia was part of the reason why her friend felt so sad, and lonely.

"We're looking for Lily," she simply explained, "We are her schoolmates… We were hanging around this part of… England? And we thought we'd come here and pay her a visit.", she added.

James nodded, “I’m James” he said, extending a hand towards Petunia, as to impress her with his good manners. Sirius raised an eyebrow at that, but said nothing. “We have missed Lily _very much_!”, added Prongs.

Petunia’s expression had turned from curious to disgusted as soon as Madeline had pronounced the word “schoolmates”. She looked at James’s hand before shaking it quickly, looking uncomfortable.

Madeline knew that she didn’t approve of her sister’s nature, which meant that she didn’t like them, at all. The thought made her cross her arms almost immediately.

Petunia looked at her reaction, and took a step backwards, appearing scared.

Remus knitted his brows and gave her a comforting smile, then. “Hey… We won’t hurt you” he softly said. “We would never do that.”

Petunia looked at him attentively, and Madeline almost insulted her when she flinched while observing Remus’s scars.

James and Sirius nodded, supporting Moony’s words, and they relaxed their postures, as to put Petunia at ease.

“Yeah, we’re good guys, love” commented Padfoot, shrugging, and Petunia blushed even more at his use of a pet name.

“Yeah, well…” she started replying, “Lily’s not-“

“Tuney? Who’s there?”

Madeline smiled as soon as she heard the redhead’s soft voice posing that question to her sister.

A second later, the girl came into view.

Lily's pale complexion had taken on a nice tan over the summer, and that had made her magnetic green eyes stand out even more on her pretty face. She was wearing a short, denim skirt and a dark blue blouse, an outfit that flattered her lean but curvy physique.

James gaped at her, running his hazel eyes over the girl's body from behind his round glasses. Meanwhile, Petunia glanced with disdain at the four Gryffindors, whose eyes had turned from uncertain to fond at the sight of her sister.

“Lils!” exclaimed Madeline.

“Mads!” exclaimed Lily.

The two girls ran into each other's arms, and hugged tightly. At least a minute passed before Sirius coughed to get their attention.

They turned to observe the group that had remained at the door.

Petunia seemed to have grown even more annoyed at the sight of what was happening, and Madeline thought she could see jealousy in her eyes; yet, she didn't know the girl enough to say it for sure.

James’s eyes were glued on Lily, and the boy appeared bewitched. Remus was smiling tenderly, while Sirius only seemed fed up with that situation; he was probably hungry, considering it was almost lunchtime.

Lily took a step towards Remus to give him a gentle hug, too, and the tall boy blushed slightly before accepting it.

“I’ve missed you, Rem.”

“I’ve missed you too, Lils” he softly said, before letting her go.

James stepped forward to greet the girl in the same way. He appeared totally excited at the prospect.

Lily looked at him amused and seemed to think about what to do.

Madeline gave her an uncertain look, as if trying to understand if the redhead was suffering from the boy's presence. But Lily smiled at her, and shook her head, before, surprisingly, giving James a quick hug; then, she turned to Sirius, and gave him one as well.

The boy seemed shocked by the gesture. "Evans? Are you okay? You're not sick, are you?" he whispered to her, and she laughed, before shaking her head.

"Well, Black, I really hope I'm not!", she said, rolling his eyes. "I certainly didn't expect you all to come, but... Yeah, I'm really glad to see you all" she admitted, with a happy smile on her face.

Madeline breathed a sigh of relief at her words.

"Fortunately...", she commented, "Because it would be quite difficult to get rid of the Marauders at this point", she added.

Everyone laughed at her joke; everyone, except for Petunia, who stared at her sister firmly, as if expecting an explanation.

"Lily? Care to tell me what's going on?" she asked, irritated, after some seconds.

The redhead glanced at her, "Oh, nothing, Tuney, my friends are only paying me a little visit, can’t you see?” she said with an obvious tone. “Please, do me a favour: tell mom and dad they are staying with us for the weekend."

"For the _weekend_?!” Petunia asked, raising her voice slightly, as her blue eyes widened. “B-but... where are we going to put them?! We don't have enough room for everyone! A-and then... Vernon's coming to dinner _tomorrow_!"

Lily grinned, "No problem, Tuney, we're witches and wizards, after all," she said, with a defiant look in her eyes. "We can manage… Besides, my friends are the nicest guys in the world... I'm sure Vernon will _love_ them."

James, Remus, Sirius and Madeline, not knowing what to do, just nodded behind Lily’s back.

Petunia had turned red by then, and Madeline feared the girl might explode with rage. But she didn't.

With a grace Madeline envied her, Petunia, though angry, nodded at her sister, avoiding to start a fight in front of complete strangers. Then, she turned around, and headed for the living room, with the probable intention of updating her parents on what had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... I know I told you this chapter would include Severus, but then I started writing it and it was really too long ! So I split it into two parts and well, no Snape here, I'm sorry.  
> Yet, I loved writing about Petunia. She's such an interesting character.  
> Hope to hear your opinions about this !  
> All my love. x


	44. Confessions

Lily introduced them to her parents, Cecilia and Robert; they were nice people, but Madeline could see that her father, just like Lily had said, appeared lost, confused, as if he didn’t understand completely what was going on.

He had been sick for one year, by then. Lily had told her it was Alzheimer, a Muggle disease which acted as an Oblivion charm. That made Madeline feel guilty.

No, it made her feel _absolutely_ terrible.

She had ignored that Lily was suffering for _months_ while her friend’s world crumbled apart. She decided then that she would do anything to make her feel better.

Mr Evans was a nice-looking man; he had grey hair and forest green eyes, he was tall, and he had a lantern jaw. He greeted them with a huge smile on his face, and, despite saying very little, he appeared enthusiast when his daughter told him her friends would stay with them for the weekend.

Lily’s mother was gorgeous, and she reminded Madeline of her daughter. She had short, auburn hair, but her eyes were blue, like Petunia’s. She greeted the four Gryffindors with a smile, and her eyes shone like Lily’s did when she was happy.

“I’m so glad to meet you all” she told them, “Lily has only presented me one friend from school so far… Expect for Severus, of course” she said, absent-mindedly, and everybody stiffened. “Alice, was that her name?” asked the woman, turning questioningly to her daughter.

Lily nodded, “Yeah, mum, it was…”, she muttered.

Madeline could feel Sirius’s eyes on her, but she didn’t turn to look at him. Instead, she sighed, and ignored the woman’s comment. Lily just coughed, breaking that moment of silence.

Her mother seemed to understand she had said something wrong, for she added: “It’s time I get to know more of you!”.

James smiled at her, and Madeline thought he seemed nervous by what was happening. “Well, Mrs, Evans, I’m really glad to meet you too.” He said, shaking her hand vigorously, “I’m James Potter.”

Lily rolled her eyes at that exchange, but said nothing, while Sirius just snickered behind his friend’s back.

Soon, they all had lunch together.

Mrs Evans prepared them some bangers and mash and Sirius’s grey eyes shone with hunger when she put a large quantity in his plate. “Thank you _so_ much, Ma’am” he exclaimed, sounding happy and satisfied.

Madeline knew Sirius had never received affection from his parents. She also knew that, even if he barely showed it, seeing a normal family like that of the Evans moved him immensely.

James had confessed her and Remus that it had taken some time for Padfoot to trust Euphemia and Fleamont, even if they had treated him like their own child right from the start.

Cecilia gave him a motherly smile before serving the others.

Petunia barely spoke during lunch, while James and Sirius kept telling stories about school, Quidditch, and how they had spent their Summer; Mr and Mrs Evans seemed fascinated by them as they talked of the Wizarding World from a perspective different from their daughter’s.

After lunch, Lily, Madeline and the Marauders settled in the living room, and spent the next hours chatting, eating and looking at their new textbooks.

“Are you scared for your NEWTs, Lily?” asked Madeline, after a while.

The redhead shrugged, “I’m a bit anxious, but I think I can manage” she admitted.

Sirius giggled, “Yeah, Mads, Evans’s a diligent student, just like Moony”

Remus elbowed him, and everybody laughed.

After a while, Lily led them to her room; it was large and bright, the walls were painted peach, and the double bed had white sheets. The walls were full of photographs, and Madeline recognized one in which Lily, Remus and she were in the Hogwarts library, confabulating among themselves, probably arguing over some essay. She remembered that Alice had taken it the previous Spring, on a cloudy afternoon. She smiled at the memory.

Other photos depicted Lily as a child, or with her family, or with Alice, one with Mary McDonald and one with Marlene McKinnon, and there was also one from New Year’s Eve at Potter Manor.

James's eyes sparkled when he saw it. "Evans?! I'm touched! You have a picture of _me_ in your room!"

Sirius walked over to him to check he was saying the truth, while the redhead snorted.

"Prongs, it's a group photo, you idiot," the boy commented, before bursting into his bark-like laugh.

Madeline looked at the French windows, which had white curtains that were moved slightly by a summer breeze; she noticed they led to a small balcony, from which one could see the small garden in front of the house and the long street, empty at the moment.

Remus suggested using some spells to enlarge the room and transfiguring a couple chairs in beds where they could sleep.

Lily told Madeline she could sleep with her, while the Marauders settled in a large bed with lots of pillows; the two beds were separated by a flower screen which Remus had transfigured from an old puppet.

Sometime before dinner, Madeline asked Lily to show her where the bathroom was, with the intention of asking her questions that she would had never asked in front of the Marauders.

"I came as soon as I got the letter, Lils" she told her friend, who closed the bathroom door behind herself and went to sit on the bathtub’s edge.

Lily smiled softly at her. "Thank you very much, Mads, really. You’ve only been here for a few hours... But I already feel better."

Madeline felt overwhelmed with joy at her words, "I’m so glad to hear that… And about the boys, they wanted to follow me at all costs. You know Remus loves you... And we both know that James would do _anything_ for you..."

The blonde girl expected Lily to turn up her nose at her words, but she didn't; on the contrary, she smiled slightly. "He's a good boy," she said.

Madeline's mouth dropped open in surprise; then, she nodded, "Yes, he is. He really is."

"How was your trip to Brighton?" Lily asked, after a few seconds, as if the thought had suddenly hit her.

"Oh..." Madeline exclaimed, "Good, very good. It was a beautiful day. And then it felt great to be with Sirius, you know, after everything that had happened between us..."

Lily gave her a look of understanding, "Yeah, well, though I don’t know the exact reasons of your fight, I understand..." she whispered, "Nothing happened between the two of you, then?"

Madeline raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

Lily just chuckled, "Remus warned me that you didn't want to see it, but, Merlin, Mads, it's so evident... Sirius is completely in love with you."

She was yet another person to say such a thing to her, yet Madeline felt as if Lily had just slapped her. "Do you really think so?" she asked, uncertain.

The redhead nodded, "I am, Mads... I don't know Black that well, but when he looks at you... There’s something in his eyes… His expression changes, you know? It softens incredibly... He always has this easy-going, disinterested air... But when he looks at you, it seems that nothing in the world matters to him, except for you. "

Madeline didn't know what to say. Maybe she knew, deep inside, that Lily was right, that Sirius wanted more than a friendship from her... But it was still too early to think about it.

Her wounds were too fresh.

"Do you still think about Severus?" Lily asked, then, as if sensing her doubts, breaking her train of thoughts.

Madeline lifted her blue eyes, which had turned slightly glassy, to look into her friend's green ones. "At the beginning, I thought about him all the time…” she admitted, “But since the boys have come back to my life, I’ve been doing that much less...” she added, and Lily gave her a knowing look. “But he's _always_ with me, Lils. I _can't_ forget him."

The redhead nodded gravely, "It took me a long time to do that, too. Severus is a special person... But he has his responsibilities, Mads. He has chosen his path."

"I know"

It was some time before Lily spoke again, and it shocked Madeline: "You also _do_ know that he lives five minutes away from here, don’t you?"

Madeline's eyes widened, and she gaped. "What? No! I knew you two didn't live far away from each other but... I didn't imagine it was in the same neighbourhood!"

Lily just chuckled at her shocked expression. "Yes, well, Spinner's End is close."

A million thoughts crossed Madeline’s mind, then.

Lily seemed to read her, "But the situation at his house is terrible, Mads... I don't recommend you go to him... It would embarrass him, if you saw what happens there."

Madeline shook her head, "I… I wouldn’t go to him, anyway” she admitted, before taking a deep breath. “You know, he told me what's going on in his house, Lils.” She muttered, “He ran away from home last Christmas, and went to stay with Mulciber. He's probably with him now. I doubt he's returned to his parents."

Her words struck Lily deeply. "He… Went away?” she asked aloud, her eyes roaming across the room. “I didn’t know..." she said, and sighed, "I'm so sorry for him, believe me, Mads, I am, but..."

"I know, Lils.” Madeline interrupted her, “You are a good person. I understand why you let him go... But I can’t do it just yet."

Lily smiled at her, and reached out to take her hand in hers. "It's ok, Madeline," she softly said, "At least you have the Marauders, always ready to distract you from your thoughts."

"They are wonderful, aren't they?" Madeline said, then, and the fond look in her eyes made Lily smile.

Her friend took a deep breath, "I have to admit it… They’re not that bad," she stated, then grinned.

The blonde girl nodded. "What about your sister, on the other hand? I noticed that you two are quite distant... You’ve always told me she did not accept the fact that you were a witch, but... I didn't expect _this_ situation."

Lily’s expression darkened visibly, "Yeah, well, Petunia has been treating me like this for years now..."

"That doesn’t mean you deserve it, Lils."

The redhead smiled, "Thanks for saying it... Sometimes, I forget it."

Madeline was about to add something when someone knocked on the door vehemently. "Evans! Mads! Open up! We're tired of waiting for you while you talk about how handsome I am!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Don't exaggerate, Padfoot," they heard Remus say, while the two girls chuckled.

Lily opened the door, and found herself face to face with the grey-eyed boy. "Here we are, Black"

He grinned, "Thanks, Evans."

James, who was standing behind him, smiled at her. "Is everything alright?", he asked.

Lily gave him a smile, too. "Everything’s alright.", she asserted.

Dinner was again joyful, despite Petunia’s constant silence. Madeline noticed Lily’s eyes shone at seeing her mother’s enthusiasm while talking to her friends.

Despite Prongs’s efforts, Mrs Evans seemed to develop a soft spot for Remus. After all, he was the sweetest of guys, always polite and ready to help her, speaking softly and having kind words for everyone.

The only person who resisted his charm was Petunia, who kept looking at his scars.

“Stop doing that, you’re being rude”, Madeline heard Lily hissing to her sister, at some point, when the boys were busy talking about Quidditch.

Petunia sneered at her, letting the fork she was holding fall in her plate, and raised from the table, “I think I’ll go to bed. Goodnight” she said, and stormed off the room.

There was a moment of silence before Mrs Evans spoke again, “Oh, well, let’s move on to desserts?”

After dinner they sat around Lily’s room, feeling happily tired and having their stomachs full. Madeline and Sirius went to smoke a fag on the balcony, while the three other Gryffindors talked about the situation at Hogwarts, and about Dumbledore, in particular.

After a while, Lily said something that made Madeline, James and Sirius snap their heads towards her, eyes opened wide.

“Well, I trust Dumbledore” she commented, after Prongs had doubted the old man’s sanity. “He’s a good man, isn’t he? Just think about what he did for Rem…”

When three pairs of eyes fixed on her, Lily brought her hands to her mouth, realising her mistake.

All the while, Remus kept looking at his shoes.

“What?” exclaimed Sirius, dumbfounded, “You know about Remus?”

James gaped at her, then looked at Remus. “Moony?! You told her?”

Remus took a deep breath, “I did… Last spring, after what had happened with Pads.” He admitted, “And I just forgot to tell you all…”. When they raised their eyebrows at him, he grinned. “And, well, okay… maybe I thought Prongs would get mad at me.” He confessed, before turning to his friend, “I know you’d want to be the one to tell it to Lily if she ever-“ he started saying, but then he stopped, blushing.

“If I ever… what?” asked Lily, curious.

“If you ever became my girlfriend” admitted James, smirking at her when she reddened. “But… You know about us, too, then? Me, Peter and Sirius?”

Lily nodded slightly, “I do… Remus confided me everything… I must admit I pushed him a bit…”

Remus giggled, “A lot.”

“Yeah” Lily said, “But I would never reveal your secrets to anyone… Really, you can trust me.”

Sirius looked too shocked to say anything, while Madeline felt very relieved by knowing she didn’t have to hide anything to the girl anymore. “I do trust you, Lils, and I know you wouldn’t reveal anything” she commented, “Plus, if telling you this made Remus feel better, I think it was a good thing.”

Padfoot seemed to recover, then, and to remember that _he_ had been the reason why Remus had felt that bad. “Yeah… Sorry, Moons. I was just surprised… I’m glad Evans stood by your side.”

James nodded, “Me too.”

Remus gave them a thankful smile, “She did stand by my side… I’m grateful to her… And I’m sorry for taking the pleasure of telling her that away from you, Prongs”

James shook his head, “Never mind, Rem. After all, Evans knows, but she has _never_ seen us. That will be the great surprise, won’t it, Evans? You’ll be amazed!” he said, and winked at her.

Lily just laughed, then, “I’ve heard you’ve got horns, Potter!” she joked.

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh, “He does? Oh Merlin, James, you do!”

“Shut up” said Prongs, crossing his arms, “They’re regal” he added, proudly, while raising his chin. “And you’d better not talk about my Animagus form… _dog_.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, “Don’t provoke me, _stag._ ”

Remus shook his head, “Enough, children!”, he exclaimed, and the two boys shrugged.

“Maybe you should make the change permanent” suggested James, then, amused. “You have such a sweet disposition as a dog!”

Sirius tried to remain serious, but in the end, he laughed. “Yeah, well, the tail I could live with, to be honest… But the fleas, they’re murder” he explained, and they all burst down in laughter once again, with no thoughts on their minds and with the conviction that together, they would had been able to overcome everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ops, I did it again ?
> 
> I'm sorry for deluding you.  
> I honestly thought Snape was going to appear in this chapter, but then I came up with new ideas and the pages got longer... And this happened.  
> You'll have to wait a bit more to see him, I'm afraid.
> 
> But then again, this makes the story a bit more realistic, doesn't it?  
> Madeline will meet him after not having seen him for MONTHS - not reading about him for these many chapters will make their meeting even more emotional for you, or at least I hope it will.
> 
> I must say that I loved writing this chapter; I think my boundless love for the Marauders is clearly visible.  
> Whenever I listen to the songs "Youth" by Daughter and "Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap (one of its lines, by the way, gives the title to this story) I think of them.
> 
> AAAhh, youth and friendship! What beautiful things!  
> The Marauders make me think of me and my friends.
> 
> Anyway, I'm trying to gradually make the rapprochement between Lily and James happen, so I hope I don't seem rushed. I love them as a couple, they have my heart.
> 
> What more to say?
> 
> I hope you liked this.  
> I hope to see new kudos, REVIEWS (I love them) and bookmarks.  
> And I wish you all a good day.
> 
> All my love. x


	45. That Orange, English Light Cast Only One, Singular Shadow, For You Are Not Beside But Within Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a long chapter. Brace yourself.  
> Songs I listened to while writing this (if you want a little soundtrack, lol):
> 
> \- Fallingforyou, The 1975  
> \- Hold Me, Tom Odell  
> \- Pretty Boy, The Neighbourhood

Madeline had suffered from insomnia for most part of that Summer.  
  
Reuniting with the Marauders had partly changed that, but, from time to time, she still struggled with sleep.  
  
That's why she wasn't surprised when she opened her eyes and, looking at Lily's alarm on the nightstand next to her, she saw that it was only 5.30 in the morning.  
  
The sun had not yet risen, but the sky wasn't dark; on the other hand, an orange light was peeking over the horizon.  
  
She sighed deeply.  
  
The boys, Lily and she had spent the previous evening chatting and playing Wizard's chess, and they had all fallen asleep some time around 1 a.m.  
  
She doubted her friends would wake up before noon, knowing their passion for long naps during the holidays. At Hogwarts they were all forced to wake up way too soon. And also, the day before had been quite full and eventful... She knew they were tired.  
  
She looked for her fag pack in the dark, cursing under her breath when she found it and realised it was empty.  
  
She was longing for a cigarette.  
  
She stared at the ceiling for some minutes before taking a sudden decision. She needed to smoke.  
  
She stood up from the bed slowly, trying not to wake up the redhead who was lightly snoring by her side.  
  
She wore some shorts, her Chelsea boots and the burgundy Gryffindor hoodie Alice had gifted her for Christmas.  
  
She put her wand in her back pocket and made it for the door.  
  
"Mads?" She heard a whisper, and she turned to see Lily looking at her, her eyes barely opened and her voice betraying her sleepiness, "What are you doing?" She asked.  
  
Madeline smiled, "Going to buy some fags. Is there a drugstore nearby?"  
  
Lily nodded, "Mr. Shifter's opened 24/7. It's not far from here, just down the street and across the river... Do you want me to come with you?"  
  
Madeline thought about it, but eventually she shook her head, "No, I can manage, Lils... I have my wand with me" she explained, in order to reassure her, "Go back to sleep."  
  
Lily stared at her for some seconds. She looked uncertain about what to do. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? You don't know the neighbourhood..."  
  
Madeline giggled lightly, "Don't worry, Lils. I don't mind some wandering... Especially early in the morning. I might catch the dawn, even." She said, and shrugged, "And if I won't find the store, I'll just apparate back here, alright?"  
  
Lily stood silent for a minute, and then she nodded, "Alright... But please, be careful. These are strange times and... I don't trust anybody."  
  
"Neither do I, Lils." She replied, before giving her one last smile and exiting the bedroom.  
  
When the chill, morning air touched her bare legs, she shivered slightly, and felt happy that she had decided to wear her hoodie.  
  
She walked down the English street, looking around herself. There was almost no one in her path, except for some joggers and people taking their dogs for a walk.  
  
Madeline enjoyed those moments, when the whole world was asleep, and everything seemed quiet and calm. It made her feel at peace.  
  
She walked for some time, crossing the bridge over the river and entering a peculiar street with several little shops, looking for Mr. Sifter's.  
  
She found it after some time, glad that it had taken her relatively little time to get there. She really needed a cigarette.  
  
The shop wasn't as little as she had imagined. It was a bit isolated from the rest of the buildings, standing away from the other shops, between a parking and a huge, green park. A neon sign on the outside, under the name of its owner, recited " _Drugs & Liquors_", making it look pretty vintage.  
  
When she entered the shop, and the bell over the door announced her arrival, a fat, old man sitting behind a cash register looked at her curiously, probably wondering who she was. After all, Cokeworth was a little town. It was highly probable that the citizens all knew each other.

She approached him, and gave him a polite smile, “Good morning” she said, and he grunted in return. “A pack of Marlboro, please.”

The man slowly moved to take the item, and when he tossed it back at her, he gave her a disturbing smile, “You’re a pretty thing… Do you live around here?”

The man's stare made her blush, for he looked at her as if he could see right through her clothes.

Madeline avoided his question and threw a ten-pound note on the counter. “Keep the rest” she said. When his little eyes fixed on her bare legs, she decided to put some distance between him and she, and moved quickly towards the middle of the shop, where a grey-haired lady was looking at some beans’ cans.

Walking around the few aisles of the shop calmed her immediately. She then thought she had been lucky to have enough Muggle money to pay for the cigarettes, considering that she hadn't checked that what she had left Lily’s house.

She stepped in front of the magazine corner, looking at the Muggle people on the covers and not recognizing any of them. She found one which seemed to talk about music and flipped through its pages with interest.  
  
Then, she looked at the many snacks on her left. She thought that Remus would have loved seeing that large collection of chocolates and candies.

The bell on the door at the entrance of the shop rang again, and Madeline felt a bit relieved by the fact that she and the lady wouldn't be alone with the weird cashier anymore.  
  
She felt some steps approaching her from behind, and when she side-glanced slightly, she saw a boy looking with interest at the magazines. He was probably around her age, or a bit older, and he was quite good-looking; he was of medium height, muscular, with shaven hair and a circle earring in his lobe. He wore a military jacket, some denim jeans and tennis shoes. He took a magazine in his hands, the same one she had looked through previously, while humming a tone under his breath.  
  
When he felt her staring at him, he turned his head and met her eye. "Hey" he said, taking her in.  
  
Madeline smiled, "Hey" she replied, before motioning to the magazine he was holding. "Is it any good? I don't know many magazines... But I'm interested in music."  
  
The boy giggled lightly, "Well, Rolling Stone is _indeed_ a good magazine" he told her, "And just perfect if you want to keep updated on the latest releases." He added, before smiling, "What music do you like?"  
  
Madeline thought about that, "Mmm… Rock n' roll, mostly. Doors, Beatles, Bowie."  
  
They boy's eyes widened, and he appeared totally surprised, "Do you, really?" He asked, excitedly. "Girls from around here only seem to listen to low-quality pop!" He exclaimed, and she chuckled. His brown eyes shone with interest, and she barely heard the bell on the entrance door ring again, given that she was observing the boy so attentively. "But you're not from around here, are you?" He asked, then, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Madeline smirked, "Not exactly... I'm just visiting a friend from school" she simply said, not wanting to give him too much information.  
  
He nodded, "I see... A pity, really. It's difficult to meet someone like you in Cokeworth." He stated, before grinning charmingly. "Beautiful and cultured, I mean."  
  
Madeline blushed prettily, and batted her long eyelashes. She couldn't deny it... She loved flirting with boys.  
  
"Well, thank you" she exclaimed, “You’re very kind.”

He bit his lower lip, “I’m George, by the way” he said, offering his hand for her to shake.

The girl smiled, “And I’m-“

"Madeline?"

Her blue eyes widened at hearing the voice she knew and loved so much. A voice she hadn’t heard in quite some time. She stiffened visibly upon realising whom it belonged to, and George threw the boy who was standing behind them a curious look, not understanding what was happening.

With little breath, she faced him too. “Severus?” she asked, in a low, fragile voice, looking at his face.

Merlin, she had missed _everything_ about him.

His height and lean body and broad shoulders, which made him appear so imposing… His elegant way of standing, keeping his chin high and looking at everyone with such cold detachment… His long, black hair, which were slightly shorter than the last time she had seen him… And of course, his unreadable, and yet bright, onyx eyes, which she knew could turn to be so loving, and warm.

He was wearing some black jeans, black boots and a light, sweater, too loose for him, and Madeline thought that he looked _older_ than she remembered, with sharper features and a manlier physique.

Severus’ eyes roamed across her body shamelessly, as if he too was taking in every part of her with hunger. He seemed completely bewildered by her presence. After some seconds, his eyes went to George’s outstretched hand, and he raised an eyebrow.

The boy lowered it, then, appearing embarrassed.

“What are you doing here?”, Snape was the first one to recover from the surprise and ask her that.

Madeline, who was gaping at him, recomposed herself, and shrugged, “I just… I came to visit Lily” she replied.

Some understanding flashed in Severus’s black eyes, “Oh…” he said, “I see… That seems… Understandable.” He commented, and looked down at the pack of cigarettes in her hands. He grinned, then, failing to control himself. “And you sneaked out to buy those, didn’t you?”, he asked, amused.

Madeline nodded slowly and swallowed. “I did…” she muttered.

George coughed, then, probably realising that the situation between them was quite tense.

Severus threw him an annoyed glance. The simple gesture would had made her laugh, if only she hadn’t been so shocked with the whole situation herself.

“Mm, well, I better go…”, George said, putting the magazine he was holding back into place, “It was a pleasure meeting you, Madeline” he added, winking at the girl, “I hope to see you again.”

She gave him a little smile, then, and released the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Yeah, George, likewise…” she replied, “And thank you… for your advice.”

George grinned, “Not a problem at all, dear” he commented, before giving her one last look, and then walking away, leaving the two guys alone.

Madeline could see it in his eyes that Severus had been irritated by that little exchange.

An uncomfortable silence descended between them before he spoke again.

“Always making new friends, aren’t you?” he commented sourly, raising an eyebrow.

Madeline blushed furiously, “Excuse _me?_ ” she asked, “What do you mean with that?”

The boy shrugged, “Just that you can’t live without someone drooling after you, can you?”

She crossed her arms, defensively. “Oh, really?” she said, and took a step in his direction, “Is that so, or are you just _jealous?”_

Severus looked down into her blue eyes, and his expression visibly softened, but he didn’t reply.

Madeline knew that if he kept staring at her like that, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself, and she would kiss him. She had really missed him like she didn’t want to admit.

Snape shook his head, then. “I think... I think I’ll go”, he just said, and turned his back to her, swiftly walking away.

Madeline looked at his back for some minutes as he did so, shocked that he had left so abruptly, and felt real desperation gripping her insides. No. She couldn’t just let him go. She just _couldn’t._

She ran out of the shop and after him, not even greeting the cashier goodbye. She only hoped that the boy hadn’t disapparated.

Fortunately, he hadn’t.

Snape was some steps away from her, moving quickly down the street, towards the park she had seen earlier.

“Severus!” she called aloud, and he halted immediately in his steps, before slowly turning around.

She knew then that she would never forget what he had done to her friends… The pain he had caused to Remus… The promises he had broken… But she also knew that, deep in her heart, she had already forgiven him.

She almost laughed with disbelief when she realised that.

His onyx eyes were filled with sadness as he observed the girl, waiting for her to say something. He looked just as insecure and broken as she.

And Madeline couldn’t hold back anymore.

She ran towards him, and threw her hands around his neck, burying her face in the crook of his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist.

Severus hugged her back, holding her with such force that it almost took her breath away, and he put his face on her shoulder, inspiring her scent deeply.

They stood like that for some interminable minutes, and Madeline wished she could stay there, in his arms, forever, feeling the warm of his body against hers, and his steady breaths against her shoulder.

But then he let go, and she did the same.

When her feet touched the ground again, she looked up into his onyx eyes. They were standing so close to each other, that it would had taken her very little effort to kiss him.

But Madeline saw conflict on his face, and so, “We have to talk” she just said, and he nodded gravely.

* * *

They walked into the park until they found a quiet spot.

Madeline sat on a bench, while Severus decided to stand some steps away from where she was sitting. The cold iron of the bench made her curse under her breath when it entered in contact with the skin of her legs, and the boy observed her quietly as she crossed them, slowly.

The park was empty, and the sun had started showing on the horizon, tinging the sky with breath-taking colours.

She put a cigarette between her lips and lighted it with a quick “ _Incendio”_. Her hands were shaking when she did so, but not because of the cold.

When the nicotine rush hit her, she sighed with satisfaction. It relaxed her almost immediately.

All the while, the pale boy kept observing her, as if still not believing she was there.

“How is Lily?” he asked in a low voice, then.

Madeline looked at him, “Not too well, if you ask me…” she admitted, “Her sister’s a total prick…”

Severus snorted, “That’s an understatement.”

“You know Petunia?”, she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged, “Unfortunately…” he commented, before turning serious. “What did she do?” he asked, concerned, and put his hands in his pockets, probably because of the cold.

Madeline thought he looked good in Muggle clothes. She let her eyes study him for an entire minute before answering his question. “Oh, she just… Isolated Lily even more… And with their father being sick… It all sums up, you know? That’s why we’ve come here… To cheer Lily up.”

Severus knitted his brows at that, “ _We?”_ he asked.

Madeline blushed slightly, and tore her eyes away from his, “Yeah, well… Me, James, Remus… And Sirius.”

His onyx eyes didn’t hide his disgust as she pronounced the first two names, but when she said the last one, they turned hungry, and the boy clenched his jaw. “ _Black_? You’re friends again with _Black_?” he asked through gritted teeth.

Madeline took another drag from the cigarette, leaning back against the back of the bench.

“I am” she admitted, then. “He came to my house, in July… Asked for my forgiveness… And I couldn’t deny him that.” She explained, before looking at him again. “And I wouldn’t have denied you that, either.” She added.

Severus threw her a hateful look, “Don’t – lie – to me.” He spat out, “You made it very clear last Spring that you wanted _nothing_ to do with me anymore.” He added, and looked away, his eyes full of suppressed rage.

“I’m not lying.” She snapped back, pointing a finger at him. “I was fucking angry at you… Still am… But, fuck…“ she said, “Can’t you see me now? I’m so glad to see _you_ it _hurts_ me” she continued, “I’ve missed you _so much_ , you stupid fool.”

Her words clearly surprised him, for he gaped at her before realising what he was doing and closing his mouth. He sighed deeply, then, and was about to say something, but he eventually seemed to change his mind. He just shook his head, and stayed silent.

“Why are you here?” she asked, then, curiously.

He raised an eyebrow at that.

“In Cokeworth, I mean…” she added, “I thought you’d been staying at Mulciber’s”

Snape seemed to understand what she was referring to, “I… Decided against it, when school ended. I thought Mulciber would ask too many favours of me… And, plus, knowing that I could use my magic whenever I pleased, I assumed my father wouldn’t dare touch me anymore” he coldly explained. “And I was right”

Madeline nodded, not knowing how to express the thought that hit her in that moment. “So… He’s still _… Living_ … With you and your mother?”

Snape threw her a side glance, “Yes, he’s _alive_ , Madeline. Not that I care. My mother’s protecting him with the little magic she has left…” he admitted, “Not that I see them very often… They leave as soon as the sun comes up, and come back home when it goes down. He _works_ , my mother says, but I think he just goes to a pub, you know, and drowns himself in rum, or something like that.” He added, “And _she_ … She just wants to stay away from me. Can’t stand my presence.” He spat out, and she could hear it in his tone of voice that the situation deeply hurt and troubled him.

“I’m sorry, Severus” she said, and the way she said his name made him look at her with longing. “And I’m glad you didn’t… Do _that_ ” she added, tossing the cigarette away, “I knew you were better than that.”

He snorted at her words, “I’m not, really... I just had greater things on my mind… That doesn’t mean I don’t want him dead” he coldly said.

Madeline knew that he wasn’t being completely sincere about that. She also knew that he had mixed feelings about his parents. But he wasn’t evil.

And she was sure, _so sure_ , that he wasn’t a murderer.

A murderer couldn't have made her feel such things...

“What were you doing in that shop?” she asked, then, breaking the tension that had created between them.

He shrugged, “I… Ran out of salt” he explained, and blushed slightly, “I needed it for my potions, you know”

She smiled sweetly at that, and nodded in understanding, remembering the afternoons they’d spent brewing together, when he had guided her through the whole process, and she had teased him until he had given up and kissed her. “I see” she said, looking at him for a long time. Then, she stood up from the uncomfortable bench, and approached him slowly; he stiffened, while letting his eyes roam across her face, as if looking for something in particular.

She read it in his face that he craved her touch just as much as she craved his.

In the meantime, the sun continued dawning, casting an orange light on them. It illuminated his skin, revealing to her his dark circles and tired expression.

His onyx eyes moved from her blue eyes, to her Gryffindor hoodie – at which he scrunched his nose – to her bare legs. “You are beautiful” he muttered, as if he couldn’t help himself, and blushed.

Madeline smiled sweetly at him, and took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. “Tell me you missed me, too” she whispered, and something sparkled in his onyx eyes.

He stepped even closer to her, then, and she had to look up to keep his stare. She didn’t remember him to be _that_ tall.

He raised his other hand to caress her cheek, and she shivered at the contact, because his fingers were cold, and delicate.

Severus let his thumb caress her full lips, and she kissed it lightly. The boy sighed deeply, and his eyes betrayed his uncertainty and pain. Then, he turned away from her. “I can’t do this…” he muttered.

Madeline blushed, feeling ashamed by his rejection, and hugged herself. Some tears dwelled in her blue eyes. “What…” she whispered, before taking a deep breath “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, avoiding her stare. He seemed to be searching for the right words to use. "It's just that... I can’t go back to who I was… When I was with you…” he simply said, and when the words left his mouth, he released a weary breath.

“Oh…” she simply commented, taking a step back, “I didn’t imagine you felt so… Bad… When we were together…”

Severus gave a low laugh, but it was an empty one. His mouth deformed into a defeated smile, and he laughed again, looking at her incredulously.

Madeline knitted her brows, not understanding his weird behaviour. "Stop that" she told him, "You're being cruel..."

Her voice seemed to bring him back to reality, for he turned to look at her with an exasperated expression. “Bad?” he repeated, and shook his head again, letting his inky hair fall in front of his face, partly covering his expression. “When I was with you... I felt _amazing_ , Madeline.” He whispered, “I felt _alive_.” He added, and her eyes widened. “And when you left me… I was totally… Shattered, you know?” he admitted, looking at her with glassy eyes.

She held her breath, feeling a jolt of pain through her heart. “Severus… I'm _so_ sorry… but what you did…“

“Don’t…” he interrupted her, “Don’t say that because I know it already…” he sighed, “And I know it was all my fault but… This is what I am” he said, raising his voice, and touching his left forearm, where she knew the Dark Mark was inked. “I’m a Death Eater” he continued, his voice broken, yet firm. “Fuck… I'm not _made_ for love!" He spat out, "I once thought we could enjoy our time together… But… We can’t, Madeline… If I come back to you… It will tear me apart…”

“Don’t say so…”

“I’m sorry” he said, “But it’s the truth..." he added, "And not only I will be destroyed by it, but you too – and I can't let that happen. Not after Lily."

His words cut her like blades and she realised then that not all scars were visible; and the scar he gave her then, hurt her immensely. Severus was giving up everything they felt because he was _afraid_. She knew that. 

Luckily for him, she was a Gryffindor.

She shook her head and stepped in front of him again, until they were so close that he could feel her breath on his chin. “Look me in the eye, then, and tell me that you want nothing to do with me, like I told you last Spring. Tell me I ruined you and all your plans, and that you wish you never met me. Tell me that you’re not feeling something _real_ for the first time in the whole summer…” she whispered, and he closed his eyes, probably trying to shut away his feelings, she was sure. “Because I _am,_ Sev.” She softly added, “I _am_ feeling something _real_ for the first time in the whole summer.” She admitted, “And I feel so bad about that… Because my friends mean so much to me, and we had such a good time together…” she sighed, “But without you, now… I feel incomplete. I can’t get you out of my mind. I wish I could just _obliviate_ myself…” she said, sighing. “And this situation is honestly unbelievable… It doesn’t make any sense, because it was me who broke up with you… But can’t you _understand_? Now, y-you…”

He opened his eyes, again, looking at her questioningly, “Now me, what?”

She took a deep breath, and the intensity of his stare almost made her flinch. “You really want me to say it, don’t you?” she asked, before placing both of her hands on his cheeks. “Now you’re in my bloodstream... You're in my _veins_ , you _fuck_.”

He stared at her for some seconds, completely taken aback by her words. Madeline feared she had lost him, then. He stood still, letting his onyx eyes study her face with attention, at a loss for words. She knew her admission had shaken him, for she could read every emotion he was feeling in his gaze. He was not hiding anything. He was not controlling himself.

She was about to add something, but he gripped her wrists, and removed her hands from his face.

Madeline felt the tears forming in her eyes again.

“Or… We could be friends”, she whispered, then. “But please… Don’t push me away”

Severus’ gaze darkened, then, but not with rage. It was desire. Passion. Lust. “I don’t want to be your _friend_ ” he just said.

And then his lips were on hers, and the desperation with which he kissed her made her stumble backwards. His hands planted on her hips before circling her waist to keep her closer to him, and when she opened her mouth and let their tongues touch and caress, he moaned.

The kisses they exchanged were rough, wet, impatient, almost _painful_. She put her hands in his silky hair, that same hair she had missed so much, and massaged his scalp, pulling him closer against her.

She wanted to feel him, to touch him, to hear him.

He gripped her lower back and helped her wrap her legs around his waist. She bit his lower lip, then, and smiled against his mouth when “ _Merlin, Madeline..._ ” he whispered, before kissing her again, until they were both panting for air.

When a chill breeze hit them, Madeline’s legs covered with goosebumps.

“You’re cold” he whispered against her lips, as she leaned her forehead against his.

Madeline shook her head, “No, never with you” she said, and started leaving a trail of hot kisses against his jaw, before nibbling his earlobe.

Severus licked and bit into the soft skin of her neck, tickling her with his hot breath and making her roll her eyes with pleasure.

She could feel his arousal against her thigh, and she too was feeling overwhelmed.

“I want you” he breathed, and she remembered he had told her that same thing months earlier, in his Common Room, before they had been interrupted by a young Slytherin boy.

“Let’s go somewhere” she said, then, looking him in the eyes.

He swallowed, red in the face and visibly shaken, and just nodded. “Hold me tightly.”

“Always”

A moment later, they disapparated from the park.

They appeared in a large bedroom, which contained a double-sized bed, a closet, a little desk with several books on it, a chair, and a big trunk, which was standing in a corner. The walls were painted grey, and the room appeared a bit cold, and sad.

 _Severus’ house_ , she thought, when he let her down, and her feet touched the ground.

The boy seemed to grow shy, then, standing awkwardly in the middle of his room. “It’s not much…” he commented, blushing, “But… This is the only plac-“

“Are your parents home?” she interrupted him by saying.

He shook his head, “No… They have already left.” He said, and his eyes lighted up again with desire when she took off her Chelsea boots.

“Kiss me, will you?” she stated, then, and he didn’t hesitate in obeying her request, cancelling the distance between them with few steps.

They had both imagined that moment several times before. It had appeared so close on Saint Valentine’s day, and yet life had stood in their way.

But that night everything was different.

“I missed you _terribly_ ” he whispered against her neck as he sucked on her jugular. Madeline only gripped his hair tighter at his confession, while moaning. “I _hated_ it when I saw you with _that_ boy” he added, as his long, bony fingers caressed her hips, “And I _hated_ my life since you left”

She looked into his eyes, “Now I’m _here_ , with _you_ ” she only said; he nodded, before helping her take her hoodie off, tossing it to the ground unceremoniously, and leaving her in her bra and shorts.

He looked at her delicate skin, at the curve of her breasts, at her flat stomach, at the way her blonde hair fell across her flushed face, and he attacked her mouth once again, pulling her with him towards his bed.

Madeline moved to remove his sweater, but he stopped her. “Wait… Are you sure?” he asked her, worried. “You know what’s on my forearm” he said.

She seemed to think about that for a moment, almost flinching at the memory of the Dark Mark. “Make me forget about it, Sev” she only whispered, and he let her throw the clothing away, and start biting, licking and kissing the milky skin of his chest.

Madeline admired his delicate, lean body, broad but not pumped, with barely accentuated muscles and a few moles. Some pink scars, the product of years of being beaten by his father, stood on his skin, and she kissed each one of them. He had little hair that connected his navel to his lower stomach. Though his chest looked boyish, it was defined, and welcoming, and she licked, and bit, and kissed every inch of it before claiming his lips again.

He held his breath when her hand went to touch his cock through the jeans he was wearing, and he moaned and flipped her on her back, making her laugh and looking down at her. "You _tease_ " he only hissed, gripping her wrists and pinning her to the bed, while looking at her blonde hair, who were sprawled across his pillow.

She was watching him with such lust and longing that he couldn't help but kiss her again, hard and long, caressing her tongue with his own, before licking her lips and moving down, where he started torturing her collarbone and breasts. He took off her bra clumsily and hurriedly, making her giggle lightly, but when his teeth began biting her nipple, she drew in a sharp breath and brought her fingers into his hair, keeping him in place.

He loved that sensation, that of having her at his mercy, of making her feel good, of being in power.

Madeline managed to take his jeans off, then, and he did the same with her shorts, before kissing her again full on the mouth. He placed a hand on her soft thigh, and felt proud when it covered again with goosebumps, but this time not due to the cold.

He touched her knickers with one of his long fingers, and he found them to be already wet. He caressed the lace tentatively, and she gave a low moan that made him smirk.

That's when all his inexperience and anxiety hit him, and he stiffened a bit. Madeline, who was looking absolutely gorgeous with her reddened cheeks, tousled hair and unsteady breath, threw him a questioning look.

"I've never done this" he admitted, while her fingers massaged his scalp, relaxing him. "Trust me, Sev." She only said, "It will come natural to you."

He nodded, then, pecking her lips before quickly taking off both his boxers and her knickers.

“Tell me you’re mine” he whispered against her ear, as he slipped inside her, balancing himself on his elbows.

“I’m yours” she sighed, voice broken by the rush of pleasure that hit her.

Then, she turned her face slightly to fix her blue eyes into his onyx ones, and Severus forgot everything. Every concern he had. Every fear. Every problem.

It was like nothing in the world mattered apart from the two of them. As he moved inside of her, and she sighed and moaned in his ear, whispering his name and holding onto his shoulders, he felt more alive than ever.

And when they both came, together, feeling exhausted, and not quite believing about what had just happened, they smiled. Severus hid his face in the crook of her neck, and she just hugged him, and caressed his hair softly.

“I imagined our first time to be more romantic” he muttered.

She raised an eyebrow, “You imagined, eh?”

He gave out a low laugh, “You know I did.”

She traced his spine with her finger. “This was romantic” she simply said.

“It was”, he agreed, after some seconds.

As their breaths slowed down, and Severus drew circles on the girl’s stomach, while she caressed his hair, the sunlight creeped through his room’s window curtains.

“Fuck” she cursed, and he raised his head to look at her.

“What?” he asked.

“If Lily wakes up and doesn’t find me by her side, she’ll probably think I’ve been kidnapped and she’ll call the police.”

Severus giggled at that, “Don’t be tragic… It’s only 7.30.”

Madeline sighed. She really wanted to spend the day with him, in bed, kissing and making love, talking about the things they had missed, telling each other they were sorry, trying to make up things.

She wanted to stay in his arms. She _loved_ the feeling of his arms.

“Well… I suppose I could stay a little bit longer” she whispered, “I actually feel sleepy…”

The boy nodded, looking content. “Sleep then”, he murmured. “I’ll watch over you”, he added, and she smiled.

“Wake me up in an hour, will you?” she said.

He nodded, and they settled under the sheets; he pulled her back against his chest, circling her waist with his arm, possessively, and putting his face in her hair. She could feel his hot breath against her neck.

“Goodnight, Sev” she whispered.

“Goodnight, Madeline” he replied.

She closed her eyes and sighed, feeling really happy for the first time in so long.

A minute later, she was already sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO?  
> I hope this was worth the wait.  
> "You're in my veins, you fuck" is a quote; Kate Moss wrote it with her blood on Pete Doherty's bedroom wall. It's fucked up, I know, but I love it, honestly. It's so intense.  
> Let me know what you think about this. x


	46. Everything Has Changed

When she reopened her eyes, the room was almost entirely illuminated by the sunlight.

She turned slightly in Severus’ arms, feeling still groggy from the sleep and a bit confused; she saw the boy sleeping blissfully by her side, and smiled.

That didn’t surprise her; he too had looked extremely tired.

Yet, it alarmed her. He had been the one who was supposed to wake her up.

She looked around the room to see if there was a clock, or an alarm, to check the hour, but she found none.

She tried to move away from his arms, but his grip just got tighter around her, and the boy muttered something in his sleep.

Madeline sighed, looking at his relaxed features. His eyes were closed, and his mouth slightly opened. His inky hair fell around his face, and his breath was steady. She didn’t want to bring him out of that much needed slumber, but she knew she had to get away from there.

Looking through the window she saw that the sun was pretty high in the sky, and she cursed.

In that moment she realized that they were still naked, wrapped in those plain, grey sheets, and she smiled.

Being in Severus’ arms almost felt utopian.

She had exited Lily’s house with the intention of having a smoke, and she had ended up sleeping with a boy she hadn’t seen in _months._ And no ordinary boy _. Severus._

She turned completely to stare at his peculiar face. Merlin, she wanted to kiss him again. To feel his hot mouth against her neck. To be one with him.

She watched him sleep for some minutes, loving the fact that, even if they had been separated for some time, they still felt comfortable around each other; he had always been a suspicious boy and, nevertheless, he was now laying harmless next to her.

She then noticed the Dark Mark inked on his left forearm; it contrasted in an ugly way with his milky skin. It was so obscure, and defined, and it seemed to radiate a bad energy. She observed it for a bit before bringing her eyes back to his face.

She gave him a peck on the lips, and sighed.

She knew she had to go.

She disapparated from Severus’ arms and appeared in the middle of the room, and the arm who was holding her fell on the mattress, but he didn’t wake up.

She picked up her clothes and wore them quickly, before putting on also her Chelsea boots.

She wanted to wake him up, to greet him goodbye, and to ask him if they could meet again, but he was sleeping so deeply, and he looked so tranquil, and peaceful, that she decided to let him continue doing that.

She took one of the cigarettes from her pack and left it on his nightstand; she took her wand and whispered the Spell that Alice had taught her. On the white, combustible part of the fag, a writing appeared: _“Tonight”._

She smiled at that, before casting one last, longing look at the boy, and disapparating from his house.

She appeared in Lily’s room, and relief washed over her when she saw that the Marauders were still asleep.

Remus, despite being the tallest of the three boys, was huddled in a corner of the bed, completely uncovered, while James and Sirius kept most of the space, and contended for the sheets. James had his mouth slightly opened, and he was snoring lightly, while Sirius looked aristocratic even when asleep; his facial features were relaxed, and his wavy hair fell perfectly around his face and on his pillow.

The redhead’s bed, on the other hand, was empty. The alarm on the nightstand told Madeline that it was 9.30 in the morning.

She slowly descended the stairs of the house, and found her friend sitting in the living room.

When Lily saw her, her nervous and anxious expression turned into an angry one. “Where were you?!” she exclaimed, standing up from the couch, “Four hours! You were out for four hours!”

Madeline raised her hands, defensively, “Hey Lils… I’m sorry I-“

“I was about to call the police, y’know? I told myself that I would wait until 10! Where have you been?!”, she exclaimed, and her green eyes widened with curiosity.

Madeline gave her an apologetic smile, then. “Oh, you’ll never believe me.”

* * *

They spent the next hour talking in low voices.

Madeline didn’t tell Lily that she had slept with Severus, but only that they had met in Mr Sifter’s and that they had talked and talked and talked. Lily’s concerned gaze restrained Madeline from telling her the rest of what had happened between them.

“I see”, the redhead said, after her friend had explained how her early morning had gone.

“Please, Lils… Don’t tell the Marauders” she asked, then, “They love me, I know that… But they wouldn’t understand”

The redhead stayed silent for a moment before nodding, “Sure, I won’t tell them anything” she admitted. “It’s not my secret to share, after all…”

Madeline smiled, thankful. “He asked me about you, by the way. When I told him you weren’t feeling well… He got concerned”

Lily’s expression softened, then, “Did he?” she asked, looking in the distance, “It was kind of him.”

“Yeah, it was”

Lily was about to add something, when James, Sirius and Remus entered the living room. They had already got dressed, and they were looking at the two girls confabulating on the couch.

“Morning Evans!” cheered James, giving the girl a toothy smile, “You too, Mads”

“Morning James” the girls said in unison, as Sirius approached them.

“I’m so hungry” he said, sitting next to Madeline and putting an arm around her shoulders.

His expression changed, then, and he raised his eyebrows, before throwing her a curious stare, “Have you been out?” he asked.

Madeline immediately blushed, and gave Lily a questioning look, but her friend looked as bewildered as she, and shook her head.

“Well… Yes, I’ve been to a drugstore to buy some cigarettes” she slowly said, “Why?”

Sirius nodded, then. “Well, there’s a particular scent on you, you know… It’s not your usual one” he explained, “I think I know it, but I can’t quite remember where I smelled it...”

James laughed then, making his way into the living room and sitting on the armchair next to Lily. “You’re such a dog.” He said, grinning.

Remus shook his head, then, giving the girls his “Good morning”, too, but a second later he seemed to perceive the same scent Sirius had talked about, and Madeline saw it in his eyes that he looked quite surprised.

 _Fucking wolf’s sense_ , she thought. She knew he had understood. _I’m ruined._

Remus’s amber eyes settled on her, then, and the boy raised an eyebrow. She blushed harder, fixing her eyes on Sirius’s face, instead.

Lily noticed that exchange and decided to help her, “Let’s have breakfast, guys?”

James and Sirius cheered at her proposal, and they all moved to the kitchen, where they sat around the table and ate scrambled eggs and grilled bacon.

Lily told them that Petunia and her parents had gone to the market to get some groceries for that evening’s dinner. They would all meet Petunia’s fiancé, Vernon Dursley, after all; Lily’s older sister wanted everything to be perfect.

Remus kept quiet for most of the time, observing Madeline subtly, until Sirius broke his train of thoughts, “Why are you so thoughtful, today, Moony?”

The boy shook his head, “Oh, nothing, Pads” he commented, “I’m just wondering how our last year of school will be.”

James rolled his eyes at that, “But of course it will be wonderful, Rem dear!”

“Yes, and with James as Head Boy we’ll be able to do _anything_ without being reprimanded!” exclaimed Sirius, and they all laughed, with the exception of Lily.

The redhead paled considerably while listening to the boy. “Head Boy?!” she asked.

James nodded, looking quite proud. “Yes, Evans! It’s incredible, isn’t it? I couldn’t believe it myself! But now I’m quite happy, you know? James Potter: Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team and Head Boy” he said with an inspired tone of voice.

Lily was just gaping at him, “B-but…” she stuttered, “I thought Remus would be Head Boy… He was Prefect, after all!”

Sirius knitted his brows, “Well, Evans, why are you so-“ he interrupted himself, and he seemed to understand something that the rest of them couldn’t see, “You are Head Girl, aren’t you?” he stated with a knowing tone.

Every one of them turned to look at the girl, who sighed, before admitting, “I am.”

James’s eyes widened with surprise and he gave her a large smile, while Madeline, Remus and Sirius broke down in laughter, looking at the redhead’s shocked expression.

“My life is going to be so difficult…” she muttered.

“What?” exclaimed James, “Why?”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Well, I mean, you’re a _Marauder_ , aren’t you? Not the most rule-abiding person I know… Potter, you’ll have to make people _follow_ the rules, not _break_ them, you know that, don’t you?”

“Hold on, Evans, watch your mouth!” snapped Sirius, though he looked incredibly amused, “Don’t tell such things to my best friend. Don’t listen to her, Prongsie”

James giggled, “Be a little faithful, won’t you, Evans?”

Lily took a sip from her juice and shook her head again.

* * *

Dinner with Petunia's fiancé turned out to be a complete disaster, though Sirius seemed to find the whole evening quite amusing.

At 7 p.m. sharp, Mrs Evans reunited them all in the living room, so that Petunia could introduce him to everyone.

When Madeline's eyes first settled on Vernon Dursley, she knew from his obnoxious grin that he wouldn't be good company.

He wasn't very tall, but his big constitution made him look imposing, nonetheless. He was chubby, with a short neck and a hint of a moustache. His eyes were little, and suspicious.

Lily had written, in her letter, that Vernon was used to mock her and treat her badly. He, just like Petunia, didn't appreciate her being a witch.

So, when the boy gave the redhead a little nod, grunting his "hello" in a very rude way, Madeline couldn't help but elbow James, who was sitting on the couch next to her.

"What?!" He hissed at her, looking confused.

"That idiot is hurting Lily's feelings. Do something."

He knitted his brows, "In front of her parents, and sister? I’m supposed to make them _love_ me, not the contrary!”

Madeline rolled her eyes at that, "Believe me, Prongs. Lily needs an ally tonight." She whispered back, and he only nodded in response.

She knew he would listen to her, but she didn’t imagine that he would act even better than she had imagined, defending Lily so strenuously anytime she appeared hurt.

During all dinner, whenever Vernon made a nasty joke, James would change the subject of the conversation to ease the tension; whenever Vernon said something to compliment Petunia and insult Lily, James would start telling her parents what a wonderful student and Prefect the redhead was; and when Vernon evilly sneered and feigned pity for Lily because of her “ _problem”_ , James seemed to get really angry, for he just told him, “What about _your_ problems, mate? For instance, do you ever shut your mouth?”

Sirius laughed aloud at that, and sipped from his glass of red wine.

A vein pulsed on Vernon’s temple, and he blushed so hard that Madeline thought he would explode. Petunia looked at the boy with her thin lips pressed tightly together, and her left hand, who was holding a fork, started trembling slightly.

On the other hand, Lily threw James a thankful look, and her previously embarrassed face broke into a great, toothy smile.

“Mrs Evans, dinner was delicious!” exclaimed Padfoot, then, leaning back into his chair and breaking the tension that had created.

Lily’s mother smiled weakly at him before standing up to bring them the desserts.

Through the whole dinner, Madeline noticed what Lily had tried to tell her in her letter. Her parents looked indeed _lost_ and _distant_. Mr and Mrs Evans said nothing when Vernon made nasty remarks; they smiled absently at him when he told them about his boring job; they didn’t reprimand him when he asked Remus, “What’s the story behind that messed up face?”, at which Madeline had retorted, “What messed up face?”.

Sirius always talked in the most inappropriate moments, trying to cheer up the mood, while she and Moony stayed silent for most of the time, throwing Lily encouraging, sympathetic glances.

When dinner ended, they all felt very relieved.

“Mum, dad, we are going back to my room to play some chess, if that’s okay for you” announced Lily to her parents.

Petunia raised her eyebrows at that, “You _can’t_ do that, Lily!” she squeaked in a sour voice, “You told me you would do the dishes tonight! Vernon and I need to talk to mum and dad about the wedding!”

Madeline rolled her eyes at that.

Petunia had announced everyone that Vernon and she had the intention of getting married the following Summer.

Lily threw a look at her parents, but they avoided her gaze, saying nothing, and she sighed deeply.

“Well, guys… I guess I’ll reach you later” she told the Marauders and Madeline with an apologetic gaze, moving towards the kitchen.

“Evans, wait!” exclaimed James, taking some steps in her direction. Everybody looked at him then, and he raised a hand to ruffle his hair, looking a bit embarrassed, “I’ll help you… If we do it together, we’ll finish earlier” he explained.

Lily looked surprised then, and shot him a sweet smile, one that shocked Madeline and Remus. She had never looked at James with such honesty and fondness.

“Oh… Sure. Thank you”, she told him, and the two of them moved quietly to the kitchen, while Vernon and Petunia settled in the living room to chat with Mr and Mrs Evans.

Madeline, Remus and Sirius exchanged some amused looks before walking up the stairs towards Lily’s bedroom. As soon as they closed the door behind themselves, Moony took a deep breath. “Well… That was… Peculiar.”

“It was weird, Moons” said Sirius, “Lily’s sister and her fiancé are two gits.”

Madeline threw him a reproachful look, “I agree, Pads, but Petunia’s still Lily’s sister, and she cares for her… Don’t say _ever_ such things to her face.”

Sirius raised his hands, “I would _never_ do that!”

Remus raised an eyebrow at that, “Oh yes because you’re so sensitive, aren’t you?”

Madeline laughed while Sirius shrugged, “Whatever” he whispered, before taking a fag from the girl’s pack and motioning to the balcony, “Well, judgemental fuckers… Fancy a smoke?”

They burst down in laughter at his choice of words. Then, Madeline nodded, while Remus seemed to think about it for a minute before accepting his proposal, “Yeah, why not… I need to shake off some tension”, he just said, before following them.

Remus leaned his elbows on the balcony rail, slightly bending forward. His hair, which had grown longer over Summer, floated slightly in the evening breeze. When he lighted up his cigarette, his face lit up momentarily, and Madeline thought Moony was really beautiful.

His knowing smiles and glances had really irritated her during the day, but she loved him like crazy, and she would always protect him.

The sky was starry, and Sirius pointed his index towards a particularly bright star, “That’s me!” he exclaimed.

When they threw him confused looks, he added, “Sirius! The brightest star in the night sky! My family has a tendency to name children after stars, or constellations” he explained, and Madeline saw some melancholy in his grey eyes. She smiled at him, “You were destined to shine” she just commented.

He nodded, and grinned.

A gentle breeze was blowing through Cokeworth that evening.

As Madeline inhaled one first drag of smoke, she remembered the promise she had made to Severus.

 _Tonight_.

She smiled at that, and wished that they would all go to sleep soon, so that she could sneak back to his house.

Sirius noticed her vacant stare, and nudge her lightly on the shoulder.

“Padfoot!”, she reprimanded him.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked.

Remus gave her a subtle look, chuckling under his breath.

“Nothing, Pads” she lied, “I’m just thinking about... Lily and James.”

“Lily _AND_ James?” he repeated, appearing puzzled, “Why do you talk about them as if they are an item?”

Remus exhaled some smoke, “Come on, Sirius, haven’t you seen them lately?”

Mads nodded, “Yeah, Pads… It’s not the same between them anymore… They’re just different.”

Sirius sighed deeply, before nodding. “Well… Okay… I noticed that too…” he admitted, “And, after all… I must admit Evans’ not that bad.” He slowly said.

Remus and Mads giggled at that, glad that Sirius had somewhat given Lily his blessing.

“Summer’s about to end”, murmured Moony after some minutes of silence.

“It is”, agreed Madeline.

The two of them had always been particularly keen to nostalgia.

Sirius shrugged, then. “Stop thinking about the future” he said, commanding, “It is the present that really matters.”

They threw him a surprised look.

“When have you become _this_ wise?!” asked the blonde girl.

Sirius stiffened then, before opening his eyes wide, looking shocked himself. “Oh Merlin… I don’t know! Did I really say that? Moony, that’s totally _your_ fault!” he started rambling, and his friends couldn’t help but break down in laughter again, while the boy kept accusing Moony of having ruined him for life.


	47. Use Your Hands And My Spare Time, We've Got One Thing In Common, It's This Tongue Of Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a little drama, lol.

As soon as everybody’s breath steadied and no sound, apart from a light snoring on James’s part, could be heard, Madeline put on her shoes and disapparated from Lily’s bedroom. She was wearing a black crop top, which left part of her flat stomach visible, and some silk shorts, which were part of her pyjamas. She just couldn’t wait to see Severus. She had spent all day thinking about him, and his kisses.

As soon as her feet touched the ground of the boy’s room, she let out a deep breath. Although she had by then apparated a few times, it was still a quite disorientating experience.

She raised her eyes, and immediately noticed Severus.

He was half lying on his bed, with his back against the headboard and an open book in his slender hands; the grey, crumpled sheets under him had been absent-mindedly put back in their place, although it was quite clear that the boy hadn't put much effort into it.

Severus wore faded black trousers, tight on the legs, because of their being probably too short, and a black shirt, rolled up on the sleeves and slightly unbuttoned; the lamp on the nightstand beside his bed cast a warm yellowish light on the dark room, creating a play of shadows on his strong features.

"Hey," she greeted, taking a few steps in his direction.

He didn’t reply, but just watched her intently; a series of emotions she couldn't identify were storming rapidly in his onyx eyes.

"What?", she asked, then, halting in her steps.

The boy seemed to recover, for he raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Nothing", he plainly said, before returning his eyes to the book and resuming his reading.

Madeline would have been offended by that behaviour if she hadn't known the boy so well. She thought she knew why he looked so annoyed. _He’s angry I didn’t wake him_ ; _he always wants to control things, after all._

Without waiting for him to add something, she removed her shoes, went straight to his bed, climbed on it, and went to crouch next to the boy. She lifted his right arm and put it on her shoulders; then, she rested her head on his chest and put her own arm around his torso.

Severus, if surprised at first, tensed for a second, before eventually rolling his eyes and going back to reading. His body relaxed after a few seconds, and his fingers started playing distractedly with her hair. She knew, then, that, even though he was trying to ignore her, he would not last long.

She cast a distracted glance at the book he held in his hands, and understood that it was a Potions volume.

"Ah, _Professor Snape_ ,” she purred, knowing that he kind of enjoyed being called that by her, “You never seem to change," she commented then, giggling against his chest.

He stayed silent for a second, “Why do you say so?” he asked, and she could feel his chest vibrating under her ear as he spoke. She slightly raised her eyes to look into his onyx ones, and smiled, “You always choose Potions over me”, she ironically said, glancing at the book.

The side of his mouth twitched lightly, then, “Do I?” he just said, slowly and in a low tone, and his deep voice made her want to kiss him. “But you always aim to distract me from the subject, don’t you?”, he added.

Madeline nodded, before snorting, “I do, but I fail” she answered, and he let out a short laugh before turning the page with one of his long, bony fingers and keeping on reading.

Though his game was beginning to get her tired, Madeline didn’t mind just being there, in his arms, and feeling his distinctive scent, and his heart beating through the fabric of his second-hand shirt.

She also didn’t mind feeling the warmth of his body, and his slow breaths, and observing his concentrated expression as he read, while trying so hard to ignore her.

At one point though, she sneaked a hand under his shirt, and start drawing circles on his stomach with her fingers. Then, she touched his flared ribs, caressing them delicately. She could immediately feel some goosebumps forming on his skin, and she grinned.

“ _Stop_ ” he growled, then, closing his book with a thud.

“Stop what?” she asked, teasingly, and he just rolled his eyes ( _again_ ) and shook his head, before putting the volume on the nightstand.

“ _Madeline_ ” he dangerously said, “Why are you here?”

She raised an eyebrow at that, and sat up to look at him properly. “What do you mean by that? I left you a message. I told you I would be back."

He crossed his arms, “You left me a cigarette”

“Yeah well… I’m sorry but… I _had_ to go, and you were sleeping so peacefully that I didn’t want to wake you up!”

He knitted his brows, “But why did you _have_ to go? We had a lot of talking to do.”

She sighed deeply, “Lily and the boys… I can’t tell them about _that_...”

His jaw clenched, “Why?”, he spat out.

“Because last time I told them about you… Everything went bad. And I don’t want that.” She explained.

He looked at her for some seconds before slowly saying, “Okay”.

She gave him a weak smile, before taking a deep breath and saying: “And about… What happened last night…”

His expression turned sour, then, and he looked down at his hands, avoiding her stare. “Save your breath… I know it was a mistake...” He interrupted her by saying, “We were not thinking... And the _hormones_ distracted us…” he said, blushing lightly, “But we can forget about it.”

Madeline gaped at that, not quite believing her ears. A million thoughts hit her mind. Did he really think she would repent of everything that had happened between them? As if they had been too weak to control themselves?

“What?!” she almost shouted, startling him, “Are you insane?! Do you really think so?!” she exclaimed, and some tears dwelled in her blue eyes because of her nervousness, as she observed the boy keenly. She stood up from the bed, and took some steps towards the middle of the room.

Severus seemed surprise by her shock, and looked up to see her pained expression. His features visibly softened, then. “Don’t you?” he asked, with a little voice.

Madeline exhaled loudly, “I don’t, you idiot! Is this why you’re acting so cold?! I thought it was because I didn’t wake you! And now you’re telling me that it’s because you think _it_ was wrong?!” she added, “You fucked me because you _weren’t_ controlling yourself?! Is that what you’re trying to say?! What’s in your bloody mind?!”

Severus stood up, too, then, and opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed it again.

Madeline observed him for a full minute before sighing, “Well, if this is all you have to say to me, I’ll just go.” She said, and turned around in order not to face him, while preparing to disapparate.

Severus stepped to her and caught her wrist, forcing her to look at him. His hardened features betrayed his hunger, and his grip was almost painful. “Tell me, then… Are you sure that you _really_ wanted _that_? That you really wanted _me?_ ” he asked, raising his voice. “That you still want _all of this_ … Even if it won’t change anything? Even if it won’t change _who I am_?”

His desperate words struck her with such force that she almost flinched.

She looked at him, at his suspicious expression and unbelieving eyes. He was looking at her in such a way that she almost let the tears fall on her cheeks. Despite everything that he had done, and everything that he stood for, Severus was still just _a boy_ , like she was still just a girl. And she understood, then, that he was trying so hard not to break down in front of her, so hard not to show his weakness and feelings, and she immediately relaxed.

He looked insecure, alert, incredulous… _Scared_.

 _Damn_ , she thought, _how could I forget it? How could I ignore the fact that he has never been loved_?

She mentally cursed herself for having given that so little importance.

She had not seen Lily’s problems, and now she was ignoring Severus’s.

It had been so difficult to get close to him… To get him to trust her… How could she overlook that?

“Just tell me something, Severus, but, _please_ , be honest with me…” she said, then, her voice back to normal, “Do you regret it?”

His onyx eyes widened slightly and he observed her intently, before eventually replying, “I don’t”, and letting out a tired breath. His voice trembled, as if it caused him physical pain to admit so.

Madeline raised a hand to cup his cheek, then, looking him directly into the eyes, “Then stop doubting my actions, love” she softly said, and the use of the pet name didn’t go unnoticed, for the grip on her wrist loosened. “What happened last night… It was beautiful. I’ve been thinking about you all day long, and I’ve been waiting anxiously to come back to you.” She admitted, and the tension seemed to leave his body; his shoulders relaxed and his breath steadied. Madeline stood on her tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss on the lips. “Make love to me again, Severus” she breathed against his mouth, then. “So I can prove you that I really want it. So you can see that I really want you. Despite everything.”

His onyx eyes seemed to study her blue ones for a moment. Then, he just nodded, and kissed her fully, before leading her to his bed.

* * *

That night, they made love more slowly, and with greater delicacy. He touched her like she was made of porcelain, and she did the same with him, caressing him and whispering sweet words in his ears.

They ended up hugging in his bed, like they had done the night before, but this time neither of them felt like sleeping, and neither of them felt like bringing up the discussion they had had earlier in the night. They just wanted to enjoy that moment together.

He asked her about her day, and she told him all about it, and about Vernon Dursley.

Severus scrunched his nose when she described him how the dinner had gone.

“Well… He seems to be a proper dunderhead”, he commented.

Madeline giggled, and he raised an eyebrow, questioningly, before asking,“What?”

“You’re the only person I know who uses that word. It’s funny.”

He rolled his eyes, “Whatever” he commented, and she giggled even more, before leaving a kiss on his lips.

“How was your day, instead?”, she asked, then.

“Empty” he just replied, “I woke up, and you weren’t here.”

She smiled sadly at him, “It broke my heart to leave you… But you looked so tranquil. It doesn’t happen much.”

He shut her up by giving her an open-mouthed kiss which took her breath away. His hand slide to her lower back and she moaned.

“What was it for?” she asked, when he separated from her, and they both found themselves panting for air.

“Nothing… I just have to make up for the time you were away” he simply confessed.

Madeline smiled, then, and raised a hand to caress his cheek, before bringing it in his hair, and delicately messaging his scalp. “What about the cigarette? I wouldn’t mind having one, now.”

Severus stifled a laugh, “Old habits are hard to die, aren’t they?” he said, before raising to a sitting position and lazily opening his nightstand’s drawer. Madeline saw him taking something out of it, and she realised it was the cigarette she had left him. The writing “ _Tonight_ ” was still visible, although fading.

“What did you think, when you woke up alone?” she asked then, “Have you found _this_ immediately?” she asked, as she came to a sitting position, took the fag from his fingers and put it between her lips.

Severus sat by her side, looking at her. They had both wore their underwear, but the cold of the room made Madeline’s nipple stand out against the fabric of her lace bra. The girl ignored his staring, took her wand and lighted up the fag.

“I didn’t find it immediately” he said, then. “And what do you think I did?”, he wondered, sounding curious.

Madeline grinned, breathing out some smoke, “If I know you as well as I think… You probably just got really angry. Yeah, in my opinion you thought, ‘ _Oh that ungrateful dunderhead_ ’ and then you started overthinking the whole situation as you always do. And you did that until you got to the pretty offensive conclusion that my hormones guided my actions and that I cared nothing about you. Oh, and then you found the cigarette and you felt guilty you had made such assumptions, but at the same time that thought remained stuck in your head until I arrived here and I told you I had not confessed anything to my friends.”

Severus’s eyes widened with surprise as she spoke, “Did you just read my mind?”

Madeline laughed wholeheartedly, then, “You’re the Legilimens here, love.” She said, taking a drag from the cigarette, “I just know you.” She said, shrugging.

Severus kept observing her with suspicious eyes, but eventually he shook his head. Madeline laughed again, and put a hand on his thigh, “You look so cute, now, love” she said, and he blushed before stealing the cigarette from her fingers. She gasped, and moved to retrieve it, but he held it out of her reach.

“Don’t call me _cute_ ” he growled, although jokingly, and she sighed deeply, “You know I will win this little game, don’t you?” she asked.

Severus raised an eyebrow, and she moved quickly, and straddled him. They found themselves face to face, and she could already feel that she was having an _effect_ on him. “Give me the fag” she whispered against his mouth.

“No” he just said, challenge in his eyes.

“ _Severus_ ” she spelled, slowly, while rubbing her lower back on his crotch, “Be a _good boy_ , won’t you?” she whispered against his lips, looking him in the eyes. He let out a soft moan before he could control himself, and lowered his arm to let her take the cigarette.

“Cheater” he hissed, as she took a drag of smoke and breathed it out on his face.

“You speak as if you aren’t enjoying this” she said, raising a hand and touching his jugular with her index finger, tracing it until she reached his collarbone.

Severus’s hands were caressing her hips, in the meantime. “You’ve always been quite the tease.”

Madeline giggled, “It’s so satisfying to do that with you, you know? To test your boundaries. You seem so cold, and undecipherable, but then, after all…” she explained, tossing the cigarette away and bringing her face closer to his, “…You’re just made of flesh and bone. Like the rest of us.” She added, smirking, and started leaving a trail of kisses on his jaw. Then, she found his pale neck and started biting and licking on it, too.

Severus brought a hand in her blonde hair to keep her in place, and closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling of her warm mouth against his skin. “ _Damn_ , Green”, he whispered, and she smiled against his neck before inching back to look at him.

She looked with satisfaction at her work, then, “I left you a little reminder of this moment. So you’ll think of me, until we see each other again.”

He rolled his eyes at that, “As if I wouldn’t do that, nonetheless” he admitted, and she smiled. “Do you have to go?” he asked, then, “My parents are almost never here. And my room always has a _Muffliato_ spell on it. We could... Do things. See places. In Hogwarts it will be more difficult for us to meet... You could stay with me until the beginning of school.” He proposed, looking hopeful.

Madeline seemed to feel moved by his words, for she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, and he put his face in the crook of her neck, as she caressed his hair. “Thank you Sev” she whispered near his ear, before breaking the hug. “Really. You’re _so_ kind… And I’d do that without thinking about it twice, if the situation was different. But… Me and the Marauders have been staying at James’s house before school since I remember… It may look like a stupid tradition to you… But it's important to me, and I don’t want to break it. I have to be with them.” She explained, looking sad. “Please, don’t be mad.”

Severus only rolled his eyes, looking quite pissed off. “Can I at least say this annoys me _a lot_?”

Madeline couldn’t suppress a laugh, then. “Of course you can. And I know that. And I’m sorry.” She said, before kissing him on the lips, slowly, before licking them. “I’ll have to make you forgive me, one way or another” she whispered against his mouth, teasingly, and he eventually smirked. “This sounds good” he commented, “I know a thing or two that you could do to make it up to me” he added, moving his cold hands down her thighs, which were wrapped around his waist. In a swift movement, he threw her with her back on the mattress, changing their positions and moving upon her, balancing on his elbows. Madeline’s eyes filled with lust, then.

She tried to kiss him, but he shook his head. “No, I want to leave you a reminder, too.” He only said, before attacking her neck and collarbone with bites and kisses. Madeline moaned, bringing both of her hands in his long, silky, black hair and wrapping her legs around his waist, to feel him close. Severus’s mouth felt heavenly on her skin. “I hope the Marauders will see this” he hissed in her ear, before licking her lobe, “The marks I left on you. Black, above all. I hope they’ll see this, so they’ll understand that _you. are. mine.”_ He growled, commanding, while his mouth move down to her breasts, too.

Madeline felt the heat grow in her lower stomach as his velvety words rolled out his tongue in a low voice.

She could feel some parts of her neck stinging slightly, and she knew that the hickeys he had left her would take _days_ to fade away.

“ _Severus_ ” she moaned. The boy looked up at her, his black eyes looking wild and passionate, and _so_ warm. “ _Fuck me_ ” she just told him, and he smirked at her, wasting no time in doing as he was told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But I also love a little teasing, :)


	48. In The Morning, We Don't Know What To Do

“Don’t leave me” complained Severus, bringing Madeline, who was trying to sit up on the bed, back in his arms. The girl giggled, and turned to face him.

“We’ll see each other again at school, love. It’s not like I’m leaving forever.” She whispered, kissing his lips.

It was almost six o’clock in the morning, and she was trying to sneak back to Lily’s house. But Severus wasn’t of the same idea.

His grip around her tightened, and he put his face in her hair, inspiring her scent deeply. “I can’t stay away from you for that long” he said, sounding sleepy, “Can’t you apparate here from Potter’s house, too?”

Madeline started caressing his back, then, feeling his smooth, slightly muscular skin under her fingers. “I wish I could, but James’s parents are Aurors... They keep a track of everyone who apparates and disapparates from the house...” She answered, sighing. “And I wouldn’t know how to explain my movements. I don’t want to worry them.”

“Fine” he just said, then, visibly annoyed, before pulling her closer to his chest.

She smiled at him and pecked his cheek several times.

Severus slightly giggled as she did so, and when she inched back to look at him properly, he eyed her neck with satisfaction; that’s when Madeline remembered the hickeys. They would totally remain on her for _days_. “Fuck! How can I cover them?” she suddenly exclaimed, eyes widening, while pointing at the signs. “I can’t possibly explain _what_ caused them” she continued.

The boy’s mouth deformed into a tiny smile. “I think it’s quite clear what caused them”

“Sev!” she reprimanded, fighting to break his hug, “This is serious! Oh, Lord… I will have to wear _a scarf_ in August!”

He just smirked, appearing completely unbothered by her discomfort. “I guess so” he said, and she raised an eyebrow.

“You know I can make you pay for this, don’t you?”

Severus’s onyx eyes sparkled with lust, “I hope you will” he simply said.

Madeline gaped at that, before putting a hand on her eyes. “Oh Merlin, I’ve never imagined you’d be the tease, one day.”

He raised a hand to bring her back to him, “I learned from the best” he just whispered, hugging her and closing his eyes, while burying his face in her hair again.

It was so difficult for her to leave him. It felt as abandoning her bed on a winter morning to go to lesson, when outside it was pouring, and the sheets were incredibly warm. But she had to do that.

“Sev…” she murmured, putting her hands on his, which were wrapped around her waist. “I have to go…” she added.

“No…” he hissed against her ear, “Don’t…”

He was acting like a child who didn’t want to let go of something, and that warmed her heart. She moved in his arms to look at his silky, black hair which were falling around his sharp face, and at his naked, pale, delicate skin. She wrapped her arms around his neck and started leaving a trail of innocent kisses on his jawline. “I’ll miss you too, Sev. And I’ll think of you. And I’ll long for your hug. But I need to go, now.” She whispered in his ear. Her hands went to his hair, and she messed it up, before looking him in the eyes. “Let me go now or I won’t be able to do it _at all_. Let me go, Slytherin boy.” She spoke.

He stifled a laugh, “I’ve already let you go, Gryffindor girl. It happened some months ago. And it was a bad decision.” He replied, then, studying her face.

She gave him a sweet smile, “Yeah, and we’ll talk about that, and about all the other things we have to discuss…” she started saying, and his expression faltered a bit at the mention of everything they still had to talk about. They were ignoring their problems. But their problems were there. And they were terribly aware of that. “…When we’ll be able to be in the same room without tearing our clothes to pieces, alright?” she finished.

Severus looked distant for a second, but then, he grinned, “Madeline, let’s be honest” he said, sounding serious, “I won’t _ever_ be able to be in your same room without wanting to fuck you.”

Madeline laughed aloud at that, and was glad that there was a _Muffliato_ spell on the room. “When have you become this crude, Professor Snape?” she asked, surprised, and when he moved to kiss her, she avoided him. She knew that a kiss could bring them to something much more intense. “Stop this. I’ll go, now.” She said, finally disentangling from his arms and raising from the bed to wear her clothes.

He grumbled, irritated by her actions, while watching her getting prepared. When Madeline stared back at him, laying there, wrapped in those sheets, an arm behind his head, with his brows knitted, she giggled. “I wish I had a camera, now.” She just commented, “To keep this memory, you know?” she added, as he raised an eyebrow, questioningly.

“Memories are in our mind forever. We don’t need pictures.” He stated.

Madeline shrugged, “But there’s something magical about them, you know?” she explained, “I definitely have to buy a camera of my own” she continued, while putting on her shoes, “If I keep using Wormtail’s, he’ll eventually hex me.” She joked.

Severus’s eyes darkened at the mention of the Marauder, “He should only _try_ to touch you…” he said through gritted teeth, sounding terribly menacing.

She smirked at that, “Come on, Sev, Peter wouldn’t hurt a creature. He’s a weak boy.” She said, while moving towards the bed to give him a goodbye kiss. The boy sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled her to sit by his side. He put an arm around her waist, and brought their bodies as close as he could.

“I still don’t trust him” he said in her ear.

She sighed, “Well, I do. He’s not my best friend, but he’s… A Marauder, you know?” She added, but she immediately saw it in his eyes that he didn’t like talking about her friends. She put her hands on his cheeks, then, and kissed him slowly. Her tongue caressed his for some minutes, before they separated. She leaned her forehead against his, while her fingers caressed his hair.

“Don’t overthink all of this, okay? When I’m away… Don’t let your thoughts change your feelings. Don’t let anyone do that.” She asked him, “I know there’s still a lot to talk about… I know that you’ll never like my friends, and that I’ll never like yours… I know we are on different sides of this war… And this makes me suffer, a lot.” She admitted, and he felt his heart sinking a bit at that. “I know we will fight again, and that our future together won’t be an easy one...” She sighed, gravely.

“Madeline…” he interrupted her, not wanting to ruin that night.

“No, let me say this… I know we are very different, and I also know that we have very different views, and purposes. But if we’re here, now… It’s because there’s something strong, something which brings us together.” She said, and he raised his right hand to cup her cheek. She leaned her face on it, and smiled at him. “I need you, Severus…”

He kissed her lips again, with a little desperation; when he broke the kiss, “I need you, too”, he whispered, “And I’m sorry”

She raised an eyebrow, “Sorry about what?”

“Everything.”

She observed him quietly, then, trying to impress in her mind forever the sincerity in his eyes.

“I’ll see you at school” she only said, before standing up and taking her wand in her fingers.

He only nodded, looking sad, and she disapparated from his room before he could ask her to remain with him for some more time, knowing that, if he did that, she wouldn’t be able to deny him.

* * *

In the morning, they greeted Lily goodbye, and left Cokeworth. James even hugged her, and that made Remus and Madeline exchange significant glances. Petunia barely looked at them as they said goodbye to her parents, too, and their redhead friend gave them an apologetic smile, waving at them as they disappeared.

That same morning, Madeline had understood that Remus had smelled Severus on her again. But again, the boy had said nothing, and she had let it go. Maybe Moony wanted nothing to do with it.

The Marauders and Lily had also all looked with surprise at the silk foulard around her neck.

"It's a new trend!" she had exclaimed, and, though her excuse had been weak, none of them had argued with her, instead joking about it.

When they all settled back in Potter Manor, Sirius let out a contented breath. “Home, at least!” he exclaimed, and his friends broke down in laughter.

“Is this my charming stepson talking?” a loud voice asked.

“Fleamont!!” cried Sirius, standing up to hug James’s father tightly.

They had not seen Euphemia and him since they had arrived at Potter Manor. Seeing the cheerful face of James’s father relieved her immensely, and as she moved to hug him too, she noticed some dark circles under his hazel eyes.

“Madeline” he said, “As beautiful as ever, dear.”

She prettily blushed, “And you’re always the charmer, Mister Potter!”

“He is, isn’t he?” agreed Euphemia, walking into the living room right then.

James threw himself in her arms, followed by Sirius, and then by Madeline. Remus, always the shy, reserved type, shook their hands, and Euphemia pulled him closer to her to kiss his cheeks, at which the boy blushed heavily.

They all laughed at that, before sitting on the couch and armchairs to talk about the latest news from the Wizarding world.

“The Ministry is in big trouble, isn’t it?” asked James, immediately breaking the tension that had created.

Fleamont’s eyes betrayed the truth. “It is… Voldemort is very strong. The Aurors are trying to find out how to break him... But he’s barely human, now. Or so, we’ve been told.” He explained, passing a hand across his face. “There’s also a pretty disturbing information… We have heard that many young wizards and witches are siding with him… Boys and girls just out of school.”

Euphemia nodded gravely, and Madeline couldn’t help but shiver at hearing that. _Oh Merlin… Regulus. Severus._

Sirius’s gaze hardened, and he shook his head, “Idiots” he hissed, voice filled with disgust and hatred. “I bet we know _a lot_ of them” he said, elbowing Moony.

Madeline was glad he actually didn’t mention any name.

Remus shrugged, “Yeah, maybe” he said, “Though we can’t be sure of anything. Many people may hide their true allegiances.”

Sirius snorted at that, “Well, not the Gryffindors… Or the Hufflepuffs, if you ask me!”

Fleamont shot him a tender look. Madeline thought then that they were all still pretty childish when confronting people who actually fought out there. She wondered where Rathbone could be.

“The world outside Hogwarts isn’t divided into Houses, dear boy”, said James’s father.

“Yes, don’t be blinded by that” agreed Euphemia, “A Slytherin could be your best friend out there, and a Gryffindor, your worst enemy.”

The boys and girl all shut up, then. James seemed to be deep in thoughts. “But… What about you two? Are you safe?” he eventually asked, trying to hide his concern and fear.

His mother looked at him as if he was still a child, and Madeline could see it in her blue eyes that she couldn’t bring herself to tell him the truth. But Fleamont was different.

“No, Jamie, we’re not” he simply said, before taking a deep breath. “But this is a war. And a war necessitates soldiers. We will fight until we can do that.” He explained, slowly. “I hope you’ll be proud of us, and that you’ll understand what we are trying to do.”

Euphemia nodded, “We want to give you all a better future” she said, “And the world right now is harsh and unjust. We can’t promise you anything, Jamie.”

James’s eyes turned glassy, then, and Sirius was quick in putting a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it with affection. He too seemed deeply moved by the Potters’ words.

“But look at you” exclaimed Fleamont, looking between the four Gryffindors, “You are a little family yourselves. Always watch your backs, dears. Always be loyal. Always trust one another.”

They all nodded solemnly at his words.

“We will, dad” said James. “And when we’ll graduate, we’ll fight, too.”

Euphemia’s eyes widened. “Don’t sound so _impatient_ , James!”

But Fleamont couldn’t betray his pride. “No, Phemia… I understand him. Our boy has always been the most courageous and determined one.” He sighed, “I hope you will never have to fight, dears. I hope you’ll be able to enjoy your youth, and to find your way in the world without worries. But if it ever happens that you’ll be required to side, I’ll be proud to have you all by my side.”

Remus looked at Madeline, who looked at Sirius, who looked at James. Then, they all nodded, though they could feel a grip in their stomachs, something so real and distressing that almost made them flinch.

The last year of school was about to begin. Soon, choices would have to be taken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings!  
> I hope you all had a happy Christmas :)
> 
> For those of you who have suffered a loss like me during these terrible times: I'm so sorry and I send you all my love.  
> This story has been helping me a lot and every kudos, every review and every bookmark really warms my heart. So: thank you.
> 
> I want to gift this chapter to r3muslupin (danamyg) who always comments and lets me know what her/his thoughts are! Thank you so much! You're the best, really.
> 
> I must admit the lack of reviews (from other people) to this story has put me off a bit, but in the end I find great solace in writing about Madeline, Severus and the Marauders.
> 
> When I first started writing this, I thought this wouldn't go on for long; but now most of the future of the story is clear in my mind, and I think it will be pretty long, lol. I don't know if I should split it into two stories... I'll have to decide that, too.
> 
> Also, I was thinking about changing the name of the story.... but I'm not sure about that.
> 
> Next chapter we're back at Hogwarts. I don't know when I'll be able to update again, but I hope it will be soon (though between New Year's Eve and studying for my exams I will have very little time).
> 
> Sorryyyy these notes are so long.  
> Hope I'll see a comment from you if you're reading this :) it'd be really appreciated!  
> So I can understand if this ff actually means something to some people.  
> All my love to you x


	49. August Slipped Away Into A Moment In Time

The last week of holidays at Potter Manor turned out to be carefree, and so much fun.

There was no denying that Euphemia and Fleamont's words had shaken them; exactly because of that, they tried to enjoy those days to the fullest, clinging to the beauty and hopefulness of Summer while they still could do that.

They played Quidditch, and Wizard's chess, they sunbathed, and pranked each other way too much. They read, and listened to music; one day, they also went to see the ocean, in Norfolk.

It was a cloudy day, and the Summer heat was slowly fading away.

There weren't a lot of people on the beach, so it was extremely peaceful.

The sand got in their shoes, and they laughed at James's face when he fell into the water while trying to pick up a seashell.

Sirius and him then proceeded to catch Moony by surprise and throw him between the waves, too.

Padfoot burst down in laughter when he saw Remus' shocked expression, laughing so hard that he almost fell.

The tall, lanky boy wasted no time in running towards him and throwing himself at Padfoot. He pushed him to the ground and hugged him tightly, in order to wet him, too.

"Mooooons", shouted Sirius, sounding both surprised and amused, "You _total_ prick!!!"

Madeline and James laughed aloud at the scene.

"You make quite a good couple" commented the girl, looking at their faces pressed against each other.

James nodded, "Yeah, boys, after all you're somehow related, aren't you?" He said, and when they gave him confused stares, he added, "Wolves and dogs have the same ancestry, don't they?", in a mocking tone, while passing a hand through his messy hair.

"You wish you were like us, _stag_!" Retorted Sirius, then, as he separated from Remus; they both stood up, before shaking the sand off their clothes.

"It's not fair you're the only dry one" stated Sirius, after a moment, looking at the girl in front of him, while the other boys nodded in agreement.

Madeline instinctively took a step back at that, and threw Prongs a menacing look when he looked at her with a mischievous glint in his hazel eyes.

"Don't you even dare" she growled, while the boy slowly approached her, ignoring her words.

Sirius started doing the same, while smirking.

Remus shook his head, but then mirrored them.

"It's not fair, three against one" she said, "Not fair, at all", she added.

There were other people on the beach, so she could not disapparate to escape them. Before she could think of a way to avoid being thrown in the water herself, the boys sprinted towards her.

She screamed as James and Remus reached down to grab her feet; Sirius moved quickly and slipped his hands under her armpits to lift her up.

She tried to free herself from their grips, while the boys laughed and started carrying her towards the ocean.

A few splashes of water hit her as the Marauders' feet made contact with the shore.

"I'll count to three" James said, sounding thrilled.

Madeline tried to hold onto Sirius' arms tightly, but she knew it would all be in vain.

"1 ..." Prongs stated, "2 ..." Remus continued, "3!" Padfoot exclaimed, and, before she could say anything more to stop them, Madeline was thrown into the cold, salty water.

When she stood up from it, with her light dress sticking to her body, the laughter of the boys made her smile slightly.

She was soaking wet, and the breeze made her shiver.

Madeline sought refuge in Remus's embrace, given that the boy was now looking tenderly at her.

Even though he was wet, too, his body heat gave her some relief.

After all, Remus had a slightly higher body temperature than the other people, due to his _"furry little problem",_ as Sirius liked to call it.

That was a wonderful day they spent together, and when they went back to Potter Manor, in the evening, they couldn't stop talking about how much fun they had had.

There were still a few more days before they would go back to Hogwarts.

On a sleepless night, while the Marauders were gently snoring in their beds, Madeline decided to write to Rathbone. She hadn't sent him a message in a while, and she kind of missed hearing from him.

He had been there for her in a difficult moment, after all, and he had urged her to fix things up and not lose any more time being sad and unhappy.

_Dear Alastair,_

_I hope this letter finds you in high spirits._

_It's been some time since my last one, and I apologise for that. Lots of things have happened... And I've also tried to follow your advice, and enjoy these cheerful, sunny days._

_The last year of school is about to begin, and I can't help but wonder who will take your place. I'll miss our conversations very much, Professor Rathbone._

_Wherever you are, know that I think of you, and that I can't wait to see you again._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Madeline_

_P.s. I'm taking great care of your record collection! It seems we have very similar tastes. Come back, let's listen to them together. You choose the one._

She found Roger, and sent it without a second thought.

That same night, she went to bed with Severus on her mind. She missed him so much. She knew that life in Hogwarts would not be easy for them.

The Marauders did not know that they had started seeing each other again; well, maybe Remus did know that. But he hadn't said anything.

Also Severus' friends wouldn't probably know that.

Madeline felt excited at the prospect of having to hide from the rest of the school, and to meet him in secret. It was certainly risky, and also a bit annoying, but she didn't dislike the idea that much.

She fell asleep while thinking about Severus' onyx eyes, then.

And just like that, August slipped away into a moment in time.

On the 1st of September, the sky over London was incredibly blue.

The boys and girl pulled their trunks behind them as they directed towards the Hogwarts Express.

Going back to Hogwarts always made everyone emotional.

Madeline giggled lightly when a little girl bumped into Sirius on platform 9 and 3/4; the kid was probably a second year, given that she was already wearing her Hufflepuff uniform. When she raised her curly head, and looked into the face of the lad she had run into, she blushed in embarrassment.

The boy looked at her, and his eyes widened when he saw that she was on the verge of tears. She probably had a crush on him, like most of Hogwarts' students, after all.

"Don't worry, I'm totally fine!!" He told her, encouragingly, and she only stared at him a little longer before running away.

Remus laughed, then. "What a charmer you are"

"Yeah, you leave them _all_ speechless" joked James.

Sirius waved them off dismissively, while looking straight ahead of himself, like he had seen someone.

Madeline, James and Remus followed his gaze, and found Marlene McKinnon staring back at the boy. Her lips were pressed tightly against each other, and she held a certain sadness in her pale, blue eyes.

The two former lovers broke eye-contact when Peter Pettigrew got into Sirius’ way with a huge, relieved smile on his round face. “Guys! I’ve been searching for you! I couldn’t find you!”

Padfoot grinned, then, giving the boy a pat on the shoulder, “Well, here we are… Nice to see you, Worms”

They all smiled at him, and Madeline noticed that he had grown a little, and his hair had lengthened.

“We missed you, Pete” gently said Remus, then, making Wormtail blush slightly.

“Yeah, we have _so_ much to tell you!” added James.

He nodded, “I-I missed you, too” he shyly stated, “Y’know, my mother insisted-“

“You don’t have to justify yourself, Pete” said Madeline, when she noticed his embarrassment, “Now you’re here, aren’t you? Let’s find a good compartment so we can fill you in on what you’ve missed” she gently added, and the boy gave her a thankful smile, before nodding again, “Yeah, okay”

Some seconds later, most students started getting on the train; children greeted their parents goodbye, little kids watched with envy their brothers and sisters going to Hogwarts, older boys and girls kissed their boyfriends and girlfriends for one last time…

The boys hopped on the train, lifting their trunks behind them, and, as she was about to follow them, Madeline felt a voice whispering in her ear, _“Look to your right”._

She obeyed without even thinking about it, without even questioning who had talked, since there was nobody near her.

Her eyes instantly found Severus’ onyx ones; he was standing on the platform some feet away from her, all alone, and he had his hands in his pockets. He was, as always, dressed in black. Madeline fought the urge to run to him and throw her arms around his neck.

She gave him a sweet smile, then, and he grinned, while giving her an acknowledging nod.

She realised, then, that it was his voice she had heard; he had used Legilimency to communicate.

“Mads! What are you doing? Come on, let’s find a good compartment!” Sirius’ voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she turned to look at the boy, who was watching her with a questioning expression plastered on his handsome face.

“Y-yes, I thought I saw Alice…” she lied, before glancing again at Severus. But he wasn’t there anymore. He had probably got on the train himself. “Nevermind”, she added, and sighed, before following Sirius, as the Hogwarts Express prepared to leave the station.

Moments later, the train’s whistle announced its departure, and as Madeline and the Marauders settled in one of the compartments, Severus went to find Avery and Mulciber.

The ride to school went by pretty smoothly.

They told Wormtail everything that they had done in August, and the boy seemed to sadden a little, given that he had lost some great moments with his friends.

Remus bought chocolate frogs for all of them (he _really_ loved chocolate) when he lost three games of cards in a row, and even Alice and Frank passed by to greet them all.

Some time after, as Sirius and Peter were talking about Quidditch, and Remus was telling Madeline about some book he had read, James left them to join the other Houses’ Head boys and girls.

Lily dropped by to say hello and pick him up; she laughed upon seeing Padfoot’s expression when she told James that they had to talk about the coming semester.

“Oh, Merlin… Not my Prongsie… Not my boy…” he whispered, and they all laughed at his shocked expression, while Prongs stood up and followed Lily outside, while chanting, “Duty calls!”

They soon left England behind, and Scotland welcomed them, with its green gardens and foggy skies.

Madeline looked out the window, and smiled to herself.

They were going back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVELY READERS !!! LET'S HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE x
> 
> Okay, back to the story.
> 
> This chapter is a little boring, I fear. You tell me.  
> And YES, I quoted Taylor Swift, lol.  
> Anywayyyy !!! Back to Hogwarts !!! Aaaaah !!!
> 
> I also wanted to let you know that after writing the Norfolk part I created a Spotify playlist with songs I listened to while doing so. (I'm a sucker for playlists; I create way too many of them).  
> If any of you is interested in listening to it, let me know!  
> I was also thinking about creating a playlist for each character, or at least for the whole ff.
> 
> What else can I say?  
> Hope you liked this :)  
> First chapter of 2021 !!! That's exciting.
> 
> All my love to you as always.


	50. United We Stand, Divided We Fall

The Marauders felt particularly proud of being in their senior year. Madeline shook her head when Sirius and James walked triumphantly into the Great Hall, and took their usual seats at the Gryffindor Table.

All the while, the younger kids looked at them with wide, admiring eyes.

She sat by their side, between Sirius and Remus; Alice, Lily and Frank joined them some seconds later.

Out of the corner of her eye, Madeline noticed Mary MacDonald and Marlene McKinnon sitting together some feet away from them.

The ceiling recreated that evening’s dark, cloudy sky, and lots of candles were floating around the magnificent room. Madeline couldn’t help but think that Hogwarts was really magical.

The boys instantly started talking about that year’s Quidditch tournament, while the girls exchanged small talks about their Summers.

When Alice began telling them about her trip to Greece, Madeline let her eyes roam over the staff table; that’s when she noticed the man sitting in (what once had been) Rathbone’s place. It felt wrong. Alastair was supposed to be there.

The Professor she was looking at was an old man, probably in his 60s, but he looked lucid and alert. He had a long, stern face, with high cheekbones and sunken cheeks. His long, silver hair were tied in a ponytail at the base of his head, and he had handlebar moustache and a thin goatee.

His eyes were moving rapidly across the room, often setting on the Slytherin table.

She was brought back to reality by Sirius, who licked her cheek to prank her.

"Sirius!" She exclaimed, blushing furiously and moving away from the boy, as the other Gryffindors burst down in laughter. She brought up her hand and rubbed her cheek, where she could still fill the dampness his tongue had left.

He raised an eyebrow, and smirked, “Sorry, love, but you look _so_ cute when you’re distracted. Plus, the first years are entering the Hall. Pay attention, will you?” he said, sounding amused.

She shook her head, looking away from him, and her eyes met Severus’.

 _Fuck_ , she thought.

He didn’t look happy, _at all._

On the other hand, he looked like he wanted to stand up and kill Sirius with his own hands. He was gripping his knife so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

Madeline looked back at the Marauder, then. “Don’t _ever_ do that again” she growled at him.

Padfoot seemed surprised by her reaction, and even the rest of the boys seemed taken aback by her tone of voice. Madeline swallowed, "I’m serious" she just added.

He knitted his brows at that, "What?! Mads, are you kidding me? It was a _joke_ ". When she didn't reply, he gaped at her. "We've been friends for _seven_ years now! What's wrong with that? It's not like you have a boyfriend who's going to punch me if I simply lick your cheek!"

Madeline sighed deeply, "N-no but... I don't want to make people talk. They have a wrong idea about our relationship."

"And so? I don't care about other people." He replied, appearing more and more bewildered. "I can't believe you're _actually_ saying these things to me..."

The offended tone in his voice softened her. The girl raised a hand and put it on his forearm. "Listen, Pads, I'm sorry. My reaction was exaggerated." She admitted, "I'm just ... A little stressed, and I don't want anyone to giggle at us anytime we enter a class or go around together. I could bear that last year but now... I can't. We have NEWTs... I have to focus. I'm sorry."

His lips tightened, but he said nothing, and nodded, appearing confused. All the while, Remus kept looking at her with a knowing look on his sweet face, and she only hoped he wouldn’t say anything compromising.

They were all distracted by Professor McGonagall, who crossed the main aisle of the Great Hall with the first-year students walking behind her. She paced quickly, looking ahead of herself with a stern face.

“Minnie… I’ve missed her” muttered Sirius, then, grinning, while he looked at the woman; she came to a stand in front of the staff table, and prompted the kids to gather around her.

“I hope the Hat will be quick” said Peter, then, “I’m hungry”

“You’re _always_ hungry, Worms”, James mocked him, while messing his own dark hair.

Remus shook his head, before casting his gaze back on McGonagall, who was holding a battered, old, leather hat in her right hand.

The Sorting Hat always sang before doing his actual job.

Since Madeline had begun Hogwarts, she had always heard him chant silly songs about the virtues of the different Houses.

But, that year, the Hat surprised everyone.

It opened its big mouth, and seemed to smirk, before he started singing:

_In these times of trouble,_

_war and fight,_

_I tell you, children,_

_you shall decide,_

_If to be ambitious, loyal,_

_courageous, or wise;_

_just know one thing,_

_you cannot hide._

_Gryffindor is the house_

_of the proud and bold:_

_Godric himself was,_

_or so I was told._

_Hufflepuff is the house_

_of the optimistic and kind,_

_Helga had lots of friends,_

_but also a great mind._

_Ravenclaw is the house_

_of the curious and intelligent,_

_Rowena was like this;_

_her, we should compliment._

_Slytherin is the house_

_of the determined and cunning,_

_Salazar was powerful,_

_but also striking._

_Here, I tell you,_

_young wizards and witches,_

_actions make the man,_

_not hats, or wishes._

_Choose the house,_

_make the call;_

_But remember to take_

_the qualities of them all._

_I am the Sorting Hat_

_and my song is done;_

_don't let colours divide you,_

_may your hearts beat as one._

There was a moment of silence, then some shy clapping.

McGonagall, ever the pragmatic woman, cleared her throat, and proceeded to call “Bigby, Samuel!”, as the rest of the Great Hall appeared to be bewildered, and deep in thoughts

“What the hell was _that_?” whispered Peter.

James and Sirius exchanged a glance.

“It was a signal. Dumbledore’s taking a side”, commented Remus.

Wormtail raised an eyebrow, “And does that change anything?”

Madeline threw him an obvious look, “It changes _everything_ ” she just said, as Bigby sat on the wooden stool in front of everyone, and was sorted into Ravenclaw.

She could feel Severus’ stare on her, and she met his eyes. He wasn’t being subtle at all.

Luckily, students were quietly chatting with their mates about the hat’s song, so no one was paying them any attention. Slytherin House seemed to feel particularly annoyed by what had just happened.

Severus appeared concerned, and she raised an eyebrow, sending him a silent question, as “Donovan, Matthias” was sorted into Gryffindor and the Marauders raised to their feet, clapping and cheering, welcoming the first, little lion in their House.

The boy imperceptibly shook his head, before setting his eyes back on McGonagall.

Madeline knew that she couldn't keep staring at him, or her friends would realise that something was going on between them. So, she distractedly glanced at the other Slytherins sitting next to him, until her eyes settled on a particular boy.

She felt a grip in her stomach as she studied him.

Regulus Black was a year younger than her and the Marauders. He was smaller, and skinnier, than Sirius, but their grey eyes were just the same; in that moment, though, his were framed by dark circles.

His black hair was shorter than his brother's, and slicked back. He had a diaphanous skin, and, even though Sirius appeared aristocratic in all he did, Regulus had an haughty hair to himself that made him look untouchable.

He was good-looking, and clever; he was one of the best students in his year, after all. He was also the Seeker for the Slytherin Quidditch Team, that making him pretty popular in his House.

And he was a part of the Slug Club, too, just like her; Slughorn _loved_ to compliment him. But he wasn't vain. On the other hand, he appeared shy.

Regulus rarely smiled, and Madeline realised, then, that even if his and Sirius' eyes were apparently the same, Regulus' ones lacked the happiness and light-heartedness that animated his brother's.

It hadn't always been like that.

In his first years at Hogwarts, his relationship with Sirius had been somehow good.

Regulus had been a quiet kid, and Sirius had hoped he'd be a Gryffindor, too, so that he wouldn't be the only dishonour of the Noble and most Ancient House of Black anymore.

But the Sorting Hat had chosen otherwise, and it had put him into Slytherin.

That had started changing things between them.

Madeline had always pushed Sirius into being a good brother, into acting with Regulus just like he did with his friends. But Padfoot had always been stubborn, and way too proud.

"I don't like _snakes_ " he had often told her.

Nonetheless, she had seen that he had tried to look out for him, and to be sure he was fine. Regulus had spent several days in the library, studying with them, in his first years at school.

When he had turned fourteen, he had also bought a bouquet of flowers for Madeline, and had asked her out on a date. They had been alone, studying Charms in the Library, since he had asked for her help. She had known that he was very prepared on the subject, but she had accepted, nonetheless.

She had been surprised by that, even if Sirius had already said something about Regulus having a "silly crush" on her.

"Oh, Reg... You're so sweet. I'm flattered, really. But I'm actually dating someone else." She had said, sounding apologetic.

His eyes had betrayed all his disappointment, "I see... It's Devon McCartney, right? I've heard about you two... I didn't know if that was the truth..."

Madeline had nodded, "Oh, well, it was. Yes, it's Devon".

The Ravenclaw would have ended up being her boyfriend for two years, but she didn't know that, yet.

"Oh, I see..." Regulus had said, recomposing himself. "Would you accept the flowers, anyway?" He had added, rubbing his neck, while his cheeks had slightly tinged in embarrassment, “I wouldn’t know what to do with them…”

"With pleasure" she had replied, before kissing him on the cheek. "They’re beautiful. Thank you.” she had added, before saying, “And I won't tell anyone, if you don't want me to."

Regulus had given her a thankful smile, then. "Please. Sirius would never stop mocking me if he knew about this."

She had laughed, before taking his arm and guiding him towards the Great Hall, "Then, it will be our secret. Come on, enough with Charms. Let's go to dinner!" She had proposed, to break off his tension. That had worked, and Regulus had nodded and gladly followed her out of the library.

Through the years, though, he had changed.

At first, Madeline had thought that it was normal, that everyone changed while growing up.

But Sirius had told them that their parents were pressing Regulus to become what his older brother would never be. He hadn't been as strong as Sirius in developing a personality of his own while his parents had continued feeding him with toxic ideals and dark words.

Also, Regulus had always been very close to his mother; they all knew that. He would have never let her down.

He had been only a boy.

And Sirius had already began distancing himself from him.

Madeline pitied him, then. Him, and the sweet boy she had once known.

As she was observing him, Regulus looked up, and their eyes met, snapping her out of her thoughts.

He seemed surprised to have found her watching him, for his grey eyes momentarily sparkled. He gave her an acknowledging nod. She smiled, in return, as “Livingstone, Daniel” was sorted into Ravenclaw.

“Ooh, the last one!” commented Peter, relieved to see a tiny girl walking towards the wooden stool.

Madeline tore her gaze away from Regulus, and stared at “Keating, Lysbeth Anne” as she was sorted into Hufflepuff.

The black and yellow House cheered with enthusiasm as she joined them, and, moments later, the Great Hall fell quiet.

The Headmaster stood up from his chair, “To our new arrivals... Welcome! I hope that Hogwarts will be a welcoming home for you, and that your journey here will be studded with success. To our old friends... Welcome back! For some of you, this will be your last year here.” He warmly said, and Remus gave Madeline a sad glance, which the girl reciprocated. “If that is the case, let me tell you one thing: enjoy it to the fullest. It will never come back.” He added, sounding solemn. Then, a little smile plastered on his face. “But we'll talk more later... For now, let our feast begin!” he cheerily said, and clapped his hands once, before all kinds of foods and drinks filled the tables.

The younger kids squealed with enthusiasm, while the older ones smiled with relief and eyed what was laying in front of them with hunger.

As James was biting into some chicken, Sirius talked, “Dumbledore looks thoughtful”, he said.

Remus nodded, “Well… He’s the greatest wizard of our time, isn’t he? He may be a Headmaster, but the war is affecting every part of our world. He can’t ignore it.”

Madeline silently took in his words, while sipping on some pumpkin juice, “Do you think his words will annoy someone? Like… Will there be consequences?”

They boys looked at her, as if they hadn’t thought about that, before shrugging.

“The Ministry should be proud of him” simply commented Remus.

James snorted, “Mom and dad say the Ministry is corrupted to the bone”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at that, “But they work for it, Prongs”

James nodded, “Yeah, they do… But they’re Aurors. They’re out there, on the battlefield. Not sitting behind a desk, commanding others to fight Death Eaters…”

“James!” reprimanded him Remus, looking between the boy and Madeline.

He seemed to understand his mistake, then. “Oh, Mads… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that your parents…”

But the girl shook her head, and interrupted him, “Don’t worry, Prongs. I understand. My parents are _indeed_ sitting behind a desk… It’s so clear that they are afraid. Your parents, on the other hand, are so courageous. You have nothing to be sorry about.” She explained.

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to suggest anything. Not that your parents are corrupted, or something like that, for sure.”

“You didn’t do that, Prongsie.” She repeated, smiling, “I love my parents. But I don’t agree with what they do. If I was them, I would fight. I _will_ fight, once we’re out of here.”

The words seemed to make Peter uncomfortable, for he moaned. “Guys… Please, can we talk about something else? It’s our _first_ night here.”

They all laughed at that, and Madeline sent him an apologetic smile, before serving herself some smashed potatoes.

They ate until they were full and satisfied. Wormtail looked like he would be sick when Dumbledore stood up from his chair again, and reached the front of the Hall.

The chatting immediately quietened, and everybody stared at the Headmaster, who was dressed in some blue and silver robes.

“Now that our stomachs are full, I must once more ask for your attention, while I give out a few notices.” He said, with his firm tone of voice, capturing everyone’s eyes. “As usual, Mr Filch, our caretaker, has asked me to tell you that the list of objects forbidden inside the castle has this year been extended.” He said, glancing distractedly at the Marauders, who grinned back at him, “The first years, please note... that the Dark Forest is strictly forbidden to _all_ students.” He added.

Some kids looked scared when they heard that piece of information, while others appeared extremely curious to understand why the Forbidden Forest had that name.

Dumbledore gave everyone a gentle smile, while observing the Hall behind his gold, half-moon glasses; then, he spoke again. “We have, as you all probably already noticed, a change in staffing this year. We're pleased to welcome our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher… Professor Nicholas Eiran Dagon.”

As soon as Dumbledore pronounced the name, shocked whispers resonated through the room.

James’s head snapped towards Madeline, who was staring wide-eyed at the man who had just stood up from his seat. He accepted the students’ clapping, and gave the Hall a slight nod before sitting again.

“The Auror?!” she exclaimed, glancing at the Marauders, “Dumbledore hired one of the greatest Aurors of our time to teach _us_ Defence Against the Dark Arts?” she added, looking astonished.

“If _that_ isn’t a powerful statement, then I don’t know what is” muttered Sirius, eyes flashing with enthusiasm. “That is amazing”

Remus nodded, “That says a lot about this war, too.” He stated.

Madeline, James, Peter and Sirius settled their eyes on him.

“What do you mean, Moony?”, eventually asked Prongs.

The boy sighed, and seemed to stiffen. “If Dumbledore got to the point of asking _Dagon_ to teach us Defence… Then there’s no doubt about it. He is _afraid_.”

None of them replied, and a sense of desperation seemed to descend between them, as Dumbledore kept talking, “Quiet, now, children. It is indeed an honour to have Professor Dagon in our staff. These are troubled times; we _need_ to look up to people like him.” He continued, and Madeline heard some Slytherins snicker at that. “I hope you’ll realise how lucky you all are. And I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing the Professor good luck.” He simply said, starting another round of applause.

When the room fell silent again, his serious expression turned into an amused one. “Now, it’s time for bed! Hop hop! First years, follow your House Prefects. They’ll guide you to your dormitories.” He kindly explained, “Sweet dreams, dear children ! Lessons will begin tomorrow, early in the morning. Rest well.”

As the Headmaster dismissed them, Madeline and the Marauders slowly stood up, and followed the other students out of the Great Hall. They were all lost in thoughts, and they didn’t talk until they reached their Common Room.

The fire was crackling in the fireplace, lighting up the room and giving everyone some comfort from the cold they were feeling inside.

Sirius and James stared with raised eyebrows at two third years, who were sitting on the sofa where they used to seat. The two young boys paled, then, and quickly stood up to leave them their place.

Madeline crossed her arms at that, “You two are _bullies_ ” she hissed.

They only laughed, “Nah, Princess, we’re _seniors_ ” Sirius stated, and grinned.

She just shook her head, and went to sit between them. Moony and Wormtail settled in the armchairs in front of them.

“You want to talk about Dumbledore?” asked Remus, after a while.

They all looked at him, then shook their heads.

“D'you want to play chess, instead?” asked Wormtail, feeling relieved.

Sirius laughed, then, and nodded, “Yeah, why not. We’re all tired. Let’s play a little.”

Prongs put his arm around Madeline’s shoulders, and she leaned her head on his chest, glad for that familiar contact.

“Tell me we’ll be fine, Jamie” she whispered in a low voice, so that only he would hear her.

He looked down at her; his brows were knitted, and he looked concerned, “We’ll be fine, Mads. I’ll make sure of that.” He simply replied.

She closed her eyes, and, for the moment, decided to trust him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 50 ????  
> LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ????  
> I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE COME T H I S FAR.
> 
> Btw, I've invented the hat song; it was fun. Lol.  
> Love you all, bye.


	51. You'll Be The One, Make Me Hurt, Make Me Come

The following day, Madeline woke up early in the morning. That night, she hadn’t slept a lot; her dreams had been disturbed by the thoughts and worries which occupied her mind when she was awake.

She looked outside her dormitory’s window, and she saw that the sun had just dawned. She sighed deeply, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again. On the other hand, the other girls were still gently snoring in their beds.

She silently got up from the sheets, and went to take a shower. Then, she wore her uniform: tights, skirt, white shirt, red and golden tie, long-sleeved sweater (which she wore inside her skirt). She then put on some light makeup, before walking towards the Gryffindor Common Room; she found it to be empty, as she had imagined.

She ventured out of it and towards the Great Hall, wondering if there would be something for her to eat already. She was strangely hungry.

She descended lots of stairs, and was about to cross the Hall’s door, when someone in her peripheral approached her quickly, and firmly gripped her wrist. There was no one around her, and her first instinct was that of screaming; but she almost immediately recognised the cold, bony fingers which were pulling her away from there.

Severus quickly led her to a nearby broom cupboard; a lot of couples in Hogwarts went there to snog. Madeline didn’t even imagine that he, of all people, would know of its existence. It was little, but private; it was hardly visible if you didn’t know about it.

They entered it and, as soon as the door closed behind them, she raised her eyebrows, and said, “You were lucky that no one was there, but if you keep being this obvious, everyone will unders-“

But she never got to finish her sentence. Her words were cut off by his lips, which found hers as soon as he finished locking the door and casting a “ _Muffliato_ ” on the room.

Severus pushed her against the wall, trapping her to it with his own body, and kissing her, slow and hard.

His tongue parted her lips and caressed every single inch of her mouth, and one of his hand slipped behind her head to keep her in place, as the other one gripped her lower back under her skirt.

Her own fingers began threading through his hair, and he moaned into her mouth as she scratched his scalp. His mouth moved passionately against hers, as if he could not control himself from wanting more.

He then moved towards her ear and licked and bit on her lobe, too, eliciting soft sighs from the girl; that made him grin. Then, after some seconds, his mouth descended towards her neck, with the intention of sucking on it, too.

Madeline seemed to come to her senses, then. “Don’t!” she said, putting both of her hands on his chest and gently, but firmly, pushing him away from her.

“What?” he asked, after a moment, appearing confused. He was flushed, and his hair were messy.

He looked cute.

“Last time you left me hickeys, it was a _nightmare_.” She explained, “I had to put _make-up_ on them ! And also to wear a scarf, _all_ the time. It was annoying” she added, and crossed her arms, “I went to Norfolk with the Marauders and when they threw me into the ocean, the water washed away most of the foundation ! If I hadn’t asked Sirius to lend me his sweater, they would have seen them!” she said.

Severus just stared at her. Then, he knitted his brows, and his jaw clenched. “They… _threw_ you into the ocean? _Black_ lent you _his_ sweater?!” he repeated in a low voice, sounding angry. “What else happened while you were staying at Potter’s?”

Madeline rolled her eyes at that, “ _Nothing_ happened! We just… Enjoyed our summer! We played Quidditch, and watched movies, and sunbathed and listened to music… You know, stuff like that…”

Severus’ eyes widened again, “You _sunbathed_? You mean you were _naked_ in front of them?”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake” she muttered, “I wore a bikini, Severus. And it wasn’t the first time they saw me in a swimsuit, y’know?”

He inhaled some air through his nostrils, trying to calm himself. “Listen.” He growled, after a moment. “I don’t care if my marks _embarrass_ you” he said, “You’re - _my_ \- girl… I want _everyone_ to see that.”

She raised an eyebrow, appearing taken aback by the amount of jealousy he was reversing on her. “Excuse _me?!”_ she exclaimed, “I’m no one’s, but mine. Stop acting bossy. And no, I’m sorry, but you _can’t_ mark me as long as we’re doing this _in secret_.”

He took a deep breath, then, as his frown deepened. “Oh, so no hickeys from your secret… Whatever I am to you… but Black can _lick_ you in front of everyone?!”

She rolled her eyes at that. She _knew_ he would bring that up, sooner or later.

“It’s not like I asked him to do it! And I got mad at him when he did so! Come on, Sev. Sirius’ my _friend_ , you know that.” She said.

He didn’t look convinced at all, and Madeline could see it in his eyes that several thoughts and doubts were crossing his mind. She sighed, noticing his now alert and tense posture.

She felt a bit guilty, then.

She knew, deep down, that he acted like that because he was _afraid._ His jealousy was just a foolish way to show her that he cared.

Her expression softened, then, and she took a step in his direction. His onyx eyes planted on her, and she smiled teasingly. “You’re the only one who can fuck me, and who I want to fuck, _Severus_.” She chanted, “ _Stop_ doubting that, okay?”

That seemed to please him; in fact, after having observed her for some seconds, he smirked, and approached her again. “Yeah, okay” he muttered, with that deep voice of his. “And I’ll try my best not to mark you… In visible spots.” He added, with an amused tone of voice. Then, after a moment, he added, “Anyway, I’m glad you’ve woken up this soon. I couldn’t believe my luck when I saw you close to the Great Hall.”

She raised an eyebrow at that, “Do you always wake up so early in the morning?”

Severus shrugged, before nodding. “I enjoy the peace and quiet of the early hours” he simply explained.

“I see” she whispered, as she got closer to him, until their chests were pressed together. Then, she raised a hand to cup his cheek, and gave him a kiss on the lips, which he hungrily reciprocated. She gently moved her hand to his hair, and pulled on them when he tried to slip his tongue in her mouth. He grumbled at that, “Do you intend to tease me even _now_?”

Madeline giggled, “I told you I’d make you pay for the marks…” she commented, before kissing his cheek, looking innocent, “I can make you _ache_ for a kiss, Slytherin boy.”

Severus raised an eyebrow at that, appearing amused by her teasing. He quickly wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her firmly against his chest. “I can do the same to you, Gryffindor girl” he said, with a low voice, and the velvet in his tone made her stomach twirl.

Merlin, he could be _so_ sexy when he wanted.

He was about to kiss her again, when an idea struck her.

She smirked wickedly at him. Severus’ eyes widened when he recognised that stare of hers.

Then, his brows knitted in confusion, "What are you d-"

Madeline shut him by putting a finger against his lips. "Just... Be quiet, will you? You're far too nervous for my liking. Let me ease your tension, jealous guy" she teasingly said, before sliding down his body, purposefully rubbing against him, until her knees touched the cold, hard ground, “So, you can begin your last year of school in the _best_ way possible” she added.

She looked up at Severus and his quite shocked, yet lustful, expression, almost made her giggle. The realisation of what she was about to do hit him all of a sudden, and he swallowed.

She raised a hand to unzip his uniform pants, and she felt his erection already pressing against the soft fabric. She hastily slid her hand under his boxers and wrapped her fingers around his hardening cock, freeing it from the cotton.

The boy drew in a sharp breath as she did so, “ _Madeline…”_ he sternly said, as if to reprimand her.

She raised an eyebrow, “What? Am I being too _naughty?_ ” she asked, while grinning.

He didn’t reply to that; she looked him in the eyes as she began stroking him slowly, gently, enjoying the feeling of dominance she was feeling in that moment.

Then, she brought her mouth to his cock, and she licked it, painfully slow, swirling her tongue around its tip several times.

She looked up at him again, and noticed that his onyx eyes were now closed. Severus had thrown his head slightly back, and his breath had quickened.

As she licked his length for the first time, the boy's hands went to her hair in a swift move, aiming to keep her into place. His fingers threaded through them until they settled on the back of her head.

She licked him again, enjoying his sighs, as he started caressing her blonde locks.

After some teasing, he seemed to get impatience, and she smirked to herself once again, before taking him deep into her mouth, as deep as she could afford to do. She heard his sharp intake of breath as she did so, and his fingers gripped her locks tighter.

She sucked him, then, and he released a moan which made her suck him harder; after some seconds, she slowly pulled off his cock to take a breath, and grinned when seeing his vacant and totally relaxed expression.

She liked that there wasn’t a single wrinkle, or frown, on his long, pale face.

He looked down at her, then, and observed her flushed cheeks, dishevelled hair and reddened lips. Her big, blue eyes were shining with mischief.

She appeared totally satisfied, while her hand kept stroking his cock in slow moves.

"You're going to be the end of me" he commented, then, but she simply ignored him, before swirling her tongue around the tip of his cock again.

She continued to lick and suck both his length and his balls for long minutes, enjoying every groan and hiss that she could provoke in the boy.

He was never the most vocal between them, but right then he was releasing low moans that sounded intoxicating to Madeline's ears.

Severus guided her movements with his hands, sometimes pulling her hair back and sometimes pushing her mouth against his body even more. Also in something which was so new to him, he could be incredibly commanding.

He had always been a fast learner, after all.

Eventually, as her speed increased and his thighs started trembling slightly, he left out a low groan, and Madeline felt a hot, sticky liquid wetting her tongue.

She swallowed it without thinking about it twice, before looking up at the boy again.

He was panting, his chest going up and down quickly, but he looked totally satisfied.

"Feeling better, love?" She teased him.

He rolled his eyes at that, before putting his hands on her shoulders and pulling her up to her feet. He kissed her full on the mouth, then, hot, and slow, and she felt surprised when he bit her lower lip, like she was used to do to him. His hands roamed across her body as she threaded her fingers through his hair.

As Severus started licking her neck, he brought his hands under her thighs and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he trapped her against the door behind her.

She smiled against his mouth and gave him another sloppy kiss, while bringing him closer to her body and getting lost in the feeling of him.

* * *

Madeline stopped what they were doing, and separated from him, as soon as they heard the voices of passing students outside the broom’s cupboard. Their kisses hadn’t yet turned into a good shag at that point, and Severus seemed highly disappointed by that.

“Another time, love” she told him, as they recomposed themselves.

He snorted, “I’ve been waiting for this since you disapparated from my room”

She laughed “Don’t be so impatient. The wait increases the desire, doesn’t it?”

He shook his head, “Apparently” he just commented. “I’ll put a Disillusionment Charm on myself, and exit the room first. Wait a minute, listen if there is any sound outside, and then you can go out. Alright?” he instructed her.

Madeline smirked at his resolute tone, then she nodded, “Alright” she said, “See you later at Potions?”

“Yeah… Maybe Slughorn will pair us together” he suggested, adjusting his Slytherin tie.

“If he does, you’ll do all the work, dear _Prince_ ” she replied, referring to his book’s name.

He laughed at that, “Well, of course I will. Can’t let you ruin my perfect grades” he teased her, and she nudged him on the arm.

“Though, he’ll probably pair me with Lils, as always” she commented distractedly, then. “Which is totally fine for me. She’s amazing at Potions.”

Severus nodded at that, “Yeah, yeah she is… How’s she doing, by the way?”

Madeline studied him, observing the fondness in his eyes as he talked about the redhead. “Mmm, better, I think. She’s glad to be back at school, like the rest of us.”

He took her hand in his, then, and pulled her against him for a gentle hug. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Hogwarts feels like a dream, doesn’t it? In here, we can forget about what’s happening outside.” He whispered in her ear.

She put her face in the crook of his neck, while wrapping her arms around his head, and inhaled his scent. Parchment, aftershave, cold stone.

“Sooner or later, we’ll have to wake up, though” she muttered, and he didn’t reply to that, but closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of her body against his.

They stood in each other’s arms for some minutes.

Then, he cast the charm, and walked out of the cupboard.


	52. Sharing Secrets

Even in their last year of school, the Gryffindors and the Slytherins would share Slughorn’s class.

The Professor failed to hide his disappointment when he entered the Potions lab and noticed that. They all didn't blame him: he had often had to endure their verbal (and sometimes physical) fights.

When Madeline and the Marauders entered the Dungeons, in the afternoon, they couldn’t imagine that Slughorn would end up surprising his students.

In fact, he entered Potions class, wearing his usual, refined clothes, and, after having looked at their young faces with a jovial smile, he welcomed them back, and announced that there would be some changes.

He apparently wanted to have new couples working together, in order for students to help each other improve and share their knowledge.

Everybody knew that Severus and Lily were the best in class. Everyone else was good, or decent. Slughorn didn’t ask much from his students, after all; for example, Mulciber wasn’t that skilled, but he came from an ancient, Pureblood family.

And dear, old Horace cared about things like that: prestige, and fame.

The only Marauder who hadn’t managed to access his NEWTs’ class was Peter, because he was really terrible at the subject. But the boy hadn’t seemed to mind that.

Madeline felt sad at the prospect of having to separate from Lily, and the redhead seemed to feel the same, because she sent her a displeased look. The blonde girl momentarily glanced at Severus, then, secretly hoping that Slughorn would at least pair her with him.

She knew that, in case he did, they would have to pretend they disliked each other; but, at least, she’d be by his side, and maybe she’d be able to tease him a bit with secret touches and lascivious stares.

"So," said the lively Potions Professor, and she was snapped back from her thoughts. She looked at him, then; he was wearing a gentle smile on his face, "Let me pick the couples." He added, before silently studying the room.

All students started waiting impatiently for him to say the names. James began nervously tapping his foot on the ground, while sending Lily hopeful glances. Sirius stared intently at the Professor, his eyebrows raised; Severus had his arms crossed, and he seemed annoyed.

"Ok, I got it." Announced Slughorn after a moment, tapping his chin with his index finger. "Miss Evans, dear, you'll work with Mister Black."

James pouted at that, while Sirius wore a smug grin on his handsome face, and winked at Lily, who rolled her eyes.

"Mister Potter, you'll work with Miss Liddell" Alice seemed relieved by that, and grinned at James, who gave her a nod. They got along together well, and Al was both Lily's best friend and Frank's girlfriend. Prongs had been lucky.

"Mister Lupin, you'll work with our dear Miss Green." He continued, addressing the girl a sweet look. Madeline turned to Moony, and smiled at him, before he winked back at her.

Madeline noticed Severus frowning at that exchange, and she stifled a laugh.

Slughorn sighed before saying, "Mister Mulciber, you'll work with Miss McKinnon." Marlene scrunched her nose at that, as the Slytherin boy eyed her with a grin and giggled with satisfaction.

"Who's left? Oh, yes, Mister Lewell" he said, looking at a tall, blonde, Slytherin boy. Madeline knew very little about him, for he was a quite posh and reserved lad. "You'll work with Mister Avery. And, Mister Snape, of course you'll work with Miss Nott."

Madeline knitted her brows. She didn’t like the girl Severus had been paired with.

She was no ordinary lass. Kathleen Nott was famous for seducing Slytherin boys (of all ages), and everybody knew she was attracted to the dark. After all, James’s parents had mentioned her father, saying that he was a pretty cruel man, and a suspected Death Eater.

She observed Kathleen, who appeared completely pleased by the fact of having to work with a fellow Slytherin; the raven-haired girl gave Severus a flirty smile. The boy's onyx eyes widened at her reaction. He hadn't expected her to look so glad about Slughorn's decision.

The Professor smiled at the students, before joining his hands in front of him, "Be kind and helpful to your partners; you will work together for the whole year" he announced, solemnly. "Now, quickly move and sit together ! Then, we can start preparing a simple thing we saw at the end of last Spring... It's only the beginning of the semester, after all, so I won't be too hard on you. You'll have to brew for me... A pepper-up potion!"

"Boring", muttered Madeline, while mentally thinking about the ingredients that they needed in order to prepare the concoction.

As Lily hastily took her things, and reached Sirius at his desk, Moony settled by the blonde girl's side. She had by then glanced back at Severus and Kathleen, who were discussing in low voices about the task that Slughorn had assigned them.

After putting his Potions book on the table, the tall Gryffindor boy looked at her, and giggled. "Stop looking at him that way, or everyone will understand something's happening between you two" he suggested, as he sat down.

Madeline shot him a surprised look, then."So you really _do_ know about us!" She whispered, "I thought you did, but you never mentioned it... You smelled him on me, didn't you?"

Remus crossed his arms, and nodded. "Well, it was hard not to. Wolf’s sense. And his scent was _all_ over you" he said, while raising his eyebrows, and she slightly blushed, "But that's none of my business. I mean, I don't like him, but... yeah, it's your choice, Mads. I won't tell anything."

She felt immensely relieved, then, and fought the urge to hug him. Instead, she took his hand in hers, squeezing it affectionately, and gave him a sweet smile. "You really are the best, Moony... And it's not like I want to keep a secret from Padfoot and Prongs, but... things with Severus are so complicated... And I'm not even sure of what I'm doing. But I have feelings for him" She admitted, "Strong ones" she added, before distractedly glancing at him again. Her brows knitted as she did so.

"What the actual fuck is _she_ doing?" Hissed Madeline, as Kathleen put a hand on Severus's forearm and laughed at something he had said. Severus knitted his brows at her, as if not getting the reason behind her amusement.

Moony raised his eyebrows, then, not understanding what she was referring to, but when he followed her gaze, he grinned. "It seems that she's flirting with Snape" He said, sounding amused, before looking at the blackboard in front of the class, where Slughorn had just finished writing some instructions.

Madeline murmured an " _Incendio_ " to conjure the fire under their cauldron, while never removing her eyes from the two Slytherins.

"She is, isn’t she?" She asked, "But… why?"

Remus shrugged, "I don't know. _You_ tell me. You like him too, don’t you?”

Madeline rolled her eyes, “Yeah, but she’s been in his same House and class for seven years, but this is the first time she-“ but she stopped talking when the girl in question moved past Snape to get the ingredients from the Potions storeroom; while doing so, she purposefully rubbed up against his back. Severus visibly stiffened at that, and his ears reddened, but he said nothing. “I will _kill_ her” growled Madeline, and Remus laughed aloud at the expression on her face.

Several students turned to look at them, then.

“Miss Green, Mister Lupin? Everything’s alright?” asked Slughorn, while raising an eyebrow.

Madeline took a deep breath, before addressing him a cordial smile. “Yes, of course, Professor”. Moony nodded, “Sorry for the interruption” he added, before he too followed Nott to the storeroom to get their ingredients.

That’s when Severus laid his eyes on her, looking visibly confused, but she ignored him, and kept her blue eyes on Slughorn.

When Remus came back by her side, he sighed. “Ok, Madeline. I mean. Even if she’s flirting with him… Which may not be true… You are still… _You._ I mean, nobody would ever dump you for her!” he whispered, as she added something he didn’t recognise (maybe mandrake root?) to the cauldron.

The girl took a deep breath, “Are you sure about that? You know how Slytherins are.”

Remus nodded, “Yeah, but… Believe me, Mads. No one in his right mind would let you go.”

She smiled, then, “Oh, thank you, Moony, you’re sweet” she said.

He smiled, too. “Alright, then? Now, please, help me with this… You're better at Potions than me…” he said, while looking doubtfully at the ingredients. “Also, Slughorn loves you."

Madeline giggled, then. "He doesn’t. He just loves my parents. And I'm not that good, really… Lils used to do all the work."

"Yeah, because it bored you to do it, but you have an aptitude for this…”

Madeline sighed, "Right, Moons, but you put too much faith in me. I guess we'll have to get through this year _together_."

He nodded, "Mmm… D’you think we'll manage?" he asked, while stirring the liquid.

She giggled, throwing him an amused side-glance. "Well, of course. We're Gryffindors.” She simply said.

They kept working for some minutes, and everyone (apart from the Slytherins) snickered when Lily told Sirius a little too loudly to shut up and pass her the octopus powder. Madeline knew that Padfoot _never_ shut up; he could be really tiring.

All the while, Madeline kept stealing glances at Severus and Kathleen. The raven-haired girl continued touching him for no apparent reason: she grazed his hands with her own, she nudged him on the arm to get his attention, she grabbed his elbow to stop his actions, and she often patted his shoulder as if to compliment him on something.

That made Madeline mad, but she tried to focus on her task. She didn’t want Remus to pay for her distraction.

Moony and she worked pretty well together. Their Potions was taking the right colour, even if it wasn’t as lucid as Severus and Kathleen’s, or so Remus told her when he momentarily spied on them.

Madeline shrugged at that piece of information, “Well, that doesn’t surprise me. _He_ really is the best in Potions. Maybe Lily did as well as he.”

And in fact, despite Sirius’s continuous interruptions, Lily was in the middle of brewing the concoction perfectly.

Remus nodded, “Yeah… Have we finished?”

Madeline shook her head, “No, we have yet to cut the mint to give the potion a better taste… you know Slughorn cares about little things like that.”

Moony nodded, “Well then” he said, passing her the sharp knife they were equipped with, “Your turn.”

She rolled her eyes and took the utensil in her hand. “Fine” she muttered, and started doing her job. She was cutting the aromatic plant in tiny pieces, when she heard Kathleen Nott laughing again. She glanced at her, and she noticed something that struck her. The side of Severus’s mouth was turned upwards, and he too seemed amused by something. That was the expression he usually took after making a sarcastic remark and getting a giggle in response. He seemed extremely _satisfied_ by the fact of having made her laugh.

“I’m definitely going to kil- _Ah_!” Madeline stopped talking and cried in pain when the knife she was holding cut deep into her left hand. She had been distracted by the two Slytherins, and her lack of attention had cause her to hurt herself.

Remus paled visibly at the sight of the blood which flowed copiously from her wound. She knew he didn’t like blood. His wolfish senses were activated when he smelled it, and he totally hated that.

Blood made him feel like a beast. She felt incredibly guilty, then.

Everybody turned to look at her as she held her left hand with her right one. Slughorn paled, too, upon seeing her injury, but probably because he was afraid of the consequences of a student getting hurt in his class. Severus took a step in her direction, then, looking utterly concerned. Suddenly, he seemed to remember that everyone else assumed that they despised each other, and stopped in his tracks.

Sirius immediately left Lily’s side, and reached her. He took her hand in his with concern, before studying it for a second; then, he spoke, “Professor, I’m bringing Madeline to the Hospital Wing. The wound… it needs to be cleaned and bandaged”.

The Potions Professor nodded, “Yes, Mister Black, please, accompany Miss Green…”

But Madeline shook her head, surprising them both, “There’s no need, Professor, to let _two_ of us lose the rest of your lesson… And Sirius has to finish his Potion. I can get to the Hospital Wing on my own. It’s just a little cut.”

“Are you _insane_ , Mads? It is bleeding like hell!” insisted Sirius, making her blush.

The Professor seemed to agree with him, “Yes, Miss Green, please, dear, don’t be stubborn.”

She put on her most fascinating smile then. She actually wanted to be alone for a bit after everything she had witnessed. “Really, Professor, I insist. I’ll go alone” she said, and then looked at Remus, “Add the mint and let the Potion brew. Then wait for fifteen minutes and turn off the heat.” She instructed, and he only nodded, looking dumbfounded.

She moved away from her working station and towards the door, avoiding Severus’s stare. His onyx eyes burned on her skin, she could feel that. Still, she didn't want to meet them with her own.

She heard some footsteps behind her, and when she looked over her shoulder, she saw that Sirius had been following her. “Let me go _alone_ , Pads” she hissed at him, and she could momentarily observe the flash of confusion and sadness that struck his face when he heard those words, before she exited the Potions classroom.

She hastily walked towards the Hospital Wing, holding up her injured hand. The sight of the blood now wetting both her hand, wrist and arm made her feel a bit lightheaded and dizzy. The cut was indeed pretty deep.

She didn’t bump into anyone, feeling relieved because of that. She didn’t want to bear others’ concerned stares and intrusive questions.

She was ascending the umpteenth set of stairs that she had to climb before getting to the Hospital Hall, when someone gently gripped her elbow, forcing her to turn around.

The boy who had stopped her had black hair and grey eyes, and her first instinct was that of saying, “Piss off, Sirius!”. But then, she looked at him more closely, and realised that it wasn’t Padfoot who had touched her.

“Regulus?” she asked, dumbfounded, while knitting her brows.

The Slytherin boy let her go immediately, then, and blushed, if only very slightly. He looked at her face with attention, as if wanting to understand what she was thinking while watching him.

Then, he slowly glanced at her hand. Madeline noticed the Prefect badge on his uniform, and understood that he was doing something school-related. It was the only reason that could justify why he was out of class.

“I _noticed_ you were hurt…” he simply commented, while getting defensive. “Where are you going?" he asked, after a moment of silence, sounding both curious, and confused.

Madeline sighed, “Oh, I see… Well, I cut myself in Potions. I’m going to Madam Pomfrey to let her clean the wound and bandage it.”

“You’re going to Madam Pomfrey… All alone?” he wondered, then, crossing his arms.

She nodded, “I insisted on that. I wanted to clear my mind a bit...” she murmured, before glancing at him again. A moment later, she added, “But you can accompany me there, if you want.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow at that, looking so very aristocratic. After thinking about it for a second, he gave her a sharp nod. “Oh, well, alright. After you, then” he said, and made a gesture in the direction in which she had been previously walking.

She smiled as she resumed her pace, and he quickly moved to stand by her side.

They stood in silence for some minutes. Even if it had been some time since she had last spoken with Regulus, she didn’t feel uncomfortable around him. And she was glad to notice that he didn’t look uncomfortable, either.

“How are you doing, Reg?” she asked, then, and the use of the nickname surprised him, for he gave her a shocked look.

The boy recomposed himself quite hastily, and briefly glanced at her hand, suddenly looking amused, “Better than you, it seems.”

She giggled at his attempt of humour. “Yeah… Well, I was distracted when this happened…”

“Distracted by what?” he asked, before a thought seemed to strike him, “Or… By whom?”

“You’ve always been quite astute” she noticed, then, while smirking. “I’d tell you, really, but it’s… _Complicated_.”

Regulus let out a low laugh at her words. “I know _complicated_ ” he said, and there was some bitterness in his voice. “You can be honest, you know” he added, “I wouldn’t tell.”

Madeline raised an eyebrow at that, “And why wouldn’t you?”

Regulus shrugged, “You’ve always been kind to me... I don’t forget such things.”

His determined tone of voice made her smile again. Regulus looked so gentle, then, and delicate, and nice, that she found it hard to believe that he was a Death Eater.

But then again, also Severus was one, and that didn’t make him any less clever, or kind, or passionate.

“I trust you, Regulus” she said, then, enjoying another flash of surprise in his grey eyes. “It’s…” she began saying, “Oh, Merlin, it’s difficult… I’m a bit pissed off… Because of…”

She wanted to tell him, to lift that weight from her shoulders. But she couldn’t bring herself to say the name, to expose-

“Snape”, stated Regulus, ultimately filling the silence by completing her sentence.

When she looked at him, with a shocked expression on her gorgeous face, he smirked.

“Last year you were a _thing_ ” he explained, “I’ve never seen him look so happy and at peace. I know him pretty well, you know? And then something happened, and he went back to gloomy and sad. And now, at the beginning of this semester, I find him looking all satisfied and almost _cheerful_ , which I didn’t think possible. Last night, when you met my eyes, it’s because you were already looking at someone at our table… This is a guess, of course… Even if you just confirmed it.”

Madeline listened to him speaking; then, she let a second pass, before nodding. “Yes, that’s all true” she said, “But nobody knows, Regulus. Things between us are pretty difficult and… Please, don’t-“

He frowned, then, and held up a hand to stop her rambling. “You don’t have to worry, Madeline.” He said, and when he pronounced her name, she knew he was being sincere. “Your relationship is none of my matter,” he specified. “And if you’re afraid of _me_ telling _this_ to _Sirius_ , then-“

“I know you wouldn’t do that” she interrupted him, as they reached the Hospital Hall. She slowed her speed, then, in order to make their conversation last longer. He mirrored her, as if he, too, had been enjoying their talk.

Her hand was hurting a bit, but she didn’t mind. It had given her the pretext to talk with Regulus Black.

“He misses you, you know” she told him, then, looking at him with such delicacy that he almost flinched. “Your _brother_ ” she added, after having noticed that he had called her best friend “Sirius”, as if they weren’t related. “He _always_ thinks about you.”

Regulus’s features hardened, and he looked like he didn’t believe her. “I should go, now. I have to report to McGonag-“

Madeline gripped his wrist and made him stop before he could turn around and walk away. “I know this is not my business. And I know he has made mistakes, too. But, please, Reg, believe me: Sirius loves you. He’s just too stubborn and hot-headed to tell you this himself…”

Her grip burned his skin. The boy swallowed, “I have to go, now.”

Madeline nodded, and slowly let him go. But he didn’t move an inch.

She spoke again, then. “You can talk to me, whenever you feel like it. Really.” She said, “We were friends, once.”

Regulus couldn’t help but gave her a sour smile, “Once, maybe. I’m _not_ Snape, Madeline. You can’t save us both.” He told her, before starting to walk away. She was looking at his back, when he turned, and sighed. “About him, by the way… Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone, if you don’t want me to.”

Madeline recognised those were the same words that she had told him years prior, in the Library. She knew he knew that, too. She gave him a gentle smile, then. “Please.” She asked of him.

He nodded, once, before saying, “Then, it will be our secret. Now, we’re even”.

Regulus stared at her for another long instant, with sad eyes and a conflicted expression on his handsome, young face. Then, he looked down, and swiftly walked away.

As Madeline resumed her pacing towards the Hospital Wing, she couldn’t stop the tears from dwelling in her blue eyes. When Madam Pomfrey saw her, and noticed them, she assumed that they were caused by the pain she was feeling, and said nothing.

As the woman cleaned and bandaged her wound, Madeline couldn’t stop thinking about Regulus.

She just _couldn’t_ shake away the feeling of his eyes on her.

They held so much desperation that, if she hadn’t known that they belonged to a sixteen-years-old boy, she wouldn’t have believed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Regulus Black so much. So, so, so much.
> 
> He deserved better, poor child.
> 
> Of course I can't change his fate. But I want to celebrate him.
> 
> Yesterday I was listening to Harry Styles' song "To Be So Lonely", and the verse "Don't blame me for falling / I was just a little boy" really struck me.
> 
> It reminded me of both Severus and Regulus.
> 
> They were just children when they became Death Eaters. How sad and revealing is that?
> 
> Hope you liked this.  
> All my love x


	53. Never Let Me Go

Potions was the last lesson of that quite eventful (last) first day of school. So, once Madeline exited the Hospital Wing, she just headed towards her Dormitory.

The seventh year Gryffindor girls weren’t gone back there yet; she took advantage of their absence by taking a hot shower.

She enchanted her injured hand so that it wouldn’t soak, and hastily entered the marble douche.

The water washed away most of her fatigue and tension.

When she exited the bathroom, she used a quick spell to dry her hair, and wore her uniform once again. She was halfway through wearing her shoes, when she met Lily’s concerned eyes. The girls had just entered the Dormitory. Alice gave her a sweet smile before heading towards the loo, while Marlene and Mary barely glanced at her.

“Mads! Here you are! Slughorn was so concerned when you didn’t return to class!” Lily said, while addressing her a reproachful look. She _really_ was a model student. “But Black told him that you were pissed, and that you would probably come back here… And he was right, after all.”

Madeline sighed, “Yeah, he was… Sorry, Lils. I just didn’t feel like coming back.” She explained, and her tired tone of voice seemed to soften the redhead, for she nodded.

“Well, ok… I brought your things back, by the way. They’re on your bed.”

The blonde girl gave her a sweet smile, then. “Thank you, Lily.”

“Are you okay?”, she asked, after a second, seeming to remember something.

Madeline raised her left hand so that Lily could look at the white bandages which wrapped her palm.

“Kind of” she answered, “It was a deep cut, but Madam Pomfrey fixed it just fine”

“Still, that must have hurt” commented Lily.

“A bit” Madeline replied, “Listen, I’m going to have a smoke before dinner. See you later?”

The redhead sighed, then nodded. “Sure… And also, you should talk to Black. After you treated him like that, he got all grumpy and annoying.” She added.

Madeline listened to her while she wore her cloak and took her fag packet. “Mm, right… Sorry about that, Lils.”

“Nevermind, our potion was almost finished, but… He seemed hurt, you know?”

The blonde girl raised an eyebrow at that, and grinned. “You mean to tell me that Sirius is growing on you?” she asked, and giggled, “Next thing you’re going to tell me is that you’re in love with James, aren’t you?”

But she never heard Lily’s reply, for the girl took a pillow from her bed, while reddening furiously, and threw it at her. Madeline hastily dodged it and slipped out of the girls’ dormitory, and the sound of the door closing behind her covered her laugh from Lily’s ears.

When she walked into the Common Room, she immediately spotted the Marauders. Sirius and James were sprawled across the sofa in front of the fireplace, and Peter and Remus were sitting in the armchair facing them.

Madeline didn’t feel like creating a whole new drama out of nothing. So, she just walked to them, and put on her most fascinating smile. “Hey guys” she said, and their eyes settled on her, “I’m going to have a smoke before dinner, is any of you coming?”

Padfoot raised an eyebrow at that, “Are you sure you don’t want to be _left alone_?” he hissed.

Madeline rolled her eyes, “Look, I’m sorry, Pads, okay? I was just pissed off, and then I cut myself, and I got even more pissed… Nothing to do with you. Really. Now take your cloak and accompany me.” She said.

Sirius mumbled something under his breath, but eventually stood up and walked towards his Dormitory. James was watching her with raised eyebrows, while Moony only seemed amused. Peter, who hadn’t been at Potions, didn’t say anything. The others had probably updated him on what had happened.

Sirius returned almost immediately. He was now wearing his cloak, and he had a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

“See you at dinner, lads” said Madeline to the other three Gryffindors, while Padfoot nodded at them before following her out of the Common Room.

They walked silently for some seconds, descending the stairs, and Madeline couldn’t help but briefly think of her conversation with Regulus.

Sirius wasn’t talking, which was pretty strange.

When they reached the courtyard inside the Castle, the cold breeze made them shiver. They lighted their cigarettes with a quick spell; Madeline inhaled the smoke deeply, welcoming the nicotine rush in her body with relief.

Sirius was looking at her with a pensive stare; his face looked magnetic with that play of light and dark on his aristocratic features.

“I’m sorry, Pads.” She repeated, then, “At Potions, today… I was just pissed off… and when I got to exit the room… I just wanted to stay alone, and clear my mind.”

He nodded, then, slowly. “I get it… But why were you _that_ pissed? You looked furious”

Madeline shrugged, “Mmm, well… Because Mulciber looked so satisfied when I cut myself.” She lied.

Sirius knitted his brows, appearing annoyed. “Did he? I didn’t check… The bastard. He’ll pay for that.”

Madeline couldn’t hold back a laugh, then, “He’s just an idiot” she said.

Padfoot nodded, “Yeah, he is…” he commented, before taking a deep breath and looking at her directly in the eyes. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

That question struck her, and made her feel incredibly guilty. Sirius knew her too well. She understood, then, that he _felt_ something was wrong.

“Yeah, yeah, I know that” she weakly replied. “And I’m really sorry for snapping at you. You’re my best friend a-“

“Yeah, yeah…” he bitterly interrupted her, as if the expression “best friend” had shaken him. He took another drag from the cigarette. “But, earlier, I was thinking… Were you really pissed because of Mulciber, or…” he swallowed, “Was it because of Snape?” he pronounced, saying Severus’s name with a disgusted tone of voice.

Madeline noticed that he had forced himself not to call him “Snivellus”. Padfoot knew that the use of that foul nickname would anger her, despite everything.

“I mean…” he continued, “ _He_ made you suffer and… I don’t know, maybe you found it hard to be in his same classroom?” he asked.

He seemed to be trying hard to understand her reasons and possible thoughts. “You just looked _so_ angry, today, Mads… It made me think.” he concluded, before tossing his Benson & Hedges away, and making it disappear with a flick of his wand, “I thought that maybe he was the cause behind that”

The girl studied him for a second.

What could she tell him?

“ _Yes, Sirius, I was pissed because of him. Oh, no, I don’t hate him at all! I was actually very jealous because, you know, we are back together”_

No, that wasn’t an option. She couldn’t hurt him like that. No.

Not when he was trying so hard to be a good friend, and not the stubborn, indelicate guy who hated Snape with all his heart.

“He’s not indifferent to me” she said, then, “If that’s what you want to know.” She added.

“That’s not an answer, though” he murmured.

She sighed, “Sirius…” she whispered, “Please, let’s not talk about him.”

He seemed to get her reaction, then, for he said nothing, and nodded. After all, he could understand why she didn’t want to discuss about the Slytherin boy with _him_.

So, he shook his head, going back to his usual self. Then, he slowly glanced at her hand, “Does it hurt?”, he asked, changing the subject of their conversation.

Madeline was thankful at him for doing that, “No, it’s alright.” She commented, before making her cigarette, too, disappear. “Let’s go to dinner? I’m pretty hungry.”

Sirius giggled, then, and nodded, “Me too… It’s hard to go back to Hogwarts’ routine after having spent a Summer like the one we had.”

“Yeah, too true… In Potter Manor we had no timetables…”

“Yeah, and no homework…” he said, and he started walking inside the Castle. Madeline swiftly followed him, and entwined his arm with her own, surprising him.

His grey eyes looked at her with shock, and she smiled, “I’m really grateful that I have you, Pads” she told him, and he only smiled.

The boy started telling her about James’s complaints about not having been paired with Lily. “He really was unsufferable after we left Slughorn’s class!” Sirius said, as they entered the Great Hall, making her laugh again.

Most of the students were already sitting at their House tables, and several heads turned to look at the two good-looking seventh year Gryffindors who were heading towards their friends.

Madeline’s blue eyes met Severus’s onyx ones, which frantically glanced with disappointment between her face and her arm, which was wrapped around Sirius’s.

When she sat down next to Moony, he sweetly smiled at her. “Everything’s alright?”

“Yeah, Moons, all good” she muttered, as she served herself some roast beef.

 _“Are you okay?_ ”. It was his voice, again, and it was resonating in her mind, like it had done on platform 9 and ¾.

She was an Occlumens, not a Legilimens, and so she simply looked up and glanced at the Slytherin table.

Severus was watching her.

She raised an eyebrow, “ _More or less”_ she thought, hoping that he would get the message, and he seemed to understand her.

He was about to reply, for she saw his brows knit in concentration, when someone put a hand on his shoulder. Severus stiffened, and slightly turned, just in time to see Kathleen Nott sit by his side.

Madeline felt the same anger she had felt that day in her again, then, and looked back at her plate.

_Fucking Slytherins._

“We have our first lesson with Dagon, tomorrow” James casually said right then.

Sirius nodded while stuffing his mouth with smashes potatoes.

“I’m excited!” squeaked Peter.

Moony nodded, “Yeah, I think he’ll be quite the harsh Professor”

Madeline sighed deeply, “I wish Rathbone was here…” she commented then.

The boys giggled at that.

“Yeah, I bet that you do! He was your fan” intervened Sirius, after having swallowed the food.

Madeline grinned at him, “He was the best, really. Still is. I’ve sent him a letter, lately, asking him to meet again”

Padfoot’s grey eyes widened at her words, “You did… What? Really? And what did he reply?”

She sipped from her pumpkin juice before saying, “He hasn’t replied yet”.

James shrugged, “Well, let us know when he does… Maybe we could all have a Butterbeer in Hogsmeade”

Sirius snorted, “As if he wants to see _you,_ Prongs” he joked, “He’s only interested in Mads, y’know”

But Madeline shook her head, “Actually, Jamie’s got a good idea… You should all get to know him better. Rathbone is… A precious man. And he knows a lot about this war” she whispered, lowering her voice so that only the Marauders would hear her.

“Does he?” asked Sirius, appearing surprised.

At her nod, he hummed, “Well… Okay then. Let us know what he says.”

“Of course” she answered distractedly.

Through the rest of dinner, she listened to the boys chatting and joking; she sometimes stole glances at the Slytherin’s table, blue eyes lingering on the figure of Severus. He was chewing on some meat, and he had a book opened in front of him.

He very often read while eating.

But right then, he wasn’t looking at it, but at the raven-haired girl who kept talking to him. He seemed a bit annoyed by her behaviour, but still he hadn’t scared her away.

Madeline knew that she shouldn’t be jealous of him. He was the most loyal boy. And he needed people who treated him gently around him.

But there was something in Kathleen Nott that just didn’t sit right with her. She didn’t look genuine in her constant trying to befriend him.

In Madeline’s opinion, she was only interested in his abilities. Severus was clever, cunning and ambitious. He was the best at Potions, and Defence, and he knew way more charms than any other of them. He had even _invented_ charms, like Levicorpus, or Muffliato.

Severus was also a Death Eater, like Nott’s father. Maybe he wasn’t a Pureblood, but then again the girl was known for having short-lived interests.

Madeline knew girls like Kathleen. They lived for the thrill of the hunt, and Severus was no easy prey.

She would use him, and enjoy the feeling of power she would get by seducing such a brilliant mind. But then she would toss him away. And she couldn’t let that happen.

She sighed, and leaned her head on Remus’s shoulder. He said nothing, but giggled.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her, “What’s the matter?”

She showed him her hand, “It hurts” she complained, though the pain was very limited.

James gave her sweet eyes, “You’re such a _baby_ ” he mocked her, “I always hurt myself on the Quidditch pitch, and still I barely compl- _What_?” he said, messing his dark hair.

Peter rolled his eyes at him, while Remus laughed, “You’re not self-centred _at all_ , are you, Prongs?”

They all laughed at that.

Madeline looked at the Slytherin table again, and found Severus watching her. He seemed displeased by the sight of her head leaning on Moony’s shoulder.

She concentrated to her best abilities, then, while staring at him, and thought, “ _Meet me at 9, in the Room of Requirement.”_

The boy seemed surprised, for his eyes slightly widened. Then, he gave her a single nod, and brought his attention back to the Slytherin girl by his side.

* * *

She sneaked out of the Gryffindor Common Room with the excuse of going to Professor Slughorn. She told her friends that she wanted to give him her apologies for not having returned to his class that same afternoon. The Marauders, who were sitting around the fireplace, didn’t argue with her choice.

Instead, she headed towards the Fifth Floor. There was no one in front of the Room of Requirement when she got there.

That was weird. Severus was _never_ late.

She sighed deeply, and heard a low laugh. She looked around, but saw nobody.

She raised her wand, then.

“Whoever you are, show yourself” she said.

Suddenly, invisible arms wrapped around her waist, and she was scooped back against someone’s chest.

When a pair of lips kissed her neck, she knew who that was.

“ _Severus_ ” she growled, “This is not the fucking moment to pull pranks” she said, and separated from him, before whispering, “ _Hominum revelio”_.

The Disillusionment charm was broken, and the Slytherin boy appeared in front of her. He had a surprised expression on his pale face.

“Why are you in such a bad mood, today?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, “This morning, you seemed fine to me.”

That morning, in Madeline’s mind, was so far away in time that she had almost forgotten about it. She remembered his expression, then, when she had given him pleasure.

“Let’s get inside the room before someone sees us” she told him, avoiding his question completely. He seemed to agree with her, and nodded.

When they walked inside, they found themselves into a perfect reproduction of the Gryffindor Common Room; he scrunched his nose while looking around himself, but said nothing. He knew that was her comfort place.

Madeline went to sit on the sofa next to the crackling fireplace, and he followed her, sitting right next to her.

He looked at the blonde girl for some seconds, before speaking, “What’s the matter?”

She knitted her brows, then, before holding up her injured hand for him to see.

His expression turned from curious to concerned, and he took her left hand in his own, studying the white bandages around her wound. His cold, bony fingers felt divinely against her hot skin, but she tried to ignore that.

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

She shook her head, “Barely…” she offered, before throwing him an affronted look. “Do you know why I cut myself, though?” she wondered, sounding impatient.

He looked at her in the eyes again, then, appearing dumbfounded. “I don’t”, he admitted in a serious tone. There was some confusion, and worry, in his expression, and that pleased her.

She sighed, “I hurt myself because you _smiled_ at Kathleen fucking Nott, that’s why.” She growled, snapping her hand out of his grip. “She flirted with you through all lesson, and that really pissed me off. But you didn’t react to her.” She explained, “And then at some point I looked at you and you were all satisfied because you had made her laugh!” She crossed her arms, and looked away from him.

_Fucking idiot._

Why had he _smiled_ at her?

The only memory of that made her angry.

Severus stood quiet for an entire minute.

Then, he broke down in laughter.

Madeline couldn’t help the shocked expression that formed on her gorgeous face, then.

He was laughing aloud, with his mouth open. His chest was trembling with the force of his laughs.

Madeline stared at him, totally furious at his reaction, until he calmed himself.

“Do you want me to _hex_ you, you idiot?” she growled at him, while he shook his head and laughed again.

She stood up from the sofa, and took some steps away from him, with the intention of making him realise that the situation was actually serious.

But he wasn’t of the same idea.

He quickly stood up, too, followed her and gripped her wrist. Then, he pulled her against his chest, and wrapped his arms around her waist. He hid his still-laughing face in the crook of her neck, making it cover with goosebumps.

Her own arms instantly wrapped around his neck, and when she realised that, she cursed herself.

Her body betrayed her. She was _weak_ for him.

“You’re such an _asshole_ ” she told him, then, and settled her hands on his chest, trying to push him away, but his arms wrapped around her even more tightly.

She didn’t understand what was going on.

“You never fail to surprise me” he whispered against her ear, then, with his soothing, deep, velvety voice. He sounded amused. “I thought something _important_ had happened. Instead, you come here and tell me you’re mad at me because a joke I made about Slughorn made Nott laugh? You’re incredible” he said, laughing.

She tried to break his hug again, but he didn’t let her. “I’m mad because you joked and smiled with a girl who wants to _fuck_ you” she growled, looking him directly in the eyes.

Her choice of words seemed to startle him, for his eyes widened.

They were standing very close, with their faces inches apart. He looked amused, and lustful, and she fought the urge to kiss him.

“Do you really think she wants to fuck me?” he asked, then, raising an eyebrow.

Madeline rolled her eyes, “It’s totally _obvious_ that she does want that. She has touched you, and rubbed against you, and joked with you _all_ the time in Potions”

He looked surprised, then, as if it was nearly impossible for him to believe that someone could actually desire him.

“I didn’t see it… I ignored that” he said, before swallowing. Then, he studied her, and grinned, “But I see that _you_ have been looking at us, on the other hand… And quite attentively.” He added, looking satisfied.

Madeline snorted, “Come on, I can’t believe you _ignored_ it. She sat with you at _dinner_. When has she ever done that before?”

Severus seemed to think about it, then. “Okay… Maybe you’re right.” He admitted, “But… I don’t care about her. She’s just a girl. She’s not… You” he said, in the softest tone possible.

 _Oh, he knows how to play me,_ she thought, then.

It was impossible for her to be mad at him when he gave her such sweet eyes. And she was tired to be angry. Severus was offering her a moment of delicacy, and honesty, and light-heartedness… And she didn’t want to refuse it.

“You _cheater”_ she slowly told him, then, sounding compliant, and he smirked. “You _can’t_ smile at her. Nor let her touch you. _Ever_ again.” She growled, sliding her hands from his chest to his neck, and wrapping them around it. Her right one went up to his hair, and she let her fingers thread through them.

Severus’s onyx eyes lightened up at that, “Well, well, well… Jealous, are you, Madeline dear?” he chanted, looking completely pleased with her reaction. “Now you know how I feel whenever I see you with Black… or Lupin… or Potter” he said, with a note of bitterness in his voice.

Madeline sighed, “The difference here, is that they’ve been my friends for _years_ and nothing has ever happened between us… That Nott, instead” she spat out, “She wants you”

He leaned towards her, then, and left a kiss on her jaw. “It’s a pity, then… That I want _you_ ” he whispered against her skin.

She couldn’t help but grin, and wish that Kathleen Nott would see them, right then.

“You better remember that” she told him, raising her chin to give him better access to her jugular. “Next time she’ll flirt with you, tell her you’re already mine”.

He laughed as he licked her skin, “You know I can’t do that…” he whispered, before glancing at her, again. “Merlin, how can you be even _more_ beautiful when you’re angry?” he wondered, before kissing her temple.

She rolled her eyes, “You think you can win me over with plain flattery?”

He stifled a laugh, “I already won you over…” he reminded her, and she drew in a breath when he bit on her lobe, before licking the shell of her ear.

“Would you want her, though… if I wasn’t with you?” she asked then, sounding uncertain. She lowered her head to look him in the eyes, and he obliged her.

He watched her keenly, “The only thing that matters, to me, is that you _are_ with me, Madeline. And now I can be no one else’s. I’ll _always_ be yours.” he said, with such confidence and fondness that she felt her heart skip a beat.

Before he could add anything else, she kissed him with ardour.

He responded hungrily, passionately, enough to make her stumble backwards. Fortunately, he was holding her, or she would have fallen. Severus smiled against her soft lips, as her fingers ran deliciously through his hair. Madeline sucked on his bottom lip, making him groan, and he pushed her unceremoniously against the nearest wall.

She grinned, and inclined her head, slightly, so that he could slip his tongue further into her mouth. She let out a low moan, which made him kiss her harder.

His thin lips were demanding against her soft, full ones, and she was glad to give him all that he wanted. “I’ll kill her if she touches you again” she breathed against his mouth, and he seemed to worship those words, for he kissed her again, forcefully.

Madeline had never been a possessive girl, but Severus awakened in her something that she couldn’t quite explain. As he gave him weak, sweaty, hot kisses, kisses that felt so perfect and real for them both, she realised that she was so _lost_ in him.

 _So_ lost.

Those kisses blew away all the jealousy they felt for each other; they were proof enough of the feeling that united them, and that brought them back into each other’s arms at the end of every single day.

They separated after some minutes, panting for air.

He gave her a peck on the cheek, and she just brought him into a strong hug, immersing her face in his neck and covering it with chaste kisses that wanted to transfer him all her affection.

“Never let me go, Severus” she whispered.

He only held her stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these two idiots so much :(


	54. War Children

Severus's words completely warmed her heart, and Madeline felt definitely better the following day; also, the general excitement about Dagon' first lesson affected her, too.

James could not stop talking about the man. After all, he was such a great Auror, and he had put in Azkaban several dark wizards.

They would share his class with the Ravenclaws, and that made her feel relieved. She didn't want to hear the Professor talk about Death Eaters with Severus and his mates sitting some steps away from her.

When the Marauders and Madeline entered the Defence classroom, the girl couldn't help but feel a little melancholic. In that same place, she had spent several evenings, correcting essays and chatting with Rathbone. His reply to her letter hadn't arrived, yet, and she only hoped that it wasn't a bad signal.

She hoped that he was doing fine.

Dagon was waiting for the students in front of the class, with his hands behind his back.

He was tall and imposing, and there was a stern expression on his old, yet charming, face.

He wore wizard robes, long and layered, refined but not new. The colour purple particularly suited him; his silver hair were tied in a ponytail, and Madeline wondered if the man ever wore them down.

She took a seat next to James, and Remus and Peter seated behind them. Sirius found a place next to a Ravenclaw Quidditch player he knew, called Tristan Targyl.

As soon as everybody was sitting down, the Professor took a step forward, and raised his chin.

"I require a volunteer" he simply said.

It was the first time that they all heard his voice. It was croaky, but not unpleasant. It showed that he was a confident, determined, rational man, and that he didn't care about showing delicacy.

That voice made everything he said appear as brutally honest.

A Ravenclaw girl called Rita McMillan raised a hand, then, and spoke loudly, "A volunteer, Sir? For what?"

Dagon threw her a severe look, "I didn't give you permission to speak, Miss, did I?" He reprimanded her, before throwing the whole class a very hard look, "Discipline is fundamental to me."

The girl blushed furiously at that, and lowered her hand, but Madeline didn't mind his behaviour. After all, Dagon hadn't piled on by taking away from her House points.

Right then, the Gryffindor girl noticed that everybody’s eyes were fixed on him; some students looked scared, others totally enchanted. But one thing was sure: no one found him to be indifferent.

The Professor roamed the class with his deep, penetrating pale blue eyes, "No volunteer?" He asked, in a mocking tone, raising his eyebrows, "Not even between the Gryffindors?" He snorted, "Am I teaching to a class of cowards?"

Sirius stood up immediately at that, a proud expression on his aristocratic face. "I volunteer, Sir"

Dagon studied him for some seconds, appearing satisfied that he had obtained a reaction from one of them. "Well, then… What's your name, boy?"

Sirius clenched his jaw, "Sirius... Black, Professor."

Some surprise crossed Dagon's eyes, "A Black? I see... And in Gryffindor, nonetheless... Well, I can't say this isn't quite the shock. Your come from a noble family, boy. A dark, family, too."

"I am not like my family" snapped Sirius, failing to control his temper. 

Everybody's eyes were on him. After all, even if he was one of Hogwarts' most popular students, very few people knew about his situation at home.

Dagon inclined his head, "Aren't you? Are you sure about that?" Sirius gave a single nod, and the Professor clicked his tongue. "Come here, then." He sternly said, motioning to his side.

Sirius moved towards the front of the class. Madeline was able to catch his eyes as he did so, and she sent him an encouraging look.

"Your previous Professor left me a note, instructing me on the things he taught you. You seem to be a quite advanced class." Dagon started explaining, while putting some distance between Sirius and himself. "But the fact is... Do you actually know how to defend yourselves?" He asked.

Nobody answered at that.

The Professor looked at Sirius, and raised his thin, clear (probably made out of maple?) wand. "I imagine that you know how to duel, boy."

Padfoot only nodded, and his surprised expression soon left place to a more confident one. He took his black wand in his hand, and got into a fighting stance, with his knees slightly bent and one foot put forward.

"Well, then. Don't restrain yourself." Dagon said, opening his arms wide, as if to inviting him to begin.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at that, "Should I attack you, Sir?"

"If you don't want to be attacked first" Dagon replied, with an obvious tone.

Padfoot raised his wand and " _Flipendo_ " he stated, moving his wrist in a firm movement. Dagon casted a non-verbal " _Protego_ ", and, after Sirius’s spell bounced away, a flash of red light emerged from the tip of his wand. 

Sirius dodged it with a jump, and immediately " _Incarcerous_ " he hissed, as several chains were conjured, and moved to trap the Professor. He broke that spell, too, with a simple movement of his wand, before attacking back.

They kept duelling for some minutes, with Sirius elegantly sending jinxes and spells towards the man. He was starting to sweat, and Madeline could see it in his frown that he was getting frustrated.

Dagon, on the other hand, looked utterly bored. Suddenly, he seemed to get tired of that little game, because he swiftly hit the Gryffindor boy with a " _Petrificus_ _Totalus_ ", which surprised him, and then cast an " _Expelliarmus_ ", catching Sirius's wand in his wrinkled hand.

He got closer to him, then, without even bothering to release him from the spell. "I expected more from a Black..." He whispered, but everybody heard him. "Your parents have certainly taught you dark spells, boy, and yet... You didn't use them." He said, walking around him like an eagle does with its prey. Then, he stopped in front of Sirius, looking him directly in his grey eyes. "You tell me that you're not like them. You wear your Gryffindor robes with juvenile pride. But remember this, boy... Pride will get you nowhere. Cunningness will. In a duel with anyone of your family, you would lose." He said, and lazily moved his wand to let him move, "Go back to your seat."

Sirius sent him a hateful look before doing as he was told. James followed his movements with his hazel eyes, looking concerned.

Madeline didn't like at all how the Professor had treated Padfoot. Yes, he hadn't been totally wrong. But he had no right to talk about Sirius, and his family.

She raised her hand, then.

Dagon's penetrating eyes immediately settled on her. "I haven't explained anything, yet... I can't imagine what you could ask me, Miss..." He interrupted himself, and raised a silver eyebrow, a question in his gaze.

"Madeline Green, Sir." she hastily replied, raising her chin and trying to look as determined and charming as ever.

He raised an eyebrow, "Ah, Green... Daughter of two relevant Ministry employees, aren't you? I see... What's your question?"

She took a deep breath, before speaking, "I was wondering, Sir" she said, pronouncing his title slowly, "What was the reason behind what you did to Sirius? You wanted to show us that you're stronger than us, maybe? Because that would be totally obvious and unnecessary... Or, perhaps, you wanted to tell us that we should cheat to win a duel? Because that, I think, should be our choice, shouldn’t it?" She asked, before crossing her arms, and James threw her an astonished look.

She usually didn't talk back to teachers. But Dagon was no ordinary teacher.

The man took some steps in her direction, until he was standing right in front of her desk. He seemed to be totally unbothered by her words and, on the contrary, her speaking-up had apparently amused him. "I understand that you want to protect your friend, girl... That's appreciable, in the right contexts… But not now." he stated, before smirking, "Being a Gryffindor and thinking before talking are not two things that will ever go together, I guess..." He said, enjoying the flash of anger in her eyes, "Your remark was funny, but you should learn to hold your tongue." He slowly added, studying her keenly.

She forced herself to nod at the old man, then; she knew she had crossed a line. She really was too hot-headed, sometimes.

Dagon didn’t move, letting his eyes take in her figure and expression with curiosity; some interminable seconds passed before he took his stare away from her.

Then, he moved away from there, and started waking between desks, talking to everyone, "You should all remember, kids, that we're in the middle of a war. There's no time for pleasantries. Overall, there's no time for _nobleness_." He spat out unceremoniously, "Do you honestly think that Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters don't cheat when facing us Aurors?" He sternly asked, as outraged whispers spread through the class at the mention of You-Know-Who's name.

"Mister Black is a skilled wizard, but he wouldn't be able to win in a duel with someone who wanted to kill him. I'm here to change that. I'm here to teach you how to win." He said, and Madeline noticed that Sirius's grey eyes turned from thoughtful to interested at that, "First of all, you'll learn non-verbal spells. Second, you'll learn how to properly fight." The Professor kept explaining, before reaching the front of the class again. "I'm no hypocrite. I know that among you we have blood-purity supporters, and that some of your families troop with Voldemort."

An icy atmosphere descended on the class, then, but the man remained imperturbable.

"Right now, you're still students. But soon... You'll be asked to take a side. What side will you choose?" He rhetorically asked, letting his eyes study their scared, young faces.

James raised a hand himself, then, and Lily, who appeared totally shocked by how the lesson was proceeding, set her green eyes on him, a little apprehensively.

"What now, Mister...?" Asked Dagon.

"James Potter, Sir. And I only wanted to hear your opinion about something, given that most of our teachers pretend that the war isn’t real, and that Voldemort doesn’t exist..."

All students watched him with wide eyes when the boy mentioned He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named with confidence, without flinching, looking completely unafraid. Dagon seemed to appreciate that, though, for he gestured at James to continue talking, "How powerful is he, actually? Are we close to beat him? Do you think this fight will end soon?" breathed James, then, before nervously messing his dark hair.

Dagon raised an eyebrow, as if he had not expected those particular questions. Then, he shook his head. "Your parents have probably already told you this, Mister Potter, but if you want a more sincere reply... No. Voldemort is extremely powerful, more than you can imagine. More than you all will ever be." He stated, "And this war... It has just begun." He added.

That sent a shiver down Madeline’s spine. She felt immensely cold, and she wished that she could keep those hopeless words from registering in her mind. She moved her hand under the desk to grab James's cold, soft one, and she gently squeezed it, looking for a familiar touch.

The boy had paled considerably after the Professor's answer, and so he was quick in holding her hand back, searching for some reassurance, too.

Their eyes met. Blue into hazel. She gave him a sweet smile. "Remember" she whispered to him, "That as long as we're together, we'll be fine."

Prongs only nodded at that, but the torment in his gaze didn't fade away.

Madeline noticed Lily stealing glances at him with a concerned expression on her pretty face, and sighed.

Sirius, too, was looking pretty lost in thoughts.

She wished that she could turn to Remus, then, and hear some reassuring words; he always seemed to know what to say to make her feel better. She also wished that she could receive one of his looks, the ones that made her, and the Marauders in general, feel safe.

But Remus was sitting behind them, and Dagon had already moved on, and started explaining the theory for non-verbal spells.

So, Madeline only held James's hand tighter, enjoying its warmth, and the feeling of home it gave her.

* * *

At lunch, all school knew about what had happened in Professor Dagon’s first class.

The Slytherins and the Hufflepuffs would have him in the afternoon, and Madeline wondered if the Auror would say the same things he had told them with a class full of Pureblood snakes.

When the Marauders and she took their usual sits at the Gryffindor table, and Alice and Frank settled by their side, several heads turned to look at them.

“What’s the matter?” asked James while serving himself some chicken.

Alice snorted, “Marlene told me that Amelia told her that everybody’s talking about Sirius’s duel with Dagon. Oh, and also, some Ravenclaw spread the voice that Madeline talked back to the old man, so that, too, should be a quite popular subject of discussion today”

Madeline gave Padfoot a look, “Why do we _always_ have to be the centre of attention?” she asked, sighing deeply, before taking her head in her hands.

Sirius shrugged, “I don’t mind. All these people don’t know us, for real. Let them talk. They wish they were us.”

James laughed aloud at that.

After having left the Defence’s classroom, they had attended Transfiguration with McGonagall, and their quite disheartened mood had fortunately left place to a more carefree one.

Moony shook his head, “Same old Padfoot. Give him a spotlight, he’ll be happy.”

The boy grinned, “Yeah, but you can be under the spotlight with me, Moons. We make quite the couple, love.”

“My Wolfstar babies” joked Madeline, and the Marauders laughed.

In their fifth year, someone had spread a fake rumour according to which Sirius and Remus were secretly dating. It had reached their ears, and since then, James and Madeline had come up with the nickname “Wolfstar” to refer to the couple they made.

Padfoot and Moony didn’t mind that; it made them laugh, actually. Sometimes, they put their arms around each other’s shoulders when walking around the Castle just to make people talk more. They were so childish.

Lily, who had stayed behind to have a talk with McGonagall about her Head Girl’s duty, arrived just then, and took a seat next to James.

“Everything’s alright, Evans?” he asked, then, as she put some meat in her plate.

The redhead nodded, “Yeah, everything’s fine, thank you… Professor McGonagall wants us to patrol the corridors after curfew, tonight.”

James’s hazel eyes lightened up at that, “That’s great!” he exclaimed, and his enthusiasm for something as silly as that seemed to amuse Lily, who smiled.

“I guess so” she just replied, before she started eating.

Madeline and Remus exchanged a knowing grin.

“I can’t wait for Dagon to teach us advanced spells… The things he did in that duel… He was amazing, and with so little effort!” said Sirius, then, surprising them all.

Remus raised an eyebrow, “I thought he had hurt your pride, Pads.”

The black-haired boy shrugged, “Well, yeah, maybe a little. But he’s a top-class Auror. I can accept it from him.” He just commented, before biting into some stew.

“Yeah, about top-class people… Are you auditioning for the Quidditch team this year?” asked James, then, throwing his friend a hopeful glance.

Prongs had tried to recruit Sirius for the team for _years._ He was a pretty valid beater, and Madeline thought that the idea of playing by his friend’s side made James feel more confident.

“No way, Prongs, no. You’re too crazy, mate. You wake up at _six_ in the morning to train! I’m this handsome because I get my beauty sleep every night, alright?”

James shook his head in disbelief at that, “But it’s our last year! You promised me that you’d eventually accept to join us!”

Sirius shrugged, “Did I? Can’t remember that, sorry mate…” he said, before hiding his grin in his glass of pumpkin juice.

Prongs rolled his eyes, then, “At least Marlene told me she’ll audition again. She’s one of the best.”

“Did she now?” asked Padfoot, “She’s truly good at Quidditch” he added, distractedly, but nobody commented on that.

“Are we going to the library today?” asked Remus, then, “Dagon and McGonagall have already given us tons of homework…”

Padfoot and Prongs grimaced at that, while Madeline nodded, “Yeah, Moons, I’m in”

“I think I’ll join you too” intervened Lily.

James looked at her, then. “Mm, well, yeah… Maybe I’ll come”

The redhead slightly reddened at that, while Sirius only sighed, “It’s the _second_ day of school! Wormtail, _we_ are _not_ going, mate!”

Peter could do nothing but nod at his commanding words.

“You should come, Pads” said Madeline, then, “You’re incredibly prepared in Transfiguration, you could help us all”

Sirius’s grey eyes settled on her, then, and seemed to study her for a minute. He momentarily glanced at Lily and James, before taking a deep breath, and looking back at Madeline. “Well… If _you_ ask me, how can I say no?”

Remus shook his head incredulously, and “Idiot” he muttered under his breath, causing everyone to laugh aloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just LOVE to write about the Marauders and Madeline being friends !!  
> They warm my heart. Hoped they warmed yours too :)  
> Also: Dagon is no Rathbone, eh? I'd like to know what you think about him !  
> All my love x


	55. To Be Young And In Love

That same afternoon, after their Charms lesson, the Gryffindors headed to the Castle’s Library.

As soon as Sirius and James crossed its threshold, Madam Pince addressed them a very intimidating stare. Madeline couldn’t blame her. The Marauders were not quiet people.

They walked a bit into the Library and sat at the largest wooden table; she sat next to Sirius, with Remus on her other side. Lily was in front of them, between James and Peter.

As soon as she settled down her things, she looked around herself, and instantly saw him.

She wasn’t surprised by Severus’s presence; he was a bookworm, after all, and he wanted his essays to be perfect, full of notions and critically analysed.

He hadn’t seen her, because he had his long nose buried in some volume. She wished she could reach him, then, and sit by his side; she wished they could do their homework together, and whisper jokes at each other.

She sighed, as Peter let his thick Transfiguration book fall unceremoniously on the table.

Sirius took off his sweater, then, and rolled up his shirt’s sleeves, “This is going to take some time” he muttered, sounding annoyed, before winking at a Hufflepuff girl who was staring at him from another table. She blushed, and instantly turned back to her friends, who started giggling.

Padfoot grinned with satisfaction at her reaction, and laid his arm on the back of Madeline’s chair.

“The sooner we start, the sooner we finish” the blonde Gryffindor stated in response, reading McGonagall’s assignment.

She didn’t exactly _love_ Transfiguration. She appreciated the Professor, immensely. But it wasn’t her favourite subject.

“Why don’t we start speaking about the topic in general? You know, collect ideas, or something like that… Then, we write down our essays… And then we read them aloud, and correct each other” proposed James, given that none of them seemed to be ready to start doing anything.

Lily shot him a surprised look, and studied the boy for some seconds before commenting, “Yeah, that would actually be a good idea”

He raised an eyebrow at that, while his friends giggled, “Well, thank you, Evans… I guess?”

Remus nodded, “So… Sirius, you go first. Start with some theory.”

“Me?” asked Padfoot, who was looking again at the Hufflepuff girl. When Moony rolled his eyes, he snickered, “Fine, fine, Rem. Don’t be jealous, darling. You’re my love.” He said, before opening his own book; then, he started talking, “So, advanced human transfiguration…”

They spent the next hour recalling what McGonagall had said, and searching for examples and insights in their volumes and in other books that the library provided them. As soon as all of them got a grip on the subject, they started writing their essays.

Madeline had already written two inches, when she lazily raised her head, and met Severus’s eyes.

The side of his mouth twitched upwards in acknowledgment, if only for a second, and she winked at him, surprising him; he raised an eyebrow at that, before shaking his head in amusement and lowering his gaze. She knew that interacting in front of so many students was dangerous... But she couldn’t help but find it exciting.

Severus stood up, then, and walked in the direction of Madam Pince; he passed by their table without even raising his eyes. Sirius threw him a disgusted look when he saw him, but said nothing.

Madeline was surprised by that but, after all, she knew that Padfoot didn’t want to make her mad. Not after what had happened in Spring.

She sadly thought, then, that once Sirius would have never let Severus pass by them without insulting him, mocking him, or calling him “Snivellus”.

She had witnessed James and him doing so several times during the years, when she had been a sillier, more superficial girl; she had cared nothing about Lily’s best friend; Severus had been a lonely, Slytherin boy, and she had never looked at him twice. She had pitied him, sometimes. And maybe that was even worse.

And now… Now she could not stop meeting his eyes, looking for his smirk, wanting to be with him. He was so important to her.

“I need a book from the Restricted Section” slowly said Severus to Madam Pince, and Madeline instantly noticed he had spoken in a particularly loud tone of voice. He wanted her to hear him.

The librarian stood silent for a second. Madeline couldn’t see her, for she was giving them her back, but she imagined by her reaction that she was probably arching an eyebrow at him.

“I see. Though seventh year students are _indeed_ allowed to roam the Restricted Section… I’ll have to note down which book you’re interested in examining.”

Severus instantly gave her an articulate title that Madeline didn’t quite understand. She heard Pince wrote it down, before handing Severus a key. “Here it is. Treat the book carefully.”

Severus snorted at that, “Of course” he answered, before walking back, passing by them again, and directing towards the Restricted Section.

That part of the Library, which was quite big, and full of tables, shelves and departments, wasn’t visible from where they were sitting.

She waited some time before raising her eyes from her parchment, and simply commenting, “I think I’ll look for another book… I need to deepen the discourse on irrevocable human transfigurations”

Lily looked at her, then, and raised an eyebrow, “Do you think it’s an important topic to analyse?” she wondered, tapping her chin with her index finger.

Remus stopped writing, and looked at the blonde Gryffindor, too. “Mmm, maybe it is.” He answered in her place, “I mean, it is indeed _useful_ , at least. Once Padfoot wanted to transfigure himself into a ghost just to pull a prank on some Slytherins. We should tell him if it’s irrevocable before he actually does that…”

Everybody laughed at his words, as Sirius threw him a fake, offended glance; Madeline took advantage of that moment, and stood up, “Well, children, we’ll soon know. I’ll do a bit of roaming and see if I can find something.”

The Gryffindors just nodded at her, before focusing back on their work. They all really wanted to finish their essays as soon as possible.

Madeline quickly disappeared from their view; there weren’t a lot of people around, she noticed, as she delved deep into the library. That was quite understandable, though: it was only their second day of school, after all.

When she reached the Restricted Section, she found its door to be ajar. She looked around herself, but only saw two third-years quietly chatting in a corner of the room.

She slid into the Section, and closed the door behind herself.

It wasn’t particularly large, but there were still quite a lot of books there. They were dark, complicated rare, valuable, ancient and possibly dangerous volumes; only NEWTs students could peruse them.

She walked a bit into it before seeing the boy she was looking for.

He was reading some big book, and he was giving her his lean, broad back. She quietly approached him, and wrapped her hands around his torso, resting her head between his shoulder blades.

He stiffened for a second, before relaxing again. He laid the book on the nearest shelf, and put his hands over hers. But he didn’t turn around.

“Got you” she whispered, and he gave her a low laugh.

“Of course you did” he said, before sighing, “Funny, isn’t it?” he asked, then.

“What?” she wondered, not understanding what he meant.

“A Restricted Section, for a Restricted relationship” he just said.

She let him go, then, “Come on, grumpy, give me a kiss and stop being this thoughtful…” she ordered him, and he did as he was told. He turned, slightly bent his head and gave her a gentle peck on the lips. “And I don’t mind sharing a secret with you…” she teasingly said, “It’s _exciting_ , actually. Me and you, hidden from the rest of the world…”

Severus giggled, and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her against him, “Yeah, it’s not _that_ bad…” he commented, before giving her another kiss, on the cheek this time. “I’ve heard that you talked back to Dagon” he told her, then, sounding particularly amused. Madeline thought she even saw a hint of proudness in his onyx orbs.

She rolled her eyes at him, and wrapped her hands around his neck, “Well… Yeah, I did, but he was quick in putting me back into place…”

He raised an eyebrow at that, “Did he now? The proud Madeline Green… Letting someone win an argument? That’s an outstanding achievement.”

She shut his humour by pushing him on the chest, then, until his back was pressed against the shelves behind him. “He didn’t _win_ , love. I just… Dropped it. He was right, after all. I was just being hot-headed…”

His eyes sparkled with desire as she leaned against him, trapping him, “Yeah, you _tend_ to be hot-headed” he commented, “Excitingly so, though” he added, as she left a kiss on his jaw.

“Well, I know that, baby” she told him, looking mischievously at him, “But I hope Dagon doesn’t think the same”

Severus snorted, then. “I hope he doesn’t, too. Auror or not, I’ll fight him.”

She studied him for a second, then, as a thought struck her. “Did he have one of you duel with him, in your class? Like he did with Sirius?”

The Slytherin boy nodded, “Yeah… Mulciber offered, but Dagon told him that he wouldn’t risk send him to the Hospital Wing…” he snorted, “And so he chose a harmless Hufflepuff. As if he could _actually_ hurt Mulciber, by the way. He’s a Professor...”

“But he’s also an Auror” Madeline countered, “And everybody knows that Mulciber’s family is devoted to Voldemort. I get why Dagon would want to kick his as-“

Severus stiffened as she spoke, and a shadow covered his previously relaxed features. “Don’t say _his_ name” he interrupted her, “And Dagon has no right to address private things like that in cl-“

“Private things?!” she hissed back, “There’s a war out there, Severus. Don’t think that I ignore that. Don’t think that our Professors ignore that… Dagon was only being honest with Mulciber.”

He shook his head, “How can you say that?” he asked, looking incredulous, “So, you think that if he knew I am a…” he took a deep breath before whispering, “Death Eater…” he breathed, “…And he decided to beat _my_ ass, you would _defend_ him?”

Madeline studied him for some seconds, “I would _understand_ him.”

Severus looked angry, then, angrier than she had seen him in some time. “I can’t believe we’re back at this… Like last year… When things go well, we fall back into this… You told me you accepted me and then…”

He tried to slip away from her, but she pressed her body to his even more. “ _Severus_ ” she told him, firmly, “You know I care about you. An awful lot. You’re an amazing person. And I… _Have_ to accept your choices. But I don’t agree with them, you know that” she sighed, “You can’t ask me to do that. Dagon may be an enemy to you, but to me… he’s a guide.”

“A… A guide?”

“For when I’ll be out of here. For when I’ll fight.”

He put his hands on her arms, then, to make her take some steps away from him, “ _Fight_? I knew you would never side with… The Dark Lord… You made it abundantly clear that you wanted _us_ to lose… But, fight? What does that even _mean_?”

She crossed her arms, then, and knitted her brows. “Did you _really_ think that I would stay behind, or even _hide_ , as other wizards and witches fight and _die_ to win this war?”

He gaped at that, “You want to _fight_?! Against _me_?!”

“No, you _stupid_ fool. Not against _you_. Against _them_.”

“Fucking hell, Madeline… I _am_ one of them” he hissed back, “Who put that idea in your head, eh? Was it your friends? Rathbone?”

“What? _Severus_ …” she took a deep breath, and tried to calm herself, “I thought you had understood that I wouldn’t run away from this. When we met again, this summer, what did I tell you?”

He seemed to focus on calming himself, then. “Several things. What do you mean to say?”

She rolled her eyes. He was being unreasonable, “I told you that, even if we’re very different, and on opposite sides of this war… I still need you. I do need you Severus. I _can’t_ control my feelings. And this may seem childish and absurd to most people but I just… I-”

That seemed to move him; he was now looking at her with infinite sadness, and she felt a lump forming in her throat, as the words died on her lips.

“I get it” he interrupted her, “I feel the same. I’ve never been… _Sentimental_ ” he spat out, “But with you… Fuck, Madeline…” he whispered, in a defeated tone, looking as if what she just said changed things completely for him.

He had been naïve to believe that she wouldn’t go on the battlefield. He had been a fool. What he felt for her… It had blinded him. And now that she had given him the harsh truth… It hurt him.

He added nothing, and took her hand to pull her against his chest, again. He held her tightly, with a little desperation, and wished that he could protect her from the world, that he could take her away from there. She hugged him back, letting him put his face in her hair and inhale her scent deeply.

She soothingly caressed his back, as if wanting to release some of the tension he was feeling.

After an entire minute, he let her go. “This war… It will divide us”, he told her, and his tone of voice made her shiver.

“Yes, yes it will” she said in resignation, “That’s why we’ve been avoiding the subject since Cokeworth. Because we know how it will end.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“You accept that?”

“I would do anything in this world to change that, Severus. Anything.”

“But you can’t.”

“Because you don’t want that.”

He closed his eyes for a second, before swallowing. “You know that we should let the other go, don’t you?”

“Yes”

“I’m not ready to let you go, Gryffindor girl” he said, as he had already said some time before, “Even if, now that I know this…” he continued in a disillusioned tone, as if she had just proved him that everything he feared was true, “…I-Madeline, I- Fuck. I am a Death Eater, Madeline. You know th-”

She hugged him again, burying her face in his chest. “Shut up, now. I’m not ready to let you go, either, stupid Slytherin boy” she muttered against the cotton of his sweater.

 _Would they ever truly be ready to do that, though?,_ they both asked themselves.

“But now, please…” she continued, “We’re still at Hogwarts. You know that here we can pretend everything’s fine.”

He sighed, and nodded, “Yes, _here_ we can do that.” He whispered, before passing a hand over his tired eyes. “I think you should go back to your friends, now, or Black will certainly come look for you” he bitterly added.

Madeline was reluctant to do that, but she knew he was right.

“Yeah” she said, as she separated from him. She looked at him for a long moment, before smiling. “Give me another kiss before I go, though” she asked him.

He took a step forward, without even thinking about it, and bent his head to give her a gentle peck on the lips, one so soft that it made her want to cry.

Then, she sighed, and walked out of the Restricted Section, not once looking back at him.

As she reached her table again, and muttered to her friends, “I’ve looked everywhere, but could find nothing on the matter…”, she started writing her essay, again.

Her encounter with Severus had not gone as she had imagined it when she had entered the Section.

But she knew that it had been inevitable for them to have a talk like that.

She glanced around the Library, then, trying to distract herself from all he had told her, when she noticed the same group of girls from before; the Hufflepuff lass who had previously stared at Sirius was now reading attentively her Potions book.

Another one of the girls, though, a Slytherin, judging by her green and silver tie, was looking directly at their table, directly at…

“Moony”, Madeline whispered excitedly, momentarily forgetting about the weight that her conversation with Severus had put on her shoulders.

Remus raised his amber eyes from his parchment, then, and he gave her a questioning look. “Mads?”

She grinned, then, “There’s someone over there who seems quite interested in you” she told him, and nodded towards the girls’ table.

The boy reddened furiously, while Sirius, who had overheard her, instantly looked up, “Who?” he asked aloud.

Madeline expected the girl to blush, then, or to lower her gaze, but she only raised an eyebrow at Sirius’s exclamation. Remus slowly turned to look at her, too, then.

She was a pretty girl, with straight, dark brown hair and big, sweet, chocolate eyes. She had a heart-shaped face, with high cheekbones, and her pink lips were curled in a sly smile.

"Oh, I know her," Sirius whispered, turning back to them. "Sixth year snake, she’s called Dorcas Meadowes. She was one of Regulus’s little friend… Long ago. Then everything changed because, you know, she’s a sane girl, so she doesn’t believe in blood purity, and other bullshit like that.”

That thing struck Madeline. _If only Severus could be like Dorcas…_ , she thought, before Sirius continued talking.

“Her mother is Muggle, if I remember well. When Regulus walked away from her, the girl suffered a lot… Or so my brother told me. I think he suffered too, but he’s always been more tied to duty than to pleasure, you know..." he sighed, "In fact, as you can see, the girl’s friends with Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Luckily for her, she escaped the snakes… Slytherins are _really_ filthy bastards. You’re what they want, or you’re nothing."

Madeline rolled her eyes at his last few words, while noticing that Remus had listened to Sirius with attention; his amber eyes were now burning with interest and understanding.

Madeline already liked the girl, “So… She’s an outcast.” She commented, looking back at Dorcas, “I like her” she said. The Slytherin girl was still stealing glances at Moony, looking completely unbothered by the fact that she had been spotted. She seemed bold.

Madeline smiled, and stood up from her seat. Maybe something good could happen in that Library. She didn’t want the day to go to waste.

“Where are you going?” asked Remus, then, while paling considerably; he had probably understood what she was about to do.

His friend didn’t reply to that, and instead walked right up to the girls’ table, until she was standing next to the Slytherin.

She cleared her voice and, “Hey… You’re Dorcas, right?”, she asked her, while giving her a gentle smile. All the other girls had stopped studying, and were now looking at her.

Dorcas fixed some hair behind her ears, before meeting her blue eyes, “Yes, I am” she simply stated, “Why?”

Madeline shrugged, “I was wondering if you’d like to meet my friend Remus. He’s way too shy to introduce himself to you but… I think he would like to meet you.” she explained, grinning conspiratorially at the girl.

Dorcas’s shoulders relaxed a bit at that, as if she eventually saw an ally in the Gryffindor girl.

Madeline thought then that she really knew how to charm Slytherins.

“Would he?” she asked then, sounding amused by the situation, but she stood up as she said so, “I’d be glad to meet him, too.”

When they got back to the table, each one of the boys was staring at Dorcas. Lily elbowed James to stop him from doing that, probably in order not to embarrass the girl. Peter looked down upon receiving a reprimanding gaze by Madeline.

Sirius’s grey eyes were moving rapidly between Madeline and the Slytherin girl and he looked both amused and pleased.

Moony had turned a particularly intense shade of crimson, and was watching Madeline with “you-didn’t-really-do-that” eyes.

“Guys, this is Dorcas. Dorcas, these are the Marauders and Lily. And this, in particular” Madeline announced, turning to Moony, “is Remus. But you probably already know him.”

“Hello Dorcas” they all said in unison, and giggled when realising so. The girl giggled, too, before looking directly at Remus. “Hi” she said.

“Uhm… Hi” he replied, while nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

Madeline could see it in her posture that Dorcas was no weak, nor easily intimidated, girl.

She could see strength in her. Fierceness.

“This situation is a bit embarrassing but… I’m actually glad Madeline brought me here” she said, then, looking at Moony, and at Moony only, and avoiding everyone’s else gaze, “I’ve been meaning to ask you this for some time, but… You are _always_ with your friends… I didn’t want to disturb you. But… Right. Listen… I would like to meet you.” she blurted out, “To go out with you, maybe?”

Madeline saw a million thoughts flashing in Remus’s amber eyes at her brutally honest words.

The first thing that had come to his mind, probably, was his being a werewolf. She was painfully aware of the fact that he thought that “people like him” deserved no love stories; Madeline had always tried to make him change his mind about that.

Everybody deserved to be loved.

Remus, who was the sweetest, kindest and most charming guy ever, deserved that above all.

Madeline knew that Remus was somewhat _afraid_ of relationships, of caring about others. She had seen that while they were growing up. It was difficult for him to trust people, to get completely lost in a feeling, to follow his heart.

She hoped, then, that he would just let himself go… That he would try to meet that pretty and determined girl, whose eyes burned with desire at the prospect of a date with him.

Remus probably saw in those eyes her same things, because Madeline suddenly noticed all his thoughts disappear behind his eyes like fireworks in the night-sky. Then, he gently smiled at the girl. There was a hopeful look on his handsome, young, scarred face.

“I would like that. To go out with you, I mean” he told her, with his soft, soothing voice, “On the first Hogsmeade weekend, maybe?”

Dorcas gave him a happy smile, before nodding. “That would be perfect” she said, before looking at the other Seventh years, and not knowing what to do. “Uhm… I should go back to my friends, now” she added, and started to walk away, when Sirius interrupted her, “Hey Meadowes… Hogsmeade won’t be before two weeks… It’s a long time, isn’t it? Why don’t you sit with us tonight at dinner? The Gryffindor table is far more charming and funny than the Slytherin’s one” he told her, while grinning, “And dear old Moony would like that.”

Madeline understood what he was trying to do, and felt immensely proud of him. Sirius was an outcast himself, like the girl. She knew he emphasized with people who were different from what they were supposed to be.

Dorcas’ chocolate eyes opened wide, but Padfoot’s words seemed to please her, for she smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that… Thank you for the invitation! See you tonight, then, guys” she told them, before getting back to her friends, who were now observing her with shock and, to Madeline’s opinion, a bit of envy.

Remus threw Sirius and Madeline a defeated, yet amused and thankful, glance, then. “You _two…_ You are the worst.”

“You mean the _best”_ corrected him Sirius, while raising his hand towards Madeline.

She gave him the high-five he expected, before nodding, “Yeah, Rem, you’re welcome, dear” she said, before James burst down in laughter, and started telling Remus that he had, on the other hand, behaved incredibly well.

Lily giggled at that, “Yeah, because you were afraid of my reaction” she mocked him.

Prongs’s hazel eyes shot to her, an incredulous look in them.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, then, “Did you seriously think she didn’t realise you _live_ to please her?”

James crossed his arms at that, looking childish and affronted. “Well…” he started saying, before side-glancing Lily, “Evans, you could pretend not to. This is humiliating.”

Lily shrugged, before smiling at him, “No it’s not. And, you know what? I may be starting to like you like this.”

Everybody stiffened at her words, and James’s face lightened up with joy.

“Oh, Merlin, she didn’t say that…” muttered Padfoot.

Madeline giggled, watching Lily blushing when she realised what she had said. “Yeah, she did.”

Remus shook his head, while saying out loud, “Why do I have _you_ as friends?”

Peter only observed them quietly, an amused grin on his long, pale face.

And just like that, the first weeks of September flew by, and the last days of summer brought away with them all their warmth and carefreeness.

That last year of school proved to be quite difficult right from the beginning. The Marauders and Madeline now spent most of their free time studying in the Library, or doing essays in their Common Room. Lily, Frank and Alice very often joined them, and also Dorcas, who had started dining with them several times, frequently sit with them.

Severus seemed to be pretty busy, too; that’s why Madeline got to see him more and more rarely. The fact that they had to act in secret made everything even more complicated. And the words they had exchanged in the Restricted Section had made him grumpier, and sadder.

Dagon’s classes turned out to be the most looked forward to, and the man himself was considered one of the best Defence teachers they had ever had.

The Slytherins didn’t particularly appreciate him, though, and the Professor seemed to feel the same in return.

As the first Hogsmeade weekend approached, Madeline received a letter. She immediately recognised who had sent it, because _his_ elegant, curved handwriting was unmistakable.

She smiled as she saw the envelope.

It was from Alastair Rathbone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, in 2016, Alan Rickman passed away.
> 
> He was an extraordinary actor, and an even finer gentleman.
> 
> Dear Alan, thank you for your art; you will always be remembered with affection.
> 
> You brought Severus Snape into life in the most mesmerising way, and I'll never stop being grateful to you for that.
> 
> RIP x live forever.


	56. No Ordinary Kids

"You're going to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

Madeline didn't move her face away from the crook of his neck, and let a few minutes pass before answering, "Yeah, I actually am... With the Marauders, y'know?"

Severus sighed, "I imagined so" he simply commented, as his left hand kept caressing her blonde hair.

They were laying on the sofa in the Room of Requirement, and the following day would be the Saturday in which she'd meet with Rathbone.

As much as she wanted to, Madeline knew she couldn't tell the boy about him. She felt she needed to protect the Professor, and also the secret organization he worked for.

And Severus was a Death Eater. She _couldn't_ simply forget that.

Her grip around his torso tightened, so that she could hug him harder.

He giggled at that, "You're acting like a kitten today" he said with that deep voice of his, and she laughed against the pale skin of his neck. "A kitten, eh?" She repeated, finding the word incredibly sweet when being pronounced by him. "I may be one, but only with you" she stated, pecking his jaw.

"That I hope" he replied, threading his long, bony fingers through her hair, so that he could scratch her scalp.

She sighed contentedly as he did so, and listened to the relaxing crackling of the fireplace for a few minutes. His gentle touch, comforting warmth and familiar scent made her feel at peace.

They hadn’t been together in quite some time, and organising that little encounter had been difficult. It had involved enchanted pieces of paper written quickly in Slughorn’s class, and a bit of luck.

"Are _you_ going to Hogsmeade?" She asked, then, realising she didn't know what his plans were.

"No, I don't think so. Maybe I'll go to the Library, read a book I saw the other day." He replied, distractedly, as if he hadn't put much thought into it.

"I'd stay with you, really, but-" she started saying.

"No, I get it. I know you love Hogsmeade." He interrupted her, "You should go, and have fun. Then you'll tell me all about it." He simply added.

She was struck by his words, and raised her head slightly to look him in the face. "Are you serious?"

He raised an eyebrow at that, and appeared bemused, "Of course I am."

She smiled, then, and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, love" she told him, before hugging him again, and kissing his neck, also. His skin covered with goosebumps and she grinned, "You're a babe."

He let out a low laugh, "Yeah, you say so very often" he said.

They stood silent for some more time. She felt safe in his arms. His hug was all she thought about. He was breathing steadily, he too appearing completely relaxed.

"You're looking thoughtful today..." He commented after a bit, "What's on your mind?"

She took a breath, "Honestly?”

“Yeah”

“Well… You."

He snickered, "Come on, Madeline." He reprimanded her.

"What?" She asked, and rubbed her nose against his jugular before kissing it, "It's true. I miss you. We've been apart, lately... I just want to spend more time with you... To go to sleep and wake up next to you... And to make you tea, though you would probably despise it because you are the Tea Master, here-"

"I am" he affirmed, though his voice betrayed that what she was saying had startled him, “It takes some knowledge to brew a perfect cup of English tea.” He continued, with an obvious tone.

She let her left hand slid from his hip to his chest, while giggling. Her fingers started playing with his Slytherin tie.

“And?” he asked.

“What?”

“Go on with your little speech.” He stated.

She smiled, before saying, “Well… I also want to make you listen to the music I love, and dance with you-"

He snorted, "I don't dance"

She raised an eyebrow, "With me, you would."

He didn't deny that.

"And I want you to read to me one of my Shakespeare books-"

"Shakespeare?" He asked, sounding amused, "Why him?"

"Because I think you would make his words sound even more beautiful."

He giggled, "Mm" he replied, "Which book?”

“Hamlet, maybe? I love that one.”

He nodded, “Alright then. What else do you want to do with me?" He curiously asked.

"I want to braid your hair."

"What?" He exclaimed, appearing surprised.

"Yeah, and someday I will..."

He raised a hand to stop hers, which was sliding from his chest to his lower abdomen. She giggled at that, as their fingers entwined. "What else?" He pushed.

"I want to show you London. And I want to go to dinner in a fancy restaurant with you, so we can pretend we're posh people."

"You _are_ posh, Madeline."

She gaped at that, "No I am not!" She exclaimed, and that made him laugh again and shake his head.

"Sure, _Gryffindor Princess_. Not posh at all."

She watched their hands as he brought them up, in the air above them. She disentwined her fingers from his to compare their fingers' length. His were longer, and his hand broader.

"And I want to kiss you, and make love to you in a comfortable bed, with lots of candles around us, when there's a storm outside. And then I want to fall asleep in your arms and pretend we'll always be together. I want to grow old with you." She added, then, with a melancholic tone that slightly broke his heart.

Their hands rested again on his chest, as he sighed. He waited an entire minute before saying something. "I want the same" he admitted, then.

They both knew that there was no sense in dwelling in dreams: and yet again, they were kids.

And kids have nothing more than dreams.

So they hugged again, and enjoyed each other's presence, while trying to impress in their minds forever that moment of truth and peace.

* * *

"Read it again" asked James, while playing with his Golden Snitch. He let it fly a bit before catching it again.

Remus rolled his eyes, but cleared his voice, and obliged him.

_Dear Madeline,_

_Mail is not safe._

_I'll be at the Hog's Head on Saturday for a cup of tea, if you're interested in meeting me._

_Sincerely yours,_

_A._

Madeline sighed deeply as she eyed the piece of paper in his fingers. It was a short message, and it seemed that Rathbone had written it in a hurry. The writing was shaky and not nearly as precise as usual.

She knitted her brows as Moony read the Professor's words once again.

James sighed when Remus stopped talking. "It reminds me of my parents' letters. Something must have happened..." He commented, appearing lost in thoughts.

Sirius nodded, "Yeah, probably... He didn't even sign his name..."

Madeline felt really concerned about Alastair's condition, then. "Merlin, guys... I hope he's fine."

Moony gave her a reassuring smile, then. The orange light projected by the fireplace highlighted the warmness in his amber eyes.

"He's surely fine, Mads. Otherwise, he wouldn't have agreed to meet you... Do you really want us to come, by the way?"

Madeline firmly nodded, "Yeah, absolutely. He knows a lot about wars... And he's an active participant in this one, after all. Plus, last year, he seemed disposed to help me get involved in it. We have bonded over my desire to fight, and... I see him as... An ally, you know? I want you to know him as well. He can really direct us in the right way... Or so I think."

The Marauders only nodded at her words.

After a while, James talked, "Yeah, you're right... Aurors work for the Ministry, after all. They won't tell us much. But if Rathbone is involved in a different way... Yeah, I think he will help us."

They all agreed with him. Only Peter seemed very worried about that whole situation, and Madeline noticed that he was being quite silent. There was a hint of anxiety in his pale, blue eyes.

"Hey, Pete, you alright, mate?" Gently asked Remus, noticing that, too.

Wormtail snapped out of his thoughts, and threw him a surprised glance. "Uhm, wh-Yeah, yeah..."

Moony raised an eyebrow at his shaky response, but said nothing.

"So, this afternoon… at the _Hog's Head_. He certainly wants to be secretive." Said Sirius.

Madeline nodded, "I don't think a former Professor would want to be seen confabulating with students... Certainly not with students like us, in particular."

Prongs laughed at that, "Yeah, we're not exactly little angels."

Sirius snorted, "Talk for yourself, mate. I am _definitely_ an angel."

Remus raised an eyebrow at that, "Yeah, a fallen angel, perhaps. Lucifer, am I right?"

Sirius took a pillow from the Common Room's sofa and threw him at him. It hit Moony square in the face, and everybody giggled as he tossed it back at the dark-haired boy, who effortlessly avoided it.

Right then, the portrait of the Fat Lady opened, and Lily Evans entered the Room. She had some books in her hands, signalling that she had probably just come back from the Library. Even if it was Saturday morning, she was still the perfect student.

Her long, auburn hair were a bit dishevelled, and her Gryffindor tie a little loose. She looked beautiful.

The girl immediately spotted them talking in low voices by the fireplace, and was quick in taking a chair and joining them. “What are you all plotting?” she asked, green eyes flickering on each of their faces. “It’s _not_ a prank, is it, James?” she asked, looking at Prongs and crossing her arms.

Madeline noticed that her calling the boy with his given name hadn’t shaken Prongs. Maybe they had started addressing each other that way during their night patrols after curfew, while doing their duties as Head Boy and Girl. She grinned.

“It is _not_ , Lily” he replied, as his friends looked at him with a certain surprise. “I swear.”

Lily moved her eyes to Remus, as if looking for a confirmation. “Oh, yeah! He’s telling the truth,” said the boy, before giggling.

Madeline remembered then what Lily had told her the previous Summer. She had been very clear, after all: she wanted to fight, just like the rest of them.

She also knew that the Marauders wouldn’t tell the redhead about Rathbone; it was Madeline who had started that thing with him, and she knew they wouldn’t reveal her secret relationship with the former Professor to anyone else.

But Lily was no ordinary girl. She was one of her best friends. She knew about Remus. James loved her. Also Severus had loved her, though that make Madeline’s heart ache a bit.

Lily could be trusted.

“Actually, Lils… We have something to tell you” started saying Madeline, then, and the Marauders all looked at her with surprise. James appeared pleased by her words, and hopeful. “It’s about the war... Do you want to hear it?”

The redhead put some red hair behind her ear, while nodding fervently. “Of course I do.” She replied, and her forest eyes were burning with curiosity and interest.

Madeline took a deep breath, before she started explaining her everything.


	57. The Hog's Head

The Hog's Head was a dodgy pub in Hogsmeade, located two streets off of the High Street. The place was not forbidden to students, but almost no one from school ever went there. It was known for its cheapness, and for attracting a quite _interesting_ clientele.

It was not at all like the Three Broomsticks, whose large bar gave an impression of gleaming warmth and cleanliness. The Hog’s Head bar comprised one small, dingy, dirty room, strewn with sawdust; the windows were opaque, and the place smelled strongly of smoke and wet soil. The daylight could not permeate the room, which was lit instead with the stubs of candles sitting on rough wooden tables. The floor seemed at first glance to be earthy, though, as Madeline, Lily and the Marauders stepped onto it, they realised that there was stone beneath what seemed to be filth.

There was an ancient wooden till behind the bar that seemed to serve as cash register. Madeline noticed several rags laying on the counter, them too appearing incredibly filthy.

Behind the bar, there was also a rickety wooden staircase leading up to a sitting room.

She had already been in the pub with the Marauders, when they had explored the entire Hogsmeade, in their third year. Sirius had pushed them into that “adventure”, but the pub owner had kicked them out, telling them that they were far too young to hang out in places like that.

And that same man, tall, thin, and imposing, with long, stringy, grey hair and beard, “he looks familiar” murmured Sirius before they shut him up, seemed to still think that they were too young to be there, because he raised an eyebrow at them as soon as they stepped into the place. He was wearing a casual attire, but a brown apron covered most of his clothes.

“Hogwarts students” he stated, and his piercing, blue eyes moved between their young faces. “It’s not a good idea for you to be here.”

Madeline took a deep breath, before answering him, “We’re supposed to meet someone” she simply said.

That seemed to surprise the man, whose eyes filled with both understanding and surprise. “Ah, I see. He told me about _an_ _encounter_ … Kids, though. He didn’t mention kids.” He murmured, while shaking his head. “All will do in times of war, I s’pose…” he added absentmindedly, as if they couldn’t hear him, and Sirius pointed a finger at his own head, meaning that he found the bar owner to be crazy.

Remus shot him a reproachful look, and Padfoot dropped his hand back to his side, shrugging.

“You’ll find him upstairs, second room to the right” told them the man, while moving behind the counter, where he started to clean some glasses, which only seemed to get dirtier. “He’s waiting for you.”

They just nodded, looking uncertain, and went in the direction he had indicated. Madeline’s heart was beating pretty fast, and she was glad she had asked Lily and the Marauders to go with her. They gave her courage, and strength.

James went first, as if sensing her uncertainty. He was ever the brave, fearless Gryffindor boy she had met on the Hogwarts Express year prior.

She followed him, and the other guys went behind them. Peter, who seemed to feel incredibly uncomfortable, came last.

It was warmer, upstairs, and they were all glad about that. The place was quite inhospitable, and therefore perfect for a secret meeting.

James stopped walking when he reached the second door to the right, and waited an entire minute before knocking on it, twice. Madeline stood by his side, anxiously looking in front of her.

“Who’s there?” came a husky voice from the inside. It sounded alert.

Prongs looked at Madeline, before she answered, “Professor… It’s me.”

The wooden door opened, and the two Gryffindors couldn’t help but gape at the man who presented in front of them.

Alastair Rathbone had always been a tall, thin man, but he was now gaunt, and his high cheekbones were more prominent than ever; his green-grey eyes, which had been indecipherable, yet lively, were now full of mistrust and pain. His dark, greying hair had gotten longer, and there was a raggedy air to him, one that didn’t suit his elegant posture and features.

He wore Muggle robes, but they weren’t as colourful and refined as the ones he had worn as a Professor. Those were dark grey, and plain, as if he wanted to go by unnoticed.

He threw a curious, surprised, look at James, before his eyes settled on the girl by his side, and they filled with fondness. Madeline felt her heart miss a beat at that.

She knew he was a former Professor of theirs, and that they had never been particularly intimate, but seeing him like that, looking so tired, pale, weak and untidy… It made her feel terrible.

They had exchanged letters for _months_ and he had been a dear friend and confidant to her.

She took a step in his direction, and slowly raised a hand to cup his cheek. He was cold, and his facial hair pinched her skin. He didn’t stop her as she did so, and even seemed to lean momentarily into her touch.

The other Gryffindors stared at that exchange, looking dumfounded and a bit uncomfortable.

A second later, Rathbone gazed at them, and the softness in his expression left place to a cold detachment. He took a step back.

“Please, come in” he told the lot of them, before retreating inside the room.

James was the first to follow him.

Sirius, instead, let Remus and Peter get into the room, and approached Madeline; he put a hand on her shoulder, as if wanting to reassure the girl. “Don’t trouble yourself. You’ve seen him, right? He’s okay” he whispered, and she nodded, while giving him a thankful smile. Then, she took a deep breath, and moved into the room herself.

It was a tiny bedroom, which contained a wrought-iron bed, a bit too short for Rathbone, an old rug, a crackling fireplace and a door which probably led to the loo. An ancient mirror was hanging on the empty, wooden wall on the left, and on the right there were a little wooden table and a chair.

“I didn’t expect so many people” the Professor said, as he fetched his wand from the table, “But we can remedy the lack of seats, of course” he murmured, seeming to talk more to himself than to them. He waved his hand, so that the bed transfigured in a long, leather sofa, and the students quickly sat on it.

Rathbone took the chair, then, and sat in front of them.

As he raised his gaze again, he looked at their young faces, with what seemed to be a bit of nostalgia.

“It’s good to see you again, Professor” politely said Lily, then.

He hinted a smile at her, one that didn’t reach his eyes, “You’ve always been kind, Miss Evans, thank you”, he said, and his husky voice was as soothing and charming as they all remembered, “Can I offer you something? Tea, perhaps?” he asked, but they all understood that it was only out of sheer politeness.

They just shook his head at him, then.

Madeline couldn’t stop letting her blue eyes roam over his body.

This was the man who had taught her about the war, who had stood by her side when she had most needed someone, who had offered her words of comfort.

And yet he now looked like someone else completely.

“I…” she began saying, and when his green-grey eyes settled on her, the words caught in her throat. “I asked my friends to come, Professor…” she couldn’t call him Alastair, now. It seemed _wrong_.

He raised an eyebrow at that, appearing surprised by the fact that _she_ was finding it hard to talk to him. She had always spoken too much, after all, even with her Professors.

Even with him, and above all.

The man patiently waited for her to continue.

“Because they want to _fight_ , just like me. And you’re the only one who treated me as an adult when I told you about the war… So I thought… You could guide them, too.”

Rathbone listened to her with attention, and then, “I see… _Guide_ them, though… That’s such a heavy word…” he stated, while shaking his head.

Madeline didn’t understand his reaction, but said nothing.

It was clear that he was tense; the blonde girl knew that the others’ presence made him wear a mask, one that he wouldn’t use if he was alone with her. Rathbone had always been reserved, and apparently detached. His defence mechanism preserved him from getting hurt.

Sirius glanced between them, appearing totally confused. He talked, then, to break that weird silence which had created. “Yeah, _guide_ us. We _do_ want to fight… And the war is getting terrible, isn’t it? Dumbledore asked Dagon to teach us Defence, after all. Isn’t it a signal of some kind? The man certainly takes no shit…”

Rathbone’s eyes filled with surprise at the mention of the Auror, and he also seemed to find the boy’s choice of words amusing, “Always brutally honest, Mister Black, aren’t you?” he asked, crossing his arms, “I’m just not sure I’m the right person to _guide_ young people like you. I can certainly… _Connect_ you to people who can do that” he explained, and leaned back into his chair. “Dagon, though? I didn’t know he had been hired…” he sighed, “The situation is indeed… Difficult” he admitted, and swallowed, “And, don’t misunderstand me: I’m really glad you’re all here. It’s very… Honourable of you.” he added.

James knitted his brows at that, and finally spoke, “Well… Sir, honestly, you’re the only one we can talk to. We want to help, really.” He said, “But everyone seems to want to believe that this war doesn’t concern us! Dagon’s the only realist Professor in Hogwarts… Is he one of _yours_ , by the way?”

Rathbone shook his head at him, “Aurors, mister Potter, work for the Ministry. You, out of all people, should know that.” he replied, clearly referring to his parents, “They don’t stand in our way… But they still respect the law. Dagon is an old geezer, he knows his ways around dark wizards. He’ll certainly be a good teacher to you. But what we do… Is different. We play to _actually_ win this war.”

Remus’ amber eyes widened at his words, “I think he wants to _prepare_ us, though. After all, he’s teaching us how to _fight_. Non-verbal spells are advanced magic.”

The Professor looked surprised, “Is he, now?” he asked, appearing lost in thoughts, “Mm, Dumbledore didn’t mention that…”

They all raised their eyebrows at that, “Dumbledore?” asked Sirius, “You spoke with Dumbledore? Is he involved in the organisation?”

Rathbone didn’t show that he had made a mistake, but Madeline could see it in his clenched jaw that he had given them an information that they weren’t supposed to have.

Only she noticed that, though. She knew him well.

“He’s _simply_ the reason I’m in Hogsmeade. He wanted to ask me about the trip I took this Summer.”

That seemed to be a quite reasonable explanation for Padfoot, who only nodded distractedly, his features relaxing.

“What about it?” asked Madeline, then, curiosity taking the better of her.

Rathbone looked at the girl, while he raised an eyebrow, as if he found her vagueness amusing. “What do you want to know, _Miss Green_?” he asked, and for the first time that afternoon, he looked like his old self again.

Her friends kept looking between them, waiting for her to answer.

“We know it wasn’t a trip” she said, “Can you tell us more about it? About the organisation you’re part of?”

He studied her for a second, as if taking in every part of her. She had changed, too, just like him. “No, dear… No, not yet, I’m afraid. Let Christmas pass, and then… Then I may start to tell you all _something_.”

Sirius snorted, “Christmas?!”

Remus shook his head, “The Prophet’s reporting new deaths every day. We shouldn’t lose time…”

“But-“ intervened Peter, for the first time that afternoon, and everybody turned to look at him. Even Rathbone seemed surprised that he had talked, “What could we do while we’re in school? Not much, I reckon.”

Sirius threw him a look, “Well, there _are_ Death Eaters in Hogwarts...”

Madeline felt some panic rise in her chest, then, and she hoped that Sirius wouldn’t tell names.

Rathbone shot her a curious look, as if sensing her discomfort.

Lily rolled her eyes at the dark-haired boy, “How can you be so sure about that, Black?”

Nobody answered her. Lily didn’t know about Regulus, after all.

James spoke after a moment, “Pete’s right, guys. We wouldn’t be able to help them, now. Only once we graduate, we’ll be ready to fight.”

Sirius seemed to think about that for some seconds, before sighing deeply, “Fine… Fine, Prongs, mate, alright, if you say so…”

Madeline shook her head at his quick change of mind. Padfoot really hanged from James’ lips.

“I can’t tell you much, dear Gryffindors. But I… Appreciate… Your will to fight. We’re in the middle of a particularly difficult war, and our enemy is _extremely_ powerful” said Rathbone after a moment, while rubbing his temples with his long fingers, which had once been full of rings, “But as I told Miss Green some time ago… _Enjoy_ these last months of school. Believe me, they won’t come back.”

Remus nodded solemnly at his words, and also Lily seemed to be a little moved by what he had said.

“What about our families?” she asked, then, “If we… Side with you, will they be in danger?”

Rathbone’s green-grey eyes filled with pity, but it was only a moment, before he looked sympathetic again, “Dear Miss Evans… You can’t even imagine what _they_ are capable of doing. I shall be extremely honest with you. If you take a side in this war, _everyone_ you love will be in danger.”

A veil of cold permeated the room, then.

They all already knew that, but hearing it from another person… From an _adult_ … It was totally different.

Madeline thought about her parents, then, and she shivered with fear.

“What should we do with them, then?” the redhead asked again, sounding terribly concerned, “My family… They are Muggles.” She said, and swallowed. Madeline noticed that she had started tapping her foot on the floor, “They wouldn’t understand the importance of all of this! What can I do, Professor? How can I protect them?”

James put a hand on her knee to stop her leg from moving, and that seemed to calm Lily, because she gave him a thankful look.

“Just… Stay away from them as much as you can, darling. I doubt Death Eaters will strike them without a reason, so they should be safe. Our organisation is very secretive, after all… You wouldn’t be _directly_ exposed.” He quickly explained to reassure her, “One day… Everything will be very clear to you. Don’t lose your sleep on things like this for now.”

That discourse seemed to make him nervous, because he stood up from the wooden chair, and took some steps towards the only window the room had, between the fireplace and the bed. Madeline observed his broad shoulders get up and down as he took a deep breath. He was tired.

The Marauders and Lily noticed that, too.

The redhead stood up. “Well, if you say so… I won’t…” she replied, before clearing her throat. “I guess… It’s time to go. Thank you, Professor… For everything.”

James motioned her, standing up, “Uhm, yes… Thank you, sir…” he said, while rubbing the back of his neck, appearing embarrassed, “We should definitely go, now.” He added, looking at the other Gryffindors.

Remus, Sirius and Peter understood what he meant, and instantly followed their friends. But Madeline didn’t.

Rathbone had not turned to them, yet, and his eyes were roaming outside the window.

He was waiting.

Sirius sent the blonde girl a questioning look as he moved towards the door.

Madeline sighed, “I’ll… Stay here a bit more, if that’s okay to you, Professor.”

Rathbone glanced over his shoulder, then, “Yeah, yeah… That’s okay” he replied, before addressing to the others, “Have a nice day, Gryffindors. I was happy to see you all again. And excuse me for my behaviour… I’ve been pretty tired, lately.” he added after a moment.

“We understand, Professor” Answered Remus, then, with his soft tone of voice, “You’ve been really kind.”

The rest of the Marauders exchanged some looks between them, before muttering their goodbyes, too; then, they left the room. Lily gave Madeline a comforting smile, and followed them, before closing the door behind herself.

Madeline felt more comfortable now that her friends were gone. She observed Rathbone’s back for some minutes, and she noticed that he had relaxed since the others had exited the room. After all, he knew that he could be completely honest with her. He knew her well.

And yet, he didn’t speak.

She stood up, and approached him, slowly, until she was close enough to put a hand on his forearm. “Why are you so anxious? What happened to you?” she asked in a low voice.

He didn’t react to her.

She squeezed his arm, then, feeling his weak muscles underneath the soft fabric of his sweater. “Talk to me, please _”_ she pronounced.

His green-grey eyes flickered to her face, and they were full of longing, “The war happened. Don’t ask me more.” He answered, and looked outside again, “Really… I have nothing in particular… I just need some time to recover… from my trip, you know? It’s still too recent.”

She raised an eyebrow at that, “I get it, you won’t tell me anything… But… Don’t let us part like this. I’ve missed you, _Alastair”_ she softly said, removing her hand from him.

He turned slightly, then, as if the use of his name had stricken him, “And I've missed you, too, _Madeline_ ” he said, “I really did… And I know that this meeting hasn’t gone as you had imagined”, he spoke, and took a step towards her. He was tall, but not as imposing as he had been before. “But… I didn’t expect to see your friends and… Merlin, you are _all_ so young, and hopeful. I don’t want to be the one to put an end to that.” He added, husky voice slightly breaking.

She swallowed, “I-I…” _Fuck,_ she thought. He was one of the few people who could make her stutter. “Did I put you into a difficult position? By bringing my friends here ? If I have… I’m sorry. I wanted them to meet you, too… Because you’re very _important_ to me. And I trust you, like I trust no one.”

He shook his head at that, and his long hair fell around his face, making him look even more charming, “You put far too much faith in me” he said, and sighed. “You always have… But I can’t be your… Mentor. I’ll help you get in the organisation and then… Then we’ll be the same, you should know that. I was _once_ your Professor. But now… Look at me. This war is breaking me.” He raised a hand, as if wanting to caress her cheek, but then, he let it fall to his side again. “Please, think about… Everything… Thoroughly. You are important to me, too, Madeline. I care about you. I’ll be proud if you’ll side with us but-“

“What happened to you, Alastair?” she asked again, “The man I met… He was fearless. And proud to fight. He was willing to help me follow my path. He-“

“He was a fool. He thought he knew everything about wars because he had seen Muggle ones, and from a certain distance. And then, this Summer, he was sent on a mission. And he almost lost his mind.” He growled, “Voldemort is no easy enemy. He’s breaking _us_ apart.”

His green-grey eyes were getting desperate, now.

Madeline felt… Afraid. But not of him. Of what had made him change like that.

“Is it _that_ bad?” she whispered, then, and hugged herself.

He only nodded, before taking a step back, putting some more distance between them, “It is… And I’m sorry, I… You shouldn’t hear this… But…” he sighed, again. “You should go back to your friends, Madeline.”

She shook her head, “No, Alastair… I don’t want to” she told him.

He snorted, then, and looked at her with his piercing green-grey eyes.

Slowly, he smirked, like he had done numerous time in the past.

That smirk made her think that he hadn’t actually changed _that_ much. The Rathbone she had known was still there. He was only… Tired. And shaken.

“You’ve always been stubborn. It is a Gryffindor trait, after all. We Slytherins pretend not to like it… But it’s amusing, actually.” He commented, then.

She grinned, “You Slytherins are very dramatic people” she joked, before going back to being serious, “But… I’m glad to see you’re… Still you. I feared that… I couldn’t…” she took a deep breath, “I really care about you. Your letters… They really helped me.”

His stare softened at her words, “Oh, yours have helped me too, darling” he said with his husky voice, “They were my only hope… In a bad moment… They made me feel _human_ …”

Madeline knitted her brows at that admission. She couldn’t understand what that meant, yet. If she had known, then, she would have probably shivered. But that was a time for ignorance. Alastair was still a mystery to her.

She noticed he was still observing her, and sighed. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

He let out a low laugh, “Nothing. I was just noticing that you’ve grown.”

“Did I? You didn’t” she replied, smiling, “You always look the same, Professor”

He raised an eyebrow at that, “Always the charmer, aren’t you, Miss Green?” he asked, and leaned against the windowsill. “Go to the Three Broomsticks, now.” He told her, “Have a Butterbeer with your friends… Before Aberforth thinks I have an affair with a Hogwarts student.” He sarcastically said, with that soothing tone of voice that she found entirely enticing.

She laughed, then, “Who’s Aberforth?”

The man shook his head, “Oh, nevermind.” He answered, “And… About my vinyls. Next time, alright?”

Madeline nodded, understanding what he meant. She had asked him to listen to them together, in her letter to him. And he had never answered to that invitation.

“I’ll hold on to that” she said, before taking some steps towards the door. She could feel his stare on her back as she did so.

That’s when she realised that he was not her Professor anymore. Not at all. And she was not walking away from his classroom, like she had done several times the previous year.

No.

He was just a man, a _young_ man, her _friend,_ and he was broken. All her courage resurfaced, then. She knew he needed some comfort. Some humanity.

She turned to him. He was still leaning against the windowsill, observing her. He looked weak, and ragged, but… But he was still handsome. And there was a twinkle in his green-grey eyes. One that made her feel confident, and beautiful.

They stared at each other for some seconds.

Then, she walked to him, and threw her hands around his neck. She hugged him tightly, like she had done some months prior, when _Professor Rathbone, (_ “not Alastair” she thought, “ _this_ is Alastair”), had greeted her goodbye.

He didn’t stiffen like he had done when he had been her superior, but gladly welcomed her against his lean chest and wrapped his hands around her waist. He sighed in her ear, as if feeling relieved by her gesture. “I would have done this…” he admitted to her with his husky voice, “Didn’t want to be inappropriate, though…” he explained.

She only held him tighter, then, while caressing his back. The tension left his body as she did so.

The hug didn’t last long, though.

Alastair separated from her, and gave her a gentle smile, one that reached his eyes. He looked genuinely content. “Thank you for coming to see me, Madeline” he told her, “I’ll write to you soon, okay?”

She nodded, “Okay, Alastair” she answered, “And… I’m in your debt. You helped me. And my friends. Thank you.”

He shook his head, as he accompanied her to the door, slowly. “Don’t worry about that, dear.” He dismissively stated; another thought seemed to strike him, then. “Worry about something else.”

She stiffened, then, and shot him a questioning look, putting a hand against the door so that he wouldn’t open it and leave her hanging.

“You’re hiding something from your friends” he told her, then, looking her in the eyes. “I know you well enough to notice that.”

“I’m no-“

“The Death Eater you’re protecting…” he added, and she felt herself freeze at that, “He’s a server of Lord Voldemort. Don’t trust him. One day, you’ll have to choose. And he’ll have to do the same.”

She got defensive, then, and crossed her arms. “You know nothing about-“

“I’m giving you an advice, Madeline. This war is tough enough by itself. You’re only way too proud to admit that you _can’t_ control everything in your life.”

She didn’t know what to say to that, because she knew he was right. He sighed, then, and his stare softened. “I’ve taught you for an entire year, don’t think that I don’t know you… That I don’t know who you spend your time with… I know that… _Love_ … It makes you dream-”

She blushed at that, “Alastair! I’m not a child-“

“I know, Madeline.” He answered, before his stare hardened a bit, and his tone of voice got lower. “But… I must be honest with you… I won’t let you fight by my side if I’ll think your allegiances aren’t clear” he said.

She nodded, then, feeling her throat dry at his words. “I’m _loyal_ to the cause. I want to win this war.”

“Even if winning may mean… Losing _him?_ Maybe… Having to _kill_ him?”

She couldn’t even think about that prospect. It was… Not an option.

All the while, Rathbone was looking at her with his piercing green-grey eyes.

“It won’t come to that.” She firmly stated.

He sighed, and slightly shook his head, “You’re still a girl…” he murmured, “But I hope so, too. I really hope so, for you…” he whispered after a moment. Then, he opened the door for her. “Remember what I used to tell you?”

She nodded as she crossed the threshold, “Yes… ‘There is no middle ground’” she recited.

“Exactly.” he stated.

She looked at him once again, and sighed, before completely changing the subject of the conversation. “Thank you again, Alastair.”

He relaxed, then. “Oh, not at all, Madeline. It was lovely to see you, again.” He added, before giving her another one of his signature smirks.

They stared at each other for some seconds.

“Write to me soon… Promise that” she asked him.

He let out a low laugh, “I guess I can do that. I promise. And you… Just promise me to be careful, alright? I know it’s a lot to ask.” He said, sounding amused.

She smiled, “I guess I can _try_ to do that, too” she pronounced, making him laugh “I promise.”

There was a shift in his expression, then, as the idea that she was definitely leaving settled in his mind.

She was about to escape his fascinating stare, and walk away, when he caught her wrist and pulled her to him once again. His arms held her more tightly than before, and the hug felt more… Heated, to both of them.

Madeline inspired deeply, as one of his hands caressed her long hair. His scent was still the same: mint, ink, expensive aftershave.

Images of the year before flooded in her mind. He had been the most charming teacher she had ever had, and he was now holding her with such passion that she almost cried while thinking about his Professor days.

When they separated, his green-grey eyes betrayed all his desire, and melancholy.

“Go” he spoke, “Go, now…” he urged her, “Or I won’t be able to… _Go_.”

The words registered in her mind, and she felt her knees tremble.

 _Severus_ , she thought, _I have Severus_.

She took one last look at the man in front of her, and ran away from the pub.


	58. They Don't Know About Us

Madeline ran until she got to the High Street, passing by the Hog's Head's barman without even greeting him goodbye. As soon as she was in the middle of the main road, she stopped, and took a deep breath. Her knees still trembled.

A lot of Hogwarts students were walking around, and some of them sent her curious looks. She knew she must look flushed and dishevelled.

The Marauders and Lily were probably now at the Three Broomsticks; after all, Remus had agreed to meet Dorcas there at 5 p.m. She momentarily smiled at the idea of them having an official first date, but it lasted only a second, because Rathbone's face flooded in her mind again.

 _Fuck_ , she thought.

She didn't feel like reaching her friends right then; they would probably talk about what the Professor had told them, and they would ask her about their time alone.

She was not ready to face that discussion, yet. And Hogsmeade didn't look so appealing now that her head was full of thoughts.

So, she took a deep breath, and started walking back to Hogwarts.

It was a particularly cold day, and the fierce wind moved her hair, exposing her neck and making her skin cover with goosebumps. She walked fast, with the intention of reaching the Castle in a short time.

She couldn't shake away the feeling of Rathbone's longing, wishful eyes; she still remembered the warmth of his embrace. She could not deny herself that she was... Attracted, to him. The only thought of that made her feel incredibly guilty.

She knew she wouldn't betray Severus. He was the only one, for her. And yet again, she also knew that the Professor had made her feel... _Something_. And she felt ashamed because of that.

She wondered then if they boy would be in the Library. It was still early, so she had time to find him and stay with him before the other students went back to the Castle. She hoped he'd be there, and not in his Dormitory, or elsewhere. The school was too big to search for him.

As she reached the Hogwarts grounds, she noticed a dark figure walking not far from her; she recognised the boy almost immediately, and called out for him. "Regulus!"

He stopped in his tracks, and turned to look at her. His normally slicked back hair were now messy, probably because of the wind, and there was surprise in his grey eyes.

She approached him quickly, and he greeted her when she was close enough to hear him. Without exchanging more words, they started walking together towards the entrance of the Castle.

"Why are you alone?" He asked her, then, sounding curious.

"Oh, I was tired of being in a pub" she lied, "I just want some peace... And the school's pretty empty now, so I assumed it would be nice to come back early."

He nodded, "It is empty indeed." He commented. He was wearing refined robes that hugged his lean physique, and Madeline thought that she liked his hair better untamed. That look made him appear younger.

"What about you?"

He snorted, "I just went to Hogsmeade because Barty asked me to" he admitted, and she understood that he was referring to Crouch, another Slytherin boy. "He didn't tell me that he'd meet with Rita Nightingale, though."

"The Ravenclaw?"

He sighed, "Yeah." He asserted, "And when I found that out, I came back."

She nodded at that, "Why? Didn't Rita have a friend?" She asked, “Or, don't tell me... You've got another lover?" She inquired, while smirking.

He laughed at that, "I'm not exactly interested in romance right now. I have other things on my mind..." He explained, his tone lowering as he spoke.

"Not even a little one?" She insisted. He shook his head. "That's a shame, you're a very handsome boy" she genuinely told him.

He shrugged, and slightly blushed at her words. "Well... Thank you?" He answered, as they entered the Castle and found a repair from the wind. "No one's on my mind, though, nor in my heart."

She didn't reply to that, even if she would have liked to ask him more. Regulus had always been more reserved than Sirius, so she let him be.

"Speaking of lovers..." He told her after a minute, "Are you going to look for Snape?"

She fixed her blue eyes into his grey ones, "Yeah, I am. He told me he intended to go to the Library... I hope he's still there."

Regulus nodded at that, "I can accompany you, if you want. My friends are still in town, and I have already finished my assignments..." He added, and Madeline thought that he had appeared more and more insecure with every word he had said.

She smiled at him, then. "Sure, I'd be glad if you did" she replied, and he gave her a nod.

They talked about their classes, and Regulus told her that he was appreciating Dagon's lessons, even though the man seemed to hate Slytherins.

They also discussed Disapparition, given that Regulus was in his sixth year and that he would soon learn the art.

Madeline liked to talk with him; he was an extremely clever boy, and he was gentle. He wasn't as loud as her friends, nor as cryptic as Severus.

He was just charming.

They reached the Library pretty soon, lowering their voices as soon as they eyed Madame Pince. She seemed relaxed that day, probably because all students from the third year up were in Hogsmeade.

Regulus and Madeline ventured into the almost deserted place; the girl really hoped that Severus would be there.

After everything that had happened with Rathbone, she just felt like seeing him, being with him, feeling his eyes on her. She knew she couldn't tell him about the Professor, but she wanted to fix what she had... Felt, when she had been with him. She wanted Severus to know how much she cared for him.

“Madeline” Regulus called out for her. She looked at him, and he gestured her to approach him. When she did so, he pointed towards a corner of the library, where a black-haired boy was sitting, and reading a book.

She smiled to herself. He looked so cute, as his eyes roamed the old pages of the volume in his hands. Regulus observed the shift in her expression, then. “There he is... Now I should probably go” he whispered.

“What? No!” she answered, and he raised his eyebrows at that, not understanding her reaction. “You told me your friends are in Hogsmeade… If you’ve got nothing to do, you could… Spend some time with us. You know about Severus and me, and… You two are friends, aren’t you?”

Regulus snorted, “Well, kind of… It’s not easy to be Snape’s _friend_ , but… We get along pretty well, yeah. I think he likes that Sirius and me basically hate each other.”

Madeline rolled her eyes at that, “You don’t _hate_ each other, Reg” she told him.

Before he could make a sour remark, or deny her to stay with them, she put her arm in his and pulled him towards Severus with her.

As soon as the boy heard some steps approaching him, he distractedly raised his onyx eyes. When he saw the pair walking in his direction, he knitted his brows.

Madeline snickered at that; she knew that seeing Regulus and her together was no ordinary thing.

The girl left the boy’s arm as soon as she approached Severus, and took a chair to sit next to him. A second later, she threw an arm around his neck and pulled him to her to kiss him on the mouth.

Severus was so surprised by her gesture that he reciprocated the kiss for a moment, letting his lips graze hers gently, before he remembered Regulus’ presence and stiffened. Madeline separated from him, then. She knew he was a quite reserved boy.

His shocked expression made her giggle, and she caressed his hair as she removed her arm from his neck. She put her elbow on the wooden table, and laid her face on her hand, “Hello, baby.”

Regulus laughed at that, and took a sit across from them, on the other side of the table. “It’s funny to see you embarrassed, Snape.”

The boy threw him a stern look, before looking at the girl again. There was a question in his eyes.

“He knows” she told him, “He kind of… Understood that”

Regulus nodded, while looking between them, “Yeah, well… You’ve been terribly _cheerful_ lately” he said with an amused tone, “I sensed something was up. And then Madeline confirmed it.”

She giggled, “I had to. My expression spoke volumes.”

“It did” asserted the younger boy.

Severus listened to their explanation, and his shoulders slightly relaxed. “I see” he murmured, “That’s… Alright, I guess.”

She rolled her eyes at his uncertainty, “Yeah, it is. Reg’s cool.”

Severus threw her another one of his looks, then, “ _Reg_?”

Regulus let out a low laugh, “Come on, Snape, I’ve known her for far more time than you.”

“True” affirmed Madeline, “For _years_ ” She added, with fondness, looking at the boy in front of him.

Regulus nodded, before looking down, as if feeling a bit moved.

Severus snapped her out of her thoughts, then, by clearing his throat, “What are you doing here, by the way? Shouldn’t you be in Hogsmeade?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Madeline sighed, while meeting his questioning eyes, “Well… I was tired of being at the Three Broomsticks, and so I thought that I would come back… I met Regulus outside the Castle and we got here.”

Regulus nodded, “Yes, Barty dumped me for a Ravenclaw lass…”

Severus snorted at that, “Typical of Crouch. He’s not to be trusted…” he commented, before looking back at Madeline, “Why tired?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know… The confusion… The boys were being super loud” she lied.

He studied her expression for some seconds.

“And… I missed you” she added, giving him a flirty look that made him roll his eyes, though he looked amused.

She could see it in Severus’ eyes that her comment had pleased him, for she read some desire in his eyes. Regulus was what kept him from acting on his feelings, because the library was otherwise quite empty.

The other boy leaned back in his chair, and crossed his arms; there was an amused expression on his handsome face, “How _lovely_ you look together” he commented with that aristocratic tone of his.

Madeline giggled and shook her head at him. Regulus could be so much like Sirius. It was sad that the two brothers didn’t realise how similar they were.

“Don’t _exaggerate_ , Black” spoke Severus, with his intimidating, low voice. It made Madeline smile. She did love his velvety tone. She put a hand on his thigh, then, under the table, where Regulus couldn’t see, and squeezed it.

He looked at her again.

“He’s just _jealous_ ” Madeline teased Regulus, “Because he has no lover” she added, before sliding her chair closer to Severus’, until their shoulders were touching, “While I have you” she said, and the boy couldn’t help but sneak an arm over the back of her chair. His fingers distractedly started playing with her blonde hair as Regulus laughed, “I could have a lover if I wanted, though!” he defended himself, “I’m just not interested, I told you that.”

“Yeah, I remember…” she commented, before glancing at the book Severus had been reading. “What were you studying?”

He sighed, “Ancient Potions” he muttered, “Things that Slughorn would never cover.”

Regulus snorted, “The old man’s not very much into teaching. He’s into getting the favour of Pureblood families, instead…” he commented, sneering.

Madeline sighed, “Yeah, he can’t help but ask me about my parents every given chance.”

Regulus scrunched his nose, “Well, that doesn’t surprise me. He’s for sure already planning his Slug Club’s Halloween party.”

Madeline rolled her eyes at that, “Don’t remind me of that…” she answered, “ _The Slug Club_.” She stated, tone dripping with sarcasm, “I certainly won’t miss it.”

Regulus snickered, “I have another _year_ of that.”

Madeline sighed, "I don't envy you." She told him, and noticed that Severus was listening to them chatting with an amused expression on his face.

For a moment, she thought that she would want to have more moments like that. She wanted to joke with Regulus and Severus without having to hide from other people. She wanted to be Reg's friend and Sev's lover in front of everyone else.

But they were Death Eaters. And she would fight against them, eventually. 

The Marauders were her friends, and she knew that Sirius would consider a friendship with Regulus as a betrayal.

_If only things were different... If only Lord Voldemort didn't exist..._

"Madeline?" Asked Regulus, catching her attention.

She shook her head, "Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about something... What did you say?"

His grey eyes twinkled, "I said that, given the company you're taking lately, you should eat at the Slytherin table tonight."

She knew he was mocking her, and she giggled, "I would _never_ betray my House! I am a Gryffindor" she proudly said, and Regulus sneered.

"What an overestimated House!" He commented, while shaking his head.

Severus nodded at his words, "Very overestimated..."

"Hey!" She exclaimed, crossing her arms and feigning offence, "You're insulting me, you know that?"

Regulus raised an eyebrow, "You? No, Madeline... You could actually be a proper Slytherin. You're cool."

She gave Severus a look, then, "You said so, too, once."

He shrugged, "Well, it's the truth."

She sighed, "I am a Gryffindor, though."

"Unfortunately" they both muttered at the same time. When they all realised that, they burst down in laughter again.

Maybe if she had been a Slytherin, things would have been different. She didn't think she would have ever become a Death Eater, no. But maybe she would have stopped Regulus and Severus from becoming ones.

Severus probably noticed that she was overthinking again, like she was starting to do more and more lately, because the hand that was playing with her hair went to scratch her head.

She smiled at him when he did so, and Regulus seemed to understand that something was happening, because he slid his chair back from the table and stood up.

"Well, it's getting late..." He commented, "I'll leave you two have some time alone before the school fills with people again."

He was a clever boy. Severus seemed to think the same, because he gave the younger Slytherin a thankful nod.

Madeline smiled gently at him, "I’m happy we spent some time together, Reg. The prospect of Slughorn's next party is less painful, now that I know you'll be there."

He giggled at that, "Yeah, likewise. It's going to be fun to judge everyone at the party with you." He admitted, before taking in his hands his cloak, which he had previously laid on the back of his chair. "See you at dinner, Snape."

"Black" Severus greeted him goodbye.

The boy grinned, and turned, before he started walking out of the Library.

Madeline stared at his lean figure until it disappeared from her view. Then, she felt Severus' lips gently kissing her jaw, and she smiled.

"He's a sweet boy" she told him, while her hand caressed his thigh again.

Severus shrugged, "I guess you could call him that."

Madeline giggled, "Keep an eye on him, okay? Merlin knows he needs someone to do it..."

Severus studied her face for some seconds, before nodding. "I'll try" he muttered, and raised his right hand to take her chin in his fingers and force her to turn her face at him.

She smiled as he did so, enjoying the expression of impatience he had taken. The boy took a look around them; when he noticed that they were alone, he leaned in, and kissed her.

Her hand instantly jumped to his hair, and her fingers threaded through them, making him grin against her lips.

If Rathbone had been a thought of hers until that moment, the minute Severus' lips touched hers, it disappeared.

There was _only_ him. In her mind. In her heart.

She cursed herself, then, and opened her mouth so that he could slip his tongue in hers. The feeling of him was inebriating.

They kissed for some minutes, and when they separated, he pecked her cheek and said, "I'm glad you came back early."

She smiled, "Me too, Sev" she told him, before sliding her hand from his head to his face, and she put a strand of his hair behind his ear to have a better look at his pale face. "You know, I was thinking... It’s been almost a year since we’ve met. It was here."

He smirked at that, "Yeah, I remember. You wanted to _hire me_ for your prank."

She laughed, "Right, and you told me that I wasn't your _type_."

He blushed slightly at that, and shut her giggle by giving her another tender kiss, “…And here we are” he said after he drew back.

“Here we are” she repeated, before pulling him to her again and assaulting his mouth once more. His hand moved to her hip to hug her, and he quickly took control of the kiss, as she laid her hand against his jaw, and her thumb started caressing his delicate skin.

They snogged for some seconds before a noise made them separate. They both looked up to see a little Hufflepuff boy practically running away from the room towards the exit of the Library. They hadn’t noticed him, and his furiously red face made them giggle.

Severus recomposed himself, then, and stood up to put the book he was reading back into place in one of the shelves.

The blonde girl observed him as he did so, a smile on her face. “We still have time before dinner” she told him, her voice sweet.

He threw her an amused look, “Oh, do we? And what do you suggest?” he asked, crossing his arms and leaning against another table, not far from her.

She stood up, too, then, and approached him, slowly; he parted his legs to welcome her against his chest, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She smiled at him as his went around her waist. “I don’t know… Maybe we could check if we can find a bedroom… The Room of Requirement, perhaps? I’m sure it will give us what we want”

He let out a low laugh, “A bedroom? Your suggestion is very interesting, love” he told her, mocking her use of pet names.

She grinned, eyeing his lips, “Yeah, isn’t it? And _maybe I’ll find out what’s underneath that Slytherin tie_ ” she recited, and by the twinkle in his onyx eyes she knew that he had understood.

Those were the same words she had used a year prior, when they had first met.

His lips went closer to hers, and she could feel his breath on her mouth. It was damn sexy. “You already found that out” he reminded her, “More than once.”

She dramatically sighed, as her fingers caressed the hair at the nape of his neck, “It’s been some time, you know… My memories are fading.”

He laughed at that. “Oh, I see…” he whispered, touching her nose with his. “I’ll make sure you remember, then” he said with his low, velvety tone, and she couldn’t hold back anymore, and kissed him.

He drew back after a little, eyes burning with desire. “Not here. Let’s go” he said, and took her hand in his to guide her out of the Library.

They walked quickly through the empty halls. At one point, as they were almost reaching the Come and Go Room on the fifth floor, she stopped in her tracks and pulled him back to her. He gave her a questioning look, then. “Before we get there…” she said, “I have to make sure of one thing”.

He raised an eyebrow, “What’s that?”

She took a deep breath, “I have to make sure that… You know… How much I care for you. You’re the _only_ one for me, Sev.”

His expression softened, then, and she was certain that her words had shaken him. He was not used to love, nor to such declarations. He nodded, once. “I trust you, Madeline… You know I…” he sighed, “It’s difficult for me to express-“

She shook her head, “You don’t have to say anything.” She interrupted him, knowing that he had never given her a reason to suspect his feelings. Sure, she still had doubts about what he felt for Lily… But that was another story, completely.

“Come on, let’s go to the Room of Requirement” she added, pushing away her thoughts, and she resumed walking, pulling him with her.

He wore a playful grin, then, appearing stricken by her quick change of mood. “My, my, such an _impatient_ girl you are.”

She giggled at that, “Oh, Severus Snape, you don’t even know” she answered, wickedly.

“Show me, then” he suggested, and she recognised that tone, the one he used when he _desired_ her.

“I will” she promised, and as the wall disappeared and a door opened for them, she started kissing him again, trying to make him understand what she felt every single time that they were alone together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be quick: I love Madeline and Severus.
> 
> And: the fandom elected Timothée Chalamet as Regulus Black and everytime I write about him (love him so much) I think about TC in "Little Women" (beautiful movie).
> 
> All my love x


	59. Nobody's Close To Me, But You

When Madeline reached the Great Hall for dinner, she knew that Lily and the Marauders would probably fill her with questions. Indeed, as she approached the Gryffindor table, several pairs of curious, yet relieved, eyes settled on her.

"Mads!! For Merlin's sake, where were you?" Exclaimed James while she sat between him and Remus, "We were so worried… Why didn't you show up at the Three Broomsticks?" he added, and his hazel eyes studied her with apprehension.

The girl only shrugged, while serving herself a large serving of smashed potatoes. She was starving. After all, Severus and she had spent a particularly _intense_ hour together.

"Oh, I just... Felt a bit tired, so I came back to the Castle. Rathbone and I had talked more about... Everything, and that had shaken me a bit..."

Sirius observed her keenly with his grey eyes as she talked; Madeline could read it on his face that he wanted to know more about her conversation with Rathbone, but he said nothing.

Remus nodded, "Yeah, we thought that'd be the reason... The man was... Weird."

Peter snorted, " _Damn_ weird." He confirmed.

Madeline swallowed before saying, "Yeah, well... He admitted to me that he had gone through a quite difficult Summer...".

James threw her a questioning look, "Did he give you details?"

She sighed, "No, no he did not. He only tried to make sure that we really are convinced to fight... He feels a bit responsible because we want to join his side..."

Sirius shook his head, "Bollocks... Did you tell him that we would fight even if he wasn't here?"

Madeline nodded, "Yeah, of course I did... Listen, guys, Rathbone has changed. You saw that. I don't really know what to tell you... but at least he promised that he will write again to give us more information..."

They all nodded, and Lily knitted her brows, appearing lost in thoughts, while sipping on her pumpkin juice.

The blonde girl continued eating, feeling relieved when they changed the subject of the conversation and started talking about Remus's date.

"Dorcas is cool" said Sirius after a while, "She finished her Butterbeer in, what? Less than two minutes? I bet she can drink more Firewhiskey than Prongsie without being sick."

Everybody laughed as James rolled his eyes, "I can hold my liquor just fine..."

Madeline knitted her brows, "Well, Jamie... You actually can't." She said, while patting his shoulder. Remus was looking at them in amusement.

"Yeah, she's cool..." He muttered, then, "I'm glad you like her."

Sirius raised his eyebrows at him, "But what about you, Moony? You like the girl?"

Remus blushed at that, while playing with the food in his plate. "Guess so..." He muttered, and they all cheered loudly at that, seizing the attention of students from other tables.

"My dear Moons is in love..." Said James with a fake, moved tone of voice, while pretending to wipe away tears from his eyes.

"Oh, dear, I thought he loved _me_ and now he tells such things… Men really deserve no rights" joked Sirius with the same tone, while dramatically putting a hand against his chest.

Lily shook her head as they did so, but she was smiling. "That's amazing, Remus" she told the boy, who was keeping his head low, appearing embarrassed.

"Mmm... Thanks Lily..." He replied, before looking between the Marauders. "It's not like we're engaged, you know that, right? It was only a date..."

James shrugged, "Well, Dorcas has been dining with us for some time now... And it’s totally clear she _adores_ you… By the way, why is she sitting with the snakes?" He asked, throwing a glance at the Slytherin table.

Dorcas was indeed there, talking to a girl from her year that Madeline didn't know. Not far from her, she spotted Regulus, Severus, Crouch, Mulciber and Avery talking in low voices.

Remus sighed, "She told me that she had to discuss a Transfiguration project with her mate Theresa."

James nodded, "Ah... I see. Guess she’ll sit with us tomorrow night, then..."

Madeline threw Remus a sweet smile, before nudging his shoulder with her own, "I'm really happy it's working, Rem."

He giggled, "Yeah, well, for now it is... She doesn't know _everything_ , though."

The blonde girl nodded, "I know. But Dorcas is great. If you'll ever decide to trust her enough to tell her... _That_ … I'm sure she'll-"

Remus shook his head, "Please, let's not talk about that. Not as long as we're still... Knowing each other, you know?"

Madeline understood, and grinned, "Yeah... Okay, Moony"

He gave her a thankful smile, before joining the other boys' discussion about Quidditch. The first match of the year, Ravenclaw versus Slytherin, would take place ten days later.

"Who do you think will win?" Asked Peter to James.

The boy sighed, "Ravenclaw. But the Slytherins have a pretty good team. Regulus' a great seeker."

Sirius snorted, "The little dick... He is indeed" he said, sounding bittersweet.

Lily looked at Sirius with knowing eyes; though she didn’t know him very well, everybody was aware of the fact that the Black brothers didn’t get along with each other. Lily and Padfoot weren’t close, so they had never really talked about that. Nevertheless, Madeline could read it in her forest green eyes that his relationship with Regulus made her think about hers with Petunia.

Lily and Sirius were more similar than they knew. Some day, they would find that out.

"I've chatted with him today" said Madeline, then, looking at Sirius, "Reg, I mean..."

The dark-haired boy raised an eyebrow at that piece of news, looking dumbfounded, "Have you? Why? What did he tell you?"

She swallowed some more potatoes before answering, while thinking about the right words to use. "I met him outside the Castle and we walked in together... We discussed Dagon's classes and Slughorn's Halloween Party... We're both in the Slug Club, you know..."

Sirius nodded, as Lily giggled at her mention of the party, "Oh, yeah... Professor Slughorn reminded me of it lately... I don't know if I'm attending, though..."

Remus's amber eyes widened, "Really? That’s shocking, Lils… you're his favourite student!"

The redhead shrugged, "Yeah but... Those parties are _boring_ " she explained, before sighing, "I only attend because I'm fond of Slughorn... But we have so many homework lately and I don't want to lose precious time..."

Madeline nodded, "I get it. I attend his parties very rarely, they’re really… Ew…” she explained to the others, “But... Yeah, I think I'll go to this one. It's our last year here, right? Let's enjoy it to the fullest."

Lily seemed to think about that, then, "Mm, maybe you're right... And if you'll be there I may actually not get bored for once..."

Madeline nodded, while laughing, "Yeah, Regulus said the same."

Sirius snorted, "How kind of him..." He commented, but Madeline knew that hearing some news about his brother was actually important for him. Despite everything, he cared. He cared so much.

"Well, Evans, if you need company for the night, I may offer myself. I think I could be able to ease your pain" exclaimed James, then, giving Lily a toothy smile.

The redhead giggled, not appearing annoyed in the least.

Now, that was an improvement.

"I'll... Think about that, Potter" she said, and the boy's eyes shone with fondness when she smiled again.

"So... _He's_ fine" muttered Sirius, looking at the blonde girl again, while cutting a sausage with his knife. Madeline knew he was looking for a confirmation, "Yes, he’s okay" she answered, while the others kept chatting.

Sirius nodded once, then gave her a sad smile. "I'm glad" he simply stated, before he started mocking Peter about his poor flying skills.

* * *

Madeline entered the Slytherin Common Room with a smile on her face, and she was quick in reaching the Seventh-Year boys' Dormitory.

She really missed Severus, even if only ten days had gone by since they had last been together.

In that time, they had seen each other in class, and exchanged way too many subtle glances.

Madeline had observed Kathleen Nott trying hard to get a reaction from the boy in Potions, but Severus had completely ignored her, and that had warmed Madeline's heart.

That same afternoon, he had sent the Gryffindor girl a note, asking her if she would attend the Ravenclaw vs Slytherin Quidditch match. She had immediately understood what he had on his mind.

They had managed to organise an encounter, then; Severus had given her his Common Room's password, and Madeline had told the Marauders that she wouldn't go to the match because she had a bad headache.

Sirius had knitted his brows at that, "But... it's the first match of the year!" He had exclaimed.

James had nodded, "Yeah, Mads, come on... you _have_ to come! So we can look at the other teams’ strategies and develop a better one for our own!"

But she had been irremovable, "That’s your job, _Captain,_ not mine” she had said, while crossing her arms, “Sorry, guys... If Gryffindor was playing, I'd come, but..."

Peter’s pale blue eyes had widened, "But the _whole_ school will be there! It's the beginning of this year's tournament! It’s… Important!"

Madeline had rolled her eyes at that; the fact that the _whole_ school would be at the Quidditch Pitch was exactly the reason why she wasn't going. But they couldn’t imagine it.

Well, maybe Remus could, but he hadn’t commented on her choice.

Lily had told James to let her be, then; she, too, didn’t care that much about the game. The blonde girl had sent the redhead a thankful smile.

"Sorry, guys... you'll tell me about it later, alright?"

Sirius had snorted, "Fine! But this is the last match you miss, okay? I get bored without you making jokes about players” he had exclaimed, before adding, “ _Quitter_..."

They had laughed, then, and started talking about the Ravenclaw team’s possible formation.

When they had left Gryffindor Tower to go to the match, later in the afternoon, Madeline had put a Disillusionment charm on herself, and she had gone to the Dungeons.

She was only sorry that she couldn't support Regulus, but she thought that the boy would understand Severus and she for getting advantage of everything's absence from the school.

And now she was standing in Severus’ dormitory for the first time in her life.

It was decorated as the rest of the Common Room, and the dark, wooden beds were large and welcoming. The greenish light of the Black Lake gave a mysterious and gothic air to the room.

"You're really provoking me lately, _kitten_ " stated Severus, when Madeline went to straddle him on his bed. He was sitting there, leaning against the wooden back, and his legs were stretched out in front of him. She laughed as she put her arms around his neck and leaned her face against his one, so that their cheeks were pressed together.

"Mm" she confirmed, as he dropped his book and hugged her back, letting his arms wrap around her waist, "Because we barely see each other alone... And when we do, you always study and ignore me" she muttered, while adjusting on his lap.

He giggled, "Not true... And even if it was, this is our NEWTs year" he defensively said.

"Yeah, I know..." She smiled, and drew back a little to show him the thing she had brought with her to his room. "Anyway, I've got this Muggle magazine last Summer. I found it in my trunk yesterday and I wanted to read to you what the horoscope says about us... It's quite interesting" she explained, sounding amused.

He rolled his eyes at that, "The horoscope? Really? You don't even attend Divination"

She laughed at that, and nodded, "Yeah, but I do believe that the stars define who we are!" She said, and shrugged, while opening the magazine. She roamed through it for a bit before finding what she was searching, "Ok! Here it is. Ready? I warn you... this is absolutely us."

He snorted, "I don't believe in such silly things..."

"Well, I'll read mine and then yours, so you can see what I mean... You're a Capricorn, right?"

He nodded, "I guess I am"

She giggled, "Okay, grumpy, so: Leo is a fixed fire sign; the Leo woman is a born leader and commands the attention of everyone in the room. The fiery lioness is bold and brash. She loves the spotlight. When she knows what she wants, there is no way to change her mind. Nonetheless, her big, warm, beating heart wouldn’t let down someone she loves. Her love is warm and passionate, she will want to fight, make up, make love and be in someone’s embrace all day long, for as long as her personal liberty isn’t endangered." Madeline smiled at this, and nodded, "So what do you say, love?"

Severus rolled his eyes, "Mmm, it's pretty accurate..."

She giggled, "Let's see what it says about you... Capricorn is a cardinal earth sign. The Capricorn man is an observer, he is cautious and grounded. He never takes anything lightly, and he refuses to be superficial, which makes his emotions profound and real when they finally surface. When a Capricorn falls in love, the first thing he will do is start acting strange. He is not familiar with emotion," Madeline raised an eyebrow, before going on "but he is trustworthy, loyal, confident, reliable; he likes to control every little thing, sometimes thinking he can avoid his own irresponsible actions. He can appear to be cold and distant, way too rational and critic, but he is actually afraid of failure, strict toward himself and always trying to remain in control. This makes him focused on himself and his practical goals. When you get to know him and see his soft side behind these walls, you will never want to be without him again." She finished reading, "That last thing is very true" she commented, leaning towards him to leave a kiss on his jaw.

He sighed, "Well...” he said, and raised a hand to snap the magazine from her fingers and pull her back against him, “I was... wrong. The horoscope's not that bad, nor imprecise."

Madeline giggled, and turned her head to kiss his cheek.

"I know, baby. That's us."

"Yeah... I think so."

"It is, I know you, and you're like that. We kind of... Complete each other? That's why you're my boyfriend" she simply stated, while one of her hands went to thread with his hair.

He bent his head and, after putting some hair behind her ear, he kissed her neck, "Am I?"

"Yes"

"So, you're my girlfriend?"

She rolled her eyes at that, "You tell me."

He let out another low laugh, "Yes" he replied, then. "You're definitely _my_ girl"

She hid her face in the crook of his neck, enjoying his warmth and protection. She relaxed so much when she was in his arms. "Sounds sexy" she murmured, as his long bony fingers scratched her head. "When you say so with that deep, velvety tone..."

He shook his head, appearing amused, “Will you ever stop teasing me?”

“Never” she promised him, before finally kissing him on the mouth. Their tongues touched, and she smiled against his mouth, as the contact grew more heated and their breaths quickened. She bit his bottom lip, as his hands played with her black sweater.

He moaned as she started biting and sucking on his neck, “You invent charms, don’t you?” she whispered against his pale skin, “Why don’t you think about one to render hickeys invisible?” she asked, as her teeth teased his jugular, before her mouth went to his ear. She licked the shell, and then she nibbled his lobe. “That’d be useful”

He let out a low laugh, “Do you think it would make me famous?” he sarcastically said.

Madeline giggled, and pecked his lips once more. “No, but I’d let you cover me in marks without complaining”

He smirked, “I can cover you in marks where others can’t see them” he retorted.

She grinned, and nodded, “That’s also true, baby” she said, as his lips claimed hers once more.

A loud cheer coming from the Quidditch pitch made them jump after some seconds. When they understood where it came from, they laughed.

“Fuck” she exclaimed, “I hope that was Ravenclaw scoring” she teased him.

He raised an eyebrow at that, “Excuse me?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’d be sorry for _Reg_ , but I wouldn’t mind Slytherin getting beaten by the Ravens.”

Severus let his left hand slid under her skirt, then, up towards her knickers, “Take that back” he threatened.

“Never” she whispered against his lips, “You were never a Quidditch fan”

He shook his head, “I’m not a _Quidditch_ fan. I am a Slytherin fan.”

She rolled her eyes, “Of course you are” she giggled, before assaulting his mouth again. When his index touched her _there_ , though, she drew back, “Well, now, Severus… You’re being the tease.”

He smirked again, “I won’t deny you that I’ve… Always thought… About taking you here, in my _bed_ , in my _Dormitory_ , in my _Common Roo_ m” he hissed, as his lips tortured her neck and his finger started moving against her cotton knickers.

“Naughty” she whispered back, “I like it”

He let out a low laugh, “I know you do” he said, before quickly kissing her again, and doing just what he had always imagined.


End file.
